The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[ranger]

Ex-chef watching Hell's Kitchen. Have worked with people lie him. It was hell.

I hate Rushin food. I love Rusky authors. They are as big as thier country.

Ohio is a huge and grated country. And the Amish make it cheezy and glutteny.

I have way to many random thaughts.

Good Night.

Jesslika, I hope you even out your man-hate. Stay strong, he'll get over it.

Sleezario

[elye]

OMG.....have missed a big Man Rant.

Um.....don't have a lot to contribute... . .......life is pretty good here testosterone-wise. But I wanna hear Jyesssss's details.

Jess, is this a sciency-man thang? Dunno if I can be of any help here, or even have my attention grabbed for long enough to matter..... . .

Did the bastard split yer infinitive?? Man, I could be of use, here... .. . !!

Hey.....(purely self-centred disclaimer, here).......Mehopes that this was a male that really pissed Jyesss off.....then she will be drinking this eve, and that is pure entertainment for us all. . . ......

[curlyfries]

Hey.....(purely self-centred disclaimer, here).......Mehopes that this was a male that really pissed Jyesss off.....then she will be drinking this eve, and that is pure entertainment for us all. . . ......

......and we need some new psilly words to add to our vocabulary

[DingoGirl]

don't even get me STARTED on Man Rage

sills........I"ve been drinkin' some wine. And am pheelin' pseriously psilly, and having love surges.

One of me old friends, who is a new FB friend (from high school), sent me about a hunnert dollerz worth of g f goodies today, via fed ex. I cried my eyes out. < they don't even GNOW how po' I is in prezent unemployed state>

'twas a wondrous thing to happen on an otherwise hellish Tuesday

Psuessle.....just what is it that you are up to these days? Just wonderin'

I don't even know. Tryin' to fill jewelry orders

OMG The duggar lady is pregnant with her 19th child---yikes!!!! My coworker just joked that all she needs to do is sqwat and out they pop....

I don't even know what to say about this, except that, all of her children seem offully polite

These are a few of my favorite things...when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling menstrual sad..........I simply remember me sniffles and poos and then I don't feel so bad

love this

and - love yer dad

A beuuuuuutiful day in Ohio. But, I am gggroaningly mad. Overnight, the racoons attacked my garden and ate all but 1 lousy ear of corn. Thats 3, 40 foot rows! Earlier in the season the small critters ate all my lettuce, chard, and green beans. All I have left are mators and plumkins!

oh - this is haynus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No time for a proper rant. Men are so parking stupid!!

could not agree more.

Oh, is my man-rage showing?

The upside- I could have an affair on the couch in front of him. He wouldn't notice.

The downside- I could have a heart attack on the couch in front of him. He wouldn't notice.

Jessphenomy- Who did what to you. Did it have to do with pheramones? I doubt it, because you seem seriously angry. Take a deep breath and talk to us. We can solve any problem. Oh, yeah.

OMG - this cracked me up

I can't agree 100%, because anything that has to do with sex, they notice--everything else, not so much I think if you needed to get attention you just say "wanna have sex" then when they look up and say "what?" You say,

" please take out the trash"

*snortle*

Ex-chef watching Hell's Kitchen. Have worked with people lie him. It was hell.

I hate Rushin food. I love Rusky authors. They are as big as thier country.

Ohio is a huge and grated country. And the Amish make it cheezy and glutteny.

I have way to many random thaughts.

Good Night.

Jesslika, I hope you even out your man-hate. Stay strong, he'll get over it.

Sleezario

love this whole thing. But I can't say why. AT this moment.

Did the bastard split yer infinitive?? Man, I could be of use, here... .. . !!

WHOT??????? the NOIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judyin Philly]

A beuuuuuutiful day in Ohio. Juds- want to trade houses? Too many critters around here.

shoot why can't i remember where in Ohio your reside??? like them fancy wordings?

I'll trade you some deer

want them?

I'll keep the foxes and kits .......they are so cute

The upside- I could have an affair on the couch in front of him. He wouldn't notice.

The downside- I could have a heart attack on the couch in front of him. He wouldn't notice.

