Jump to content
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):



    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):


  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

Ridgewalker Contributor

Just got an excellent one from my mom... had me snorting and guffawing!

I LOVE MY JOB . .

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is

even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at

work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana He

performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station

103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job

experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down

lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you

realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few

technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the

office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what

we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water

heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It

heats it to a delightful temperature.

It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to

the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it

several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and

stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm

water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few

seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the

damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to

it however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the

jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His

instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other

divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing

in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could

reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at

the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running

down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as

soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt

was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it

would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Daxin Explorer

Having done some diving, I am now going to be VERY careful if I get an itch in my crack.

Thank your mother for the laugh. :) My kids must think I've lost my mind...which is nothing new.

psawyer Proficient

A phunny from me nephew:

Quickie in the Bushes

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'

jerseyangel Proficient
I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'

:lol::lol:

elye Community Regular

:lol::lol: Patti, Will just walked by the computer, saw your av pic and said, "Hey! No fair! The top of Mark's head is cut off, so no one can really tell the progression of his hair loss. Mine you can see perfectly".

Gawd......MEN.

jerseyangel Proficient
:lol::lol: Patti, Will just walked by the computer, saw your av pic and said, "Hey! No fair! The top of Mark's head is cut off, so no one can really tell the progression of his hair loss. Mine you can see perfectly".

Gawd......MEN.

I know--who woulda noticed that!? :lol:

Darn210 Enthusiast

So who's taking all these pictures that you are all in??? . . . and where the hell is the infamous boob shot??


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



elye Community Regular
So who's taking all these pictures that you are all in??? . . . and where the hell is the infamous boob shot??

I know, I know...where the hell ARE they?

My pics are in DH's work camera (the best one in the household), and it is currently at...where else....his office, where he went this morning to see how much work was piled up on his desk. He will email the shots tomorrow morning, and I'll post away.......

jerseyangel Proficient
So who's taking all these pictures that you are all in??? . . . and where the hell is the infamous boob shot??

I asked a lady in Starbucks if she would take a picture of the group with my camera. I've been trying to post the boob shot, but if I crop it any more, there won't be any point :lol:

Darn210 Enthusiast
I've been trying to post the boob shot, but if I crop it any more, there won't be any point :lol:

:lol::lol::lol: So what are you down to . . . like a boob and a half?? :lol::lol:

jerseyangel Proficient
:lol::lol::lol: So what are you down to . . . like a boob and a half?? :lol::lol:

Pseriously, if I make it any smaller it'll be 2 full boobs and 2 halfs (coming in from each side) :P

elye Community Regular
:lol::lol::lol: So what are you down to . . . like a boob and a half?? :lol::lol:

I think I'd be letting Patti hog that spotlight............ :rolleyes::lol:

Pseriously, if I make it any smaller it'll be 2 full boobs and 2 halfs (coming in from each side) :P

Mygawd.....this sounds like a great Picasso rendering..... . . ..

Mtndog Collaborator

Happy Belated Birthday Miss Julie!!!!!!!!!

Do Swedes yodel vodel??? :blink:

..or sing??.....OMGah ...don't forget Abba!!!

...but more importantly Miss sleepy Beaverly, can you ask 'em how to assemble IKEA FURNITURE (*tsk* .. :(vy are zere no hinges for ze doorz)

....WHY do *I* sound German?? :unsure::lol:

Nikki- I asked them about Ikea and they said it's just as hard to assemble in Sveden. :angry: No yodeling but much joking about Abba! They've seen more American films than we have. Olivia my 4 year old niece has a crush on Peter. So PHUNNY!!!!!!!!

Nikki, I'm totally falling in love with Boris. :blink::lol: I just want to pick him up and cuddle and kiss and snuggle with him, murmuring gooey baby-talk, like "Oh aren't the cutest, sweetest little fuzzy, cutey-patootey of an English kitty cat..." etc... :lol:

He is SOOOO cut and snuggly!

Gian-knit!! :D I'm so happy you and Lisa were able to meet....and Jen, too--this is a magical weekend of Sillie meetings :D

It tis truly cool (even if Emily and patti are truck drivers with man boobs (moobs?). OMGAWD- could Peter and Ptaum actually be super models then? :P

tom Contributor
. ...but if I crop it any more, there won't be any point :lol:

There *are* (at least) two ways to make a big photo avatar-able, ya know. No need to crop at all if you use Resize. Or maybe a combo of the two.

