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Rachel--24

Omg...i Might Be On To Something

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Thanks Andrea, reading it over it doesn't seem like such a big deal and I wonder why it upsets me at all. It is easy enough to ignore but I am not very good at ignoring things. <_< Maybe I should work on that, maybe I could work on letting things go which are really not so important to me.

On the other hand, I thought I would do this with my mother-in-law and I am now even more horrified at her behavior and the damage she does. :(:(:(

I haven't spoken to her in a couple of months, since she came for lunch (she lives in another city) and told my sweetie that she didn't believe I was ill, that I read too much. :ph34r::angry::angry::angry::o:ph34r::lol: The fact that I haven't called her, something I used to do regularly as a "good daughter-in-law" was noticed by her and I received phone calls from my sweetie's big sister, whom I adore, basically making a plea on her behalf.

She is 90 years old. I have been feeling it is very small of me on my part to hang onto my anger with her. It's not that this is news to me it is just the first time that she has ever had the opportunity to "GET" me before. :lol: She is a monster, I could tell stories of the outrageous things she's done, seriously. :(

I called her, she knew I was angry with her, my sister-in-law let her know about it, (and why would I think that my sister-in-law wouldn't go straight to her mom? :o) She defended herself by attacking my sweetie and saying that he was saying mean things about my just lying around all day, there are NO emoticons that can describe how I feel about that. (For the first time I truly get why my sweetie NEVER wants to see his mom and why when he is around her he speaks in a monotonous tone.) I told her to stop but she kept going long enough for me to feel how poisonous she is.

Writing this all down and thinking about it I realize how she hurt my love and it makes me very sad. I'm also feeling that to release negative patterns you have to really know the reality of the situation. This experience has given me an opportunity to do that. I am grateful for that.

As to whether I will talk to her much in the future, probably not so much, on the other hand when I do talk to her I will make every effort to be kind to a woman so isolated, so lost, that she will betray her own children so that she does not have to take responsibility for her actions.

I also feel this beyond enormous gratitude for my grandmother's who loved me well and never even once betyayed me.

I'll stop now.

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His name is Bruce Hoffman, he can be found at The Hoffman Centre for Integrative Medicine

Okay, it's a different Hoffman...although, after I posted I searched again and read some of this other guy's website and did find Lyme mentioned, but still didn't think it was the same person--his name was Ronald I think.

I think that only seeing things far away is just what happens over 40 :blink: I have that, too, but it's not what I was talking about.

:P A girl can hope can't she, lol.

haven't had nuggets since halloween......hey, that's a week!

Quite impressive!!!!! Yay! :P

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rinne- Just read your post about your MIL and just wanted to send you a HUG. Toxic people make being in a toxic body harder. I'm sorry. :( HUG HUG HUG HUG

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Fiddle Faddle, you bring up a good point.

I don't use anything around my eyes, no creams and no mascara.

Okay eye issue list: Rachel, Carla, Donna and ....? Do you use cream around your eyes that could be causing this?

Nope...never use creams around my eyes, and a step further, I don't even put cream on my hands anymore because I rub my eyes so much. When I get that goopy feeling it DOES feel like there's film of some kind or goop in there, then my eyes will water and water like crazy to get the "film" or "goop" out. I can't remember if I've ever looked in the mirror when this happens though, but I've always thought there wasn't really anything there...I'll have to look next time. It kind of hurts a little bit in the sense that I almost can't keep my eyes open...it feels like I should keep them shut so that the eyes will water and flush out whatever it is. If I used the eyedrops the doctor suggested, it seems to lessen the frequency of it happening.

I've heard that a lot of people also have itchy ears, like from the inside of the ear. I don't have that, anyone?

YES!!!!!! OMGosh!!!! I also get a lot of floaters in my eyes.

Thanks Beverly, you summed it up well, hugs received gratefully. :)

You've got mine too then!!! Hugs!! And, re the email...it may just be that this lady really believes she's been helped by something...kind of like us, lol...still I'm always leary about people calling me with stuff like this. At least she's asking permission, but granting permission just might open the door. I had someone call the other day that I haven't spoken to in years...then all of a sudden they call...chit chatted for a while, then it turned out he wanted me to do something for him...sit in on a sales pitch thing. I just said no. :P

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Okay eye issue list: Rachel, Carla, Donna and ....? Do you use cream around your eyes that could be causing this?

I use coconut oil on a Q-tip to remove mascara from under my eyes. Sometimes I know it's from the coconut oil, but it's not always.