Jessphenomy- Who did what to you. Did it have to do with pheramones? I doubt it, because you seem seriously angry. Take a deep breath and talk to us. We can solve any problem. Oh, yeah.

God just cracked me up

must read up on St Joe

I did plant him already

as of 11:39 ...........nada

[blueeyedmanda]

Morning Sillz

Plumber is here and I am hoping this will be a quick fix. I am still going to work- just later than usual. Lots of tension at work right now- Our boss is a nasty woman, she says downright nasty things to people and once you make her mad she never forgives ya. I think a lot of her troubles are she sees us all out living our lives and happy- since we dont allow work to be the center of our life.

Anyhoo- I work with this woman who is in her mid-40's and she is so nice. She is always willing to help whenever anyone needs anything, she is there to listen and she just goes above and beyond. So my boss has been picking on her and when the woman asked if she was doing her job wrong my boss said to her its not your job its you.... and then she goes on to tell this woman she dresses whoreish..... this woman is the most professional looking gal you'd see. if she looks whoreish I must look like downright slutty trailer trash.... so my boss has really soured the moods at work lately. We are hoping she decides to relocate back to where she came from. Happy Thoughts eh?

How are all my silly phriends this morning? Its chilly outside again- me fears winter will be early....

Suzzle- don't get me wrong I like the duggar lady, those kids are polite and smart and nice- I just think thats a lot of stress on her body.

I just had to go banish the cat to the basement- he thought it was ok to go crawl under the sink while the plumber is taking the pipes apart- and once he got in that sink he layed on top of the plumbers tools.....silly kitty!

[Jestgar]

Sorry about the long-winded rant yesterday.

It was work boys, not real boys. I asked (emailed) a simple question to the computer guy about how to use the Avg function in Access. He responded by telling me what I wanted to do with my data really should be done in Stata, and cc'd the boss. I responded that, yes, it should be done in Stata, but while I was using Access to look at my data (you should always look at your data) I realized I didn't know how to use this simple function.

Then the boss responded with some patronizing thing about how Stata wasn't all that hard and he could help me if I needed it.

I then spent an hour looking through an Access book, and googling until I found that the Avg function only works in a Totals query, not a regular query. That's what, eight, ten words?

So I sent that statement back to both of them and turned off my phone and email because I was done with stupid boys for the day.

Still annoyed, but boss is gone for the rest of the week and computer guy won't be in until Thursday.

Hey Manda! I got plumbers too!! Is this the same as syncing our cycles?

[blueeyedmanda]

Hey Manda! I got plumbers too!! Is this the same as syncing our cycles?

I think it is I don't know about yours but mine cost $160 for less than an hour of work!

[jerseyangel]

I asked (emailed) a simple question to the computer guy about how to use the Avg function in Access. He responded by telling me what I wanted to do with my data really should be done in Stata, and cc'd the boss. I responded that, yes, it should be done in Stata, but while I was using Access to look at my data (you should always look at your data) I realized I didn't know how to use this simple function.

Then the boss responded with some patronizing thing about how Stata wasn't all that hard and he could help me if I needed it.

I then spent an hour looking through an Access book, and googling until I found that the Avg function only works in a Totals query, not a regular query. That's what, eight, ten words?

[ranger]

Nutz. I was hoping to hear a joosy husband/boyfriend man rant. And, since I'm computer illigitimate. I didn't udderstand a word of the stupid men I work with rant.

So, my fellow ciliis (can I call you that?) are PAYING for men to come service them. I like sax and violins, too, but no way am I 'm going to pay for something so readily available for free. I guess that's my fragile, cheap nature. Tell them to stay away from your water heater! And if he speaks Turkish, it may only cost you the price of a Black Rushin.

I think I need to some Yogi or sumtin like that. The stupid unending stress is getting to me, and I can't afford all the drugs and alcohol it woud take to aggravate it. I'm skeered to go walking (which I used to do) Because of Kudjo and the pit bull that keep getting loose. Any suggestion for sillistress relief?

