The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

We live in a neighborhood where it's fun to give out candy. We always get lots of kids and it's nice to visit with all the parents who are out and the neighbors. Many years, it's not too cold and we stay outside with the candy.

This year, we will be moving over Halloween, so no giving out candy ....

And while I'm thinking about it, should I change my name now that I'm going to be living in Pennsylvania Seems like it will be kind of misleading

[CarlaB]

except that I am the crazy old dog lady hag who darkens the house and hides in the back room for halloween

Yeah, but I bet you use it as an excuse to stock up on Nuggets!!

We normally get lots of kids as we live in an old downtown area ... but this year it's all torn up because they're doing lots of work, so I doubt we'll have as many, but you never know.

And while I'm thinking about it, should I change my name now that I'm going to be living in Pennsylvania Seems like it will be kind of misleading

But Pennsylangel doesn't sound as good ...

[~alex~]

Thanks for all of the warm welcomes.

So Alex, in which part of our Fair Commonwealth do you live?

I guess my spelling outed me as a subject of the Queen! I am a proud Canadian.

I'm sure many of you have seen these before and I apologize if they have been posted here before but they just make me laugh every time I read them.

Mistakes in church bulletins:

1. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

2. The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

3. This Friday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

4. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

5. This Monday we will be holding a 'Bean Supper' in the church hall. Music will follow.

6. This evening there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7. Weight Watchers' will meet at 7 PM in the church hall. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

8.The choir will meet at the Larsen home for fun and sinning.

9.Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

10. Ushers will eat latecomers.

11. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

12. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

13.Ladies, don

[jerseyangel]

But Pennsylangel doesn't sound as good ...

Yea, sounds like someone who magically delivers pencils.....

[CarlaB]

Alex --

[Jestgar]

Not sure of this site has been posted before or not.

Open Original Shared Link

[jerseyangel]

Mistakes in church bulletins:

Those were great, Alex

#5 was kinda Celiac-ish......

[Mtndog]

Alex- Those were :lol: :lol:

Love 4. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

Pennsylangel- SEND ME YOUR CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can still be jerseyangel:

It's a type of tea, a breed of cow, and a kind of tree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd go with the tea as you are MOST CERTAINLY NOT a cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

Yea, sounds like someone who magically delivers pencils.....

Boy, does my boy need one of those floating around his desk. Where do all the pencils go in this house? And why do we always lose the black coloured pencils?

[blueeyedmanda]

We let the kids in the hospital trick or treat. What we do on Halloween with the help of their parents and volunteers, the kids who are well enough dress up and they get pushed around through the main floor and offices and different departments hand out candy and we get dressed up if we want. Since they said some kids cannot eat candy we do all kinds of things, pencils, stickers. It is a lot of fun and their faces light up. They also make bags up for the children who cannot come to do the Halloween Parade. My hospital has a childrens hospital so about 30 kids do the parade itself, and then there are a lot more that do not come out. We love doing it. I spend my money and efforts on my hospital kids and don't do regular halloweening at night.

this year we are taking my little neice and Tammy's boyfriends daugther who is 3 trick or treating. I will be at home a few days, since I will be getting married that weekend. We will also take any foster kids my mom will have out to Halloween. I love children.

[blueeyedmanda]

We live in a neighborhood where it's fun to give out candy. We always get lots of kids and it's nice to visit with all the parents who are out and the neighbors. Many years, it's not too cold and we stay outside with the candy.

This year, we will be moving over Halloween, so no giving out candy ....

And while I'm thinking about it, should I change my name now that I'm going to be living in Pennsylvania Seems like it will be kind of misleading

You are moving closer to me do you have to give up your wegmans or will there be one close?

[jerseyangel]

You are moving closer to me do you have to give up your wegmans or will there be one close?

We will be kind of in between the Warrington and Allentown Wegmans. This weekend, while up there looking at houses, we stopped at the Warrington one--it's brand new. It's close enough that I can go every week

I think what you do at the hospital at Halloween is great. What a nice way for the hospitalized kids to join into the holiday.

Mark proposed to me on Halloween night in 1974. We had taken my little sister out trick or treating, and then the two of us went out after.

[blueeyedmanda]

ohh, Patti that is so sweet. We are getting married on the night they turn the clocks back.

Since you have been in the Warrington store, that is what ours looks like. It is huge! Lots of gluten free food too. In ther flyer this week there was a big section about gluten free shopping in their store. I am not sure if it just for the Harrisburg flyers or not but it was great to see. Another reason to love the store.

[jerseyangel]

Another reason to love the store.

So true--I'm so happy I'll still be able to shop there.

Wow--the wedding is really getting close. Are you nervous yet? Is everything all set?

[blueeyedmanda]

So true--I'm so happy I'll still be able to shop there.

Wow--the wedding is really getting close. Are you nervous yet? Is everything all set?

Everything is almost set..I was supposed to go for the final dress fitting tonight but due to work issues I had to reschedule.

We need to get our wedding bands. I need to finish my favors.

