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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

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jerseyangel Proficient
Let's all gather at our westernmost member's abode for a party. There's lots of food, but I fear that she may have used up most, if not all, of the scotch. :o Perhaps BYOB would be fitting. :lol:

Capitol idea! I kinda phorgot that I sorta don't have a house right now :lol: Love me sills and all, but can you imagine the lot of us squeezed into me one bedroom apartment?? :P

So......off to Jess's fer chile and rubbed thighs!!!! Bring yer own bacon and scotch ;)


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elye Community Regular

Good Morning, Gang!

So......off to Jess's fer chile and rubbed thighs!!!! Bring yer own bacon and scotch ;)

Okay, we're on!

So Jyesss was rubbing thighs last night..... .. . .... :huh::lol:

Y'know, this actually does sound like a place I may wanna party . . .. ...

Crap, I'm going for a run this morning, and now every time I pass by a cluster of shrubs I'm suddenly bracing myself for a stealth attorney or gas-armed anaethsesiologist pulling me into the foliage.. .. . ......

blueeyedmanda Community Regular

Morning Sills

Had a nice weekend--now its back to work and rainy weather! The warm temps and sun this weekend was a tease. I spent the day on Saturday with my mom and niece Silvia, we visited her mommy and new sissy. That baby was a cutie and I didnt not want to put her down. Afterwards we took Silvia to the park and then to the ice cream stand. I got her nice and dirty. Such a good auntie.

Yesterday was John's family's Easter. We went to his parents house for dinner and there was an egg hunt in the yard for Lydia. It was nice since they got eggs before the rain started.

Now I am here again--feels like I never leave work.

John's follow-up appointment went well. He is not able to return to work until 5/25. He is pretty bummed about that but at the same time he is thinking of painting at home. That doesn't involve much lifting. The only reason he is not able to come to work is he is not able to lift over a certain amount of weight and his boss won't let him return if he cant perform his job 100%. So thats John's update.

I guess thats all for now. Not much else to report.

Jess- love your mum av.

Bye sillz

Jestgar Rising Star
Crap, I'm going for a run this morning, and now every time I pass by a cluster of shrubs I'm suddenly bracing myself for a stealth attorney or gas-armed anaethsesiologist pulling me into the foliage.. .. . ......

welcome to my world, where the unexpected lurks around every corner. <_<

jerseyangel Proficient

Mornin' sillies B)

Not much to report--glad to hear that John's f/u appointment went well. Loved the mini poop in by Jess's mum! :D

Hope ya'll have a great Monday!

Darn210 Enthusiast

just gave jodog her first chill pill . . . and I'm thinkin' it's time to bring out the lamp-shade-do-hicky

Back is seriously messed up from UNlandscaping and haulin' stuff out for the garage sale . . . I'm needed me own drugs!!!

nikki-uk Enthusiast
welcome to my world, where the unexpected lurks around every corner. <_<

JESS!!!!!!

GAHHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Yer cracked me up wiv yer scotch chilli thigh rubbing fest :lol:x 20 ............. and your av (Mummy)...DAMN! she's got good legs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just gave jodog her first chill pill . . . and I'm thinkin' it's time to bring out the lamp-shade-do-hicky

Back is seriously messed up from UNlandscaping and haulin' stuff out for the garage sale . . . I'm needed me own drugs!!!

Pop one of JoDog's......you'll soon be in a very happy place :lol:

Is the lampshade the collar to stop her licking ???

GADS those things hurt on yer shin when they run at yer full pelt <_<

PSILLIES!!!!!!!!

Can't possibly comment on everything as you were ALL so bloomin' PHUNNEE!!!!!!!

2 days of sunshine and you'll notice the Brit disappears.............t'is such a rarety, I have to soak up as much vitamin D as possible to ward off the 'rickets' and such like.

...wasn't sure the world was ready for my whiter than white skin, but they GOT it!!!!!!!! :lol:

mUCH has been accomplished today in the garden with satisfying dirt ridden hand/nails - kids went back to school

WOOHOO!!!!!

Glad to hear Amanda's John is on the mend :)

Gian-kneet's clearing out her TATT!!!!!