[elye]

must read up on St Joe

I did plant him already

as of 11:39 ...........nada

Joooodie! You found a St. Joseph statue, brought it home, and placed it on yer property? Within a few hours?? Awesome. St. Joseph statues must be readily available... . .do they have rows of them at Walmart or Costco?

The huge question is unanswered: How did you place him? Upside-down? Facing your house, or across the street? This is apparently vital! What would happen if you lie him down? Perhaps you get some illness. . . .......perhaps your agent does........

Hey Manda! I got plumbers too!! Is this the same as syncing our cycles?

Yup.....it's all pipes.. . . .....that one needs to really bend down and over to see.....

What in hell is a totals query? What's a regular query? Questions that are more involved, more detailed, versus those that simply skim the surface? Are all men jerks? Versus Do all men misunderstand everything we say, misinterpret and fail to hear all we ask unless it is an invitation to have sex?

Sumfin' like that, maybe.. .. . .....

I think I need to some Yogi or sumtin like that. The stupid unending stress is getting to me, and I can't afford all the drugs and alcohol it woud take to aggravate it. I'm skeered to go walking (which I used to do) Because of Kudjo and the pit bull that keep getting loose. Any suggestion for sillistress relief?

OMG.....is this true, Sewzinn? Do you really have an errant beast running through yer neighboUrhood? Um, what might take care of that, so that you can get out and relieve the stress with some exercise, is a bit o' hemlock or rodenticide in a piece of meat. . ......

Psillistress relief....... . . ....... . .I keep thinkin' of alcohol. . ........

[blueeyedmanda]

All right the saying must be true....men crawl out of the woodwork when youre married...

A few months ago my work computer took a dump....literally. It was brand new only 3 months old and the motherboard fried. So at our hospital we do a lease program and it is run by an outside company who staff 2 of their men at our place fulltime. So this nice decent looking guy came to fix my computer. I didn't think much of it until I saw him a few days later and he said hello and talked to me. Still not reading into it I would pass him in the halls occasionally and he was all nice. So about a month ago the monitor fried on the work computer and he was the one to come and fix it and my coworker has been telling me all along you can tell he likes me. I brushed her off and he stayed for a few minutes and made small talk and then left. I saw him a week later and then not at all until Monday when I was waiting outside the cafeteria for my friend, and he was waiting and came and stood and talked....then yesterday he and his buddy ran into me and my work posse and he said hi and smiled and was blushing as was I when I walked away....he has never asked me anything and so I just leave it as friends. He is not bad looking, most people probably wouldnt think he is the hottest but I like the dorky type....Anyway- I am not sure if he is interested or if he is just friendly....cause he has been to m desk and their are wedding pics and such there but whatever....

My feelings on this where was he when I was single and looking....hello!!!! You get a ring and here are all the men...what gives? I would never persue anything but I must admit its nice to know someone is flirting....never had much of that in my time so I guess I can enjoy it now....

[Mtndog]

Suzzle- Your package o' gluten-free goodies. Makes my heart warm! :wub:

Jess- Patronizing jack buttt!

Amanda's BOSS needs her infinitive split- toot sweet!

The upside- I could have an affair on the couch in front of him. He wouldn't notice.

The downside- I could have a heart attack on the couch in front of him. He wouldn't notice.

:lol:

I can't agree 100%, because anything that has to do with sex, they notice--everything else, not so much I think if you needed to get attention you just say "wanna have sex" then when they look up and say "what?" You say,

" please take out the trash"

:lol:

[ranger]

Burning question. Who is Triticum Toxicus and where did he/she go?

Man- can you fire your boss?

Juday- I know it's upside down. Don't know what direction. Hope you didn't buy a 4 ' statue- that wood be a hell of a hole.

Suzlet- We apparently have something in common. Did I here you say you're poor? Or that you frequently poor youself a drink? Either way..........

God, I've got to do something constructive. Maybe I'll go down to the garden and walk on the broken down cornstalks with my new friends, Kudjo and the pit.

Later

Lady Fartalot

[Jestgar]

Man- can you fire your boss?