My wedding is a beach theme. We both love the shore and we decided to incorporate that into the wedding. Our invitations were a couple walking on the beach with the lighthouse in the background.

Our wedding cakes are both sea shells and beachy.

My centerpieces are Wine Bottles which still have corks (thanks to my coworkers for saving them for me) I am making messages in a bottle. The Bottles I have our huge and I will fill them with sand and small shells and roll up a piece of paper and make it look weathered and like a scroll.

My favors are white pails and I am going to put some candy in them wrapped in purple tulle.

I am not carrying flower bouquets and neither are my attendents, we have shell bouquets being made by a crafty friend.

My garter even has a shell on it.

am I leaving anything out?

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Everyone,

I have been reading along, just not posting. I have enjoyed every minute of it, too! All of the posts are so hilarious! Between Nikki's kitten farting, Susie's kitty journal, tom's ptuamfoolery, Alex's church bulletins, Richard's Viagra cufflinks, Bev's hair craziness and silly Halloween tips (I should try some of those) as well as Tampon crafts, and all of the hair talk, plus the emoticon interpretations, I am cracking up! I am desperately needing to catch-up on the OMG Thread, so this has to be a quick drive-by. I wanted to tell you a bit about my hair.

My hair is kind of scary. It appears to be man-eating. This is quite scary. I always have found it in odd places all over the house to a point, but strands of it have ended up in some very bizarre places that you would never expect. Take for example, my best friend's coat, despite she was not that close to me while we were talking. Chad (my brother) says my hair is like The Blob.

Now, I used to not be concerned. Lately, I am starting to think I should cut it for my own safety. I have considered getting it cut and colored to look like Jennifer Aniston since earlier this year, but fear looking like a Chinese chick trying to be white. However, for a number of months, my safety appears to be an issue with its length. This Spring, I accidentally caught myself on fire while making pancakes. The heating grate is right by the stove, and a strand of my hair blew up into the flame and the next thing I knew, I was ignited!

Then, the other day, I was sitting at the table writing and doodling in my notebook, and my pen disappeared. I wondered where it could have gone. It was right there next to me! Suddenly, I heard something fall to the ground. My hair had grabbed my pen and it had just let go of it! Things are starting to get a bit weird.

Sincerely,

Jin

[tom]

Part 1?

. . . . . Hallowe'en . . .

. . . . .

Superfluous spelling: Yes, Tom, I agree, these U's are fairly silly, extraneous, and only serve to confuse when it comes to spelling and pronunciation.

And you people have gone so far as to insert extraperfunctory punctuation INSIDE wourds?

Just what letter(s) is/are covered by that maniacal apostrophe in Hallowe'en?

...16 count crayons, 3 no. 2 pencils, glue stick, 1 box Tampax gentle glide, smock, etc...

Ohhhhhhhh my .. . .. . I may never get another chance .. .. .. (where's that embarrased emoticon?) so . . . ..

"Gentle Glide"? Was that some man in marketing's idea or is there any truth to it?

Susie!!! Day 983 of my captivity. :lol:

...must go do manly things and pry my mind from this mire

Or, as nikki would say, myre.

Time to tend a fyre maybe?

We're having (well- someone, not me, BETTER be having) a Halloween/40th birthday party for me cuz I love love love Halloween and getting dressed up and I want those ghosts!

WooooOOOOO-HOOOOoooooo!!

can i come?

And nice new av!!

20 ways!

Open Original Shared Link

How'd they leave out "uhhhhh . .. . .. .my girlfriend? .. . .. . . .

She's . . . .uhhhh .. ..about my size? .. . ."

. . . .except that I am the crazy old dog lady hag who darkens the house and hides in the back room for halloween - Bev - don't slap me with a salmon - but I think halloween is just a major annoyance -

Aww that's no fun .. ..

I SO would've expected The Dingnacious One to fully embrace the whimsy that is All Hallow's Eve!

<revert back to punkinhead and have a lil fun?>

Or did a bat get caught in your hair as a young'in? (How's that spelled?)

Amanda!!!! :) lovin' the Hospi-lloween

[NoGluGirl]

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I am so excited for you! The wedding is going to be fabulous! I know I already know what I want when I get married.

All I need is the groom! I was hoping for maybe John Stamos, but who knows? I would not sneeze at Zach Braff, or Josh Groban either!

Dear Bev,

I love Halloween as well. In Wicca, it is Celtic New Year. You can feel the magick in the air on this night! It is wonderful. The children in their costumes are so cute! Whenever it is warm, I sit out on the porch with a bowl of candy. I entertained a bunch of teenagers last year. It was so much fun!

Dear tom,

Let me see...I have a superfluous word for you. My name in Wicca is different. Practitioners have special names inside the circle. Mine is Weathr Keridwyn Fyrstorm. Your Craft name has to match your birth number numerically, so that is why it is spelled so odd. These names are sacred inside the circle, but who can anyone tell? You say this name to anyone, they will think you are on crack!

Sincerely,

Jin

[jerseyangel]

Everything is almost set..