A BIG photo from a good digital camera can be resized to 10% of original, and still show as a full-sized avatar (150x100 I think?).

50% could leave it too big to upload as an av, but I'd guess 25% would often be uploadable.

Anyone know the max file-size for an av?

(We ARE talking about "with auto-size on" right? Arrgh not sure of the phrase on the av page that enables pics bigger than 100x150 to get shrunk by the forum software)

tom Contributor
OMGAWD- could Peter and Ptaum actually be super models then? :P

:lol: :lol: <glad I weren't a'drinkin' as I read that!> :lol:

Mtndog Collaborator
:lol: :lol: <glad I weren't a'drinkin' as I read that!> :lol:

I made Ptaum giggle :rolleyes::lol:

I have a VERY important announcement- last night at the International Swedes vs. Americans skee ball tournament, I won the gold medal with a whopping score of 370 (the current record) !!!!!!!!! I am officially off the injured list!

Jestgar Rising Star
I have a VERY important announcement- last night at the International Swedes vs. Americans skee ball tournament, I won the gold medal with a whopping score of 370 (the current record) !!!!!!!!! I am officially off the injured list!

um YAY!!!

what's skee ball? :ph34r:

elye Community Regular

Yay, Bev!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

There *are* (at least) two ways to make a big photo avatar-able, ya know. No need to crop at all if you use Resize. Or maybe a combo of the two.

A BIG photo from a good digital camera can be resized to 10% of original, and still show as a full-sized avatar (150x100 I think?).

50% could leave it too big to upload as an av, but I'd guess 25% would often be uploadable.

Anyone know the max file-size for an av?

(We ARE talking about "with auto-size on" right? Arrgh not sure of the phrase on the av page that enables pics bigger than 100x150 to get shrunk by the forum software)

Oh, yada yada......

Ptaoughmghmn!! We simply want to know how to resize our actual original boobs to full-size...bigger than 150x100 inches.......er sumfin...... .. . . :blink::lol:

Green12 Enthusiast
I have a VERY important announcement- last night at the International Swedes vs. Americans skee ball tournament, I won the gold medal with a whopping score of 370 (the current record) !!!!!!!!! I am officially off the injured list!

OMG, skee ball just happens to be my most favorite game ever!!!

Bev, I bow to you the gold medalist of this fine fine sport! Way to go! :lol::lol:

Ridgewalker Contributor

:lol: I love Skee Ball! Go Bev, Go Bev!

:D

Darn210 Enthusiast
I made Ptaum giggle :rolleyes::lol:

I have a VERY important announcement- last night at the International Swedes vs. Americans skee ball tournament, I won the gold medal with a whopping score of 370 (the current record) !!!!!!!!! I am officially off the injured list!

. . . and did you cry when they played the national anthem??

tom Contributor

Ooooh Em nice shot of the fam!

(Is that in the states? I don't see any igloos :P )

And a great meet-up av from CurlyLisa!!

Makes me feel like I'm taking the picture somehow . ... .I'm saying "hold that smile" while I fumble finding the right button.

(okay, he didn't say phunny....he said funny)

:lol:

Ptaoughmghmn!! We simply want to know how to resize our actual original boobs to full-size...bigger than 150x100 inches.......er sumfin...... .. . . :blink::lol:

Isn't that around 5 grand?

Or .. . ...There's always Open Original Shared Link

nikki-uk Enthusiast
Isn't that around 5 grand?

Or .. . ...There's always Open Original Shared Link

:lol::lol:

...but wait :unsure: .....how does Ptaughmn know about such sites :blink::lol:

elye Community Regular

Good Morning, Sillies!

OMG....Is skee ball that torturous game to which my children subject me at our Summer Festival, where I try pitifully to roll a baseball up a ramp and into an impossibly small inner ring worth 100 points? Oh, gaaaaahhhhhh.....

Bev, you have even more, newfound respect from me now. A gold medal in this activity seems just unattainable in my challenged eyes. <_<:lol:

I'm certain that Bev did NOT weep during the playing of the anthem, but she has mentioned a rare love for all things Canuck, so if they had struck up Oh Canada, well....may have been a different story..... . . . .

Why are there still bits of unwashed laundry scattered through me house?

