Just Need To Vent And Complain A Little About Inconsiderate, Intolerant And ......

[sparkles]

OK, so I am the wicked stepmother from H.... but I am tired of going to my stepson's house for dinner and not being able to eat anything. Since we were going to their house on Saturday to celebrate a family birthday, I told "Susie" (stepson's wife) I would bring my own meat to BBQ and asked if I could bring something that I knew was not filled with gluten and not cross-contaminated and then she wouldn't have to worry about my "special" diet. I had learned the hard way the last time that we were there when they fixed their special hamburgers and mixed them with lots of stuff that I knew I couldn't have.... so I ate potato chips (they were Lay's) because everything else on the menu was a possible no-no! This time, I thought I will just bring my own meat, hope there is a clean place on the grill, and bring something to share that was gluten-free. But NO that wasn't to be. Susie let me know that I could bring my own meat (though I didn't have to) and I wasn't to bring anything else as she had it "covered." Right, it certainly was COVERED....COVERED WITH GLUTEN, THAT IS!!!!! pasta salad, Ceasar salad (complete with croutons mixed in), potato chips and dip that I wasn't sure about, generic pop (also a NO-NO), cake (A GREAT BIG NO-NO!, and ice cream that I wasn't sure about...... I was really offended. It isn't like I expect everyone in the family to cook gluten-free just to please me. I expect to bring food that I can eat and also share and often do to other get togethers. BUT it is like it is a test to see if this is a diet that I really need to be on. I told my husband that I will never go to their house again unless I am "allowed" to bring something and even then... just out of principle...I might not go! This really makes me angry. I know I am being childish...my daughters tell me "Next time, don't ask and just bring something that you know you can eat." But right now, I don't care if there is a next time. When people come to our home, I try to make them feel at ease and I try to accomodate them any way I can. I certainly would not serve nuts to someone who was allergic to nuts so I don't understand how someone would think it ok to serve food that is filled with gluten to someone who can NOT eat gluten. I am insulted...offended...and angry....and I don't think that it was just an oversight....I don't think that she deliberately wanted to gluten me, I think that she just doesn't care and isn't concerned in the least with the people around her. OK, now I have vented and writing this didn't make me less angry or offended or insulted.... just tired and exhausted.... and, I guess next time, I will probably take my daughters' advice and just ignore Susie and if she is angry or offended or insulted that I bring my own food.... so be it!!!!!!

[Queen Serenity]

Sparkles,

You have every right to be angry! She is not being very considerate of you. When I go out to family gathering, I am treated well, and I do bring my own food! Next time, bring your own food regardless of the reaction you get!

Vicki

11 years and still counting

[kabowman]

I agree - that was completely inconsiderate, no matter what. When we go to other peoples homes, I take my own food that I prepare and cook for myself - sometimes leftovers that I can warm up (everyone has a microwave) and other times, I take food that I cook. Of course, I don't ask but everyone knows my limited diet and is afraid to try to feed me!

We are currently planning a trip to my in-laws for a long weekend and she wants to cook for me, well my FIL has a true allergic reaction to corn and milk, which she serves to him at every meal because that is what he wants, then he wonders why his throat is closing up and he can't breath or talk well. I can't trust them to cook my food either.

[Guest nini]

that is just rude and inconsiderate... I would just bring my own food and not give a crap what Susie thinks.

My sister is getting better about accomodating my diet when I eat at her house, but I still bring food just in case. She used to do the same thing with serving a whole meal with nothing I could eat and leave me stuck with Lay's stax... my daughter and I both are on this diet and both get very ill from miniscule amounts of gluten so she's been a lot more aware lately. I don't think it was intentional, just that she wasn't used to having to pay attention to those kinds of details and doesn't realizes what all entails "gluten"... And I also think she really felt bad when she realized I couldn't eat what she served. It doesn't sound like your stepson's wife felt bad at all.

[kbtoyssni]

This time, I thought I will just bring my own meat, hope there is a clean place on the grill

Cook your meat in foil. There's no way you can guarantee a grill won't be contaminated, especially if you're only using one set of tongs and someone else is watching the grill. Plus some charcoals contain gluten which can contaiminate your food.

I always bring my own food "just in case". It's inconsiderate of your stepson not to tell you that there would be things you could eat when everyone contained gluten, but even the most well-intentioned people accidently contaminate food or serve stuff that contains gluten. Think of how much time you have spent researching the diet - do you really want someone new to be doing trial-and-error on you? Don't feel badly if Susie is offended by you bringing your own food - it's your health and you have to do what's best for you.

[chrissy]

do you think she purposely was being mean and meant to have nothing for you to eat, or do you think that she is just one of the MANY people who just doesn't really understand the whole scope of celiac disease? if she is mean, i really can't see a reason to go there again-----if she is just "uneducated", you might get alot farther with her if you tell her how much you appreciate her trying, but you really can't have..............

[jerseyangel]

I'm sorry that happened, and you are upset

In the future, I would suggest you just bring your own food--don't ask first. You don't need someone else's permission to eat your medically necessary diet.

