The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

Hmmm....an interesting debate...having 34C's myself (quite average, Tom, in case you aren't knowledgeable in the world of brassieres ), I've never seemed to have that concern. Throughout my history, men have looked at my face when speaking or listening to me. It's interesting to hear your side, Jestgar. Why don't you begin staring at these individuals' crotches while they stare at your boobs? Tom, would this simply backfire and make said men feel, "hey! She's staring at my...wow, this is excellent!"?

[tom]

And I wear nothing low cut . . . . .

Well then, that's a bra of a different color . . . . I was addressing the display of skin.

In a non-low-cut situation, we can just file that in the ever-expanding "men are pigs" folder (folder?!!! Ok, then cabinet? . . . Room? . . .. .. Building?)

LOL Emily!

My best guess is that you'd be right on the backfiring.

BTW, love the avatars, even tho I didn't watch the show. Keep 'em comin'!!!!

[elye]

While we're on the topic of body parts, I can do some neat tying in with my time in Europe. The English, while often drunkards, have got some stupendous vocabulary for these things. I love what the Brits do with our language, and here is no exception. Their expressions that refer to the male...part...are fantastic. My dh's old great aunt, who we visited in her little cottage in Winchester, educated me on the different ways to speak of...this. My favorite is "Horizontal Henry", followed by "Negligible Asset" and "Horn o'plenty". She had an entire dictionary of them, it seemed. What a lady...we just don't hear great stuff like that over here.

[DingoGirl]

Somehow it came to mind the other day that if I'd NOT had gluten reintroduced at age 5 and been gluten-free my whole life, I might have a big family too.

It wasn't thought of in a sad regretful way, tho that can still happen sometimes.

I think I'd always want at least one ~3-5 yrs old! They crack me up.

OMG - - OMG - - I always tell people, had I never been a gluten-brain, how differently my life would have turned out.....would have had wildly successful career/marriage/kids/grandkids/a retirement plan etc. etc. etc. (might still have a few of those, it's not too late )

and my rant always ends with

"I coulda BEEN somebody.....couda been a CONTENDAH!!!!!!!"

Hey! I have big boobs. EVERYTHING I wear looks like I'm offering up a display unless it's a tent.

I also have a high IQ, a great voice, fabulous cooking skills and a lot of other talents THAT AREN"T VISUAL!!

Stop Frickin Looking and talk to me! You might discover I'm actually interesting, not just decorative.

Well, I am a 36A, so when people are talking to me, they are never looking at my so-called "visual talents" and are ALWAYS making eye contact :lol:

and Jess said lascivious

LOVE that ebay auction - - - why did they pay so much for the stupid cards? is it because she's so funny? did they feel sorry for her? do Pokemon cards really cost that much?

While we're on the topic of body parts, I can do some neat tying in with my time in Europe. The English, while often drunkards, have got some stupendous vocabulary for these things. I love what the Brits do with our language, and here is no exception. Their expressions that refer to the male...part...are fantastic. My dh's old great aunt, who we visited in her little cottage in Winchester, educated me on the different ways to speak of...this. My favorite is "Horizontal Henry", followed by "Negligible Asset" and "Horn o'plenty". She had an entire dictionary of them, it seemed. What a lady...we just don't hear great stuff like that over here.

Brilliant......and it's also (as most people know) called John Thomas, which is what my friend named her little dog.

We really need Nikki for all of this!

no time to write - - recovering from party exhaustion and how many things I got done AT THE LAST FREAKIN' MINUTE........yikes...... but it was PERFECT, in every way, and my mom cried....

[Jestgar]

"Horizontal Henry"

:lol:

[elye]

Oh! I forgot the best one! Ready...

"Piddle-me-ree".

[CarlaB]

I think I'd always want at least one ~3-5 yrs old! They crack me up.

It was this type of thinking that got me in trouble! I always wanted a baby! When they turn into a toddler, I'd want another! I would have continued ... but the health declined .... now I'm waiting for grandbabies.

Being caught looking is a GOOD thing, when you are sitting amongst women within shouting distance of forty. I haven't got the time (or the body anymore, probably) to be offended...

No, Tom, she understood completely! I get a kick out of men looking (and I, too, am over 40). What I've realized is, men LOVE being looked at in that way ... I don't know why women have a problem with it ... if a great looking guy were walking by, I guess I wouldn't care if he had a brain or not if I was just looking anyway!

And I wear nothing low cut (I'm a scientist, with all the stereotypical frumpiness), but they stick out. I can't change that.

Trade ya', you'd look real smart with mine. It's the blonde hair that makes me look stupid!

they are never looking at my so-called "visual talents" and are ALWAYS making eye contact

Yeah, but you don't see them when you're walking away.

no time to write - - recovering from party exhaustion and how many things I got done AT THE LAST FREAKIN' MINUTE........yikes...... but it was PERFECT, in every way, and my mom cried....

YAY! Congratulations!

Emily, funny "names." The English are so good at that ... their cussing is an art form in my opinion, it just doesn't sound as crude as ours.

