Can't Take This Anymore

[Kody]

I can't take this anymore. I'm out of it. I feel like I'm dead. Just now, I was talking on my cell phone and then all of the sudden I realized my phone was missing. It wasn't sitting on my desk anymore. I looked everywhere for it, for about five minutes, and then I realized that I was using the phone. Duh.

Earlier this morning, I completely walked to the wrong car. Didn't even look anything like mine. After that, at the MDV, I was there to take a motorcycle written test and read a sign that said road test - I walked there not even realizing that I was going the wrong way.

etc etc... all these things are normal, happen CONSTANTLY. No exaggeration... of course I have other problems like tired as hell, asthma, freezing cold hands from anemia, headaches, dizziness, sensation of passing out... shakiness, feeling really shakey and weak right now for no reason. Etc. symptoms I'm sure a lot of us have. All Celiac-related, I think.

In my Intro to Writing class, I was talking with my group and we decided that I'd come up with the actual proposal for our proposal speech. I said okay, but whose going to come up with the solution? Duh, the solution is the proposal. I can't think. I was embarrased, but it didn't affect me because I'm so used to it.

I'm not emo. I try not to complain. I don't like talking about my condition because people don't like hearing it. I just realize that I have a problem. A SERIOUS problem and I cannot continue anymore. I seriously think that being in this pizza factory, just the smell, is making me sick. Who knows. I've only been gluten free for one month and got glutened once.

I can't do this. I can't even focus on the road when I drive. I shouldn't even be driving, I'm a great driver, but I feel out of control and dangerous sometimes. I do dangerous things.

... this is killing me. I was diagnosed with gluten-sensitivety, most likely Celiac considering I have all the symptoms. I talked to my Mom. She understands. No one knows what to do about it. Everyone else just thinks either it's all psychological (in my head), or I'm just exaggerating it.

Mom says I should consider staying with a friend of hers in MEXICO. I was like, what, mexico..are you kidding me?! ... then I thought about it. I could just chill (I'm not lazy, nor using this as an excuse to be, please understand... I can't live like this. I told Mom I wish there was a way I could kinda lay back and rest and take a break from life in general while I heal, it's killing me, therefore she brought this up)

It sounds extreme doesn't it... but Caroline, my Moms friend, is a health nut. Works at a health store. Eats organic everything, is brilliant, smart, etc etc. I'd be able to just read and heal and learn how to cook, not worry about life for a few months or until this summer or however long it takes for my symptoms to go away. I'd have high-speed internet access, no problem there.

Right now, I avoid everyone at College. I don't want to be there if I can't even enjoy it. I don't want them to see me accidently plug my ipod charger into my cell phone, or forget what day it is three times in one minute.

... this is insane. why am I like this? I need to quit trying to live with it and realize that I do have a serious problem. I've done that. Now I need an escape from life for a while.

Am I out of my mind?! It was my mom who suggested it after all...

the problems I see are

a) No one will understand. People will think I am running away from life. I am not.

I might lose my scholarship (I'll do my homework on that before I make my decision). People go on their mission and wait two years before they go to College all the time. It's normal for people to not even start until their 20. I'm 18. Maybe it's not such a big deal if I take one semester off...

c) what if I started feeling better soon? like one month? I guess I'd just deal with the fact that I wasted a semester. I doubt this would happen anyways, I've been this way my whole life and getting worst....

I'm sure theres other problems... but those are the main ones. I'm not worried about being bored. I can read, learn my disease better, learn my diet better, maybe even learn spanish, I don't know... I'd always have my laptop and internet too. Could study things I've always wanted to study too, like real estate, not this school stuff that'll hardly make me any money =P

most importantly, I'd be able to focus my life on health for a while. Rest. Get better. And this takes time. And I can't do it while I'm in school, working 35 hours a week and doing pilot training.

Maybe I should just keep doing what I'm doing. but I can't focus, my head feels like an ocean and sometimes I feel good, but usually I feel like... bleeping shi-stuff. I can even live with the pain, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That's not the problem. THe problem is I can't do anything right. I'm unoperable. Not even able to do anything in a logical sequence. Doing everything wrong. Constantly making mistakes. Can't even balance out a checkbook, well, i can but it takes a ton of concentration and I have to reread it a thousand times to make sure I didn't use the wrong lines or something, because I generally do.

