Significant Other Wants To Say Something

[txplowgirl]

Ok.., my name is Jimmie, i'm sleepless and unhappy with my Dr Laura of the gluten, fibro, silly celiac cause. I'm a first time desperate feeling user of this site. Would any of you "ladies" mind speaking with me?? Thx Jimmie

[txplowgirl]

Ok, i'm not doing well, no one has responded to my request.

So, here's my story should anyone care to listen and maybe help...;

I live with the Dr. Laura of gluten, fibro, ( I would like to say " sily" celiac, but won't) celiac disorders.

I was doing quite well until she discovered she has fibro, celiac, (possibly) and no tolerance to gluten.

Now, my world has been turned upside down. Now, I can't eat this and I can't eat that. I thought I was doing quite well at 59 years of age. Don't let me get an upset tummy or a headache after eating my bowl of cereal with "Milk"!! .. by the way the cereal was loaded with wheat. and the ham sandwich on bread. What's a guy to do? Jimmie

[Jestgar]

But you can eat those things, just not at home - right?

[mushroom]

I agree with Jestgar--gorge on gluten at restaurants, at lunch at work, at the ballgame or whichever place floats your boat, but if you think you are having it hard spare a thought for the one who not only can't eat those things but who lives in terror that she will accidentally ingest some through the carelessness or oversight of others, and do try to be supportive if you can find it in your heart.

[txplowgirl]

Ladies, thank you, thank you, thank you. You hit it on the head. If I didn't have such a big heart she would have been road splatter somewhere across america after I pushed her out the window at 60 mph. Ladies, I cook for this sweet thing, do you know as a cook, teacher, wannabe truck driver I have created gluten free enjoyable meals for her (not me) as we travel down the hiways and by ways of america. Why, I even accompanied her to the health food stores to buy such gluten free healthy foods as deemed needed by her. So yes, I think the big heart is there but i'm becoming overwhelmed with all these health tips from my Dr. Laura pertaining to my eating habits and overall health. Example, since birth i've enjoyed a hot bowl of oatmeal to include the sniffles that I thought were clearing sinuses to now being informed i've been glutening myself all these years. The sniffles don't bother me but they sure do bother her, and I now, because of my big heart eat gluten free rolled oats. I no longer can enjoy a sandwich prepared by her for fear of cross contamination. Resulting in her being ill for 5 or 6 days. ...GRrrrr.

What's a big heart to do??

[Ahorsesoul]

Sounds like she was not doing well. I suggest you go gluten free with her. It will give you a good insight that she's doing this for her health and not just a fad. My dh is now gluten free and found out he feels better.

[psawyer]

Jimmie, I am not a "lady" as you put it, but am a man who has been gluten-free for over nine years now.

I had severe symptoms for five years, preceded by now-recognizable ones going back at least another thirty. I am fifty-five.

My wife endured the stress of my sickness, and that included mood swings and irritability. She saw the improvement when I went onto the gluten-free diet after positive biopsy results. She is very supportive, and recently has chosen to eat gluten-free herself just because it makes things simpler for both of us.

Whether you want to have a completely gluten-free home is for both of you to decide together. If you don't, be sure to take care to ensure that the food for the person on the restricted diet does not come into contact with food which contains gluten, or any other food which is not tolerated.

Whatever you decide, it is important to respect the other's choices in food. Each of us has the basic right to choose what we do (or do not) eat. All we can ask is that our choices be respected, and that our partners take whatever steps they need to so that our choices are not compromised.

[Roda]

I am the one with celiac the only one in our household of four. My husband and two boys do eat alot of gluten free food as our meals that we eat together are all gluten free. In the event we have pasta, we cook regular for them and gluten free for me. It has worked out so far. I feel that my husband would benefit from a trial of gluten free, but that is not going to happen anytime in the near future. He very well may not have issues with it and I just see the evil in it for everyone. I try not to preach. He has his own space on the counter and in the pantry for their stuff. When I am working every other weekend they get pizza delivered. So they do have their treats. I can relate to your frustration because my husband is like that except it is about his smoking. I want him to quit so badly that the more I talk about it the more he rebels. I think the best thing you can do is have a good sit down heart to heart with your lovely and tell her how you feel. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise that you both can feel less frustrated with. It sounds like you both care a great deal about each other. As well meaning as she is it just might be coming out the wrong way, like I was/am on my husbands smoking. Take care.

[jackay]

I hope psawyer can answer this. Is it as necessary with other food intolerances to be as vigilant as it is with gluten? I think any powder would be bad but other things wouldn't spread so much.

[mushroom]

Jimmie, I am speaking for my significant other now.