:lol:


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elye Community Regular

Nikker's safe from rickets! (((whew)))). . . .. ;)

welcome to my world, where the unexpected lurks around every corner. <_<

Um, Jyesss........ . ..things jump out, make no sense and confront you unexpectedly with a dizzying, non-stop ferocity when you are throwing back scotch . . . ....

Just sayin'. . .........

:lol:

just gave jodog her first chill pill . . . and I'm thinkin' it's time to bring out the lamp-shade-do-hicky

I'm thinkin' that this is a drunken party-type lampshade hat for our drugged Jodog. . .. .... :lol:

DingoGirl Enthusiast

good monday morning Sills!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

bloody hot here already - hitting 92 today and

SOOZLE IS NOT PLEASED

:angry: :angry: :angry:

So - my babies and I need a place to spend for about - five months? We'll take four.......during the wretchedly cruel hot summer?

I'm thinking Canada, London, or Bainbridge Island...........

WHO"S GOT ROOM FER US????????????????????

okay pholks - I took an emergency percocet this morn - don't know why I didn't take one this weeeknd, but I did not - - back is an utter mess - almost as bad as it gets :( (that doctor told me two summers ago I have the spine of a 98-y-old woman but....I am thinking it's more like a 120-y-old woman now, and my whole posture is changing - help is needed STAT)

but I am feeling phhhhhhhhaaaaabuloussssss - - :rolleyes:

makes me very productive - pain not as severe - -

not at work today as.....there is not much to do....... :(

but I'm getting lots done at home.......and slightly in my magic place whilst doing it :wacko:

My mistake was starting the scotch before starting dinner.

oh, that's a mistake? :lol:

Although rare, civckebs have been spotted in several areas of North America.

Once near endangerment of extinction, the native civckeb is now naturalizing and multiplying at a rapid rate. In fact, in some states they are filibustering to allow special hunting lotteries to thin the herd.

Tis true.

Yes, let's! Can we please, huh? Huh?

Part-ay @ Patteigh's! Here's how it works--1) Choose a date 2) Book a flight on credit card 3) Arrive

'Oh, what shall we do with the drunken chile...?'

doublewood phlashing :lol: Yes, only the youngest lawyers can pull this off.

But, I must say, I knew the very first time Scott and I snifgf'ed that he was the only man for me

'My boxers lie over the ocean,

my knickers lie over the sea'

I am sooo cheesed off--quotebusters got me and I had already typed out some dang psilly stuff

:lol: this whole thing was quite phunny

MIMMS! if you've got two many quotes (and THIS my friends is a sign that she's a TRUE SILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: ), you ahve to copy and paste and break up yer post into more than one part. A heinosity, to be sure, but sometimes quite necessary.

I'm all for the psilly gathering. Pah-tay...if it doesn't work out at your place, WV is "wild and wonderful" and "almost heaven" (both official slogans of the state). Would be a real gasssss!

I have not yet planted tomato plants.....but I did get all of my seeds in the garden today (YAY!) Can't wait for the fresh stuff. We do 4 tomato plants and freeze/can a lot of it. I also will do Sweet Potato again this year. I found a variety that is pale yellow....not nearly so sicky sticky sweet. It has a great texture....and holds up in stews. I LOVE this stuff. Also froze and stored enough veggies that lasted into february. I want to do even more this year...sure beats buying crud stuff from the store and tastes....well...store stuff can't even begin to compare.

Sorry...I tend to get a little carried away by garden stuff!

would just LOVE to go to West Virginia.......I have a friend here whose husband's family has a plot on 20? acres, with a very simple, old farmhouse - must axe her exactly where - she visited and was STRICKEN with it - wants to move there desperately - - and she may!

and your gardening talk NEVER gets old, Tree!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

speaking of gardening - where's Judith?

JUDITH - - how did yer deck-painting go???????????

Paraverse of Patty Griffin's "Mad Mission":

She was drinkin' like the Irish

but she was drinkin' scotch.

'Twas better than a movie--

everybody logged in to watch.

Every single eye was streamin'

when she reached the final scene.

Well, at least mine did!

'Here's lookin' at you,kid."

It's a mad mission

under difficult conditions...

:lol: phantastic - don't know this song but must look it up now....

Okey dokey.

