This Is No Life

[SGRhapsodos]

My in laws are here and they remind me of how abnormal I am. I'm here and my toilet paying for wanting to be normal. A week's visit by them means a constipation that I can't get rid of, not even with a gluten binge, 10 pounds of unexplained weight gain, uncontrollable bingeing (in gluten-free and gluten filled foods). I had anorexia and bibge eating disorder in high school and overcame it and now this. It was behind me! Why?! Why now? This is no way to live. I want to die. I'm too nice to tell then not to leave bread everywhere or that I need to eat at certain times to avoid the hypoglycemia that will lead to a sugar binge later. They're nice and supportive. Don't get me wrong. But my husband won't say anything to them about the breadcrumbs or my symptoms. I'm alone. Nobody in my family has dared to look up celiac and be informed. Nobody cares and I'm all alone! I hate my life! I hate that I've always been weird and now this!!!! I'm half the person I was! Wow........ I needed to get some things off my chest!

[raea2002]

Hang in there! You need to educate them as much as possible and your husband too. You need to make sure to take care of you! Just kindly remind everyone how sick you feel on gluten. Hope this helps. Deep breath, you will br okay. .

[mamaw]

It's your home YOU ARE THE RULER/BOSS what comes in can go out!!! When visitors come a calling (family or not) they need to respect house rules.... or not come.END of Story. You are not being rude you are protecting your health.

I put a sign on my door No Smoking. so when people smoke they go outside. I used to have a dog that would throw up from smoke.. At first I got hassled about it but I stuck to my guns & ten years later , they smoke outside....

Your home is your domain/castle , a safe haven... your laws.

Now when you go to someone else's house there rules apply to their house...

hugs

[SGRhapsodos]

Thanks, guys. I hate feeling sorry for myself. It's such a b%$@# to be weak. I guessed this would be the one place I could be weak without getting judged.

[Bubba's Mom]

My in laws are here and they remind me of how abnormal I am. I'm here and my toilet paying for wanting to be normal. A week's visit by them means a constipation that I can't get rid of, not even with a gluten binge, 10 pounds of unexplained weight gain, uncontrollable bingeing (in gluten-free and gluten filled foods). I had anorexia and bibge eating disorder in high school and overcame it and now this. It was behind me! Why?! Why now? This is no way to live. I want to die. I'm too nice to tell then not to leave bread everywhere or that I need to eat at certain times to avoid the hypoglycemia that will lead to a sugar binge later. They're nice and supportive. Don't get me wrong. But my husband won't say anything to them about the breadcrumbs or my symptoms. I'm alone. Nobody in my family has dared to look up celiac and be informed. Nobody cares and I'm all alone! I hate my life! I hate that I've always been weird and now this!!!! I'm half the person I was! Wow........ I needed to get some things off my chest!

I think you may have to have a "family meeting" with your guests and hubby? You'll have to explain cc and that it only takes a crumb to make you ill. Plates must be used and any crumbs cleaned up right away.

Most people have absolutely no ideathat their crumbs could hurt you. I'm sure they think everything is fine as long as you don't eat bread with them? A quick little course on kitchen safety could spare all of you from hurt feelings? I'm sure they don't want to hurt you.

[Lady Eowyn]

Hi there

Not sure that I'm too good at advice but if it's any help I do know how you feel.

For me too the Celiac is affected by stress - somehow that eating binge comes on and I can feel glutened without having any. It kind of triggers me to eat. Over the past 30n years (only realised it's celiac in the last 18 mths) I have seen psychologists for bulimia and compulsive eating and self harming - thats the attack on DH some years ago but now I know it's GLUTEN !!!!!

Knowing that has helped a lot and can really help you gain control.

You need the support of those close to you but you also have to do this for yourself. i try to show some fight against those triggers.

Be nice to yourself and make sure you have some treats - especially things that are not to do with eating.

As for the in laws or whatever stressor comes along - do your best to stay away from that gluten.

[cavernio]

You can't expect the inlaws to understand if you don't tell them. You know it, I know it, but they don't.

Keep in mind that for some people gluten can cause emotional problems, maybe you're not as weak as you think you are. :-)

Try reminding yourself that your health is what's at stake. You wouldn't let yourself die for social niceties, right? Well, don't let yourself get sicker from them either. Confronting people is hard, but you have to do it, and the sooner the better.

[SGRhapsodos]

Hi there

Not sure that I'm too good at advice but if it's any help I do know how you feel.

