Dealing With Family

[Nancym]

Just curious, I'm starting to get the looks and awkward silences from my family (Mom, siblings, etc) regarding my gluten intolerance. I'm suspecting they think I'm making it all up and being a hypocondriac and carrying my gluten-free diet too far when I go out to eat and inquire as to the ingredients in things.

Anyone ever find something good they could share with family to explain it to them in terms they might understand?

[par18]

Just curious, I'm starting to get the looks and awkward silences from my family (Mom, siblings, etc) regarding my gluten intolerance. I'm suspecting they think I'm making it all up and being a hypocondriac and carrying my gluten-free diet too far when I go out to eat and inquire as to the ingredients in things.

Anyone ever find something good they could share with family to explain it to them in terms they might understand?

My wife insisted I get an appointment to see a family friend who was a Psychiatrist. This was before I was diagnosed! As it turned out I saw him anyway after the diagnosis. It helped just to talk as I was not sure how I would respond to the diet. As it turned out I recovered quickly. As far as family members are concerned I made up my mind I was going to succeed whether they liked it or not. My goal is to feel better and do more things than any of my family members. Fortunately they don't treat me any differently but I'm sure in the back of their mind they consider to possibility that they could join the ranks one of these days. I hope they don't. If they do they will need my help. Keep asking those questions as you are not alone. Good luck.

Tom

[Ursa Major]

Fortunately, I don't have that problem. My family has seen me being ill for so long, they're all relieved that the cause has finally been found, and they can see an improvement.

I hope your family will come around to being more understanding. Maybe if you give them some information to read? Why not start with the little Celiac brochure on this site, it's small and informative. Open Original Shared Link

I really liked it, I took it to my doctor's the other day, when I asked her to order testing for my youngest daughter, Susie (14), and she copied what to test for from the brochure. Because she doesn't have a clue about Celiac disease.

[Nantzie]

Hi Nancy! I'm Nancy too!

And I've got the same problem with one section of my family. Unfortunately, that includes my husband to some extent, although I am seeing some progress with him. They react to the whole thing like I told them that I think aliens are reading my mind or something. It drives me nuts because if I had diabetes or heart disease and had to watch what I ate, they wouldn't even blink.

I'm planning on becoming more healthy, more active and happier than all of them put together. Even if I have to FAKE IT.

You'd think that your own family would just want you to be healthy and happy.

Nancy

[key]

I have had the same problems. My family can't see how I survived 31 years without knowing I had it. Well I am not actually sure when it started. I am thinking high school, but I have been to doctors on and off with different stuff for years. Anemia, etc. THen all the sudden I got sicker. IBS, etc. Well, my husband of 8 years has been the most supportive. He is the one who saw my bloated belly, smelled the horrible scents, HA, and so on and so forth. He is 100% supportive, but even my mom will question me sometimes. IT is really crazy.

Today though I was meeting with some friends and they hadn't known that I had this or my son had celiac disease. I talked to her and told her we could go out to lunch at this one restaurant that was safe. Well, she said that was fine. THen she ended up having us over and cooked a whole meal that was gluten-free. She was sure to read all the ingredients, leave out the packages so I could check. She made a really good Mexican casserole. It was SO nice of her. I have felt so alone and that no one understands. It makes me feel so much better to be supported. Too bad not everyone was that way. I always feel like a burden to people and avoid eating at their houses, but this was a great experience.

Just thought I would share and I hope it gets better for you. I agree though, you just have to do what you have to do and try not to let it get you down.

Monica

[Noelle126]

People around me think I've gone crazy but I think it is just beause the world is used to people knowing what they are allergic to...and they can't understand how you didn't know before. My friends (whom I see more often as family is far away from me) think I have gone crazy and I think to an extent they just don't know how to take it...as if I'm just on a health kick lately instead of an entire lifestyle change. I think they just want me to "snap out of it"

I hope that over time it will be normal for everyone *including myself!*

I've been told it just takes time...so I think you just have to be patient as everyone learns about the "new you"

[qwertyui]

Hello! This is my first post!