My wife has a sister who is gluten free and is a real pain in the butt about it. So when my wife first informed me that she was giving up gluten because of her stomach symptoms and psoriatic arthritis (no diagnosis, mind you!!) I was aghast. But I had seen how she was suffering with the arthritis and wanted her to feel better so I decided to try a gluten free household. It was hard. I used to grab gluten at lunch and ordered gluten in restaurants, but I cooked gluten free for her at home; yes, I was cooking because she could not hold the utensils and did not have enough strength to chop the vegetables. Eventually I stopped eating gluten and I have continued to do the bulk of the cooking--okay, we are retired so I can do that; she did it all those years while we were both working. Finally I got tired of the restraints and yearned for a beer and some sourdough bread so when we got back to the U.S. I cheated quite a bit. My diarrhea, which had cleared up, came back a bit but it was worth it. My wife complained about the crumbs from my bread in the butter and jam, but heck, what's a crumb??? Anyway, I was doing just fine with the occasional beer and cheat and then one day I broke out in this awful itchy, painful rash on my forehead. I showed it to my wife and she said, "Guess what?? You're a celiac; that's dermatitis herpetiformis!!" It was ugly, disfiguring, lasted forever and drove me crazy. I have been gluten free ever since although I am not as sensitive as she is and I don't think a crumb bothers me. But I don't want that rash again!! And yes, I still do a lot of the cooking. I have learned a lot about gluten free although I have not got into the gluten free flours much and I still sometimes mess up on the labels in the supermarket because of all the other stuff she can't eat either. By the way, my diarrhea cleared up again... and the nasal congestion I used to get.

[psawyer]

I hope psawyer can answer this. Is it as necessary with other food intolerances to be as vigilant as it is with gluten? I think any powder would be bad but other things wouldn't spread so much.

Celiac disease is an autoimmune condition triggered by gluten. It takes very little to start the immune response, and once started, it will last three to six weeks, although noticeable symptoms may disappear sooner.

Other intolerances, and non-celiac gluten intolerance, do not have as prolonged a reaction and people with them may be able to handle occasional small amounts without a causing serious problems.

My niece (not biologically related) is intolerant to both gluten and casein, but does not have celiac disease. She is much less concerned than I am about cross-contamination, but avoids them.

Gluten in the form of flour gets all over the place, and trying to clean it up is like pushing on a string. So, it is a much more difficult thing to isolate and I would ban flour from the house even if prepared products containing it are allowed.

[Jestgar]

I hope psawyer can answer this. Is it as necessary with other food intolerances to be as vigilant as it is with gluten? I think any powder would be bad but other things wouldn't spread so much.

You'll find that the answer is different for different people and different foods. I can tolerate NO soy protein, but some small amount of corn. I may have issues with dairy, but rarely eat enough to notice.

[FMcGee]

Ladies, thank you, thank you, thank you. You hit it on the head. If I didn't have such a big heart she would have been road splatter somewhere across america after I pushed her out the window at 60 mph.

I'M sorry, but she would have been a ROAD SPLATTER?! Because of your big heart? That's... not a big heart. That's severely intolerant. You're pretty demeaning about her, and act as though this is entirely your burden to bear. I'm surprised that people have been overlooking this kind of language in your posts. I agree with everyone else that you should go gluten-free with her, at least at home, to give you some idea of what she has to go through. But if I read that my partner wrote that I would be a road splatter if not for his big heart because he'd push me out of the truck - even if he were kidding - I'd be out the door so fast you'd only see a spinning baseball hat where I used to be standing. (Actually, I take that back - he'd be the one out the door. This is technically my house.)

[New-To-This]

Ok, i'm not doing well, no one has responded to my request.

So, here's my story should anyone care to listen and maybe help...;

I live with the Dr. Laura of gluten, fibro, ( I would like to say " sily" celiac, but won't) celiac disorders.

I was doing quite well until she discovered she has fibro, celiac, (possibly) and no tolerance to gluten.

Now, my world has been turned upside down. Now, I can't eat this and I can't eat that. I thought I was doing quite well at 59 years of age. Don't let me get an upset tummy or a headache after eating my bowl of cereal with "Milk"!! .. by the way the cereal was loaded with wheat. and the ham sandwich on bread. What's a guy to do? Jimmie

Jimmie,

I am the wife of a gluten free husband. I do all the cooking and our children are grown and on their own. I found it easier to make one meal instead of two. There are some very good web sites out their for recipes. I agree with many others who have stated in some form or another " eat what you want when you are out on the town, but Please don't take the chance of cross contamination for your loved one."