I've heard that a lot of people also have itchy ears, like from the inside of the ear. I don't have that, anyone?

Sometimes, but nothing bad. I never considered it "not normal." I get weird noises once in a while, too, like crackling. I also sometimes sound like I'm breathing out of my ear. I don't know if this stuff is normal or not ... I've always thought it was. :blink:

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Rinne, I'd just ignore the sales pitch. I'm sure she meant nothing by it ... she probably is really sold on the products, and that's probably why she's selling them. She probably is all excited about them curing everything. I'd just ignore it until you receive a second email ... then thank her for her interest in helping you and tell her you already have supplements your doc recommended.

With your MIL, I would just be polite and shallow. Seeing that she's so old, you don't want to do anything you would feel guilty for later. That's how I guage my behavior with my mom ....

I have one floater in one eye. I actually could draw a picture of it ... its been there for years.

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I shed a tear when I dropped the little bat-dog at the SPCA. *sniff* If I had a bigger yard.....but he was a bit savage, kind of feral, had never been in a house or car but let me pick him up and also wanted to cuddle....oh he WAS a cutie. Appeared to have not been around humans much at all.....and he was....quite, um, quite attracted to me. :lol::lol::lol:

Feral? You, and rinne, use such big words for my little brain. I must go look feral up...and chicanery :lol::lol::lol:

rinne, I am in agreement to just ignore the sales pitch. Sorry about your MIL too. Some people just get overly involved and have the need to control everything and everybody, possibly without even realizing they are hurting others in the process (or if they do realize, don't care), if that is the case here. I like what Carla suggested, to be polite but disconnected. It's true that she is very old and you don't want to have any regrets.

You also made a good point about releasing negative patterns and really seeing things for what they are in order to do so. I don't know about anyone else but being ill has opened my eyes in that way and has allowed me that opportunity, and of course it's still a work in progress, but I am not so sure if I would have been so "aware" if I wouldn't have gotten sick.

Total change of subject, but I have very itchy ears. Sometimes I feel like I have something crawling around in there :ph34r: Which given my health and issues with an abundance of various pathogens, bugs, and beasties, I am sure that there is :lol:

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Forgot to say hi to Chelse, good to see you :)

Oh, and should we send the dingoes out for Mango? Shouldn't she be back from camping by now? I hope the wild dingoes, and other wild things, left her alone :lol:

Thinking about Evie too :)

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Thank you all for the support. It helps to know that others understand.

I just received another email regarding the vitamins:

One other thing that I'd like to pass along is a Health Care Facility in

Baja called Sanoviv. The link I provide below gives information about the

facility, and specific about their treatment of Lyme Disease. If you are

serious about getting better, you should seriously give this place a look.

They are connected to the company Usana in that the founder of this facility

is the founder of Usana as well. It is a truly unbelieveable place.

I bolded the "serious about getting better" part because I find it truly hilarious, I was thinking of responding, "no, I'm not serious, I am a lunatic about getting better". :lol::lol: I know people are often so convinced of the merit of something they are blind to what they are doing, I could be that way about salt/c :ph34r: but give me a break. I told them in the email that we had spent $4,000.00 to get this diagnosis, would I do that for pure entertainment? :lol: Mind you Hoffman was worth it. :lol:

Julie this all goes to my "Rocks and Pillows" philosophy which is, here I stand and with each breath what do I choose? I could get upset about this but to what end? Or. I can send her an email saying, no thanks and with perhaps just a few other comments that don't require a lot of energy on my part and may make her think twice. :ph34r::lol:

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Rinne,

Uggghhh about you MIL. Do as minimal as you need to maintain civility but try to avoid the situation as much as possible. You can't totally ignore her but you can minimize contact. Be sweet, polite and very vague. If she starts belittling someone you could always tell her she's entitled to her opinion but you don't want to listen to her put down said person. My mom is very critical. I had to tell her years ago that she is entitled to her opinion but it doesn't mean I'll follow it. Different situation but still the same as far as opinions. Some people seem to thrive on putting people down. :(

How long was Meredith's camping trip? Isn't she supposed to be home around christmas time?