Oddly enough, since he knows I'm going back to school, and I'm only using him for free tuition, I have essentially fired him. He really has no authority over me whatsoever, I'm working entirely for my own benefit (in my opinion).

[elye]

Burning question. Who is Triticum Toxicus and where did he/she go?

TT is Richard, our Founding King. You can read his heeelarryus posts in the first couple hundred pages or so, and then he got a serious job er sumfin, and we don't read him anymore.

Juday- I know it's upside down. Don't know what direction. Hope you didn't buy a 4 ' statue- that wood be a hell of a hole.

Yesssuree.. . .. .... ..regardless, we need to see Joooodie's St. Joseph. New av, please!

Speaking of avatars...........Sewzhinn and Shroooomie, we need to see youse guys!

Speaking of pictures, just went and had me drivers license renewed. We are now prohibited from smiling in any government issue photograph. No smile, smirk, no nuttin' where the corners of your mouth are turned up, even teenily.

So the government lady had me standing in front of her government issue camera and droned, "Look at the yellow dot. Please do not smile"...........there is a pause, and then she says, somewhat irritated, "PLEASE do NOT smile".

Well, I was not smiling. I could clearly feel my mouth, and it was neutral, a boring, straight line devoid of all sentiment and character, things that so often get in the way of proper identification.

"Okay, here", I said, stretching my mouth-line as straight as I could make it.

"No...........you are smiling. Please stop smiling".

So, I frowned, big-time. Like a mug-shot, like I'd just been busted and was facing many years in prison.

She readied the camera, then said.........

"Your eyes are smiling".

Dear gawd.

[Jestgar]

"Your eyes are smiling".

Dear gawd.

:lol:

After that I would be incapable of not smiling for about a week.

[mushroom]

"Your eyes are smiling".

You shoulda told her you're Irish and ya can't help it.

[elye]

After that I would be incapable of not smiling for about a week.

Yep. . . .......actually, it is very difficult not to smile when you are emphatically instructed to keep from doing so.

PLUS: The camera lady was extremely funny-looking. Upon reflection, I believe she has been purposely assigned to that government picture-taking position since the regulations dictating non-smiling photos came into effect. The other feds are certainly crowding around and peeking out from the back, waiting for the word that there's some poor civilian shlep standing in front of Ms-Face-Like-a-Can-of-Worms' camera.

"Ahhh ah ah. . ......... . .can this one not react? No smile? Nooooooo, look! She can't help herself.....sheeeeee's trying.....but nooooooope.....trying not to look at her face........but there it is. .......A SMILE!"

[blueeyedmanda]

my goodness the sillies are occupied tonight....

I see Judy HIHIHIHIHIHI ((((waving franticxally))))

how are things Judy????

[Judyin Philly]

Joooodie! You found a St. Joseph statue, brought it home, and placed it on yer property? Within a few hours?? Awesome. St. Joseph statues must be readily available... . .do they have rows of them at Walmart or Costco?

The huge question is unanswered: How did you place him? Upside-down? Facing your house, or across the street? This is apparently vital! What would happen if you lie him down? Perhaps you get some illness. . . .......perhaps your agent does........

I don't know how the agent put him in

i dug the hole.

she probably jixed it................

for another time.

It's best I keep my 'comments' on the subject off the internation web site.

She had one in her car.

It was tiny and plastic and had a $1.00 sticker on his feet.

Poor St Joe.

Yup.....it's all pipes.. . . .....that one needs to really bend down and over to see.....

What in hell is a totals query? What's a regular query? Questions that are more involved, more detailed, versus those that simply skim the surface? Are all men jerks? Versus Do all men misunderstand everything we say, misinterpret and fail to hear all we ask unless it is an invitation to have sex?

Sumfin' like that, maybe.. .. . .....

OMG.....is this true, Sewzinn? Do you really have an errant beast running through yer neighboUrhood? Um, what might take care of that, so that you can get out and relieve the stress with some exercise, is a bit o' hemlock or rodenticide in a piece of meat. . ......

Psillistress relief....... . . ....... . .I keep thinkin' of alcohol. . ........

