The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[Mtndog]

Uh-oh- Uncle Ray is really back (Janet- So ya know, this guy is like 75 years old!) He's sending out blonde jokes! These are the two best:

GOOD:

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;

likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

BETTER:CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

[Darn210]

Did I ever pee in a urinal? .......Hmmm...likely...

There was no hovering back then. I was young, foolish, and seemingly invincible....

Young, foolish, and limber . . . She could really arch her back standing at the urinal and make it in . . . what a picture she paints!

[tom]

Why yes, yes I do. Quite proud of my sphincter.

Well THERE's one of those sentences you never expect to see.

what in hell are you talking about.......

Yes, Tom...What in Hell...post icons?

Hmm yes I was afraid this would be how this goes .. . . ..

Ugh Janet, what a day <barfyguy>

. . .. But as the night wore on, it just seemed sillier and sillier not to pop into the empty boy's room.

Did I ever pee in a urinal? .......Hmmm...likely...

:emoti-arc-of-wee-icon: successfully? Or just left w/ arc-envy & wet shoes?

Some DO extend a ways off the wall but .. . ..

[DingoGirl]

:lol: :lol:

Just snortling along here, at nothing in particular.....

mygawd, Annie now has a poop problem.........

See, she almost would NOT go outside to pee, without Stinker, in the past. She would wait, in fact, until Stinker heaved her aching bones off her bed in the morning, and went outside with her, to do her business. Poop - forget it - took too long and she cannot be outside alone......not kidding.

So today, we're out on our errands, and she is whining out of control......I can't tell if she's sad, or needs to poop. So I pull over in this parking lot w/ tons of green space, behind a building....she pees, but no poop.

The whining continues......I realize I have left my debit card at last stop......we go back.

whining..........accelerating......

so we forget the last errand and go home. By this time, it's about 3:30-ish.......she FINALLY goes into the back yard, adn poops successfully.

So, I am really askeert.......if this continues, my whole DAY could be controlled by her poop schedule.......and she will NOT be outside alone.....starts barking if left out there.....

mygawd. I really AM a crazy old dog lady now, aren't I?

p.s. BEAVERLY - - OMG - - :lol: You never told us about the diapers!!!!!????????? poor thing.......oh and, ADORABLE PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judyin Philly]

Hi all

Just 'flew' through 6 pages of you sillies................

this post is for Susie Q a friend just sent it to me.

i was trying to get this up before she left the site tonight.

THIS IS A WARNING.............GET YOUR BOX OF TISSUES OUT...............

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES..................

THIS IS FROM A 12 YEAR OLD BOY.

SUSIE............IT WILL BE OK.

YOUR WEEKEND AWAY IS JUST WHAT YOU NEED.

OK GOT YOUR TISSUES..................?

BUT YOU'LL BE HAPPY ONCE YOU LISTEN TO THIS AMAZING SHORT LITTLE SNIPET OF WISDOM FROM A CHILD.

HERE WE GO.................................GOT THOSE TISSUES???????????????

LOVE YOU ALL.

JUDY

[Judyin Philly]

i JUST LISTENED TO IT AGAIN TO MAKE SURE IT WORKED.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON THIS THAT IT DID CONTAIN RELIGIOUS CONTENT.

BUT.............IT WAS PRECIOUS REGARDLESS OF YOUR BELIEFS.............

IT WAS FOR SUSIE TOO ------SO PLEASE FORGIVE IF IT OFFENDED ANYONE.

LOVE YOU ALL

HUGS SUSIE.

CONTINUE WITH THE 'SILLINESS'

JUDY

[elye]

Oh, No, Susie...someone else with poop problems....Annie. Perhaps she needs to be certain that there are no construction workers around....

Young, foolish, and limber . . . She could really arch her back standing at the urinal and make it in . . . what a picture she paints!

:emoti-arc-of-wee-icon: successfully? Or just left w/ arc-envy & wet shoes?

