Are People Just Ignorant Or Inconsiderate?

[jasonD2]

I ate out with my colleagues last week - they were cool with picking a gluten friendly restaurant so we went to a Thai place. My one colleague Andrew knows i cant eat gluten and has for 2 years. He asked if he could have some of my food so, using his spoon, he took some of my food and then set it down on his plate which had soy sauce on it then went back and took some more with the same spoon. I didnt want to make a big stink so i just let him have the rest of my food and was still hungry after dinner, but didnt wanna risk getting cc'd

then the other night I was out with my girlfriend. they brought an appetizer which was supposed to be gluten free but had two huge pieces of pita bread. I sent it back and all the kitchen did was remove the bread (it was obvious that they didnt give me a fresh plate)- so i sent it back again and they brought a fresh one out. then my girlfriend removed some stuff from the plate and was eating it with bread and used her knife and fork repeatedly to take stuff off the plate that i wanted to eat from. so again i wound up not enjoying the appetizer cause it was cc'd.

did i do anything wrong in these scenarios? should i have been more vocal? eating out is challenging enough and ive gotten so much better at it & people are understanding, but if i take it to the next level then its just gonna make me look neurotic.

would appreciate feedback

[RachelisFacebook]

Well, I wish I could help you more, but I feel like I should say, that you should be more vocal. However, if I were in the same situation, I probably wouldn't say anything either. I understand what you mean by not wanting to make a stink, or draw more attention to the issue. I don't think people are inconsiderate, they just might not know about the risk of CC and how sick it makes us.

[curiousgirl]

I ate out with my colleagues last week - they were cool with picking a gluten friendly restaurant so we went to a Thai place. My one colleague Andrew knows i cant eat gluten and has for 2 years. He asked if he could have some of my food so, using his spoon, he took some of my food and then set it down on his plate which had soy sauce on it then went back and took some more with the same spoon. I didnt want to make a big stink so i just let him have the rest of my food and was still hungry after dinner, but didnt wanna risk getting cc'd

then the other night I was out with my girlfriend. they brought an appetizer which was supposed to be gluten free but had two huge pieces of pita bread. I sent it back and all the kitchen did was remove the bread (it was obvious that they didnt give me a fresh plate)- so i sent it back again and they brought a fresh one out. then my girlfriend removed some stuff from the plate and was eating it with bread and used her knife and fork repeatedly to take stuff off the plate that i wanted to eat from. so again i wound up not enjoying the appetizer cause it was cc'd.

did i do anything wrong in these scenarios? should i have been more vocal? eating out is challenging enough and ive gotten so much better at it & people are understanding, but if i take it to the next level then its just gonna make me look neurotic.

would appreciate feedback

It certainly is a delicate balance. Seems like some people care but don't understand or, unless they've experienced the results, they forget about their gluten-free friend. And some people do just think we're neurotic...or as one member said "spoiled."

It can be difficult to deal with this. I've found that if I speak to one person at a time and make that "meeting" ABOUT this issue, I've had more success with getting their attention. I started by asking them how they felt/thought about my gluten intolerance/celiac disease and the times we've been out to eat (with a group or alone). Based on what they say, I can educate them...have a brochure handy. Just let them know one-on-one, how serious it is. It could be looked at as "bullying" if they're all out in a group and they tease you about being neurotic. hmmmm

[lynnelise]

I honestly think they are just ignorant. When you are used to doing something like serving yourself from an appetizer plate it's kind of ingrained in you and you scoop into it without thinking.

When I'm out and an appetizer is ordered I say do you mind if I grab my portion first so I can be sure that no gluten will touch it? Everyone has been really cool about it.

When people ask to share from my plate I ask for extra silverware and I give them a serving. That way I don't have to worry about their fork getting in my food. I find by saying "Yes, let me grab some silverware and I'll get you some" they are less likely to try to grab it themselves.

[jerseyangel]

Jason, people sometimes don't think about these issues because they don't have to

We do. What I have done is ask the waiter for a small clean plate and then you can share safely. Use your fork or spoon to transfer the food to the clean plate. I actually do this all the time at PF Changs since my husband and I like to split the Lemon Chicken, which is gluten-free, and he gets a couple appetizers/sides that are not.

Just one more thing we have to plan ahead.....

[kareng]

I honestly think they are just ignorant. When you are used to doing something like serving yourself from an appetizer plate it's kind of ingrained in you and you scoop into it without thinking.

When I'm out and an appetizer is ordered I say do you mind if I grab my portion first so I can be sure that no gluten will touch it? Everyone has been really cool about it.

When people ask to share from my plate I ask for extra silverware and I give them a serving. That way I don't have to worry about their fork getting in my food. I find by saying "Yes, let me grab some silverware and I'll get you some" they are less likely to try to grab it themselves.

Ditto.

