Trouble With My Family

[Laura.]

I need advice

Last year I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease.

I still live at home, mum does the cooking. I was fine with this for a while until recently.

We've bought a separate set of cutlery because my family isn't willing to go gluten free. But I still share the same pots, pans & colander & up until recently we were sharing tongs & spatulas, I just recently bought my own.

However, I'm still very stressed. They sometimes forget to wipe the kitchen counters & leave breadcrumbs all over the benchtop. My mum used to leave tongs sitting there right by them & we did share the same tub of butter until I insisted I should have a separate tub & block of cheese (they use theirs for sandwiches & pasta meals.)

So, I've been telling her not to do these things & she just loses her temper with me, says I'm bossing her around, & calls me paranoid/insane/crazy

She says she hates me & flat-out refuses to talk to me about it. If I try to, she ends up yelling at me. She thinks because my antibodies have gone down she's doing everything right & it's perfectly ok to this

We've been constantly fighting about this, it always goes the same way & there's never a solution

Am I being paranoid? Am I being too careful?

And how much gluten does it take to cause damage? I've heard it's only a crumb.

Thanks for the input

[Adalaide]

You aren't paranoid and yes only a crumb is enough to cause damage. Insane and crazy is the idea that a parent isn't willing to go to the ends of the earth for her child's health. I'm sorry you have to deal with it, I imagine it's especially difficult since it's your mom and not just random people.

It's never okay to share butter, peanut butter, mayo, cheese or other things where a container will be double dipped. If the colander is the wire mesh type it isn't okay to share. If the pots and pans are non-stick and are scratched they're not okay. Her telling you you're crazy and that she hates you for wanting to be healthy is not okay either.

I have to deal with a shared household myself and have two adults who wouldn't know cc if it bit them in the butt. In the end I find it far less stressful and annoying to just accept the fact that they are incapable of understanding my needs and just scour the kitchen (or at least the surfaces I need) every time I cook. I have one who is crazy, as in even his own kids think he isn't too far from the looney bin and one who just isn't terribly bright and literally doesn't have the mental capacity to understand my needs. Similarly, it sounds like your mother, and maybe the whole family, isn't emotionally capable of understanding your needs.

I'm sure the "easy" answer is just to move out, but I understand how ridiculous that can suggestion can be. Life isn't that simple and sometimes all we can do is make the best of things. Just remember you aren't crazy and it's important to insist on things that will make you healthy. We're also always here to listen to you vent if you need to.

[Bubba's Mom]

You aren't crazy or paranoid! You have to be that careful. I'm so sorry your mom just doesn't get it.

I live with a hubby who's only home on the weekends and a grown son who is mainly here after I go to bed at night. (He's a gluten eater and not the least bit careful).

My hubby tries to be aware of spreading gluten around, but sometimes he forgets or isn't careful enough. For a while I had to call him back to the kitchen after he "cleaned up" and show him what he had left behind so he'd learn. The way I approached it had to be in the right "tone" or he'd get offended.

I can never assume that the counter or stove I wiped down after cooking is clean. I never lay anything on the bare counter. I use paper towel/paper plates a lot. I have separate plates, bowls, and silverware that I hand wash after eating rather than put them in the dishwasher. I've seen plenty of dishes come from the dishwasher with "stuff" on them so I don't trust it.

I had to get my own microwave because the shared one always has crud in it.

It's extra hard when you aren't the one in control of the kitchen. The colander is dangerous to share. It's impossible to clean all gluten from it. Wooden spoons and cutting boards can hold gluten too.

I hope you can find a way to help your Mom understand how trace gluten can keep your system upset and prevent healing.

Perhaps she's finding that gluten *might* be affecting her and that's why she's so bullheaded about gluten being so dangerous? She may be in denial/scared about how it's affecting her as well?

[kareng]

Celiac info

Would she believe some experts? You can find more.

Open Original Shared Link

The gluten-free diet is a lifetime requirement. Eating any gluten, no matter how small an amount, can damage your intestine. This is true for anyone with the disease, including people who do not have noticeable symptoms. It can take weeks for antibody levels (indicating intestinal damage) to normalize after a person with celiac disease has consumed gluten

Q: Is it ok if I ingest some gluten if I do not experience any symptoms?