Some DO extend a ways off the wall but .. . ..

Hell, I never said I was successful...Um...It was often a blur...perhaps I scrambled up on top, or somehow straddled it...(?)...But I'm certain, at the very least, that my purse was on my head.

[Darn210]

So, I am really askeert.......if this continues, my whole DAY could be controlled by her poop schedule.......and she will NOT be outside alone.....starts barking if left out there.....

mygawd. I really AM a crazy old dog lady now, aren't I?

Yes . . . but apparently you are well-matched with your crazy old dog!

You know how some women always want someone to go into the restroom with them (at bars/restaurants)? Sounds like Annie is one of those types.

I have to tell a Maggie (my old dog) story now. Starting when she was young, whenever she would go to the bathroom, I would tell her "good girl, go potty". After awhile, when you needed her to hurry up and do her bidness (traveling or it's freezing cold out), all you would have to do is say "good girl, go potty". But there were times when you would let her out, she would look around and then try to come back in. I would say "be a good girl and go potty", she would glare at me, then go into a squat and pop back up without going . . . that was her way of saying "I told you, I didn't have to go!!"

[Darn210]

Hell, I never said I was successful...Um...It was often a blur...perhaps I scrambled up on top, or somehow straddled it...(?)...But I'm certain, at the very least, that my purse was on my head.

HAHAHAHA . . . OUT LOUD LAFFIN'

[Jestgar]

You know how some women always want someone to go into the restroom with them (at bars/restaurants)? Sounds like Annie is one of those types.

:lol:

I have to tell a Maggie (my old dog) story now. Starting when she was young, whenever she would go to the bathroom, I would tell her "good girl, go potty". After awhile, when you needed her to hurry up and do her bidness (traveling or it's freezing cold out), all you would have to do is say "good girl, go potty".

I heard a guy on the radio talking about the thing where you teach your dog to go potty by using the same command (like "good girl, go potty"). He was telling the other radio guy that he let his kids come up with the command. No when he takes his dog out he has to say "potty down, dude!"

[DingoGirl]

SUSIE............IT WILL BE OK.

YOUR WEEKEND AWAY IS JUST WHAT YOU NEED.

Judy - thanks for posting that sweetie, very very cute. We DO need a weekend away....things just aren't....right.......

You know how some women always want someone to go into the restroom with them (at bars/restaurants)? Sounds like Annie is one of those types.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :lol: She is EXACTLY that girl!!!!!!

I have to tell a Maggie (my old dog) story now. Starting when she was young, whenever she would go to the bathroom, I would tell her "good girl, go potty". After awhile, when you needed her to hurry up and do her bidness (traveling or it's freezing cold out), all you would have to do is say "good girl, go potty". But there were times when you would let her out, she would look around and then try to come back in. I would say "be a good girl and go potty", she would glare at me, then go into a squat and pop back up without going . . . that was her way of saying "I told you, I didn't have to go!!"

OMG - this is EXACTLY what I do with my girls!!!!!!!! "Tika go potty" - "Annie go potty" - - and they do it on command. And Annie has done this very same thing - squats to assuage me, with nuttin' coming out.

she is such a reluctant pooper. this could be trouble..........

[Green12]

she is such a reluctant pooper. this could be trouble..........

She has a case of the shy bowels?

Bev, I would love a husky, or one of those gorgeous Alaskan malamutes with the icy blue eyes!! Alas with the living quarters and small children always around I will have to make do with a smaller, child friendly breed.

[Ridgewalker]

vomitous heinositous

:lol: Susie, you have named a new disease!!!

Did I ever pee in a urinal? .......Hmmm...likely...

There was no hovering back then. I was young, foolish, and seemingly invincible....

Urinal AND no hovering? Emily... you didn't...

I, too, have taught my dog, "Lilo go potty." She's such a hyper puppy though, she gets so excited, sniffing the ground and looking around at all the interesting things... That sometimes, she'll squat and continue inching forward, checking everything out, sniffing around. It's this hilarious doggie crab walk.