Last month, we went to visit family (5 hrs away). I politely, but firmly, told the two people we'd be staying with that I'd be bringing my own food. This way, they didn't have to worry about cooking for me, and I would 1--not get sick and 2--have plenty to eat.

Everything worked out fine--they were cool with it (although it was something different than the norm). This diet makes it necessary for us to do some "tweaking" with our eating, and I consider this just another thing we have to adjust. Everyone else might as well get used to it

[KaitiUSA]

You have every right to be angry. Some people have no class about it.

[Guest Doll]

That is horrible! I understand that not everyone wants to make the effort to cook gluten-free for a guest, but that whole scenario is downright rude! She could of at least made SOME effort to accommodate you, or really stress (politely) that you should bring your own food. Some people are truly scared to make things gluten-free, because they don't want to personally be responsible if you get sick. If you CHOOSE to eat gluten, that would not be "their" problem.

I am lucky in that I developed Celiac just after I met my fiance (feels so weird to say now that instead of bf) and his family has gone out of their way to make me my own food at every meal, family gathering, holidays, reunions, etc. I even get my own turkey, stuffing, gluten-free snacks, and dessert at Christmas! There is ALWAYS something for me at their house. That's why he's a keeper Don't tell him that's why I agreed to marry him...lol!

That said, I wish you could trade in the in-laws! Everyone's suggestions are great, and I think it really may be a good idea to give her a basic "booklet" on Celiac and the gluten-free diet. Some people really are ignorant and scared of the unknown or unfamiliar.

You could also have a little fun and pretend to eat one of her gluten containing items and drop to the floor in "shock"....hehe. Some people don't realize how serious Celiac is because many of us do not react violently or immediately (lucky you!).

Or you could tell her you now have cancer due to "gluten exposure" and hand her info stating the higher risk of cancer in untreated (and unfortunately treated in some cases but don't show her that) Celiacs. Then point to the Lay's chips she has on the same platter as the pasta salad.

You have to have a little fun, plus get the message out. If you don't fight for your health, no one else will.

[penguin]

Yeah, I'd bring my food without asking. Being sick isn't worth trying to appease anyone. Sheesh.

[tarnalberry]

In cases like this, I absolutely don't ask if I can bring food, I simply let the host know that I will be bringing food. Period. And I do mean PERIOD.

[hannahsue01]

I think that she should be more consiterate of your MEDICAL condition.....it's not like your saying you don't like her cooking or somthing.....it will make you SICK. I know that our family for years always tried to have food to accomidate diabetic family members for any family gathering....it was just the considerate thing to do. My grandmother was diagnosed with celiac I think 2 yrs ago. We had a babtism and gathering afterwards back in June. We had offered to make her somthing different like chicken breasts or somthing rather than the hot dogs and buns everyone else was eating. However she brought her own cooler with everything from her drink to her dessert (apperently she makes homemade sugar free and gluten free chocolate donuts). There is no reason you should have to go hungary at a family event to please her. Lucky for me and my daughter at least on that side of my family for christmas at my grandmas she will have made pie and cake and bread and everything gluten free .....a number of family members are celiac on that side. I think you should just take you own food and let her deal with it.

[plantime]

If she hollers when you bring your own food, ask her if she is willing to pay your medical bills after you eat her food. That shut my sil up in a heart beat.

[tiredofdoctors]

I'm sorry that she was so inconsiderate and that you are so upset. You have every right to be offended . . . she absolutely didn't have your best interest at heart. I would do the same as everyone has said: Don't ask. Take your own food, take your meat in foil -- put it on the grill that way (make sure you use heavy duty -- the other kind of "melts away" and you can get cross-contamination).

Having gone through a lot in these past couple of years, I've learned that people can be extremely rude. Just make sure that you have yourself taken care of, and ignore all the garbage that people throw out at you!

Better luck to you next time . . . and I don't think you're the stepmother from He**!!!!!

Hugs,

Lynne

[LL04]

I absolutely agree with everyone here...your stepson should be ashamed of how you were treated!!!

Like others have said, I don't ask if I can bring my own food...I tell people I am bringing my own food and if they insist otherwise I give it to them straight-either I bring my own food and stay healthy or I eat theirs and in 10 minutes they get to watch me put on a really great show that ends with me pleading for my husband to call 911 because I believe I'm going to die (no kidding!!). I take my own food wherever I go and I NEVER COMPROMISE OR APOLOGIZE for it and neither should you!!! It is you who is owed an apology!

Stick to your guns and next time take a FEAST with you to your stepsons!!

[sparkles]

Thanks for letting me vent.... I do need to be my own advocate but sometimes, it is harder with relatives than with friends. Next time, I will just bring my own food and not say anything. Thanks!!!!! By the way, the other daughter-in-law has the Delphi list and the list of safe foods from here to have on hand when she is cooking. She even orders from Trader Joe's when I am coming for dinner!!!! So in all fairness, it is not all relatives...just a few!!!