No. The majority of patients with celiac disease experience no symptoms when they ingest gluten, either intentionally or unintentionally. This led to the concept that patients, especially children may grow out of the disease. In addition, patients also consider that it is doing no harm to them. However the ingestion of even small amounts of gluten results in damage to the small intestine--regardless of the presence or absence of symptoms--and puts the patient at risk for resulting complications including malignancies and osteoporosis.E

N.

[Laura.]

Thanks for the replies! & Sorry for my delayed response.

I also suffer from OCD/anxiety so they figure it's just me being overly-paranoid

I doubt she's being affected by it. My mum comes from a large family (She's one of 7 siblings) & not one other person seems to suffer from it.

I'm guessing I got it from my dad's side. My parents are divorced so I don't keep in touch with him & his side of the family so I wouldn't know if any of them are having any issues with gluten.

If only my mum/ brother would go & get tested like my doctor suggested a year ago to them I'd have a much better idea of whose side of the family it came from.

How do you all cope in a gluten/gluten free house?

[notme]

been there, done that - but it was my daughter and grandsons that were driving me crazy. not that they didn't care, they simply forgot. they have finally moved out, and i miss them, but i don't miss watching my 8 yr old grandson flinging crumbs all over the place. he was very concerned for me even at his young age but sometimes he gave me 'that look' when i told him to quit glutening up the place!!

endurance is under-rated, to say the least.

[Adalaide]

Some days coping is just telling yourself over and over that they aren't maliciously trying to kill you with crumbs. Some days it's telling yourself that they aren't all stupid, they just don't know any better. Some days my attitude doesn't suck. I won't sugar coat it, it isn't easy, but it is doable.

I put stickers on everything that is mine. I don't share anything really, not even bags of shredded cheese. (Although that got solved by having to give up cheese.) As for crumbs and gluten everywhere, just accept the fact that you'll have to wipe down the kitchen every time you want to eat. You'll be far less stressed for simply accepting the fact.

I also have OCD which does not manifest as the stereotypical, funny in sitcoms "spotless house" type. Still, I know it's my OCD taking over when I wipe down counters three times, each time with a new clean cloth, you know... just to be sure I got all the gluten. While I sit here at my computer that sounds a little paranoid, but it seems completely reasonable in the kitchen. I'm just so scared of getting sick again, so I don't believe in such a thing as too careful.

[icm]

Thanks for the replies! & Sorry for my delayed response.

I also suffer from OCD/anxiety so they figure it's just me being overly-paranoid

I doubt she's being affected by it. My mum comes from a large family (She's one of 7 siblings) & not one other person seems to suffer from it.

I'm guessing I got it from my dad's side. My parents are divorced so I don't keep in touch with him & his side of the family so I wouldn't know if any of them are having any issues with gluten.

If only my mum/ brother would go & get tested like my doctor suggested a year ago to them I'd have a much better idea of whose side of the family it came from.

How do you all cope in a gluten/gluten free house?

An EnteroLab test might be in order for people like your Mum and Dad, depending on where you're located. A gluten induced autoimmune problem is something that is serious and should not be fooled with. I suggest your family reads some books on celiac disease that stress the importance for compliance by leading experts in the field.

My mum and I are both gluten-sensitive and have been for the last 11 years. I was only eight (8) years old when we went gluten free. She was in tears and sorrow for days when she started to feel as good as she had in just about all her life, knowing that she would never be able to bake using traditional flour again. Before we had food restrictions my mum thought that anyone that claimed to not be able to eat bread (and had to avoid cross contamination) was 'making it up'.

We did not know about the connections between her sister's type 1 diabetes and untreated celiac disease like we do now. Her sister had to go on insulin in the 70's and was diagnosed with celiac disease a year after both of us. She had NO SYMPTOMS at all, yet showed a clear case of gluten induced autoimmunity.

We both tested negative for celiac disease but possess the celiac gene and had malabsorption that resolved on the gluten free diet.

Type 1 diabetes, thyroid autoimmunity and osteoporosis are just some of the conditions.