She also flat out refuses to poop while on leash. I have to take her out, put her on her tie-out, and preferably turn my back. Then she'll poop.

I wish I could let her just run, but our land is too big to fence and... she's not fixed yet. Plus she is a disobedient puppy, and doesn't Come well. I'm askeert she'll get hurt.

Currently she's as that awkward stage where she still totally acts like a puppy, but is big as a horse. Yeah, she's knocked me on my butt a few times.

[tom]

Hell, I never said I was successful...Um...It was often a blur...perhaps I scrambled up on top, or somehow straddled it...(?)

Stay on for 8sec and win a BIG belt buckle?

...But I'm certain, at the very least, that my purse was on my head.

The very quintessence of sophistication. Pinkies out, I hope.

[Ridgewalker]

Not only are there lots of Celiacs, there are GLUTEN-FREE BIG MACS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just pulled this off a different thread- Susie, are you serious?!?!?! They have gluten-free Big Macs in Finland??????? Well that is just NOT fair!

[elye]

Good Morrrrrnin', all!...

You know how some women always want someone to go into the restroom with them (at bars/restaurants)? Sounds like Annie is one of those types.

Hilarious...I can just picture Annie, glancing furtively and hopefully over at Stinker..."Uh...kinda hafta go...you? You gotta go? You must have to, huh?"

. . . that was her way of saying "I told you, I didn't have to go!!"

Currently she's as that awkward stage where she still totally acts like a puppy, but is big as a horse. Yeah, she's knocked me on my butt a few times.

Ah! Sarah, you also have a baby in a monster's body! Mygawd, it's an adventure each day. You must post a pic....

The very quintessence of sophistication. Pinkies out, I hope.

But, of course.....

Speaking of Gus, I must share an interesting thing. Our own Oracle Peter has been SO kind...he sent me one of the new high-tech doggy toothbrushes to try on Gus. it came yesterday (thank you again so much, Peter!) and I set aside time in the afternoon, called Gus over, and assumed the position.

Well, he was like a different dog. Suddenly quite calm, let me really get at all teeth (even the back molars)...and was looking like it was all quite enjoyable, like a massage.

Peter...are the brushes infused with residue of a mind-altering narcotic? Doggy-valium? It's like magic...

I'll have to post a pic of Gus in one of his great smiles he spontaneously cracks, and you can all see his wonderfully-buffed, scraped, sparkling teeth...

[blueeyedmanda]

Good Morning all!

We are expecting wintry weather in my neck of Sillyville!!!

Patti--it's going to snow, it's going to snow!!!!!!!

I'm at work so not as much fun as being home....but tonight it is going to ice.... I do not like ice....

[Mtndog]

Good morning SILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! judy- that little boy was so SWEET!

Young, foolish, and limber . . . She could really arch her back standing at the urinal and make it in . . . what a picture she paints!

Bah...Janet...you forgot to add "Intoxicated by tequila.......and after 'make it in" we should add "Emily became SO fabulous at this that she could write her name in the snow"'

p.s. BEAVERLY - - OMG - - :lol: You never told us about the diapers!!!!!????????? poor thing.......oh and, ADORABLE PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Dear GAWD- yes, it was quite funny. My "ex' best friend (long story) was going to write a book called The EmbarASSing Chronicles of Beverly"' because there have been SO many incidents (including the loss of sweater when cam Neely was spotted

Speaking of Gus, I must share an interesting thing. Our own Oracle Peter has been SO kind...he sent me one of the new high-tech doggy toothbrushes to try on Gus. it came yesterday (thank you again so much, Peter!) and I set aside time in the afternoon, called Gus over, and assumed the position.

Emily said "'assumed the position"..this ,line ALWAYS cracks me up!!!!!!!

[DingoGirl]

She has a case of the shy bowels?

yes, shy bowels.