Wow. Long rant.

What do you guys think... I want to make sure I'm not going crazy, which I think I am.

[Jestgar]

I think it's a great idea.

There is no point in torturing yourself while you're healing. If you have a safe place to hide out for a while - Go For It!!

If you are sure about the internet access, talk to the counselor about doing a couple classes on line to keep you in the college swing, and also protect your scholarship.

For sure you should have summer off and could go then. At least you'd have a break.

[Guhlia]

Brain fog is a horrible, horrible thing. I don't think that staying with your mother's friend in Mexico sounds like a bad idea AT ALL. Actually, it sounds like a great idea. Perhaps you could go for only a short time, like a week, so you don't lose your scholarship. Even a week or resting is better than none. Go rest and recooperate! Also, if you're working in a pizza factory, chances are you're NOT gluten free. Flour will get in your mouth, up your nose, all over you and I don't think there's any way to not end up ingesting it. Finding a new job would be my first step if I were you. Hope you get to the root of things soon. I know how horrible it feels to be sick and have no end in sight.

[GFBetsy]

Kody -

If you have a deferral because of medical reasons, I don't think they can take your scholarship away. Double check with your scholarship office, though.

Also, have you tried pulling milk out of your diet as well? Casien (the protein in milk) can cause that brain fog feeling, too. Just an idea.

Good luck!

[HawkFire]

Gluten free DAIRY FREE, look into what parents of autistic children have discovered. It is too complicated for me to explain. You should remove dairy. In the meantime, look into MS. Perhaps you have MS.

[Ursa Major]

Kody, I think going to Mexico for a while is a fantastic idea. I agree, if you need to take a break for medical reasons, you won't lose your scholarship. You need to obviously talk to the college about it first, and get the official approval. It is obvious that you can't function right now.

Also, maybe taking one or two courses long distance (same college, same courses you're taking now) might be an option, too.

You need a break. Even if you're losing a year of school, it isn't really a loss. Nothing you do is ever wasted, and resting and healing so you can do great, instead of just muddling through, would certainly not be a waste of time.

I say, GO FOR IT! You're very young, travelling and learning another language will help you grow in many ways as well. What an opportunity!

[ArtGirl]

I ditto the "go for it"

Sounds like a great place to regroup and heal. From the description of your present condition, I don't think you have a choice. Don't wait until you completely crash. Sounds ilke you've been given good advise to keep your scholarship while you recover.

[Mal]

can i come to mexico with you....PLEASE

im practically going through the same stuff here at my college, and im not sure either if i want to take a semsester off or not

i know how your feel, it blows doesnt it

i know that didnt help one bit at all, i just felt i needed to express my same feelings.

[Kody]

can i come to mexico with you....PLEASE

im practically going through the same stuff here at my college, and im not sure either if i want to take a semsester off or not

i know how your feel, it blows doesnt it

i know that didnt help one bit at all, i just felt i needed to express my same feelings.

Hell yeah you can come! ... well, I should probably ask Caroline first =p (the lady in Mexico)

thanks guys... when your mind is like this you never know when you're thinking clear or not. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy. And yeah, it is a great idea, only one problem tho... what if I don't get better?

I'm seeing an allergist, going to get tested for dairy and what not. As of now, I'm dairy free and probably not gluten-free, only because of my pizza-delivery job.

and yeah, I can't live like this, it isn't worth it. I need to fix my health before anything else. IMO, it's the most important thing anyways.

[Kody]

Gluten free DAIRY FREE, look into what parents of autistic children have discovered. It is too complicated for me to explain. You should remove dairy. In the meantime, look into MS. Perhaps you have MS.

WHOA! I bet I do have MS... I just started researching it. MS also causes hearing loss, something that I have. hm... wow, interesting, I'm researching it still so I still don't know much but would a regular family doctor be able to diagnose this? what is the treatment... hm... I'll find out here in a minute... thanks for the suggestion.