I have been gluten free for about 6 years. I have never been tested, but when I eat gluten, and it had been a while, I really am not well. I have not suffered from weight loss however! I found that once I let my family know that I cannot have gluten, everyone from my immediate family to my recent inlaws, my new husband, and all of my friends have been very supportive. I just always ask questions when we socialize. I have good friends that have accommodated my aversion to gluten with a cupboard in their kitchen with wheat free soy sauce (she is japanese, and makes alot of japanese dishes), rice noodles, and the such. She even bakes gluten free treats for me!

My mother researches desserts for family dinners etc., but I don't request these things. I am quite capable to bring what I require, or abstain. I feel that eating this way isn't the end of the world. We can eat just about everything everyone else does, it just costs more if we want to replace the "treats". Whole foods, and living a basic low carb way of life works for me.

I feel that some people just refuse to understand. And those people, when they invite me over, have dinner left untouched, and I go out and pick something up. How hard is it to have grilled meat, salad, potato or rice, and a vegetable. All legal, healthy and less work then a lot of glutened food anyway! I have studied this lifestyle and have numerous cookbooks, have all of the flours etc., and I make it work.

[Rachel--24]

Fortunately, I don't have that problem. My family has seen me being ill for so long, they're all relieved that the cause has finally been found, and they can see an improvement.

That is my experience as well. However, I think if I hadnt gotten as sick as I did and had the obvious weightloss....it would be a different story. In the beginning when my symptoms first started noone really believed me...they couldnt understand why I was missing so much work when I "looked" fine to them. By the time I started the diet I had been so sick and didnt look healthy anymore so everyone was just relieved to see improvement and now they are VERY supportive of the diet. My mom reads all the posts on here so I really don't have to explain every little thing to her....she just knows.

The whole thing wasnt easy for me and it was especially difficult in the beginning when I didnt have the support that I have now. I remember how it made me feel so I really sympathize with those of you are dealing with unsupportive family members. I hope they all come around some day and can appreciate what we have to go through to feel healthy.

[tarnalberry]

I'm sorry you're having that problem. It can be tough, when people think they should know about it if there's something wrong, and if they don't know about it, it doesn't exist. Be strong, and mostly be CONFIDENT in your diet. Just take is a matter of fact for you, period. No uncertainty, no wishwashyness, no explanations needed. It's part of who you are that that's all there is to it. (Not b%$@#y, of couse, just confident.)

Staying gluten-free is doing what's right for you!

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

People around me think I've gone crazy but I think it is just beause the world is used to people knowing what they are allergic to...

Sure people normally know what they're allergic to. And that's where the point lies. I think it shouldn't surprise us, that some of us didn't know it before, because celiac disease is not an allergy. It can hide under other symptoms. A lot of people don't even know they have it, so how should we know, what we can't have???

[Rachel--24]

Sure people normally know what they're allergic to. And that's where the point lies. I think it shouldn't surprise us, that some of us didn't know it before, because celiac disease is not an allergy.

Good point!

I notice people don't seem to understand food causing autoimmune disease. They only understand allergy and generally with a food allergy people dont have to scrutinize every little thing that goes into their mouth and read labels or talk to the waiter for 10 minutes about every ingredient in their meal. It probably seems a little "overboard" to someone who knows nothing about Celiac. On top of that if they've never *seen* you extremely ill they are less likely to understand you have an autoimmune response to gluten which is in....well....just about EVERYTHING.

[bluelotus]

Many of us have experienced those odd looks from our families and refusal by them to accept our status -in part, I believe, b/c it might mean that they might have something wrong with them and they couldn't face our "odd lifestyle". This outlook on our lifestyle has inspired me to want to make my entire family holiday cookies this year as their only experience with gluten-free food was my early attempts at trying to figure out what I could eat, and the selection (as well as taste) was awful. Now that I have a better handle on things, I really want to be able to cook for everyone (cookies as well as entire meals) and show that this lifestyle is not restrictive by any means (though it means less packaged foods, and b/c of my personal preference, not eating at restaurants). All of my family lives out of state, but I wish there was a way I could knock their socks off with my cooking and maybe, by doing so, putting in a good word for our "odd" lifestyle

You're not alone by any means. While I am in a good mood today about my family's akward acceptance, other days they make me want to scream and tear my hair out. All about mood and perspective I guess. Hang in there for the better days.