I know its hard but after watching my husband bent over in pain and spending days in bed or not more than a quick dash away from the bathroom, I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy! If she tolerates corn, make popcorn for a treat once in a while. I have found gluten free christmas cookies that are turning out wonderfully, thank goodness! And there are now gluten free cake mixes ect by Betty Crocker. I am new to this myself, about 5 weeks but I feel my husband is worth all the effort I put into this. This Thanksgiving was the first ever that neither one of us experienced the Thanksgiving Bloat! And we had turkey with stuffing (I made the stuffing out of gluten free bread), a crustless pumkin pie, cranberries, and gravy made with cornstarch.

Yes it takes some getting used to, but you can eat what you like when you are not at home. And I'm sure she won't mind if you do, she probally understands the sacrafices you make for her at home.

Good Luck!

[mbrookes]

If I'm reading you right, your problem is more with her trying to change you rather than her being gluten free.

I think a good heart to heart might help. Maybe start off with You know I only want the best for you. That's why I want to help tou stay gluten free. I however......(Take it from there) Not judgemental or defensive. Just "Let me be me".

The earlier smoking story was a good parallel.

My husband eats mostly gluten free at home, because that's the way I cook. He does have his own bread and pasta. I have to say he is VERY careful about cc. At lunch or when we go out to dinner he eats whatever he wants, and it usually is pure gluten. I eat what I can hve legally.

What I'm trying to say is that it is possible to make adjustments that will feel right to both of you. Just talk a lot!

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I agree with FMcGee (don't faint, FMcGee!).

There are several things that I see as red flags.

#1) You give every indication of doubting the validity of your wife's diagnosis.

#2) You mention your own "big heart" at every possible opportunity, but your examples don't bear out your conclusion. The fact that you would even joke (I'm assuming it's a joke) that your wife would be road splatter were it not for your supposed " big heart" is a pretty good example. I can't imagine a caring human being thinking that about his beloved wife, whether or not gluten makes her physically ill.

Going with your wife to buy necessary food is not an example of a big heart.

#3) It sounds like your wife is the one who cares about you, to the point of wanting to help find the cause of some your ailments--and wouldn't it be convenient for you both if gluten is the culprit for both of you? But you are fighting your wife on this without even considering that she may, in fact, be correct.

Gluten can trigger upper respiratory symptoms in those with a wheat allergy.

She is also correct that gluten can cause ALL of the symptoms of fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is such a devastating disease, I can't imagine why you are not jumping up and down with joy if she has indeed found what triggers those horrible symptoms. But instead, you complain that she would have been road splatter if not for your big heart--???

Several people here have gently made some very helpful suggestions.

My suggestion would be, if you love her, try doing it her way. You have absolutely nothing to lose, and you and she both have a lot to gain, like HEALTH. There is nothing more valuable than good health.

If you continue to do it your way (or at least, the way you've been doing it so far), what do you have to lose? Well, you might lose your wife. You may make her more ill by insisting on bringing gluten in the house, where it may end up affecting her. You may convince her that she might be better off without you, and she might leave.

And what what would you gain by continuing to do it your way?

I can't think of anything.

Can you?

[Gemini]

If I'm reading you right, your problem is more with her trying to change you rather than her being gluten free.

I think a good heart to heart might help. Maybe start off with You know I only want the best for you. That's why I want to help tou stay gluten free. I however......(Take it from there) Not judgemental or defensive. Just "Let me be me".

The earlier smoking story was a good parallel.

My husband eats mostly gluten free at home, because that's the way I cook. He does have his own bread and pasta. I have to say he is VERY careful about cc. At lunch or when we go out to dinner he eats whatever he wants, and it usually is pure gluten. I eat what I can hve legally.

What I'm trying to say is that it is possible to make adjustments that will feel right to both of you. Just talk a lot!

I think this is the best advice so far. My husband is not totally gluten-free and I don't expect him to be. I am the one with the problem and he shouldn't have to change his life around because I cannot eat gluten. That is controlling and selfish. What I do expect from him is extra care when storing and making his non-gluten-free food in our kitchen, which he does with amazing thoroughness. I have never been CC'd at home, ever. He thinks of things I haven't thought of, with regards to being careful.

He eats my gluten-free dinners without any smarmy remarks or complaints and has actually been amazed at how good they taste. However, at lunch and dinner he eats gluten, sometimes while I am eating my gluten-free meal and I haven't died yet! Unless you have small children running around, it is entirely possible and feasible to have a mixed household and be healthy. Sometimes people will make unreasonable demands on others because they are angry about having Celiac and it's a way to maintain control over their environment. Not good behavior but understandable when first diagnosed.