[tom]

Ack!! Packing panic!!

I'm trying to max out the baggage w/ 2 check-ins of 50lbs, w/ stuff I might use in SJ but little chance of needing in Phx, (sweaters for one) and just to get a jump on moving.

Too many response-worthy posts!!

(This post is sort of a placeholder for once I'm at the airport)

Ack!! 2 hrs and too indecisive on which 100lbs to bring!

Ow! Damn back!

Grrrrrr gotta eat too!

But, ahhhhhhh, no more 110 until Sep for me!!!!

And tho I'd MUCH rather go to Monterey and Big Sur for the wkend, it'll be good enough to see my old drummer play again (Same guy as Wed in Tucson) in Mtn View Sat night w/

Open Original Shared Link

[tom]

Yippee! Touched down in sannozay!! :) :)

Hmmm....an interesting debate...having 34C's myself (quite average, Tom, in case you aren't knowledgeable in the world of brassieres )

Ohhhhhh so it's the BRA that's 34C, not the . . . . ehhh . . . .. I need some good Brit slang here!!

Well, I am a 36A, so when people are talking to me, they are never looking at my so-called "visual talents" and are ALWAYS making eye contact :lol:

<there are just too many ways to go w/ this>

C'mon now, spill! How many times have you heard some variation of "limpid pools of . . . . " . . .arg! . . . how's that go?

-or-

Maybe you're simply mis-appropriating in which areas these "so-called visual talents" lie.

And holy crap, how'd I not lead w/ "VISUAL?!!! . . . . VIH--ZHU--WUHL!??? True mammarial appreciation is *not* visual, missy!

It was this type of thinking that got me in trouble! I always wanted a baby!

No, Tom, she understood completely!

Hmmm I took Emily's comment as relating to looking in general, not the low-cut top cleavage peeks or down-the-blouse-thank-god-she-missed-a-button glance.

<"dude! i think i saw nip">

Who said that!!? Maybe c.spice is alive and back!

Perhaps Emily herself can clear this up for us.

I get a kick out of men looking (and I, too, am over 40). . . . .

... I don't know why women have a problem with it ...

Well ain't THAT good to hear!!

But are u truly talking about the men looking wherever they please?

Yeah, but you don't see them when you're walking away.

OH!!! I bet S_oo_sie's coyly peeked back before to see smilin' eyes, on a slightly askew noggin, admiring that smooooth no-panty-line look!

(Just to be clear - men do *not* mind the VPL)

[tom]

OMG - - OMG - - I always tell people, had I never been a gluten-brain, how differently my life would have turned out.....would have had wildly successful career/marriage/kids/grandkids/a retirement plan etc. etc. etc. (might still have a few of those, it's not too late )

and my rant always ends with

"I coulda BEEN somebody.....coulda been a CONTENDAH!!!!!!!"

is there some mad arm-waving to go w/ that rant's finale?

Well Dingy, you've had much more time to think about this than I have. I've only had since June, and it really didn't occur to me in an upside-the-head total smackdown way for at least a few weeks. In the beginning I really couldn't trust it to last.

I could all too easily get off-silly for paragraphs on this, but I'll not do that.

Just a sentence - I'm very sure that every single year since I was ~9 or 10 would have been drastically different/better had the 60s docs known to keep me off gluten.

<sheesh . . . . .pity party anyone?>

At this point, the ONLY important thing is that all our remaining years can be "footloose & gluten-free". (I was never much for fancy)

Regret's such a waste of time, yet it seems unavoidable for me for a little while.

Now I'm curious as to how many fall into each camp. Emily earlier today mentioned that it was caught before much in the way of symptoms.

Or maybe it's too maudlin for the sillythread.

[elye]

Perhaps Emily herself can clear this up for us.

Yeah, I'm afraid I was talking about the uncontrollable glimpsing, the sidelong, "she's-looking-in-her-drink-so-now's-the-time!" glances at the chest area. I just realized that after claiming how all my life I've never had men staring at my chest, perhaps in fact I've just been conversing with men who are very good at this stealth-staring. Little niave me....yes, that would fit. And as a teacher, I really have developed (as a vital job requirement) eyes in the back of my head...so, I can say with certainty that NO guys have ever been looking lingeringly at my retreating backside. Necessary for the job, but a vehicle for disappointing realities, I'm afraid...

[DingoGirl]

OMG - - limpid pools and maudlin regret and ogling of the assets...and no time to address any of it! Heading up to the lake for sailing. Well, Eric's sailing w/ my friends, I happily dingo-sit on the beach and make jewelry and study Spanish. It could not be any more perfect! (well wait, if we had a cabin and stayed all weekend - now THAT would be perfect........)

the regret over the lost years......that does take a while to process, but somehow, it did work itself out, and the grief is gone for me now. More on this later - - -

here's a silly for you sillies!!!!! See ya!

The Wal-Mart Greeter

(Smarter than you may think.)

A very loud, very unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with

her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly

"Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.

Nice children you have there.

Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,

"Hell no they ain't. The oldest one's nine and the other one's seven.