For me too the Celiac is affected by stress - somehow that eating binge comes on and I can feel glutened without having any. It kind of triggers me to eat. Over the past 30n years (only realised it's celiac in the last 18 mths) I have seen psychologists for bulimia and compulsive eating and self harming - thats the attack on DH some years ago but now I know it's GLUTEN !!!!!

Knowing that has helped a lot and can really help you gain control.

You need the support of those close to you but you also have to do this for yourself. i try to show some fight against those triggers.

Be nice to yourself and make sure you have some treats - especially things that are not to do with eating.

As for the in laws or whatever stressor comes along - do your best to stay away from that gluten.

I guess stress does play a big role in the bingeing. I haven't dealt with binge eating in over 12 years and now it's back. The only way to control it is through a high fat low carb diet, but last time I tried that, it made me lose weight to the point of looking sick. The problem is that just adding fruits to my diet triggers the binges. How do you control it? I'd like to hear more from your experience if you dot mind. Thankfully, restricting is not a problem anymore.

[SGRhapsodos]

You can't expect the inlaws to understand if you don't tell them. You know it, I know it, but they don't.

Keep in mind that for some people gluten can cause emotional problems, maybe you're not as weak as you think you are. :-)

Try reminding yourself that your health is what's at stake. You wouldn't let yourself die for social niceties, right? Well, don't let yourself get sicker from them either. Confronting people is hard, but you have to do it, and the sooner the better.

I noticed that the first symptom of being Glutened was the emotional rollercoaster rather than the stomach problems. I wonder how many of those foods I would binge on had gluten and I thought they were gluten free.

[Adalaide]

It is possible to stick up for yourself and be nice at the same time. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, which I fortunately covered long before my diagnosis. Something simple like "hey mom, I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but even bread crumbs can make me very sick. We keep this part of the kitchen gluten free, but feel free to use the rest of the kitchen." Maybe some printed info that covers the points you most want to cover. Your husband really needs to be your ally in this, he may have grown up unable to confront his parents but your health is at risk.

The four of you having a frank discussion about it will give you the opportunity to educate them. They may be nice and supportive but without being armed with information that's pretty useless. It's an overwhelming amount of information and while it would be nice for them to get some on their own you can't really expect them to. I've also found a significant amount of useless and flat out harmful information online, so it's far better coming from you than having them find something stupid online. (For instance, my MIL told me she was contacting her old neighbor in CA for me about her method of beating the gluten out of bread so I could eat bread like everyone else.) I'd say direct them here, but I wouldn't want my MIL here. It's my safe haven where I can blow off steam without having to worry about stepping on someone's feelbads.

I've found that if I cook when there's company it solves the whole cc problem. Is it reasonable to cook every meal when your in-laws are visiting for an extended time? Probably not. But you can make dinners and desserts most nights and show them that you give up nothing by being gluten free. No, there won't be bread and rolls at dinner time but they won't even notice what's not there. Bisquick has a really great gluten free coconut pie recipe, pavlova (newly discovered by me thanks to these forums) is amazing and mindblowingly delicious, "fancy" fruity jello salads and things like sundaes make amazing gluten free desserts and no one will be wondering "where's the cake?"

[Lady Eowyn]

Hi again

For me, the anxiety/stress that causes the trigger to eat is directly caused by gluten. Unfortunately, with years undiagnosed for a long time it had a powerful hold on me. IMHO when I have gluten it tenses up my stomach and literally gives my body and brain stress. I then proceed to feel so ill - especially next day that I am so shaky, white and about to collapse that my brain urgently requires more sugar and gluten - off we go. Although initially I get the D this doesn't usually last long (used to) and now i get terrible C. This also seems to make me want to eat.

Well, of course, the answer is not to eat gluten - not difficult BUT avoiding cc is not so easy. I have had some problems with this lately which of course can start the whole round off again .

For me, it is important to eat small amounts frequently and to always include some protein. Large amounts of carbs don't work for me. In fact large amounts of anything. I also drink plenty water, that helps too. Sadly, have had to give up rice and potatoes but I do feel better without them. I also find planning ahead with food helps so I know what I'm doing sort of!!

As for friends and rellys, I know how you feel but you've got to tell them straight. I am sure they will support you.

[dani nero]

It's sad but true, the moment we found we're gluten intolerant, was the moment we became responsible for our own safety, that includes situations with ignorant people. I know it's depressing, but yes, we are responsible for their lack of knowledge and lack of attention because otherwise we'll live a life of being glutened. I learned this lesson when my own husband glutened me once, and almost glutened me a couple of other times. He never thinks because he's not the one going through three weeks of recovery.

I'm not saying that other people will never care, my mom is amazing, she thinks of everything and doesn't put a single spice in food without checking. She always makes dishes I am able to eat and she thinks of things even I don't think about.