Also, with the girl friend. Next time, either get your portion first or say " can we just get the veggies and corn chips and skip the bread? That way I don't have to worry about crumbs.". Then if she says, " But Jason, Honey, I really love that dip with bread". Don't melt. Just suggest the clean spoon that stays in the dip and doesn't touch the bread. Or grab your first. Do this a couple of times and she'll start getting it.

[tarnalberry]

My husband is even better about watching out for this than I am. (Gotta love him for it!)

They're not inconsiderate (or even ignorant); they're mindless. Seriously, in your own kitchen, are you AWARE of what you're doing with every utensil as you go about things you do many times a day? As you do your job, are you completely AWARE of everything your pen has touched in the past four hours? No - we autopilot tasks we do a lot, and don't think about them.

I WOULD point it out.

[MelindaLee]

I know my DH is ignorant about it. It's still relatively new to us as I've only been diagnosed 3 months. The other night I fixed a plate of cheese and sausage with some fruit. He plunked his gluten filled crackers right in the middle. I think he was hurt when I said I couldn't eat any of it now. One time I asked if he forgot...didn't care...or didn't believe me. I wouldn't suggest that tactic as it didn't go over great, but I think it has started to make him think.

[gf-soph]

I don't think you've done anything wrong, but I do think you need to speak up. I don't expect others to think through all the possibilities of cross contamination, though I have trained my family and close friends pretty well by now. Try and put yourself in their position, if you only knew the very basics of celiac would you have known not to touch your used spoon to their plate? I think a lot of people just aren't aware of cc.

Bringing it up doesn't make you neurotic, just cautious. It's a good start that they are happy to go somewhere safe for you, so I don't think they will react too badly.

I would just nicely let them know next time that it's a bad idea to share any utensils between your food any any gluten food as it will contaminate your food. Either ask for a spare spoon for serving, offer to pass the food with yours, or just politely decline to share. If they seem surprised, explain that very small amounts are enough to make you sick, I have used the example that you need 5 ppm (in australia) to be considered gluten free, it tends to get the point across.

[Marz]

I'd go with them being on auto-pilot with these things - other people just don't think about what they do with their forks and what they eat. While we're always double, triple checking what we do around food, they just go *nom*

Don't get massively upset, but don't be silent about the issue. It is very frustrating though... As your girlfriend gets more mindful of what she's doing, I'm sure she'll be more careful and considerate about it.

[Anna1227]

I think most people just have a hard time grasping the concept of cc and how just a teeny, tiny bit CAN hurt you. I have one daughter who was diagnosed with a peanut allergy a few years ago, and I know my parents and other family and friends had a hard time understanding how a small bit of peanut butter that you couldn't even see could make her have a reaction. It's taken a while for them to get the hang of it, but now they seem to understand better. My other DD has just been diagnosed with Celiac, so I am hoping that even though it is not an allergy, our family and friends will understand that the same strict avoidance issues and watching out for cc are just as important for her.

I also think a lot of people think gluten is just in baked goods and pasta, and don't realize how many things it is really in. Soy sauce, for example, is something I think a lot of people wouldn't realize contains wheat, if they had never had to think about it before.

I think the suggestions to use a clean spoon to give food off of your plate to someone else is good, as is just asking if you can scoop of your portion of the appetizer with a clean spoon onto your plate before others dig in, just so they (and you) don't have to worry about it getting cc. Good luck. I am really shy, and it has been hard for me to learn to speak up for my kids in social situations to make sure things are safe for them, but it is so important. Most people aren't mean about it, they just don't realize how it all works.

[Nomi]

I ate out with my colleagues last week - they were cool with picking a gluten friendly restaurant so we went to a Thai place. My one colleague Andrew knows i cant eat gluten and has for 2 years. He asked if he could have some of my food so, using his spoon, he took some of my food and then set it down on his plate which had soy sauce on it then went back and took some more with the same spoon. I didnt want to make a big stink so i just let him have the rest of my food and was still hungry after dinner, but didnt wanna risk getting cc'd

then the other night I was out with my girlfriend. they brought an appetizer which was supposed to be gluten free but had two huge pieces of pita bread. I sent it back and all the kitchen did was remove the bread (it was obvious that they didnt give me a fresh plate)- so i sent it back again and they brought a fresh one out. then my girlfriend removed some stuff from the plate and was eating it with bread and used her knife and fork repeatedly to take stuff off the plate that i wanted to eat from. so again i wound up not enjoying the appetizer cause it was cc'd.

did i do anything wrong in these scenarios? should i have been more vocal? eating out is challenging enough and ive gotten so much better at it & people are understanding, but if i take it to the next level then its just gonna make me look neurotic.

would appreciate feedback

I'm sorry this happened. I have yet to experience the whole eating out thing for myself; will this weekend I