I got, like, 5 bowls of chile in the freezer, plus another big bowl in the frig, the rest of my civckeb, an entire package of chicken thighs with different rubs on them, and a jamaican rub pork loin that just came outta the crock.

May I suggest that we hold the event at my house, since I seem to have already cooked for it?

Perhaps I need to declare a couple no-shop weekends.

Yes - the kids and I are gittin' in the car and we'll be there in a day or two.........

but PLEEZE get those wicked Anesthesiologists Who Attack out of the bushes (unless they're cute and single) ;)

part deux coming up......

DingoGirl Enthusiast

OMG - correction

:angry:

Record-setting temps today - - it's going to be

96 degrees

:angry::angry:

and I WILL turn on my AC for that....... <_<

BTW - I have to tell you about my Kitteh's terrible aim in the litter box :blink:

soooooooooooo much urine on the floor - turns into like a cement goo which I must scrape

but I love him :wub:

Capitol idea! I kinda phorgot that I sorta don't have a house right now Love me sills and all, but can you imagine the lot of us squeezed into me one bedroom apartment??

So......off to Jess's fer chile and rubbed thighs!!!! Bring yer own bacon and scotch

*snort* :lol:

Crap, I'm going for a run this morning, and now every time I pass by a cluster of shrubs I'm suddenly bracing myself for a stealth attorney or gas-armed anaethsesiologist pulling me into the foliage.. .. . ......

:lol: I know, 'tis quite worrisome

except that - I would SERIOUSLY love a gas-armed anasthesiologist attacking and forcing the gas on me (the medicinal gas, Sills, not his pharts :lol: one must clarify in this wackl place)

Not much to report--glad to hear that John's f/u appointment went well. Loved the mini poop in by Jess's mum! :D

:o WHAT? where was this poop-in? how did I miss it????????? :unsure:

just gave jodog her first chill pill . . . and I'm thinkin' it's time to bring out the lamp-shade-do-hicky

Back is seriously messed up from UNlandscaping and haulin' stuff out for the garage sale . . . I'm needed me own drugs!!!

:lol: I also thought you meant a lampshade for party antics

I used to give Stinker valium, when she went through chemo....and saved a few for her panic attacks - - they were quite something - - uncontrollable shaking and running back into her bed

:blink: I never knew why - - she was such a brilliant, peculiar dog :wub: Highly complex, brighter than most humans......

PSILLIES!!!!!!!!

Can't possibly comment on everything as you were ALL so bloomin' PHUNNEE!!!!!!!

2 days of sunshine and you'll notice the Brit disappears.............t'is such a rarety, I have to soak up as much vitamin D as possible to ward off the 'rickets' and such like.

...wasn't sure the world was ready for my whiter than white skin, but they GOT it!!!!!!!!

mUCH has been accomplished today in the garden with satisfying dirt ridden hand/nails - kids went back to school

WOOHOO!!!!!

NIKKEIGH!!!!!!!!!! this post made my heart sing - picturing our girl GITTIN HER SOME SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keeping rickets at bay........and kids back at school???????? HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cocktails at 6? ;)

forgot everything else - -

more later

jerseyangel Proficient
BTW - I have to tell you about my Kitteh's terrible aim in the litter box :blink:

soooooooooooo much urine on the floor - turns into like a cement goo which I must scrape

but I love him :wub:

I hear ya on the phloor pee :P<_<;)

Jess's mum's lil' note appeared in post # 30843. Hey--I think I just pulled a Jan-it! :lol:

Gadzooks Suz--it's mighty hot out there all of a sudden. Everyone here keeps warning us about the summer--I'm skeered B):unsure:

I met the sweetest Celiac lady in Kroger on Saturday afternoon. (phorgot to tell youse guys) We exchanged email addys and I told her she needs to check out our site. :)

elye Community Regular
- - she was such a brilliant, peculiar dog :wub: Highly complex, brighter than most humans......

I really do believe that ALL dogs are brighter than ALL of us. . .... . . :):wub:

Elsie, for example, true to her breed, is fiercely intelligent - - exhausts me to contemplate it. She knows whether I am taking her and Gus for a run or going to the gym by the athletic shoes I pull out of the closet. The shoes look very similar...same colours (mostly white), my aerobic shoes being slightly higher cut.