OMG - every morning, she still runs out to Tika's dog house and peeks in hopefully.....

I just pulled this off a different thread- Susie, are you serious?!?!?! They have gluten-free Big Macs in Finland??????? Well that is just NOT fair!

DUDE!!!!!!!!!! this is what I've read and heard, many times. Reason enough to put Finland in your travel plans, eh?

Bev, excellent book title. EmbarASSing......whatever it said. My first book is story of my dating heinosities, titled A$$holes I have Known, and How to Avoid Them. bah ha ha ha!!!!! Quite a tome.

I got nothin' else. I am sleepy.

[jerseyangel]

yes, shy bowels.

One thing I've never suffered from

Good morning, Sleepy Susie

[blueeyedmanda]

Morning Susie

Can I come visit your place where it is probably warmer than here

[elye]

Bah...Janet...you forgot to add "Intoxicated by tequila.......and after 'make it in" we should add "Emily became SO fabulous at this that she could write her name in the snow"'

OMG....name in the snow....I wonder if I actually tried that on one of those frat evenings?....

there have been SO many incidents (including the loss of sweater when cam Neely was spotted

Now, Bev...I dunno if this account has already been divulged to everyone at some point, but I have NOT heard this Cam Neely story, and must. Please, tell.

Hey, Sleepy Susie...wake up!! Join us, please. At your computer, assume the position...

OMG - every morning, she still runs out to Tika's dog house and peeks in hopefully.....

Oh....This is rather wrenching...

You need to fill that dog house with a pup, Susie. Soon, methinks...

DUDE!!!!!!!!!! this is what I've read and heard, many times. Reason enough to put Finland in your travel plans, eh?

Has anyone ever met a Fin? I have never worked in their Embassy, but a documentary on Finland I saw recently, coupled with what other students (Swedes, Norwegians), have said about them, informs me that they are the most staid, serious, no-fun-at-all nationality anywhere. Never laugh, never smile, don't party, drink little, have no time for humoUr...

...But they have gluten-free big macs?!...

Yes, high incidence of gluten trouble there...perhaps the highest statistically. Hmmmmm....no fun, and celiacs....what can we make of this?....

My first book is story of my dating heinosities, titled A$holes I have Known, and How to Avoid Them.

...A$holes For Dummies?......

[Darn210]

I heard a guy on the radio talking about the thing where you teach your dog to go potty by using the same command (like "good girl, go potty"). He was telling the other radio guy that he let his kids come up with the command. No when he takes his dog out he has to say "potty down, dude!"

I have a friend who has a friend whose dog got to the point where she wouldn't go unless someone gave the command "go pee".

[blueeyedmanda]

Sillies the flakes have officially started falling!!!! Snow Snow Snow!!!

[DingoGirl]

OMG....name in the snow....I wonder if I actually tried that on one of those frat evenings?....

Well, if your college days were like mine....I am SURE you did that....among other things.......

(I was once hung by my ankles over the balcony at the SAE house...Rex-something-or-other was his name, he was like a living, breathing GI Joe doll, quite savage....anywho, I recall not minding this incident at all....I thought it was fun..... )

Has anyone ever met a Fin? I have never worked in their Embassy, but a documentary on Finland I saw recently, coupled with what other students (Swedes, Norwegians), have said about them, informs me that they are the most staid, serious, no-fun-at-all nationality anywhere. Never laugh, never smile, don't party, drink little, have no time for humoUr...

...But they have gluten-free big macs?!...

Yes, high incidence of gluten trouble there...perhaps the highest statistically. Hmmmmm....no fun, and celiacs....what can we make of this?....

OMG, yes, 'tis a nation of cranky, out-of-sorts, GLUTEN BRAINS!!!!!!!!! I would suggest that we initiate a campaign to recruit the entire country to the Silly thread, but, seems futile.....Yes, I have known some Fins.......they were quite sobRE of countenance and.....not fun..... very pale........... DEFINITELY CELIAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!