[curlyfries]

Morning Sillz

I just had to go banish the cat to the basement- he thought it was ok to go crawl under the sink while the plumber is taking the pipes apart- and once he got in that sink he layed on top of the plumbers tools.....silly kitty!

Mmmmm-hmmmm .....Manda's 'p%$#@# cat' and the plumber's 'tools'.......need I say more?

Any suggestion for sillistress relief?

Talkin' to me psillies, my kitteh, and lots of ice-cream!

Are all men jerks? Versus Do all men misunderstand everything we say, misinterpret and fail to hear all we ask unless it is an invitation to have sex?

Due to some faulty wiring dating back to the middle ages, men have had the misguided misconception that anything that comes out of a women's mouth is, in actuality, a problem that can only be fixed by the supreme and worldly knowledge and advice of the so called 'dominant' species.

There is also speculation that even as far back as the caveman days, the male species erroneously believed that they alone had all the answers, when, in actuality, it was the cavewoman who realized that the best way to get the men out of their hair was to convince them that they were best suited to run all over the countryside chasing and killing wild creatures. This left the cavewoman free to take care of everything else.

There is also the belief that the aforementioned faulty wiring created a short circuit to the auditory canal, ensuring that the male species has a permanent and irreparable distortion of the way they process any input at or near the decibel level of the female voice.

I'm sure there's documentation on that somewhere...... . . .. .

All right the saying must be true....men crawl out of the woodwork when youre married...

There apparently also exists a male sub-species who's wiring has deteriorated to the extent that their brain theoretically receives but somehow fails to process pertinent visual input, such as wedding pictures, wedding ring, etc. There is little hope that these individuals will be capable of reproducing any viable offspring.

[elye]

Good Morning, peeps!

Leeeeesargh .. ....... .. ..gads, no wonder POeter and Ptaoughmghmnuss don't come around too often. .. . . ......!

The Ripper's newly braced teeth are killing him. He is a miserable kid, so thank gawd fer Advil Extra Strength Gel-caps......

[blueeyedmanda]

Morning Sillies

Em- I remember those days of sore teeth and braces. Milkeshakes and fruit smoothies are great treats.

The sun is shining again today and hopefully it warms up

My newly fixed plumbing is rocking

Can't believe that this is the last weekend of summer (unoffically)

[Mtndog]

Good Morning me psillies-

Judy- Hope that house sells soon so you can be less stressed!

Mmmmm-hmmmm .....Manda's 'p%$#@# cat' and the plumber's 'tools'.......need I say more?

Due to some faulty wiring dating back to the middle ages, men have had the misguided misconception that anything that comes out of a women's mouth is, in actuality, a problem that can only be fixed by the supreme and worldly knowledge and advice of the so called 'dominant' species.

There is also speculation that even as far back as the caveman days, the male species erroneously believed that they alone had all the answers, when, in actuality, it was the cavewoman who realized that the best way to get the men out of their hair was to convince them that they were best suited to run all over the countryside chasing and killing wild creatures. This left the cavewoman free to take care of everything else.

There is also the belief that the aforementioned faulty wiring created a short circuit to the auditory canal, ensuring that the male species has a permanent and irreparable distortion of the way they process any input at or near the decibel level of the female voice.

I'm sure there's documentation on that somewhere...... . . .. .

There apparently also exists a male sub-species who's wiring has deteriorated to the extent that their brain theoretically receives but somehow fails to process pertinent visual input, such as wedding pictures, wedding ring, etc. There is little hope that these individuals will be capable of reproducing any viable offspring.

Lisa Yer whole post :lol:

The Ripper's newly braced teeth are killing him. He is a miserable kid, so thank gawd fer Advil Extra Strength Gel-caps......

Poor Ripper- I remember those days well- OUCH! Yes- feed the poor boy ice cream (and send me some) toot sweet!

Ah, ranger Sewzann, you ask of Richard, our founding father who started this psilly bidness and then bailed (he had a job! Can you imagine?)

OK- since my ENTIRE neighborhood went back to school/work this week and it is a flippin ghost town, PLEASE tell me that working full-time is highly overrated. I'm lonely! My "students" (online) don't come until next week.