Wedding Blues

[kimis]

My boyfiend's sister asked me to be one of her two bridesmaids. I would rather put my arm in a blender. No, I would rather eat 5 jumbo muffins and wash it down with some malted milk!!!! Of corse I said yes, but I kinda felt like I had to. My boyfriend is giving her away, and my daughter is the flower girl. So I feel like she just asked me so I didn't feel left out. We are not close or anything, she bothers me in fact. Just the thought of being up there in front of all kinds of people, in an ugly expensive dress, makes me cringe. I think if I backed out now it would be wrong, and I also don't want to hurt her feelings. I have never been asked to be in a wedding. Do I have to do anything besides buy my ugly dress and show up? I don't think there is a maid of honer, just two bridesmaids...me and some girl I never met.

[DarkIvy]

I've vowed that my own bridesmaids, when the time comes, will be wearing beautiful dresses. I WILL NOT HAVE UGLY BRIDESMAIDS. LOL.

I can understand why you feel hesitant to be part of it. It's not particularly special to you and you're not close to her.

Typically, I think the maid of honor does things like throw the bachelorette party, helps oversee some of the wedding's details. I'm not sure though, as everyone my age is waiting basically indefinitely to get married and no one knows the protocol yet.

I'm assuming the other bridesmaid is much closer to her, so even though there is no designated maid of honor, she'll probably serve as one anyway and plan out most of this stuff. If I were you, just as courtesy, get her phone number and give her a call. Introduce yourself, say you are the other bridesmaid, ask if she's planning anything or needs help. If it's a small wedding (and it seems like it is?) she may not need or want much. On the flip side, you may find that she's nice enough and you might actually have fun helping her and the bride out with some of the planning.

If they don't actually need anything, then yeah, you'll need to be there for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, and that's about it.

[Lisa]

I would rather put my arm in a blender. ...

This made me laugh out loud!!

SOME times you just have to suck it up. Maybe you go with the bride-to be and help select a bridesmaid dress that you might get some use of it after the wedding.

[*lee-lee*]

i sympathize with you. i wouldn't want to be in a wedding if i didn't particularly like the bride and/or wasn't very close to her.

the only wedding i was in was a few years ago and i was the maid of honor. my best friend (at the time) had asked me to be in her wedding right after she got engaged. but we were just out of HS so the wedding didn't happen for 3.5 years. by then, i had gone to college, come home and we just grew apart during that time but she still insisted i be in her wedding.

it was so awkward because i was supposed to have planned everything (shower, bachelorette party) but i hardly knew her anymore. i even told the bride i wasn't comfortable being in her wedding and she said if i wasn't her MOH then she wasn't going to have one. ugh, i felt so guilty so i tried to slap on a smile and pretend like the whole situation didn't totally suck...but it did. the wedding was 4 years ago and i've spoken to her twice since then.

unfortunately you already accepted so you might be stuck. maybe you can have a chat with the bride and give her an out...let her know you don't want her to feel obligated to include you in the wedding party just because your boyfriend and daughter are.

there's also the chance this is her way of reaching out to you. maybe she wants to be friends with you...you will be sisters-in-law, after all.

i second the idea to speak with the other bridesmaid and see what her role in all this is. one would assume if you're not all that close with the bride, the other girl will be and maybe she's got all the pre-wedding festivities all figured out. and totally talk to the bride to get a feel as far as the dresses go. it sounds like the wedding might be low-key so maybe there's a chance you can get a dress that isn't so over-the-top and ugly (not to mention expensive).

[debmidge]

This is a time when you have to play "pretend your in a play" and smile a lot

and wear that dress that you don't like .....or when shopping pick out a dress

that she doesn't like and maybe she'll replace you before you have to buy the dress....

[ShayFL]

Once I had to wear a peachy/orange drop waist giganic bow bridesmades dress. I looked like a frilly pumpkin. It was hideous. I hated the dress, but enjoyed the wedding. It was for them and not for me. It isnt easy to be selfless, but it can be rewarding. I find that if I can manage to change my perspective on things and be positive, then it isnt so bad.

BTW....I burned that dress....LOL

I vowed that at my wedding the dresses would be "rented". No one would get stuck with an ugly dress. Though mine were pretty, simple and red.

[lizard00]

Once I had to wear a peachy/orange drop waist giganic bow bridesmades dress. I looked like a frilly pumpkin.

That sounds hot.

I was in a wedding for someone I didn't really know, or care for, too. I think I was asked because my husband was really close to the groom and they needed to even out the bridal party. On top of which it was around 5 hours from my house in this horrid part of Virginia(seriously, it was awful!). So not only did I have to buy a dress I was never going to wear again, I had to pay for a hotel.

But you do what you have to do. If I had said no, then I don't think my husband would've been able to participate, and it meant a lot to him and the groom. No harm done.

[brendygirl]

I agree with the arm in the blender.

I flew in to be a bridesmaid, having ordered the dress by phone, and it fit perfectly. I left it there and my mom wore it for a bachelorette party where everyone was to wear old bridesmaid dresses as a theme party. I'm known by my friends as "classy" and I was around all these girls who all smoked and cussed like sailors, one whose dress wouldn't zip, so they had to patch in fabric, etc. I was a total fish out of water. They were all jealous of the bride I think, sitting in silence b4 the ceremony, so I started singing "Going to the Chapel" to the bride, just to lighten the mood. I was like, These are her friends?

Due to this very event, I have a fear of weddings, due to an unfortunate disaster where my estranged father (a total attention hog who sang 5 Elvis songs already) had the DJ get everyone at my brother's reception all face me and goad me into singing a karaoke song with him, after not speaking to each other for ten years. Shania Twain's "You're Still the One"...and I'm a terrible singer.

And yes, I (a girl who has an aversion to being tacky) was wearing a fluffy light pink spaghetti strap dress at a November wedding in Chicago. Ugh.

My best friend is having her second wedding soon and I feel weird about that one, too. She knows I hate weddings and says she's not having any attendants, but she keeps changing her mind about everything. She lives in Texas and she's getting married in D.C., so I have to fly to another coast, on a holiday weekend. Funny enough, she asked me to videotape the ceremony of 75. I've never videotaped anything. And, of course, she's a perfectionist....so hopefully, I squirmed out of that one...I don't feel bad--she lived one hour from my wedding and she took some items home and had my dress cleaned after. She was allowed to enjoy the day as a guest. Imagine that.

I think I have a list of wedding pet peeves on my blog on this site. Maybe it'll give you a laugh.