[Ursa Major]

Kody, gluten can cause MS symptoms. As can Aspartame. Do you drink or eat things containing Aspartame (Nutrasweet)? Just an idea to rule that out.

Quit your job, I think that should be a priority. I know you need the money, but it isn't worth losing your health over a job.

Only if your health doesn't improve after you are truly free of all gluten should you consider MS. Also, other intolerances could cause you to have those symptoms. All foods containing lectin make me feel glutened. Check out my lectin link to find out more.

[kbtoyssni]

It's really hard to do something that people don't expect of you. You know it would be best for your health to take some time off of school, but it's not the norm so you're trying to stick it out. I was in grad school when I got really sick from celiac. The brain fog and fatigue made it impossible to get to class or think to study. I dropped out and it was the best decision I've ever made. I came home, got well and now I am healthier than I've been in years. I probably wouldn't be in such a good place right now if I hadn't dropped out. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you need to take time off to get well. This is about you and your life and you have to do what's best for you, not what everyone else thinks is best.

Oh, and the pizza factory??? Can you find a different gluten-free job?

[HawkFire]

Don't be afraid of ms. It can be better to discover what is the underlying cause of your health issues and combat them.

Go to your regular doctor. They will request a consult with a neurologist. They can look for damage to lead to an MS diagnosis. There are medicines available to help alleviate some of the brain fog. Nutrients, suppliments, diet. B12 is good.

[Guest nini]

I'd go for it, heck, I want to give it all up and move away right now... I want to run away.

[Guest Kathy Ann]

Kody,

Absolutely quit that job TODAY. Being around all that wheat could be the ENTIRE reason for your delayed recovery and why you still feel rotten. You may have never been free from gluten at all. Don't waste any more precious time. Get it out of your system asap by avoiding gluten like the poison it is. I also agree that eliminating dairy would be a very wise addition.

Did you do the enterolab genetic test? Do you mind sharing your results? I'm just curious because I have severe similar problems and have been told it is because of my specific gene makeup.

I dream of getting away every day. Anyone who is hurting does. Please take advantage of this great opportunity since most of the rest of us can't. Do it for all of us!

[SchnauzerMom]

I agree with the others here. Going to Mexico sounds like a great idea. You need to rest and take care of yourself. The pizza job probably is the source of your problems, all that flour in the air. You definitely need to find a different job, when you get back from Mexico.

[tarnalberry]

I concur with the advice to drop the job like a hot potato. It's not a good fit for you anymore. And do try dairy free, regardless of the allergy tests. I am casein intolerant, but it's an IgG intolerance, and those don't show up on allergy tests.

If Mexico sounds like it's the right idea for you, give it a go. Three months out of your life to recollect yourself after such a change isn't 'running away', as long as you're trying to get better. Most scholarships can be postponed - even for non-medical reasons.

[rinne]

Yes, get away from the Pizza factory. The gluten in the air, and gluten is in the air in a place like that, will be enough to make you ill.

When I was 23 I worked in a bakery and was sick, migraines started and brain fog, I would come home from work and fall into a stupor, I would sleep for a while and wake up feeling like I had a hangover. That was almost thirty years ago and I had no idea about Celiac, I thought it was the sugar.

Mexico sounds wonderful.

[daffadilly]

Kody, if you are smart you will not walk back into that pizza place. Better to starve than to slowly kill your self. Forget about MS most MS is really misdiagnosed celiac. there are only a couple of experts in the U.S. that can tell the difference between celiac lesions in the brain and MS lesions.

let me recap:

1. DO NOT go near the pizza place - it is killing your brain...

2. take a B12 eveyday

3. Learn about nutrition & improve your diet

4. Have a good time in Mexico on your sabatical

5. take the book "dangerous Grains" and "SuperFoods" with you

6. oh yea - have a good time - & remember when you are old, you never regret the things that you did, only the things that you did not do !!!!