I just received another email regarding the vitamins:

I bolded the "serious about getting better" part because I find it truly hilarious, I was thinking of responding, "no, I'm not serious, I am a lunatic about getting better". :lol::lol: I know people are often so convinced of the merit of something they are blind to what they are doing, I could be that way about salt/c :ph34r: but give me a break. I told them in the email that we had spent $4,000.00 to get this diagnosis, would I do that for pure entertainment? :lol: Mind you Hoffman was worth it. :lol:

Julie this all goes to my "Rocks and Pillows" philosophy which is, here I stand and with each breath what do I choose? I could get upset about this but to what end? Or. I can send her an email saying, no thanks and with perhaps just a few other comments that don't require a lot of energy on my part and may make her think twice. :ph34r::lol:

Boy, she's quick. Again, you can politely decline or continue ignoring her. She may be one of those that will keep writing if she doesn't hear from you. :ph34r:

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Rinne, she won't let up .... I'd just drop her a note saying that although you are serious about getting better, you are going another route right now. Thank you for the information, she'll be the first to know if you're interested.

Keep it short with nothing for her to argue against. Then if she writes back -- No, thank you. I am not interested.

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If you are serious about getting better, you should seriously give this place a look.....

:lol::lol::lol:

Thanks for the laugh of the day rinne! Yeah, none of us around here are serious about getting better.

Some people don't understand. She probably means well, just happens to believe in the product she is selling and the people behind it :lol: Since she sent you another e-mail so quickly I would venture to guess she will continue with this pattern. So it probably is a good idea you respond now before it does get out of hand. I like everybody else's suggestions, send a reply short and sweet and to the point. And then don't give her anymore of your energy.

You need all your energy for seriously getting well :lol: and for fighing the beasties.

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Wow--HUGS. CALMNESS, and STRENGTH (the strength to be calm?) about the MIL situation.

The unwanted sales pitch--oh, that is SO annoying. I got the same thing from a colleague after my shoulder injury. He called under the pretext of asking how I am, expressing concern, blah blah blah, and then wanted me to buy several hundred dollars of his wife's Nikken magnetic stuff. I went as far as asking her if she could show me research on why it works--but the "research" she showed me was basically a sales pitch, no scientificness whatsoever.

They were very offended that I didn't buy anything (like magnets would really heal a tendon torn off the bone), even though they knew that I had used up my sick leave and was off work without pay. They never once offered to LEND me something to see if it actually worked, either.

I am less patient than I used to be--I would probably call or email the unwanted salesperson and politely but firmly say that I am NOT interested--no discussion.

Good luck!

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rinne - heinous. good advice on MIL.....and that pesky vitamin seller.....she should be gently punished somehow.....in a satisfying and clever way.

What a terrible day......somehow there was gluten yesterday, maybe the seasoned pistachios, have eaten them before but it's been weeks......took a STEEP mental plummet startign last night, today I sobbed for one hour, on my knees in prayer, and had the most terrible thoughts. :( And then, sure enough, results of a TERRIBLE glutening an hour later.....am supposed to leave for work in an hour and a half and havne't showered yet, because the "siege" isn't over. I don't know what to do....I just started this job. I could call and tell her there'll be a delay...my boss is very nice....

anywho I have been, at my cousin's urging, keeping a food log on the days anything new is introduced.....something VERY bad was consumed yesterdya, all foods have been eaten before but I have not been keeping a log until now. Am still deeply puzzled at delayed gluten reaction from the two-day gluten binge.....

I don't have the strength to send the dingos after Meredith today.....and I need them here. :(

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rinne - heinous. good advice on MIL.....and that pesky vitamin seller.....she should be gently punished somehow.....in a satisfying and clever way.

What a terrible day......somehow there was gluten yesterday, maybe the seasoned pistachios, have eaten them before but it's been weeks......took a STEEP mental plummet startign last night, today I sobbed for one hour, on my knees in prayer, and had the most terrible thoughts. :( And then, sure enough, results of a TERRIBLE glutening an hour later.....am supposed to leave for work in an hour and a half and havne't showered yet, because the "siege" isn't over. I don't know what to do....I just started this job. I could call and tell her there'll be a delay...my boss is very nice....

anywho I have been, at my cousin's urging, keeping a food log on the days anything new is introduced.....something VERY bad was consumed yesterdya, all foods have been eaten before but I have not been keeping a log until now. Am still deeply puzzled at delayed gluten reaction from the two-day gluten binge.....

I don't have the strength to send the dingos after Meredith today.....and I need them here. :(

Susie Q, I am so sorry today is not a good day. You will definitely be in my thoughts for strength, support, and quick healing :)

That is a mystery. My only thoughts are even if it is something you have eaten and the past and did fine with, companies (I hear) are constantly changing ingredients and sources of ingredients and etc, without warning, and of course the issue of cc. Who knows?

Please hang in there and I hope you get to feeling better soon.

