Why Are Parents So Stubborn?

[Glutenfreefamily]

I see many posts on here about kids who dont follow their gluten-free diet but what about stubborn parents who know they are gluten intolerant They did the testing, they have malabsorption, and every excuse in the book why they cant do it. They say they are trying but they are not gluten-free fully. I have a medical background and every time they bring up health problems (multiple health problems) almost completely without a doubt related to gluten and every single time I bring it up they roll their eyes. The only time they make a big effort and eat completely gluten-free is when their grandkids are around so it doesnt tempt the grandbabies which is nice and sweet but I wish they would also do it for themselves.

I wish they would just stop telling me about their aches and pains because if they dont make an effort how do they expect to feel better? I have celiac, my daughter has celiac, my sister has it, my bil has it, my two nephews and niece have it. My grandpa had it, I have an uncle as a boy that died from it yet they cannot stand the slight effort it takes to help themselves.

I love them so I listen to all their complaints but it is really getting on my nerves.

[lizard00]

I know EXACTLY what you mean! My I think my aunt has Celiac as well as my cousin (her daughter). They both complain about how they don't feel good when they eat gluten, but my cousin says "I just LOVE a turkey sandwich." Well, I do too, but I love feeling good even more. And my aunt who, to her credit, stays away from wheat products; except when it's a cake or pie that looks good. Then she complains later that she doesn't feel good. WELL... what exactly do bakeries make pie crusts and cakes out of????

My cousin complains all the time that she can't lose weight, and neither can my aunt. But try to tell them that Celiac can keep you from losing weight. My cousin has thyroid issues, and she knows that Celiac is related. But does she think staying away from gluten might make a difference, NO.

And then they think that I'm over the top because I am so ridiculous about what I eat and read every label that I buy... hmmm... There are health problems I can avoid just by cutting one thing out of my diet. Doesn't seem like such a sacrifice anymore... but you know, LOVE those turkey sandwiches.

[Glutenfreefamily]

It's sad isnt it? They let food (something that has alternatives) control their lives completely and their future health knowing they can feel good if they followed it. Im glad Im not alone in my thoughts

[ravenwoodglass]

"I love them so I listen to all their complaints but it is really getting on my nerves"

I know this is going to sound mean but I would cut them off every time they start to complain about celiac related issues with, 'I don't want to hear it, that is related to celiac and I can't help you until you decide to help yourself. It hurts me to hear you complain of things that can be stopped and I worry that your ignoring celiac is going to leave my children with no grandparents much sooner than we would like. We know that celiac can lead to fatal disease like lymphomas and GI cancers and cause a lot of autoimmune problems. I love you and I want you to be here, healthy and feeling well enough to enjoy life. It just hurts too much to hear you talk about stuff that could be resolved. "

Then I would refuse to listen or sympathize. Other than to let your feeling be known and to offer to help them in the adjustment period there really isn't anything you can do if they don't listen.

[dbmamaz]

There have been other posts about frustrating families . . . one about her daughter eating gluten and cc'ing her granddaughter and not wanting to hear about it - talk about frustrating, watching ur daughter basically giving ur grandchild gluten! My chronically ill sister, when I mentioned gluten, said she quit wheat already. THen she said, yeah, I realized wheat was bothering me, so now i only eat white bread. She was being so aggressively nasty (as usual) i just hurried to get off the phone.

You know, people do a lot of things that are bad for them . . . drinking, drugs, cheating on spouses, eating gluten . .. you can lead a horse to water, but then you just have to find a way to live with it.

[Ursa Major]

I am afraid I completely agree with ravenwoodglass. Just tell them once that you realize all their health woes are related to gluten. That you know that they are killing themselves with it, and that it really hurts you to see them doing this to themselves. And that you would appreciate it if they would refrain from complaining about health issues that are related to celiac disease to you, as you would not listen from now on.

But that you would be there and love to help them adjust once they decide to get serious about their health and want to go gluten-free.

They will be mad, but that is life. You need to stick to your guns, because as you said, it is simply too frustrating to listen to their problems, when they are so easily solved.

[Mom23boys]

  Ursa Major said:

I am afraid I completely agree with ravenwoodglass. Just tell them once that you realize all their health woes are related to gluten. That you know that they are killing themselves with it, and that it really hurts you to see them doing this to themselves. And that you would appreciate it if they would refrain from complaining about health issues that are related to celiac disease to you, as you would not listen from now on.

But that you would be there and love to help them adjust once they decide to get serious about their health and want to go gluten-free.

They will be mad, but that is life. You need to stick to your guns, because as you said, it is simply too frustrating to listen to their problems, when they are so easily solved.

I gotta agree. In a way it is like the child that has flown back to the nest, won't get a job, sits around all day then complains. They need to be kicked out. They are getting something from it. Sometimes you just gotta get tough.

[loco-ladi]

I truly believe both my mother and sister also need to be on the diet but my sister wont even concider it and my mother is still asking questions but at least she is talking about it, its a step in the right direction.

[Glutenfreefamily]

Thank you for the replies and things to think about. Its hard just to ignore them but I feel like Im just a sounding board and Im sick of being it. Especially my mother, she is mean when she doesnt want to agree with you and very controlling. They accept our diagnosis's and know its best to be on it but after 2 years of talking to them they arent making any effort at all on their part. I have been sending them lists of products through my email, sharing different foods I have found, sharing recipes and meal ideas. Its always a different reason so I have made a huge effort to try and help them. My mom is very aware of how I cook and what products to buy. She is not very creative in the kitchen so I try to help her as best I can. I have made dishes and desserts in the past and brought them over to show them how gluten-free food can taste just as good as the gluten filled kind. I make them stuff I dont even eat due to my soy and casein intolerances just to show them they wont feel deprived. It's very hard to watch them day after day killing themselves when I love them so much....

[Ursa Major]

My oldest daughter told me that maybe her sister (one year younger) defies me and purposely glutens herself maybe because I am too pushy, and try too hard to make her see what is good for her.

I think that you might be making the same mistake as me (out of love, because we hate seeing our kids/parents knowingly hurt themselves). By sending them lists and bringing them food, you might be achieving the opposite of what you want to.

It might be time to tell them that it is their choice if they want to kill themselves. And that you are done trying to convince them. And then STOP bringing them gluten-free foods and sending them lists, but also stop listening to their complaints. NO advice, food, lists at all. You won't talk about celiac disease unless it concerns your health or your kid's health.

You can't make them do what you want. They have to want to be gluten-free and come to you. Give them advice when they ask for it, no sooner.

I know it will be extremely hard, and you will sometimes cry (when they can't see you), and you will be terribly concerned still. But try to let them be, as long as they don't gluten you and the kids.

[HeatFire]

well.. just a thought but actually if the pain ain't to great, or the symptoms to harsh you can actually kinda like the pain your in.

you know it gives you a reason to not feel bad for not doing all the stuff you need to do.

going from eating gluten to becoming gluten free where easy for me. i simply eat what i always have been eating..

just removed a few wheat products.

and i must say i kinda enjoy knowing I'm mentally stronger then some when i comes to food, knowing I've made that change.

my world is extremely understanding of my Celiac disease, grandmother, family, girlfriends family, uncle.

everyone respects my disease and often got something for me to eat (sometimes not).

i think you need to been 100% gluten free for awhile to know the feeling of feeling good..

but still after being that your brain will just make the memories of the pain you've had fuzzy and the risk of eating gluten again can be great.

sometimes you have to stand aside and let people find their own way home, just see to that they don't fall into the water.

hmm I