[Devon]

Hi I'm new here, but just wanted to say "go for it!!!!" too. I went through college with Gluten Intolerance, and Fibromyalgia. I stuck it through because I thought it was the right thing, but I really regret doing that. Every day was so hard for me, and I remember thinking the same exact thing of how I can't take it anymore, every single day. No one understood, and teachers gave me such a hard time because I seemed "out of it", because they couldn't understand brain fog. If there is a time in your life where you can take a break from everything it's college. Once you're out of college, it's A LOT harder to do that. I learned that the hard way. If you have the chance to get away from everything for a while, definitly take it while it's there, because it won't be there forever...

[Kody]

Kody, gluten can cause MS symptoms. As can Aspartame. Do you drink or eat things containing Aspartame (Nutrasweet)? Just an idea to rule that out.

Quit your job, I think that should be a priority. I know you need the money, but it isn't worth losing your health over a job.

Only if your health doesn't improve after you are truly free of all gluten should you consider MS. Also, other intolerances could cause you to have those symptoms. All foods containing lectin make me feel glutened. Check out my lectin link to find out more.

If my insurance will pay for it, shouldn't I just go ahead and get tested for MS anyways?

I seem like both, Celiac and MS... have all the symptoms to both, well most. My hearing loss is hereditary... so it may not be from MS. But my hands being freezing cold, feet being freezing cold and the tingling and all... and frequent urination, that's what makes me think I could have MS. All the other MS symptoms I have are also Celiac symptoms. Well, unless the ones I just listed are Celiac related as well?

It's really hard to do something that people don't expect of you. You know it would be best for your health to take some time off of school, but it's not the norm so you're trying to stick it out. I was in grad school when I got really sick from celiac. The brain fog and fatigue made it impossible to get to class or think to study. I dropped out and it was the best decision I've ever made. I came home, got well and now I am healthier than I've been in years. I probably wouldn't be in such a good place right now if I hadn't dropped out. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you need to take time off to get well. This is about you and your life and you have to do what's best for you, not what everyone else thinks is best.

Oh, and the pizza factory??? Can you find a different gluten-free job?

You're right. And yes I can, quitting soon.

Don't be afraid of ms. It can be better to discover what is the underlying cause of your health issues and combat them.

Go to your regular doctor. They will request a consult with a neurologist. They can look for damage to lead to an MS diagnosis. There are medicines available to help alleviate some of the brain fog. Nutrients, suppliments, diet. B12 is good.

I've been taking all those supplements, especially B12 and other vitamins and iron. like crazy, actually, at least once a day.

I was also tested positive for gluten sensitivity. Why i think I have Celiac. otherwise wouldn't those supplements help?

Kody,

Absolutely quit that job TODAY. Being around all that wheat could be the ENTIRE reason for your delayed recovery and why you still feel rotten. You may have never been free from gluten at all. Don't waste any more precious time. Get it out of your system asap by avoiding gluten like the poison it is. I also agree that eliminating dairy would be a very wise addition.

Did you do the enterolab genetic test? Do you mind sharing your results? I'm just curious because I have severe similar problems and have been told it is because of my specific gene makeup.

I dream of getting away every day. Anyone who is hurting does. Please take advantage of this great opportunity since most of the rest of us can't. Do it for all of us!

I didn't do the genetic tests, just the stool one. The result was:

Date: 10/23/2006

Name: Knudson, Cody

Gluten Sensitivity Stool Test

Fecal Antigliadin IgA 12 (Normal Range <10 Units)

Interpretation of Fecal Antigliadin IgA: Intestinal antigliadin IgA antibody was elevated, indicating that you have active dietary gluten sensitivity. For optimal health, resolution of symptoms (if you have them), and prevention of small intestinal damage and malnutrition, osteoporosis, and damage to other tissues (like nerves, brain, joints, muscles, thyroid, pancreas, other glands, skin, liver, spleen, among others), it is recommended that you follow a strict and permanent gluten free diet. As gluten sensitivity is a genetic syndrome, you may want to have your relatives screened as well.

This was also after being gluten-free for about a week... and I was still positive.