BTW.....the remark about road splatter just about sent me off the chair laughing. I know what you meant and people need to lighten up. All couples say things in jest and if it's a healthy relationship, the other should not be offended, never mind anyone else. There have been times when my husband and I have expressed frustration with the others habits or attitude in such a fashion and it's a tension buster....we end up laughing about it and then the issue gets resolved.

Good luck to you and keep the conversation going!

[Roda]

BTW.....the remark about road splatter just about sent me off the chair laughing. I know what you meant and people need to lighten up. All couples say things in jest and if it's a healthy relationship, the other should not be offended, never mind anyone else. There have been times when my husband and I have expressed frustration with the others habits or attitude in such a fashion and it's a tension buster....we end up laughing about it and then the issue gets resolved.

I was thinking the same thing. My husband and I joke around in a way that most people think we are odd. For us it is a good, as you say, tension buster and we can get on with things. We have a very strong and open relationship. Alot of the time at his work and mine all I hear is people takling very negatively about their spouse. If they would just open up those lines of communication, maybe they wouldn't be talking so bad about them behind their backs. Sometimes you just have to laugh at your own faults and lighten up a little.

[Gemini]

I was thinking the same thing. My husband and I joke around in a way that most people think we are odd. For us it is a good, as you say, tension buster and we can get on with things. We have a very strong and open relationship. Alot of the time at his work and mine all I hear is people takling very negatively about their spouse. If they would just open up those lines of communication, maybe they wouldn't be talking so bad about them behind their backs. Sometimes you just have to laugh at your own faults and lighten up a little.

Yup....I agree with you completely on this! People are so easily offended these days and read into comments way too much. I don't think it's that detrimental as my husband and I have been together for 27 years and we still laugh together. There isn't anything I can't say to him and vice versa so we rarely

have problems with communicating. I'm sure we have both had moments where we visualized each other as road pizza also!

[FMcGee]

Yup....I agree with you completely on this! People are so easily offended these days and read into comments way too much. I don't think it's that detrimental as my husband and I have been together for 27 years and we still laugh together. There isn't anything I can't say to him and vice versa so we rarely

have problems with communicating. I'm sure we have both had moments where we visualized each other as road pizza also!

It's one thing to think these things, and even say them to each other. It's another thing to say them to strangers while also congratulating yourself for your "big heart" when you're doing what is a baseline requirement for being a decent human being, AND demeaning her in several ways at once. That's why it bugged me, not just the "road splatter" comment - the context of the remark was problematic in my mind.

[txplowgirl]

Hi everyone

This is txplowgirl here. I appreciate everyones comments. First off I would like to say to FMcGee. Jimmie was trying to be funny, he didn't mean anything by what he said. There are times I threaten to take a baseball bat to his bald head but he knows i'm just funning with him. He is kind of frustrated because I seem to be on his case a lot about gluten. Even though he does show all the symptoms of gluten problems. I did not realize I was bugging him that bad untill he got on here and talked to you guys.

I appreciate all of your comments and I guess i'll back off and let him eat what he wants. But when he comes crying for me to take care of him when his stomach is bloated again and he feels sick. Well, i'll just kick his butt and tell him to get over it.

[Jestgar]

Well, i'll just kick his butt and tell him to get over it.

Always the best approach when dealing with men...

[txplowgirl]

This is Jimmie.

Dear Mrs. Fiddle Faddle and FMcGee, I know you guys, you were my second and third grade teachers with the rulers who kept smacking me.

Please accept my appologies for the "road splatter "comment. My little Dr Laura does really have my best interests at heart and she is my bestest buddy and she really does have my heart.

Merry christmas and happy new year, Jimmie,

P.S. A greasy cheeseburger and fries and lots of ketchup and a stack of waffles with fresh buttery surup would be great. But No, it will be broilled chicken breast, asperagus, salad, and ice water for super tonight. All prepared by myself in this 18 wheel truck traveling down the highway.

[Jestgar]

P.S. A greasy cheeseburger and fries and lots of ketchup and a stack of waffles with fresh buttery surup would be great. But No, it will be broilled chicken breast, asperagus, salad, and ice water for super tonight. All prepared by myself in this 18 wheel truck traveling down the highway.

She must love you very much to work this hard at keeping you healthy.

[Ahorsesoul]

P.S. A greasy cheeseburger and fries and lots of ketchup and a stack of waffles with fresh buttery surup would be great. But No, it will be broilled chicken breast, asperagus, salad, and ice water for super tonight. All prepared by myself in this 18 wheel truck traveling down the highway.

No reason not to eat these, all can be made gluten free. Top it off with a cold gluten-free beer.