Well, they follow me around from 6 am until about 8, watching, waiting, wondering....what are her plans? Does she work this morning? Is that great step class happening? ARE WE RUNNING??. . .. ..

Then, I approach the closet.....Elsie's ears perk forward, she stands transfixed......Gus is looking at my face passively, so? We goin' out, er what?.....

I reach in to the shelf.....Elsie's eyes widen, she is a coiled-up statue....Gus looks over at his food dish, hey, did I finish everything in there?

I pull out:

The runners.... . . . ...Elsie explodes. Jumping, whining, licking. . . ......

The aerobic shoes.........her ears flatten, eyes look away, li'l nub of a tail disappears. . ......she canna look me in the eye. Oh.......you are going out without us.

:lol:

jerseyangel Proficient

Look out below, Sils....I'm doing an experiment :lol:

I've been successphully eating greek yogurt now for a couple weeks, so I thought I'd try a splash of milk in me tea :o I'm drinking it now--boy is it good! Keep yer phingers crossed...... :rolleyes:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
I really do believe that ALL dogs are brighter than ALL of us. . .... . . :):wub:

Elsie, for example, true to her breed, is fiercely intelligent - - exhausts me to contemplate it. She knows whether I am taking her and Gus for a run or going to the gym by the athletic shoes I pull out of the closet. The shoes look very similar...same colours (mostly white), my aerobic shoes being slightly higher cut.

Well, they follow me around from 6 am until about 8, watching, waiting, wondering....what are her plans? Does she work this morning? Is that great step class happening? ARE WE RUNNING??. . .. ..

Then, I approach the closet.....Elsie's ears perk forward, she stands transfixed......Gus is looking at my face passively, so? We goin' out, er what?.....

I reach in to the shelf.....Elsie's eyes widen, she is a coiled-up statue....Gus looks over at his food dish, hey, did I finish everything in there?

I pull out:

The runners.... . . . ...Elsie explodes. Jumping, whining, licking. . . ......

The aerobic shoes.........her ears flatten, eyes look away, li'l nub of a tail disappears. . ......she canna look me in the eye. Oh.......you are going out without us.

:lol:

*I* nearly exploded in anticipation !!!!!!! :lol:

Look out below, Sils....I'm doing an experiment :lol:

I've been successphully eating greek yogurt now for a couple weeks, so I thought I'd try a splash of milk in me tea :o I'm drinking it now--boy is it good! Keep yer phingers crossed...... :rolleyes:

Am skird Paddeigh!!!! :unsure: (but hopephul!)

OH SOOZHELLE'S HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o <give it meeeeeeeeee >

Come stay wiv us!!!...... we may not spritz the pillowcases with the smell of fresh perfume OR give 5 star service (muck IN!) but you and yer furbies are most welcome !!!!!!!!!! :lol:

T'is laaaaate (back to hanus 6.15am starts :rolleyes: ) ....OFF to ma bed....tomorrow peeps!!!

elye Community Regular
I've been successphully eating greek yogurt now for a couple weeks, so I thought I'd try a splash of milk in me tea :o I'm drinking it now--boy is it good! Keep yer phingers crossed...... :rolleyes:

Yay, Patteigh! This could big a big thang - - imagine being able to have dairy again? Huge worlds open up fer ya!!! :)

Come stay wiv us!!!...... we may not spritz the pillowcases with the smell of fresh perfume OR give 5 star service (muck IN!) but you and yer furbies are most welcome !!!!!!!!!! :lol:

Let's all get over to Nik's, pets in tow! We must bring our own blankies, wine, and I shall cart along a couple of crutch tips in which to put our candles. . . . . ...

:lol:

jerseyangel Proficient
Yay, Patteigh! This could big a big thang - - imagine being able to have dairy again? Huge worlds open up fer ya!!! :)

Twould be huge! I'd be happy wif just a couple times a week. Over the moon, actually! :rolleyes:

I wanna go to Nik's too!!!!!!! :D

mimommy Contributor
Sacrificial Azaleas....yes. I have several. They were meant to be beautiful and prolific in their flowering.....but the deer have deflowered defoliated every dang one. I now have several very naked shrubs....(talk about your double wood!).

