Newly Diagnosed Ncgs - Can't Stop Bingeing On Gluten!

[ellelit]

I don't know if it is denial, or self-hatred or just my past issues with compulsive overeating, but since my diagnosis, I've been really struggling with bingeing on gluteny foods. A bit of my history - I'm very overweight and have severe ulcerative pan-colitis. I've been struggling with my weight/binge eating cycles for the better part of 25 years, and have had UC for about 7-10 years (only recently diagnosed 2 years ago.)

 

I know gluten is harmful to me, and I know how I feel after I eat it - very crappy, bloated, headachy, D, and stomach rumbling and general upset...but my past behaviours seems too hard, if not impossible to shake. My husband gets super angry at me and tries to explain to me that he can't understand why someone would continue to eat foods that they know make them sick (I'm also fairly certain that it exacerbates my UC, but the doctor swears it's not related to diet - ya right!) I try to explain to him my personal rationale...but even my explanations seem so ridiculous and stupid. "Because I love bread, pasta, anything wheaty and delicious."

 

Giving up gluten for me is extremely hard - and I don't know if it is just because I don't have celiac's and I'm not deathly ill when I eat it. but I want to stop! Yesterday is a good example of my thought processes. For breakfast, I promised myself on the way to work that I would not get anything wheaty. I was repeating to myself no, no, no...and then as soon as I walked into the building and smelled the fresh baked goods from the caf, I succumbed. I felt really sick almost immediately after. Then by lunchtime I was hungry again and I said to myself, ok. no gluten - you can do this! I went through the same mental routine and ended up still getting a pasta salad. then all afternoon I had D, and was so ANGRY with myself that I vowed for about the 456th time never to eat gluten again. The only thing is that anytime I'm giving up a particular food, going on another diet or anything like that, of course I have to have my "LAST SUPPER" - so I got a big giant Vietnamese sub and it was spectacular. I felt such incredible guilt, and shame and sickness that I was destroyed by the time I got home.

 

I know I have issues, and I acknowledge that. I've been through OA, therapy, hypnosis and any diet you can think of to stop my bingeing habits. but nothing seemed to work. Before it was just annoying because I would just keep getting fatter, but now it is seriously putting my life at risk and I don't know what to do. I've gone gluten free before for short periods of time, but am only able to stick to it for a few weeks until I break down and have a major binge again.

 

If anyone has any tips for how to get through the transition and any sort of advice for how to stay gluten-free for life, please help. I'm so lost and frustrated and scared. Thank you!

[BlessedMommy]

Remember you don't have to give up pasta salad, pizza, or anything like that, you just have to eat gluten free pasta salad, gluten free pizza, etc.

 

Have you found gluten free versions of your favorite foods yet?

[kareng]

You need to bring your food with you.  By saying that you will not eat all day and then seeing and smelling the food, you are setting yourself up to fail.

 

You will have to decide you want to take care of yourself.  Maybe some counseling would help you figure out why you want to hurt yourself?

[mamaw]

Your head is playing a mind game & it's winning... Have you tried bio-feedback? also gluten can be addicting same as a drug... also I would check out doing a complete vitamin & mineral work-up to see if you lacking a nutrient or very low in nutrients ......

And Yes I agree to buying yourself some gluten-free comfort food & carrying it with you... you should never be without gluten-free foods in your purse, car, work , play so once your body/mind knows it will get something to eat maybe your cheating also will become less... I'm not an advocate of gluten-free junk food every hour but if that is what it takes to trick your mind game then go for it & slowly that desire will become less....

[nvsmom]

I too think you need to plan ahead.  Have those gluten-free substitutes with you at all times so there is no way to rationalize cheating.  Go everywhere with food and don't go anywhere hungry.

[julissa]

I am sorry you're having this problem. I never leave the house hungry, and always have food with me, you just never know.

 

I think you have to ask yourself what you really want. do you want to continue on this path and feel sick all the time? do you want to treat yourself well and be healthy?

 

I know how sick I get with my problem foods, and it would NEVER be worth it to me to eat them for any reason. 

good luck! 

[Galixie]

The others have offered really good advice. I recently, finally, managed to go dairy free (I know it's not quite the same, but the struggle is surprisingly similar). It was my second attempt at going dairy free because the first attempted failed spectacularly. I had binged on dairy before giving it up and that made staying away from it much harder. I was craving cheese like it was a drug. So I gave in and went back to eating dairy.

 

The second time I tried to go dairy free was much more successful for, I believe, a couple of reasons:

1. I tapered down before going completely dairy free. I had things in my pantry that I wanted to use up and I didn't want to feel rushed to get through the last of them, so I just slowly went through my supply until it was gone and didn't buy any more.

2. I focused on what I could eat rather than reminding myself of what I couldn't. That way I spent more time being happy about new discoveries of things I could have, rather than disappointed about things I was giving up. (And tapering down also gave me more time to discover alternative products to be happy about.)

 

The other reason it was so much more successful for me the second time is that my gut problems had worsened and it had become really evident that dairy had to go, so I was pretty determined to make it work this time. I also noticed a nice boost in my energy level in the first week I gave up dairy. That boost in energy level made me reluctant to cheat because I didn't want to give that new found energy up.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that it's a combination of factors that go into the success you are looking for. You know you'll feel better without gluten, so you'll be doing your body a favor to stay on track. There are gluten free alternatives to many things, so, with planning, you can keep yourself fed and healthy and not have to feel like you're really giving up anything. If you can get your mind around the idea that you are simply changing your tastes to some new products rather than thinking of depriving yourself, it will go a long way.

 

My biggest recommendation is to taper down slowly though. Binging on it as a 'Last Time' sort of thing is just going to cause problems because it triggers an addiction-like reaction through gluteomorphins.

 

I hope you succeed and feel much better.

[nikkijayne28]

I don't think getting angry with yourself helps - I've been there when trying to eat healthily and the angrier I got with myself, the worse I found it was to fight it. When you screw up, don't beat yourself up about it. Also, don't write the rest of the day off.

 

Once you have done one day gluten free, remind yourself the next day that you're already one day into it and if you ate something with gluten today, you'd undo all of yesterday's hard work. This works for me. The first three days are the hardest, then it gets easier. I promise!