Ptaoughmghmn! Wow, those are Superboobs. Two summers ago I spent an unbelievable $4,000.00 :o on a tooth implant. DH kept muttering through my entire recovery, "Four grand for a TOOTH that no one will even see?! Man, ya could have gotten TWO BOOBS done fer that, and they'd be RIGHT OUT THERE!" <_<

Gus is still sulking, as he always does when we get home from a long trip away. Quite a performance - - he needs to communicate that he was NOT pleased how we left him, and that it had best never happen again. :lol:

DingoGirl Enthusiast

I heard something about...........free boobs??????????????????????

Um, heck yeah, I AM going to apply!!!!!

;)

(just a wee halloooooo for me sillies)

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):





    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):




  • Recent Activity

    1. - cristiana replied to Scatterbrain's topic in Sports and Fitness
      5

      Feel like I’m starting over

    2. - knitty kitty replied to Jmartes71's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      8

      My only proof

    3. - Wheatwacked replied to Jmartes71's topic in Coping with Celiac Disease
      8

      Related issues

    4. - NanceK replied to Jmartes71's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      8

      My only proof

    5. - Wheatwacked replied to Scatterbrain's topic in Sports and Fitness
      5

      Feel like I’m starting over


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):



  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      132,294
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    laurallee
    Newest Member
    laurallee
    Joined

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):





  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):