:lol::lol::lol:

'Tis a lousy lover and rarely stays the night with me. :unsure:

:lol::lol::lol:

I'm all for the psilly gathering. Pah-tay...if it doesn't work out at your place, WV is "wild and wonderful" and "almost heaven" (both official slogans of the state). Would be a real gasssss!

When I was very young--say about 5 years old--I had a mad crush on John Denver :huh: I still love his music--I'm such a dork, I swear..."almost heaven, West Virginia" :rolleyes:

I missed out on the rubbing of the thighs. Damn! Mine never seem to get rubbed. :unsure:

Poor Peter :D

OMG - correction

:angry:

Record-setting temps today - - it's going to be

96 degrees

:angry::angry:

and I WILL turn on my AC for that....... <_<

So sorry about the heatwave! Hope you're stayin' cool B) Round these parts we turn on the a/c at 75 degrees (lightweights). There's this e-mail thing that goes around every so often that says things like "You know you're from Michigan if...you've had your furnace and your air conditioner on in the same day" We tell visitors that if they don't like the weather, wait about fifteen minutes. Case in point--twas 77 on Saturday. Calling for snow tomorrow :angry:

Well, everyone, I have had my ear chewed off with this new job more times then I care to mention. I even had a woman make a racial slur to me. Some people are just nasty, and not fit for public conversation. Bastiches, all of 'em.

I had a guy come in today and call me "Young Lady" whilst pointing his finger and speaking in a most patronizing tone. It seems to me that 1) at 40 years old, I'm not a 'young lady' anymore and that 2) to be called this in an insinuating manner by a slovenly poohead only a few years my senior is simply ridiculous. Although I steared clear of the guy (something about the tattouage on his arm made me wary), there are times when I give it right back to people. I have far less patience for people's nonsense than when I was a 'young lady'.

Any hoo--

My husband is being so funny about this duck in our front yard. Last night he watched out the window for her for a long time. When I walked by he said, "She's not back yet, hon. You're going to have to go sit on the eggs."

elye Community Regular
"She's not back yet, hon. You're going to have to go sit on the eggs."

:lol::lol:

Crap, Methinks I'd be breakin' any eggs I aimed my big arse over. . .. ...

:rolleyes:

YES!!! SAVE THE CIVCKEB!! :lol:

Jestgar Rising Star
I had a guy come in today and call me "Young Lady" whilst pointing his finger and speaking in a most patronizing tone.

I would just assume this means you look 20 years younger.

And racial slur???? OMG!! All this time I thought you were human!!!

You're the new breed of civckeb aren't you!?!?!?!? !

OMG!! We have a thumbed civckeb!!

I'm so sorry I cooked your cousin :ph34r:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
:lol::lol:

Crap, Methinks I'd be breakin' any eggs I aimed my big arse over. . .. ...

:rolleyes:

YES!!! SAVE THE CIVCKEB!! :lol:

YES!! .....we MUST!!!!!!!!!!

Should one squat over eggs as though they were a public toilet???? :unsure:

Another sunny day :D ...... gotta catch me rays (a pitphul 72 degrees to Snoozelles 96 <_< )

Gotta plant out some of the seedlings!!!!!!

Later peeps! :D

elye Community Regular

'Mornin' Psillies! Whoa, Nik's been up since 2:15 am my time. . . . . .... :wacko:

Well, my parent's BIIIIIIIG anniversary is tomorrow, and we ended up kaiboshing the Big Party Idea. My dad has just not been well enough, and when we let it slip that a fete may be in the works, my mom said, "don't do it - -you'll be calling people, and then having to call them back because your father's back in the hospital, or not feeling well enough to participate". So we are going over tomorrow night....with....a cake? Guess I'd better get on that. .. . ...

Rae-tchooll is an Armenian Civckeb!!! A thumbed variety, to boot....!! She can do complex tasks, like climbing, opening coconuts..........

Mimmsy, ya got thumbs! Use 'em to poke those heinous co-workers of your'n in the eyes!

:lol:

Bah. Rain here, and 13 C........

flourgirl Apprentice

:lol:

When I was very young--say about 5 years old--I had a mad crush on John Denver :huh: I still love his music--I'm such a dork, I swear..."almost heaven, West Virginia" :rolleyes:

Well, everyone, I have had my ear chewed off with this new job more times then I care to mention. I even had a woman make a racial slur to me. Some people are just nasty, and not fit for public conversation. Bastiches, all of 'em.