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Sorry you're feeling bad, Susan. Do you have any problems with mold? I can't eat pistachios because of the mold ... I love them, but whenever I eat them, they make me fatigued.

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:lol::lol::lol:

Thanks for the laugh of the day rinne! Yeah, none of us around here are serious about getting better.

:lol::lol::lol:

ROFLMAO

OMG....I had a calm and rational thought about how I would respond to the email...

My thoughts were "dingo'd" as soon as I read the second email!

Rinne....do you seriously want to get better???....cuz if you're *not* just forget about this cure she's offering you...its only for people who are serious about their health. :blink:

ROFLMAO :lol:

A few weeks ago some customer was eavesdropping on my conversation with a co-worker. It was before the Lyme diagnosis so I obviously didnt know for sure what was going on with me. This lady totally interrupts and then gets into a whole discussion with my friend about healthcare. I just walked away and went back to my yogurt section.

Then she came up and said "Do you mind if I ask what is wrong with you?" I tell her I dont know but I cant eat anything and I have chemical sensitivities and I'm just all messed up...I told her I cant eat ANYTHING...only a handful of foods that are organic and I'm still trying to figure it all out. I tell her theres alot going on with me and I've had some really lame Dr.'s....blah blah blah.

So she whips this card out of her back pocket and tells me if I drink this grape wine stuff I'll get better!! :blink:

I told her..."NO...I seriously cant eat or drink anything. I tell her grape juice or wine will mess me up because I'm sensitive to that stuff and the sulfites alone would kill me.

She says "Are you sure you cant drink this?? It will help you...just try it and you'll see....its literally saved so many people."

OMG....I almost lost it.....could have eaily PUNCHED her right then and there.

She continued trying to sell me on the grape drink...made me take the stupid card. :angry:

It INFURIATED me to have someone asking me if I was *sure* I couldnt drink the stuff.....after all that I've been through testing out a million different diets the past year. Yeah....I'm quite certain that I cant drink the freakin miracle cure grape juice....and what a damn shame cuz if I *could*....I should probably be all better by now right?? :rolleyes:

Rinne....I totally know how you feel when someone is trying to sell you some product...like they're trying to take advantage of the fact that you're sick. She could just mean well....but when people seem to be aggressive about trying to get you to buy the product it makes me believe they have something to gain from it. Like why the heck was this lady walking around the grocry store carrying these cards for miracle grape juice in her freakin back pocket??? Give me a break. <_<

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Bah humbug on salespeople hawking their wares! :angry:

Susan - do hope you feel better very quickly.

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Yeah....I'm quite certain that I cant drink the freakin miracle cure grape juice....and what a damn shame cuz if I *could*....I should probably be all better by now right?? :rolleyes:

:lol::lol:

Boy you and Rinne have been having fun lately haven't you.

Susan,

Hope, hope, hope you feel better very quick. :)

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thanks everybody, so much. I am SO pitiful today....my thoughts started turning really sad and dark last night before bed, had great trouble getting to sleep, but then had the most vivid, colorful dreams....beautiful jewelry that I made and sold to a wealthy, titled S. African woman (who lives in my town and is NOT S. African but is quite wealthy), Africa (wiht tropical flowers and sterling native bracelets that told a story of one's life, and also a woman who had her entire pregnancy OUTSIDE of her body :huh: )......speaking French to Matt Lauer :huh: (I hardly speak French in dreams any more so that was pretty fun), who just gave me a funny look.....and an Armenian priest praying for me and givign me his blessing, while he wept (that can't be a good sign :ph34r: ).....a speedboat trip across an Alpine lake before doing Trail Work in the Sierra...... :blink: Clearly my dreams are more exciting than my real life.

so, this morning, felt like death.....and had terrible, self-destructive thoughts, you don't even want to know the extent. :( And then, the crying.....it is amazing and heartbreaking what gluten does to me. A lifetime of terrible mental ills. today I just have to stop the thoughts......

I called my boss, she is SO nice, and she said to stay home and take care of myself. I hung up and sobbed again..... :( Oh, and guess what else, I emailed her photos of the little bat-dog, their dog was killed on Sat. ngiht, so her husband went to the SPCA to find the little guy, and he was gone. :) He was microchipped, makes me think he is with his famiy again, I hope they are nice to him.

Okay I don't know what to do w/ myself today. sorry for all the whining....only you guys can understand. nothing feels right today, so I am moping in my fleecy sweats. Bloody hell. Wish you guys were here, and we could laugh and cry together, I would be the pitiful one today, but you all would understand and allow me to curl up in fetal position and cry, while you chatted amongst yourselves, and you would occasionally try to make me laugh and feed me gluten-free treats.

