In-laws And Holidays

[ptkds]

For a while, I have been telling my dh's family that we want to have Thanksgiving at our house so that we know our 3 celiac kids (and myself) would be safe. Well, my SIL is pregnant and due the day after christmas. Her dh is insisting that they stay close to home in case she goes into labor. She was OVERDUE with their first child! We only live 1.5 hrs away from their house and we have a hospital right down the street! I talked to SIL tonight to see if I could get her to change her dh's mind, but she said he has "put his foot down and he never does that," so she doesn't want to argue. Of course, MIL doesn't care. And SIL's dh would be ok if we all went to MIL's house, which is an hour away from their house!

I am just so frustrated! I wanted to have Thanksgiving here so I could make sure that everything that is served would be safe. We have lots of neices and nephews that are all really young and don't understand that they can't share food with my toddler dd's. So now I get to be stressed ALL DAY worrying about where my 2 toddlers are, and making sure they don't find food w/ gluten in it.

And his family expected us to drive 4+ hours for a family event when we had a 1 week old baby. When we refused, they were upset with us. I am so glad they seem to care about our feelings so much (can you feel my sarcasm!)

Any one else dealing w/ a similar situation? Holidays are supposed to be fun, but I can already feel the stress setting in.

How do you guys deal with the holidays?????

ptkds

[dandelionmom]

Honestly, I'm going to be the bad one this year. My daughter's safety is coming first. Since I already know the in-laws won't respect her diet (they've already had temper tantrums when she was healing and was still off dairy "ice cream doesn't have wheat in it!") we will be eating before joining them to celebrate the holidays and if there's any issues at all, we're leaving. She's been through way too much for her to be sick to keep my in-laws happy. I don't know if that will work for you or not though.

If I were in your shoes, I would be just as vocal as the brother in law and I would say, "Look, I've put MY foot down; my kids will stay healthy this holiday."

[debmidge]

Sounds like you all need a break from each other this Thanksgiving...not due to arguing, but there's a lot strong issues going on that could result in arguing, bitterness, etc. I can see the pregnant woman's viewpoint of not wanting to have to deliver in the hospital I was not intending to use. It would upset my level of comfort too. Also, it has to be considered that maybe her health insurance would not "cover" that other hospital. I know my health plan has excluded hospitals.

I don't have children, but I do treat my husband like one when it comes to celiac and due to the complexities of the gluten free diet, we no longer eat any meals at his relatives: ever. They just can't intellectually handle it (has nothing to do with the learning curve). We bring gluten-free dessert & visit after the main meal has been served and put away.

I don't have any suggestions about how to handle the cross contamination and temptation from those "gluteny" kids with respect to your children on their gluten-free diet. Little ones are hard to control unless you are always by their side. Do they "show mommy first" before they eat something different?

[Mom23boys]

Any one else dealing w/ a similar situation? Holidays are supposed to be fun, but I can already feel the stress setting in.

How do you guys deal with the holidays?????

We quit traveling. Our safety comes first. I don't let my kids get in a car with a drunk driver. Why should I let them sit at a table with a careless cook??

I cook a full blown Thanksgiving. If they want to drive here they are welcome but don't expect us to travel.

[ravenwoodglass]

It is time to make your own family Thanksgiving. I would eat the big meal at home and visit after dinner with a dessert, if at all. The safety of you and yours is much more important than keeping the in-laws happy, IMHO. If the family throws a fit perhaps you could suggest that if they want to insist then they can have the kids for the post meal, puking and D week long 'feast' of misery that will follow. Just kidding of course.

[JNBunnie1]

It is time to make your own family Thanksgiving. I would eat the big meal at home and visit after dinner with a dessert, if at all. The safety of you and yours is much more important than keeping the in-laws happy, IMHO. If the family throws a fit perhaps you could suggest that if they want to insist then they can have the kids for the post meal, puking and D week long 'feast' of misery that will follow. Just kidding of course.

Pffff, no kidding, I think that's a wonderful idea. Every time someone's teased me about gluten (my brother-in-law) I threaten him that he'll have to be the one to take care of me when I get sick. That shuts him up. Adults make much bigger messes than kids! Telling the in-laws that they'll be responsible for the kids care if they're responsible for the kids illness is fair, I think. Or you could just bring ALL the food and not let anyone else make or bring anything?

[Sweetfudge]

Honestly, I'm going to be the bad one this year. My daughter's safety is coming first. Since I already know the in-laws won't respect her diet (they've already had temper tantrums when she was healing and was still off dairy "ice cream doesn't have wheat in it!") we will be eating before joining them to celebrate the holidays and if there's any issues at all, we're leaving. She's been through way too much for her to be sick to keep my in-laws happy. I don't know if that will work for you or not though.

If I were in your shoes, I would be just as vocal as the brother in law and I would say, "Look, I've put MY foot down; my kids will stay healthy this holiday."

eating before is a good idea

Pffff, no kidding, I think that's a wonderful idea. Every time someone's teased me about gluten (my brother-in-law) I threaten him that he'll have to be the one to take care of me when I get sick. That shuts him up. Adults make much bigger messes than kids! Telling the in-laws that they'll be responsible for the kids care if they're responsible for the kids illness is fair, I think. Or you could just bring ALL the food and not let anyone else make or bring anything?

or maybe feed the kids before or bring a big tupperware with all their foods. i don't know, this is a tough situation.

i've gotten fed up with my husband's family and food. we don't really have friendly relations anyway. and after his grandmother got mad at me for asking what she did to prepare her meat on easter ("seriously, there's nothing wrong with it. just drop it ok."), i will not go to any family eating events unless i eat before. they really don't get it if they don't live with it. i hope you're able to figure out a positive solution. i know with kids it's gotta be harder b/c you can't constantly moniter what they put in their mouths. good luck

[babygirl1234]

well im not the only one that has celiac disease my 9 yr old has it and so does my 3 yr old and my 1 yr old just found it out when they did the scoop and bi on all 3 of them, my 9 yr old had it since she was 4 yrs old and she been getting stomach cramps really bad, come to find out that her insides are pretty bad she told me that shes been eating the school lunch instad of what i make her, she didnt want her friends to make fun of her, and im like Katie your helath is more importen, now i dont have to buy for me and her we have to get for 3 of us, my dh been so supportive and has been helping me though this, but now i know what was making my 3 and 1 yr old so sick it was gluten.