I had a guy come in today and call me "Young Lady" whilst pointing his finger and speaking in a most patronizing tone. It seems to me that 1) at 40 years old, I'm not a 'young lady' anymore and that 2) to be called this in an insinuating manner by a slovenly poohead only a few years my senior is simply ridiculous. Although I steared clear of the guy (something about the tattouage on his arm made me wary), there are times when I give it right back to people. I have far less patience for people's nonsense than when I was a 'young lady'.

Any hoo--

My husband is being so funny about this duck in our front yard. Last night he watched out the window for her for a long time. When I walked by he said, "She's not back yet, hon. You're going to have to go sit on the eggs."

*I* still luuuv J. Denver too. We must be part of a secret society, where nobody admits to this in public! :lol: There is just something so......flowerchild 60-ish.....peace/love/mellow/meloncholy about his music that just flows through my heart like a warm, chuckly stream. (Told you I was crazy!)

I tend to be seriously insulted at pointed fingers. I've been know to tell pointers (who are generally aiming for intimidation) that if they want to keep that finger they better put it away :P . Tends to shut them up. I used to be a real mouse....but I'm too old to be intimidated by idiots anymore.

Yes....you need to sit on the eggs in the absence to the actual mom. You could put this on your resume and pick up some good "side"money as a nest-sitter :lol:

flourgirl Apprentice

Heh heh heh....American Civckeb send us a pic! Generally the finding of new species is in places that are not populated ..... in jungles and islands. How kool to discover a new species here......and to actually be talking to one! :lol::lol:

blueeyedmanda Community Regular

Morning Sillies!

I need to rant and I am sorry but this has been boiling inside me since yesterday afternoon. So this is Administrative Professionals week--yep no longer is there just a day its an entire week. So we have 2 support staff people that we always honor by having a potluck and getting them a small gift...So we talked about it last week and then one of our coworkers got married on Friday at the JP. So another coworker planned a small luncheon for her this Thursday. In the midst of everything my coworker friend and I realized it is admin week and no one had planned anything yet. So I talked to another coworker who asked me to send around an email to ask everyone their suggestions to honor our coworkers.....there are 20 of us and I only got 1 reply yesterday and there was one this morning.....So I had sent it out yesterday at 12. At the end of the day I talked to the only reply I had gotten. She said to me that the one support staff should really be in my group (they honor the rest of the office on a day which they have dubbed To those of you who dont have a day day) We have bosses day, nurses day, admin week. So all of those people got together and do something for all of us. So then she dropped the bomb on me and said- No one wants to do anything for the other woman.....I wanted to scream. How terrible! So my buddy here and I decided if we dont hear any more replies- we will take that woman out to lunch and celebrate on our own.

This woman will do anything for anyone. She will help you. Yes I agree she screws off way too much but we all have those days.....its not fair to just ignore her this week. Thats mean.

So then Jen tells me this story of her horrible coworkers. Last summer a coworker threw a picnic for all the people on the floor. She made all this food and people said they were coming. Jen and Landen were the only ones who showed up. Jen said the woman had made pies and barbequed and really made a nice meal. Jen felt terrible for her. At the end of the meal the woman said to her-thanks for coming so I didnt have to eat alone....when Jen told me that I almost could have cried. Flashfoward to today. Jen is the head of this comittee at work that helps improve the morale on their floor. This same woman who threw the picnic ended up in the ER over the weekend and it turns out she has colon cancer and it spread to her liver and she is losing her bowel and getting a colostomy. So Jen decided to see if theycould use some money in their little morale fund and get the woman some flowers and a card.....the manager said no- if she wanted to do that the coworkers need to take up a collection to get their own money. So Jen asked around and no one wanted to contribute.....How terrible! Jen ended up going to the store and buying her own flowers and card and dropping it off last night.

Once again-Jen said this woman helps people in and out of work- no questions asked. She Said this woman will bring cake in on peoples birthdays and never ask for money towards it. That kind of thing.

People are so mean!!!!

mimommy Contributor

**giggling hysterically**

No time to comment on all your hilarity, but MUST tell you what an eejit I am.