  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • cristiana
      Hi @Scatterbrain Thank you for your reply.   Some of these things could be weaknesses, also triggered by stress, which perhaps have come about as the result of long-term deficiencies which can take a long time to correct.   Some could be completely unrelated. If it is of help, I'll tell you some of the things that started in the first year or two, following my diagnosis - I pinned everything on coeliac disease, but it turns out I wasn't always right!  Dizziness, lightheaded - I was eventually diagnosed with cervical dizziness (worth googling, could be your issue too, also if you have neck pain?)  A few months after diagnosis I put my neck out slightly carrying my seven-year-old above my head, and never assigned any relevance to it as the pain at the time was severe but so short-lived that I'd forgotten the connection. Jaw pain - stress. Tinnitus - I think stress, but perhaps exacerbated by iron/vitamin deficiencies. Painful ribs and sacroiliac joints - no idea, bloating made the pain worse. It got really bad but then got better. Irregular heart rate - could be a coincidence but my sister (not a coeliac) and I both developed this temporarily after our second Astra Zeneca covid jabs.   Subsequent Pfizer jabs didn't affect us. Brain fog - a big thing for people with certain autoimmune issues but in my case I think possibly worse when my iron or B12 are low, but I have no proof of this. Insomnia - stress, menopause. So basically, it isn't always gluten.  It might be worth having your vitamins and mineral levels checked, and if you have deficiencies speak to your Dr about how better to address them?    
    • knitty kitty
      @NanceK, I do have Hypersensitivity Type Four reaction to Sulfa drugs, a sulfa allergy.  Benfotiamine and other forms of Thiamine do not bother me at all.  There's sulfur in all kinds of Thiamine, yet our bodies must have it as an essential nutrient to make life sustaining enzymes.  The sulfur in thiamine is in a ring which does not trigger sulfa allergy like sulfites in a chain found in pharmaceuticals.  Doctors are not given sufficient education in nutrition (nor chemistry in this case).  I studied Nutrition before earning a degree in Microbiology.  I wanted to know what vitamins were doing inside the body.   Thiamine is safe and nontoxic even in high doses.   Not feeling well after starting Benfotiamine is normal.  It's called the "thiamine paradox" and is equivalent to an engine backfiring if it's not been cranked up for a while.  Mine went away in about three days.  I took a B Complex, magnesium and added molybdenum for a few weeks. It's important to add a B Complex with all eight essential B vitamins. Supplementing just one B vitamin can cause lows in some of the others and result in feeling worse, too.  Celiac Disease causes malabsorption of all the B vitamins, not just thiamine.  You need all eight.  Thiamine forms including Benfotiamine interact with each of the other B vitamins in some way.  It's important to add a magnesium glycinate or chelate supplement as well.  Forms of Thiamine including Benfotiamine need magnesium to make those life sustaining enzymes.  (Don't use magnesium oxide.  It's not absorbed well.  It pulls water into the intestines and is used to relieve constipation.)   Molybdenum is a trace mineral that helps the body utilize forms of Thiamine.   Molybdenum supplements are available over the counter.  It's not unusual to be low in molybdenum if low in thiamine.   I do hope you will add the necessary supplements and try Benfotiamine again. Science-y Explanation of Thiamine Paradox: https://hormonesmatter.com/paradoxical-reactions-with-ttfd-the-glutathione-connection/#google_vignette
    • Wheatwacked
      Your goal is not to be a good puppet, there is no gain in that. You might want to restart the ones that helped.  It sounds more like you are suffering from malnutrition.  Gluten free foods are not fortified with things like Thiamine (B1), vitamin D, Iodine, B1,2,3,5,6 and 12 as non-gluten free products are required to be. There is a Catch-22 here.  Malnutrition can cause SIBO, and SIBO can worsen malnutrition. Another possibility is side effects from any medication that are taking.  I was on Metformin 3 months before it turned me into a zombi.  I had crippling side effects from most of the BP meds tried on me, and Losartan has many of the side effects on me from my pre gluten free days. Because you have been gluten free, you can test and talk until you are blue in the face but all of your tests will be negative.  Without gluten, you will not create the antigen against gluten, no antigens to gluten, so no small intestine damage from the antigens.  You will need to do a gluten challange to test positive if you need an official diagnosis, and even then, no guaranty: 10 g of gluten per day for 6 weeks! Then a full panel of Celiac tests and biopsy. At a minimum consider vitamin D, Liquid Iodine (unless you have dermatitis herpetiformis and iodine exasperates the rash), and Liquid Geritol. Push for vitamin D testing and a consult with a nutritionist experienced with Celiack Disease.  Most blood tests don't indicate nutritional deficiencies.  Your thyroid tests can be perfect, yet not indicate iodine deficiency for example.  Thiamine   test fine, but not pick up on beriberi.  Vegans are often B12 deficient because meat, fish, poultry, eggs, and dairy are the primary souces of B12. Here is what I take daily.  10,000 IU vitamin D3 750 mg g a b a [   ] 200 mg CoQ10 [   ] 100 mg DHEA [   ] 250 mg thiamine B1 [   ] 100 mg of B2 [   ] 500 mg B5 pantothenic acid [   ] 100 mg B6 [   ] 1000 micrograms B12 n [   ] 500 mg vitamin c [   ] 500 mg taurine [   ] 200 mg selenium   
    • NanceK
      Hi…Just a note that if you have an allergy to sulfa it’s best not to take Benfotiamine. I bought a bottle and tried one without looking into it first and didn’t feel well.  I checked with my pharmacist and he said not to take it with a known sulfa allergy. I was really bummed because I thought it would help my energy level, but I was thankful I was given this info before taking more of it. 
    • Wheatwacked
      Hello @Scatterbrain, Are you getting enough vitamins and minerals.  Gluten free food is not fortified so you may be starting to run low on B vitamins and vitamin D.   By the way you should get your mom checked for celiac disease.  You got it from your mom or dad.  Some studies show that following a gluten-free diet can stabilize or improve symptoms of dementia.  I know that for the 63 years I was eating gluten I got dumber and dumber until I started GFD and vitamin replenishment and it began to reverse.  Thiamine can get used up in a week or two.  Symptoms can come and go with daily diet.  Symptoms of beriberi due to Thiamine deficiency.   Difficulty walking. Loss of feeling (sensation) in hands and feet. Loss of muscle function or paralysis of the lower legs. Mental confusion. Pain. Speech difficulties. Strange eye movements (nystagmus) Tingling. Any change in medications? Last March I had corotid artery surgery (90 % blockage), and I started taking Losartan for blood pressure, added to the Clonidine I was taking already.  I was not recovering well and many of my pre gluten free symptoms were back  I was getting worse.  At first I thought it was caused a reaction to the anesthesia from the surgery, but that should have improved after two weeks.  Doctor thought I was just being a wimp. After three months I talked to my doctor about a break from the Losartan to see if it was causing it. It had not made any difference in my bp.  Except for clonindine, all of the previous bp meds tried had not worked to lower bp and had crippling side effects. One, I could not stand up straight; one wobbly knees, another spayed feet.  Inguinal hernia from the Lisinopril cough.  Had I contiued on those, I was destined for a wheelchair or walker. She said the symptoms were not from Losartan so I continued taking it.  Two weeks later I did not have the strength in hips and thighs to get up from sitting on the floor (Help, I can't get up😨).  I stopped AMA (not recommended).  Without the Losartan, a) bp did not change, after the 72 hour withdrawal from Losartanon, on clonidine only and b) symptoms started going away.  Improvement started in 72 hours.  After six weeks they were gone and I am getting better.  
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.