[princessfuzzball]

You are not alone in any regard. It just so happened that my family might have been supportive of my problem, but were unable to prevent contamination and refused to change thier ways. I wound up having to move out because of this, and now, I never get sick or accidentally glutened! Your "paranoia" is all in your best interest, and right now it's just what you need, you want to recover as soon as possible, and not get sick, it's no fun. Just remeber it could be worse, you could get sick just from watching them breathe.

[Nancym]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm a tough cookie and will end up doing exactly as I want regardless of anyones approval. I'm not one of the super obviously sick people, my illnesses tended to be autoimmune and, of course, almost constant IBS. Never lost weight, never got really run down or anything. I'm not sure what will happen when I accidently get gluten if my symptoms will be horrible or just like of old. But I'm probably not going to get visually sick while I'm eating dinner and people don't understand why you won't put up with a bit of cramping stomach for the occassional night out. Its when you start trying to explain the links to autoimmune diseases and cancer... it gets messy and they seem to start disbelieving.

I suppose its all tied up in this belief that wheat is such a good food, staff of life and all that nonsense we've been brain washed to believe from a very young age. If someone had said it like it really is... wheat is "cheap" food maybe some of that brain washing could be undone.

I'm probably partly to blame for my family issue too. I'm newly converted so I probably blather on about it more than I should. I'm as bad as a new former-smoker preaching my newly reformed ways. Its hard though! Today I made the observation to my Mom that I don't have those thick cords of mucus sliding down the back of my throat I used to always have and I am believing it is because of my wheat-free diet. I really should shut-up about it.

[num1habsfan]

My family is about the least supportive people you could ever find. 99% of the time they dont even stop to think about cooking a gluten-free meal that we ALL can eat as a family (I always cook my own), they dont worry about contamination (because they dont believe in it), and I'm always getting yelled at for having some of my gluten-free cereals or other food in the kitchen ...

So if any of you have a better family than that, please enjoy them.

~lisa~

[StrongerToday]

I have always felt loved and supported by my parents. I've often felt that I could walk in the front door and say "I'm really purple and am moving to Mars" and they'd say "how can we help?". So imagine my surprise at Thanksgiving... my mother had gone to great effort to make me stuffing, pie and other goodies (all yummy) and as she was slaving over the gluten-free gravy she dipped her regular (wheat) bread into the gravy! At first I didn't say anything, then she went to do it again - at which point I shouted "whoa". We sat down at the table and my dad handed me the gravy saying "I hope you enjoy it' and I said I wasn't sure I would now... and he had the nerve to look at me and say "don't tell me you're goint to act like *that* now are you?". Ironic coming from a man with thyroid disease, type II diabities and had one of his kidneys removed two years ago due to cancer. I just looked at him and said "now I know you wouldn't want me to be sick over this?" which did quiet him up, but I'm afriad not for long. I was shocked and really upset, but I know that it's my body - I'm the one in control.

Usually, anyway...

[pokerprincess]

Just curious, I'm starting to get the looks and awkward silences from my family (Mom, siblings, etc) regarding my gluten intolerance. I'm suspecting they think I'm making it all up and being a hypocondriac and carrying my gluten-free diet too far when I go out to eat and inquire as to the ingredients in things.

Anyone ever find something good they could share with family to explain it to them in terms they might understand?

I have family members who have celiac and don't understand! It seems like it would be obvious to them being that I am sick less often than they are because I am adament (responsible) about my diet. I could care less. I only surround myself with supportive and understanding people. This is my life and I will drive it the way I want.

p.p

[nogluten-]

Family should come around eventually. My mom took forever to be supportive, but tonight she was over and made spaghetti sauce for us. Hang in there!