One can dream....... :)

and GUESS what else. :angry::angry::angry: the cutie from Sat. night has never called me. I find this one of the most perplexing Laws of the Universe, the guy who is SO smitten, talks about everything you're going to do together....."we are SO going fly-fishing" "I can't wait to go hiking with you and your dogs" "where can you eat safely? I'd LOVE to take you to dinner" "WHAT?? you want a cabin more than anything? OMG, please say that again....I can't believe it..." "you are SO beautifuyl, you could get ANY guy you wanted in here" (I let him think that - SO not true as we all know that there would be a fair share in there who would want a bleached blonde with double D's)....."I never have conversations like this with women my age or younger!" PSHAW on him! No, Rinne, I would NEVER call him. Besides, don't have last name or number. and he is NOT worthy. :angry: Unless he's in a coma there is no excuse.

so wha'ts WITH all this crap? All of that and then they never call? HARUMPH. :angry: I am NEVER talking to a male again and NEVER going back to that pub. :angry:

sorry for the big rant and snivel....going to mope and cry now and curl up in fetal.

love you guys..... :wub:

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Okay I don't know what to do w/ myself today. sorry for all the whining....only you guys can understand. nothing feels right today, so I am moping in my fleecy sweats. Bloody hell. Wish you guys were here, and we could laugh and cry together, I would be the pitiful one today, but you all would understand and allow me to curl up in fetal position and cry, while you chatted amongst yourselves, and you would occasionally try to make me laugh and feed me gluten-free treats.

One can dream....... :)

I can cry along...I am a very sympathetic cryer--I sympathy cry, lol. I cry at commercials sometimes.

and GUESS what else. :angry::angry::angry: the cutie from Sat. night has never called me. I find this one of the most perplexing Laws of the Universe, the guy who is SO smitten, talks about everything you're going to do together....."we are SO going fly-fishing" "I can't wait to go hiking with you and your dogs" "where can you eat safely? I'd LOVE to take you to dinner" "WHAT?? you want a cabin more than anything? OMG, please say that again....I can't believe it..." "you are SO beautifuyl, you could get ANY guy you wanted in here" (I let him think that - SO not true)....."I never have conversations like this with women my age or younger!" PSHAW on him! No, Rinne, I would NEVER call him. Besides, don't have last name or number. and he is NOT worthy. :angry: Unless he's in a coma there is no excuse.

so wha'ts WITH all this crap? All of that and then they never call? HARUMPH. :angry: I am NEVER talking to a male again and NEVER going back to that pub.

Bah humbug on deadbeat flirtatious guys who are obviously not very smart!

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I can cry along...I am a very sympathetic cryer--I sympathy cry, lol. I cry at commercials sometimes.

Bah humbug on deadbeat flirtatious guys who are obviously not very smart!

Donna,

BAH, PSHAW and HARUMPH indeed on these miscreants! :angry:

thanks for the sympathy cry. it would be FUN to cry together! :blink:

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Hugs Susan.

I'd come cry with you if I could....take care of you....at least you'd appreciate it.

Just got off the phone with my mom and will be starting another thread about how to deal with this as well as posting on D/S.

My mom got an email back from a friend in Arizona who is my dad's wife's brother. Anyway, Dad is in very bad shape. His tumors spread from his prostate clear along to his kidney. The prostate treatment failed. There is absolutely nothing they can do for him. It's just a matter of managing the pain until he succumbs to this. My mom tried to warn me what it would be like to see him. Her dad died of cancer (she's not sure what kind but the kidneys were affected she thinks). Dad has lost a lot of weight, sleeps most of the time, hardly any energy etc. She doesn't think I should take the kids down but I told her he wanted to see them. Their visits will obviously be very short with him. Now I need to get some info about parks etc Mitch can take the kids to. My question is how to prepare the kids for this. I don't even know what I'm going to have to adjust to, let alone preparing them. Now I'm just hoping he'll make it til Thanksgiving. I assume he will. His mother, when she was dieing tried to hold out for her oldest son....didn't make it. He came in the day after she passed on.

I've told the kids he's dying but need to figure out how to prepare them for the visit.

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Andrea.....we can cry together. :( Your poor dad....I so hope he holds on, but, it's not in our timing....I just hope you and the kids get to see him and he you, and that in the meantime his pain can be managed. Hugs.......

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