What I mean is that you can't expect everyone who doesn't live with this to be able to stop themselves from being absent minded, because that's not how their minds are programmed to think when they don't deal with it every day.

When you're visiting someone or someone comes over, you NEED to wash your hands and everything that has to do with food that is going into your mouth before you put anything in your mouth. You'll save yourself a lot of misery and you'll be free from blaming others. It's stressful I know but feeling healthy, happy, and light on your feet is worth it.

I really know how you feel, I also gain a whole dress size when I get glutened, and I become a grouch-monster!

[love2travel]

You are going to have to get used to being assertive. It was a difficult lesson for me as well but after the first "no" the second "no" becomes easier and so on. It builds confidence.

Whenever we have company, they are all rounded up into the kitchen where I explain the rules. The first time was sort of nerve-wracking (in laws) but now it is second nature. Before any eating or anything goes on they need to know that I will absolutely not allow gluten brought into the house (unless it was me who bought a loaf of bread for them that is in it designated spot) and that is all there is to it. I do love to cook and always have delicious alternative snacks to nibble on. I explain double dipping, handwashing, etc. I make them aware of the gravity of the situation. Thankfully my husband is right there with me. I briefly explain what could happen if I ingest gluten in graphic detail (flattened villi and such).

It is best to always be upfront with your guests before they come. You must take ownership and responsibility. Provide great food and things will be just fine.

This has helped my growth as an adult as well. It has forced me to develop more of a backbone and stand up for myself far more than I used to. It is liberating, actually. You are responsible for your health.

[SGRhapsodos]

Thank you for your responses. I appreciate the advice more than I can say it with words. I did cook a lot while they were here but it got expensive. The breaking point came when we had to go to the food court and I had to eat sushi because there was nothing else. The rice blocked me off for a week, and that's after a week of being exposed to bread crumbs. I was trying to hint to go to a place with a salad bar, but they wanted the food court and I just couldn't find anything to eat. Then the unstable eating schedules they had screwed me up real good. Hypoglycemia episodes trigger binges. I'm still bloated but at least I'm clear headed now.... I guess I have no choice but to learn

how to be assertive. Communicating my problem to others has been the hardest thing.

[SGRhapsodos]

Hi again

For me, the anxiety/stress that causes the trigger to eat is directly caused by gluten. Unfortunately, with years undiagnosed for a long time it had a powerful hold on me. IMHO when I have gluten it tenses up my stomach and literally gives my body and brain stress. I then proceed to feel so ill - especially next day that I am so shaky, white and about to collapse that my brain urgently requires more sugar and gluten - off we go. Although initially I get the D this doesn't usually last long (used to) and now i get terrible C. This also seems to make me want to eat.

Well, of course, the answer is not to eat gluten - not difficult BUT avoiding cc is not so easy. I have had some problems with this lately which of course can start the whole round off again .

For me, it is important to eat small amounts frequently and to always include some protein. Large amounts of carbs don't work for me. In fact large amounts of anything. I also drink plenty water, that helps too. Sadly, have had to give up rice and potatoes but I do feel better without them. I also find planning ahead with food helps so I know what I'm doing sort of!!

As for friends and rellys, I know how you feel but you've got to tell them straight. I am sure they will support you.

You sound like ne in high school. This was my exact reactionto gluten. The next day I'd be all messed up and gassy and bloated, but couldn't help it to eat an entire bag of pretzels. How odd! There are emotional issues I guess that also trigger my problems with food and self image, but the gluten connection is probably the biggest issue. I wonder if the anorexia part of my ED was my body's own self mechanism to get rid of all the toxins that were damaging me.

[pricklypear1971]

Thank you for your responses. I appreciate the advice more than I can say it with words. I did cook a lot while they were here but it got expensive. The breaking point came when we had to go to the food court and I had to eat sushi because there was nothing else. The rice blocked me off for a week, and that's after a week of being exposed to bread crumbs. I was trying to hint to go to a place with a salad bar, but they wanted the food court and I just couldn't find anything to eat. Then the unstable eating schedules they had screwed me up real good. Hypoglycemia episodes trigger binges. I'm still bloated but at least I'm clear headed now.... I guess I have no choice but to learn

how to be assertive. Communicating my problem to others has been the hardest thing.

Learn to always carry a bit of food with you - Kind bar, nuts, etc. Something shelf-stable and portable. It comes in handy. It won't substitute for a meal but it will keep you from starving, and it will get the point across that you aren't eating something that isn't safe just to make someone else happy.