I was leaving for work and realized I had just locked myself outta my habitat. I had been inwardly griping to meself all mornin about my man's penchant for leaving things opened, unlocked, and basically unsealed, but now I'm rather glad he did.

I circled the house, going from window to window, hoping hubby had left one unlocked after the warm spell this weekend--and yea--he did. I had to hoist myself up from a vinyl lawn chair to the bedroom window and pull myself through. My dog thought this was an an amazing trick--he was rather jealous, I think. He's now eyeballing my opposable thumbs with a look of wonderment and envy.

The bad news--me thighs are now bruised from knee to hip :(

XOXOXO

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    • Jillian83
      He is. Which makes everything even more difficult. I’m not a believer in “staying for the kids” but I have nowhere to go and it’s not just me, it’s me plus my babies. We live in a beautiful place, lots of land in the country and me and the kids love the place we’ve called home for their entire lives. But Im seeing that he’ll never change, that my kids deserve a happy healthy Momma, and that staying in this as is will be the early death of me. Then I look at the scars covering my entire body…this disease and the chronic stress I’ve been enduring for years that tell me I’m no longer beautiful and no one will ever look at me with interest again. I try self care, try to give myself grace so I can just start loving myself enough to gain strength but the slightest sparkle in my eye and skip in my step attracts his wrath and it all comes crashing ten fold. Life is just absolutely railing me from every single direction leaving me wanting to wave that white flag bc I don’t feel like there’s much hope no matter what happens. 
    • trents
    • Jillian83
      Hi, I was recently diagnosed with Celiac and dermatitis herpetiformis after years of suffering without answers. I lost my mind. I lost my job. I lost so much time. I lost Me. Conventional doctors are opulent come near me and the one who did sat across the room, misdiagnosed me, pumped me full of steroids which collapsed my entire hip for 6 months. So without answers I began my holistic journey. Fast forward a couple of years and still struggling with a mysterious whole body itchy, crawling “skin hell”, perfect teeth now deteriorating, thick hair now thinning rapidly and no more than a day or 2 at most relief….An acquaintance opened up a functional medicine practice. Cash only, I found a way. Within a month tests clearly showing my off the charts gluten allergy/sensitivity as well as the depletion of vital nutrients due to leaky gut and intestinal damage. dermatitis herpetiformis was more than likely what I was experiencing with my skin. I was happy. I thought this is easy, eat healthy Whole Foods, follow the diet restrictions and I finally get to heal and feel confident and like myself again very soon! 😔 Supplements are very pricey but I got them and began my healing. Which leads to the other major issue: not working, stay at home Mom of young kids, entirely financially dependent on my man of 7 plus years. He’s never been supportive of anything I’ve ever done or been thru. He controls everything. I’m not given much money ever at a time and when he does leave money it’s only enough to possibly get gas. His excuse is that I’ll spend it on other things. So my “allowance” is inconsistent and has conditions. He withholds money from me as punishment for anything he wants. Since being diagnosed, he’s gained a new control tactic to use as punishment. He now is in control of when I get to eat. He asked for proof of my diagnosis and diet bc he said I made it up just to be able to eat expensive organic foods. Then after I sent him my file from my doctor he then said she wasn’t a real doctor. 😡. I go days upon days starving, sometimes breaking down and eating things I shouldn’t bc I’m so sick then I pay horribly while he gets annoyed and angry bc I’m not keeping up with all the duties I’m supposed to be doing. His abuse turns full on when I’m down and it’s in these desperate times when I need his support and care the most that I’m punished with silence, being starved, ignored, belittled. He will create more of a mess just bc I’m unable to get up and clean so that when I am better, I’m so overwhelmed with chores to catch up that the stress causes me to go right back into a flare from hell and the cycle repeats. I’m punished for being sick. I’m belittled for starving and asking for healthy clean water. I’m purposely left out of his life. He won’t even tell me he’s going to the grocery or to get dinner bc he doesn’t want me to ask him for anything. I have no one. I have nothing. Im not better. My supplements ran out and I desperately need Vitamin D3 and a methylated B complex at the very minimal just to function….he stares at me blankly…no, a slight smirk, no words. He’s happiest when im miserable and I am miserable.  