It all sounds great! I love the "beach" theme--all your ideas sound so cool--very creative. I'm glad you're just about all set so you can then relax and enjoy the day.

Dear Everyone,

My hair is kind of scary.

Wow--it does sound a bit scary Like it has a mind of it's own.....

How'd they leave out "uhhhhh . .. . .. .my girlfriend? .. . .. . . .

She's . . . .uhhhh .. ..about my size? .. . ."

[blueeyedmanda]

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I am so excited for you! The wedding is going to be fabulous! I know I already know what I want when I get married.

All I need is the groom! I was hoping for maybe John Stamos, but who knows? I would not sneeze at Zach Braff, or Josh Groban either!

I wouldn't mind John Stamos either or Bon Jovi, he is still looking good

Thanks everyone, When I first started the beach weddng I didn't think the idea would ever get this far.

[elye]

Part 1?

And you people have gone so far as to insert extraperfunctory punctuation INSIDE wourds?

Just what letter(s) is/are covered by that maniacal apostrophe in Hallowe'en?

The word Hallowe'en is a contraction for "All Hallows Evening", likely a Pagan name for the New Year. Jin? So hey, it ain't just us people!

Ohhhhhhhh my .. . .. . I may never get another chance .. .. .. (where's that embarrased emoticon?) so . . . ..

"Gentle Glide"? Was that some man in marketing's idea or is there any truth to it?

I, too, am wide-eyed over Richard's Gentle Glider reference, for I am female and haven't heard of that Tampax classification. "Regular", yes, and even "Super-duper"...Richard...how do you know this?

how'd they leave out "uhhhhh . .. . .. .my girlfriend? .. . .. . . .

She's . . . .uhhhh .. ..about my size? .. . ."

How about some things a woman should NEVER say to a naked man?

-Can I paint a smiley face on that?

-Wow, and your feet are so BIG...

-This explains your car...

-It's okay, we'll work around it.

-I am so sorry...

[Mtndog]

How about some things a woman should NEVER say to a naked man?

-Can I paint a smiley face on that?

-Wow, and your feet are so BIG...

-This explains your car...

-It's okay, we'll work around it.

-I am so sorry...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Mtndog]

My garter even has a shell on it.

am I leaving anything out?

OMG- your wedding sounds so great!! And getting married on the night the clocks fall back gives you an EXTRA hour of nuptial bliss So excited for you!

And Patti- how CUTE is it that Mark proposed to you after taking your sister trick or treating! :wub: :wub:

Jin- Your hair is magick! I love your Wiccan/Celtic name.

And Tom, yes, you can come to my party but NO PHONETIC SPELLING

Gentle glide....hmmmmm...don't know about that

[TriticusToxicum]

I, too, am wide-eyed over Richard's Gentle Glider reference, for I am female and haven't heard of that Tampax classification. "Regular", yes, and even "Super-duper"...Richard...how do you know this?

#1 - Married man

#2 - Have been sent to store a time or 2 before with Open Original Shared Link grocery list

#3 - Prefer the manly blue box

#4 - Can never buy just what's on list...must bury said unmentionables under a stack of innocuous items.

#5 - Refuse to use coupons

#6 - Have been annointed "worlds Greatest Husband" on numerous occaisions (even awarded several distinguished service medals for meritorious achievement and going over and above the call of duty)

[tom]

. .. .Warrington and Allentown . . .

Mark proposed to me on Halloween night in 1974. We had taken my little sister out trick or treating, and then the two of us went out after.

Wallingentontownangel?

AMANDA! Beach theme sounds very nice AND very well executed! It's a shore thing. <groan>

Dear Everyone,

I have been reading along, just not posting. I have enjoyed every minute of it, too! All of the posts are so hilarious!

Yay!! Jin's here!! (Oops, bet I said that already)

I knew you'd enjoy the silliness, AND augment it w/ that special Jin slant on things. that was not a looks-chinese crack btw

This Spring, I accidentally caught myself on fire while making pancakes. . . .

. . . My hair had grabbed my pen and it had just let go of it!

ROFL . .. . .hair shenanigans . .. . :lol:

I would not sneeze at Zach Braff, or Josh Groban either!

But if you DID sneeze at them, at least Zach might have a mask handy.

. . .Mine is Weathr Keridwyn Fyrstorm.

Put . .. .. .down . .. . . .the .. . .pipe . .. .

The word Hallowe'en is a contraction for "All Hallows Evening",

How!!?

Just how many contractive iterations has it gone through?

[step 5] A''Hallow'e'en'ng? (Yikes that's ugly!)

How about some things a woman should NEVER say to a naked man?

And Tom, yes, you can come to my party but NO PHONETIC SPELLING

Awesome!! I've never been to Massachusetts, even tho Dad lived in Wooster thru age 7.

Uh oh, did not spelling out Worcester(sp?) violate the conditions of the invite?!

Gentle glide....hmmmmm...don't know about that

Hmmmm why do *I* know that phrase and several of you don't???