[kabowman]

This year, I plan to show up to their house full which is what they did to me last year after I cooked a huge meal, three meats, three dressings, tons of finger foods for the before and after, lots of sides, three different kinds of pie for a total of 5 pies, etc. At least last year I didn't make homemade whipped cream for them to not eat because they prefer Cool Whip.

And, after they showed up late and full, she proceeded to try and bake something without mentioning it to me first or taking my planning into event - with that much food, I had all my oven and cooktop time planned and all space was occupied. Of course, hers was full of stuff I would never even want in my kitchen. This is after I I offered to cook anything she wanted but she never deigned to answer my questions. They also brought store-bought pies.

I considered going out for a jog when they sit down to dinner but decided that might be going too far. I am fixing my own Thanksgiving dinner on Friday.

[dfurlong]

I think your health and that of your kids is most important. While Thanksgiving is a time for family to come together, I think your immediate family is where the focus needs to be. You live with your husband and daughters, not with the in-laws. There were alot of different suggestions for eating before, only going for dessert (which you will bring for your family) etc, but seriously...enjoy your husband, your daughters...and be healthy. You didn't mention how your husband handles the pressure from his family, but hopefully he will support you in this...because that would help greatly for him to deal with them.

Here is hoping you have the best Thanksgiving ever...at home...feel well...

Dawn

[mandasmom]

I think its a falicy that Holidays are fun...its a ton of work for the hostess and lots of inconveince for the guest...we make such a fuss about food no wonder its tough on anyone with dietary restrictions!! I agree that health and safety comes first...I am so lucky cause I have a family (and freinds too) that always call in advance to ask what they can prepare. I usually decline because of CC issues but I love thier concern. Our celiacs (including me) eat before we go and then nibble at anything that seems safe. (mashed potatoes) I alwasy bring a gluten-free dessert (choc mousse is a fav).

[Trillian]

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's my favorite foods... and time with family without the stress of presents.

I always spend Wednesday cooking with my mom, and now that my daughter is old enough, she spends it with us, polishing silver and getting the china ready for the family to converge on my mom's house for Thursday. It's a special time for our family.

I was diagnosed in September so I offered to have Thanksgiving at my house. My siblings are grown and they all have plans. It's the first time we won't have the holiday together. But I invited my mom and dad to my house so we could still have the special day.

Everything was set. I called my mom on Sunday to remind her. She said that they aren't coming. They don't want to have my gluten-free Thanksgiving because it's too much work. They know that the food is okay and that most of it is regular food.

I am so sad.

No family dinner, and no spending the time with my mom making Thanksgiving food.

I think we're going to blow it off, too.

[Mom23boys]

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's my favorite foods... and time with family without the stress of presents.

I always spend Wednesday cooking with my mom, and now that my daughter is old enough, she spends it with us, polishing silver and getting the china ready for the family to converge on my mom's house for Thursday. It's a special time for our family.

I was diagnosed in September so I offered to have Thanksgiving at my house. My siblings are grown and they all have plans. It's the first time we won't have the holiday together. But I invited my mom and dad to my house so we could still have the special day.

Everything was set. I called my mom on Sunday to remind her. She said that they aren't coming. They don't want to have my gluten-free Thanksgiving because it's too much work. They know that the food is okay and that most of it is regular food.

I am so sad.

No family dinner, and no spending the time with my mom making Thanksgiving food.

I think we're going to blow it off, too.

Don't blow it off. Its time to start making memories for someone else.

[wowzer]

This will be my first gluten free Thanksgiving. I'm supposed to go to my sister in laws. I would rather stay home and cook really. I'm hoping they make the same turkey as last year, it wasn't stuffed!!! My husband will go deer hunting over Thanksgiving if he doesn't get one this week. My son wants to go. I will just try to bring a veggie dish and maybe a waldorf salad that I can eat. You got to love family fun!!! It's just me that I have to worry about. If I had children like you I would stay home.

[EBsMom]

How do you guys deal with the holidays?????

We're staying home. I am soooo glad. We were going to spend it with my dh's family, but they've been completely unwilling to educate themselves about the diet (ironic, as I'm pretty darn sure that most of them have celiac disease.) My m-i-l hosted a birthday brunch just yesterday, and EVERYTHING on the table contained gluten. I'd anticipated that, and had made some dishes that we could eat. She told us where to sit, and right in front of my dd's plate (she, ds and myself are all gluten-free, but she gets the sickest) was a big platter of cinnamon rolls and quick breads. She just stared at it when she sat down, kind of forlornly. It broke my heart! She would have loved those things pre-gluten-free. I moved the platter to the other side of the table, but the damage had already been done. That's the FIRST time I've seen my dd sad because of something she couldn't have in 5 months of being gluten-free. There is NO WAY that I'm going to let the holidays turn out like that. We're having T-giving and Xmas dinner at home, and thank goodness, dh is supportive of that. We told his family that we're staying home and they're all annoyed. Oh, well. EVERYTHING on our table will be gluten-free, neither of my kids will have to ask, "Can I eat that?" and we won't have to endure the fear of an accidental glutening. That's worth skipping the extended family together time for me.

Rhonda