this is so long and im condensing as much as I can but this situation is so complicated and disgusting. And it’s currently my life. The “IT” girl, the healthy, beautiful, perfect skin, perfect teeth, thick and curly locks for days, creative and talented IT girl….now I won’t even leave this house bc Im ashamed of what this has dont to my body, my skin. Im disgusted. The stress is keeping me from healing and I think he knows that and that’s why he continues to keep me in that state. He doesn’t want me confident or successful. He doesn’t want me healed and healthy bc then how would he put the blame of all his problems on me? This journey has been hell and I’ve been in Hell before. I’ve been killed by an ex, I’ve been raped, robbed, held hostage, abused beyond nightmares but the cruelty I’ve experienced from him bc of this disease is the coldest I’ve ever experienced. I’ve wanted to give up. Starving and in tears, desperate…I found a local food pantry in our small town so I reached out just saying I had Celiac and was on hard times. This woman is blessing me daily with prepared gluten free meals, donations, educational info, people who know this disease and how they manage life and the blessings just keep coming. But it’s overwhelming and I feel like I don’t deserve it at all. He just glared and I know he’s going to sabotage it somehow. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m so broken and just want peace and healing. 
    • cristiana
      @Colleen H   I am just curious,  when you were tested for coeliac disease, did the doctors find out if you had any deficiencies? Sometimes muscle pain can be caused by certain deficiencies, for example, magnesium, vitamin D, calcium, and potassium.   Might be worth looking into having some more tests.  Pins and needles can be neuropathy, again caused by deficiencies, such as iron and B12,  which can be reversed if these deficiencies are addressed. In the UK where I live we are usually only tested for iron, B12 and vitamin D deficiencies at diagnosis.   I was very iron anemic and supplementation made a big difference.  B12 was low normal, but in other countries the UK's low normal would be considered a deficiency.  My vitamin D was low normal, and I've been supplementing ever since (when I remember to take it!) My pins and needles definitely started to improve when my known deficiencies were addressed.  My nutritionist also gave me a broad spectrum supplement which really helped, because I suspect I wasn't just deficient in what I mention above but in many other vitamins and minerals.  But a word of warning, don't take iron unless blood tests reveal you actually need it, and if you are taking it your levels must be regularly monitored because too much can make you ill.  (And if you are currently taking iron, that might actually be making your stomach sore - it did mine, so my GP changed my iron supplementation to a gentler form, ferrous gluconate). Lastly, have you been trying to take anything to lessen the pain in your gut?  I get a sore stomach periodically, usually when I've had too much rich food, or when I have had to take an aspirin or certain antibiotics, or after glutening.  When this happens, I take for just a few days a small daily dose of OTC omeprazole.  I also follow a reflux or gastritis diet. There are lots online but the common denominators to these diets is you need to cut out caffeine, alcohol, rich, spicy, acidic food etc and eat small regularly spaced meals.   When I get a sore stomach, I also find it helpful to drink lots of water.  I also find hot water with a few slices of ginger very soothing to sip, or camomile tea.  A wedge pillow at night is good for reflux. Also,  best not to eat a meal 2-3 hours before going to bed. If the stomach pain is getting worse, though, it would be wise to see the doctor again. I hope some of this helps. Cristiana    
    • Me,Sue
      I was diagnosed with coeliac disease a couple of years ago [ish]. I love my food and a variety of food, so it's been hard, as it is with everyone. I try and ensure everything I eat doesn't contain gluten, but occasionally I think something must have got through that has gluten in. Mainly I know because I have to dash to the loo, but recently I have noticed that I feel nauseous after possibly being glutened. I think the thing that I have got better at is knowing what to do when I feel wiped out after a gluten 'episode'. I drink loads of water, and have just started drinking peppermint tea. I also have rehydration powders to drink. I don't feel like eating much, but eventually feel like I need to eat. Gluten free flapjacks, or gluten free cereal, or a small gluten free kids meal are my go to. I am retired, so luckily I can rest, sometimes even going to bed when nothing else works. So I feel that I am getting better at knowing how to try and get back on track. I am also trying to stick to a simpler menu and eat mostly at home so that I can be more confident about what I am eating. THANKS TO THOSE WHO REPLIED ABOUT THE NAUSEA .
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