Hi I'm new here, but just wanted to say "go for it!!!!" too. I went through college with Gluten Intolerance, and Fibromyalgia. I stuck it through because I thought it was the right thing, but I really regret doing that. Every day was so hard for me, and I remember thinking the same exact thing of how I can't take it anymore, every single day. No one understood, and teachers gave me such a hard time because I seemed "out of it", because they couldn't understand brain fog. If there is a time in your life where you can take a break from everything it's college. Once you're out of college, it's A LOT harder to do that. I learned that the hard way. If you have the chance to get away from everything for a while, definitly take it while it's there, because it won't be there forever...

yeah all of you guys are right... and thus I am right as well, hah. did you have the kind of symptoms that I have though? freezing hands and feet included? did you do the crazy poop I mentioned in my first post? dude it's eating my alive. Recovering will be perfect for me, because when I'm healthy, I'll be ready to dominate the world.

Kody, if you are smart you will not walk back into that pizza place. Better to starve than to slowly kill your self. Forget about MS most MS is really misdiagnosed celiac. there are only a couple of experts in the U.S. that can tell the difference between celiac lesions in the brain and MS lesions.

let me recap:

1. DO NOT go near the pizza place - it is killing your brain...

2. take a B12 eveyday

3. Learn about nutrition & improve your diet

4. Have a good time in Mexico on your sabatical

5. take the book "dangerous Grains" and "SuperFoods" with you

6. oh yea - have a good time - & remember when you are old, you never regret the things that you did, only the things that you did not do !!!!

yeah, you're right... most MS is really misdiagnosed celiac? you're serious? how legit is this? =p not that I don't trust you... yeah I think I have Celiac, I mean I was tested gluten sensitive... but is frequent urination, freezing hands and feet part of Celiac? can it be?

You guys have great advice. I knew posting here was a good idea, now I'm confident with my decision. Probably won't be for a little while before I get to leave though... going to finish up this semester, one more month. Gotta finish what I started. Then I'm off to heal. Meanwhile, I'm quitting my job.

And yeah, I was going to take advantage of this opportunity to just learn everythign I can about this disease. About nutrition, allergies, etc. Ingredient labeling, all the shiz. It'll be the perfect time to learn everythign while I'll have nothing else to do.

You guys rock.

[Ursa Major]

Yes, seriously, all your symptoms could be caused by celiac disease. Also, you could be low thyroid. Check out this website, and keep track of your body temps for a while to see if you may have that problem. It could potentially be causing your hands and feet to be cold all the time, as well as some of the other symptoms. Open Original Shared Link

You're right about finishing this semester, you almost made it. Then, after Christmas, you'll be ready to head for sunny Mexico. I don't think you'll regret it. You're only going to miss one term that way, but have until next September to heal and figure things out.

[HawkFire]

I know three people in my town who happen to have ms. I have told all about celiac disease. None have celiac disease. I do not believe that most ms is misdiagnosed celiac disease. Ms can exist independent of celiac disease. You may not have ms. You may have simple celiac disease that has become quite uncomfortable. Please rule out ms since your symptoms can suggest it. It does need to be monitored if it is what you have. The women I know with ms are doing very well. Their symptoms are managed and under control unless there is a bad flare up. That is rare with each of them.

Edit.. I also knew a man some years ago dx with ms. We are not friendly, but I see him occasionally since he moved and even last summer, ten years after his ms dx, he says he is doing great. He looks very well, so I take that as evidence of the ms being manageable.

[AndreaB]

Cody,

I repeat what everyone else has said. Quit your job, take advantage of the opportunity to take a sabbatical.

Another possibility with the cold limbs and tingling could by lyme. That is also highly undiagnosed. You would need to be tested through Igenix labs though. Come on over to the OMG thread, the girls there will give you lots of info. I think something was posted about a number of ms patients (I forget the number, it was a really high percentage though) really having lyme. Such a tangled web.

[Nantzie]

I think that getting away from that pizza place will be a huge difference. I have a feeling that that will end up being a big thing.

And definitely GO to Mexico! One semester isn't going to hurt a thing. And your health is so much more important. Just think of how much better your grades are going to be once you feel healthier.

Nancy