Why the hell would you think they're twins?

Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter.

"I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."

"Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!"

[CarlaB]

Well ain't THAT good to hear!!

But are u truly talking about the men looking wherever they please?

(Just to be clear - men do *not* mind the VPL)

I don't care ... I think it just shows what's ALWAYS on men's mind. Maybe it's just come from years of lifting free weights ... mostly guys in there ...

Umm, I asked my hubby about VPL, he doesn't particularly like them, UNLESS they are from a sexy pair of lacy little things ... but the typical VPL's aren't great. So, there's a clear difference of opinion here.

Everyone here, I think, has lost years for one reason or another, most of us due to health. I'm married with children, but there's still a lot I've lost due to illness and being misunderstood for being a hypochondriac. You just can't look back with regret. All that's happened to me up to this point of my life has made me who I am, and quite honestly, I LIKE who I am. If things were different, I'd be different.

Susie, funny about the Wal-Mart greeter ... I've seen that before, it's good for a laugh again!

[CarlaB]

LOL, talking about the gym just reminded me of something that happened once ... I was doing some ab exercises and this guy was watching me. He said something about the exercise and I said he should try it, it's a good exercise. He said he'd just stand there and watch me do it.

I said, "Great! I've been trying to get my husband to the gym for years, when I tell him some weirdo is watching me work out, he just might start coming with me!"

The guy and I actually became gym-friends after that. This illustrates that guys like being teased about who they are ... just like Tom, still hanging around here to get harassed all the time!

[gfp]

There are responsibilities inherent in being the token male. And it was the plural "you", meaning all lascivious males. It's up to you to decide if you fit in there or not.

And I wear nothing low cut (I'm a scientist, with all the stereotypical frumpiness), but they stick out. I can't change that.

Hmm white coat and thick rimmed glasses .... sexy ....

On a slightly more serious note .... and something <b>you</b> of all people should realise.

That's what boobs are for ... with the exception of some bovines no other mammal seems to have need for boobs (as opposed to glands and nipples) ... and boobs developed once we were no longer in a position (literally) to sniff each other's bums. (depending when the move from arboreal to semi upright occurred)

Hence men look at boobs in the same way a rabbit is programmed to flee when it sees a white triangle on the bum of another rabbit running. Its part of our programming....

To be honest I'm more of a legs/bum kinda guy... but even so I often find I'm having a conversation TRYING not to look at some womans boobs... Being as I'm a bit weird and ME looking into people's eyes will often freak them out anyway I end up concentrating on someones shoulder....I even know gay guys who find themselves looking at womens boobs...

So bear in mind there are two types of guys... those who admit they look at boobs and those who don't admit.

Umm, I asked my hubby about VPL, he doesn't particularly like them, UNLESS they are from a sexy pair of lacy little things ... but the typical VPL's aren't great. So, there's a clear difference of opinion here.

Carla .. I'm firmly with your hubby on this one....

I love what the Brits do with our language

That's fighting talk ... we don't take kindly to .....

Actually given the present state of English you're welcome to it...

Please; take my language...no really, take my language.

[tom]

Yeah, I'm afraid I was talking about the uncontrollable glimpsing, the sidelong, "she's-looking-in-her-drink-so-now's-the-time!" glances at the chest area. I just realized that after claiming how all my life I've never had men staring at my chest, perhaps in fact I've just been conversing with men who are very good at this stealth-staring.

While holding a hint of oxymoronism, "stealth-staring" seems to possess the lustre of a newly coined phrase, courtesy of the Mint of Emily.

(Or . . .dammit .. . .do all the women already know it and I get to look foolish again!! &^$%#$%!! The "lusters" know not of which the "lustees" speak. )

I even have to confess that just today . . ..not sure who I was talking to .. . .an opportunity presented itself and I looked right at 'em. It's simply as involuntary as training your eyes on a fly that's landing on your nose!! IN-freaking-Voluntary I tell ya! (Much of a Seinfeld episode was about it even!)

And as a teacher, I really have developed (as a vital job requirement) eyes in the back of my head...so, I can say with certainty that NO guys have ever been looking lingeringly at my retreating backside. Necessary for the job, but a vehicle for disappointing realities, I'm afraid...

Oh Emily Emily Emily . . .. . . .hmmm wait . .. . "lingeringly"'s interpretation might change everything.

But(t) it is SO much easier to disengage the eyeballs from the target before detection when the subject has to completely turn her head around!!

Would "lingeringly" equate to "caught"?

OMG - - limpid pools and maudlin regret and ogling of the assets...and no time to address any of it! Heading up to the lake for sailing. Well, Eric's sailing w/ my friends, I happily dingo-sit on the beach and make jewelry and study Spanish. It could not be any more perfect!

Well hot-dingyty-damn!!

But I'll guess that a sailing-sated friend took over dingo-duty long enough for u to get on the water.

"Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!"

Umm, I asked my hubby about VPL, he doesn't particularly like them, UNLESS they are from a sexy pair of lacy little things ... but the typical VPL's aren't great. So, there's a clear difference of opinion here.

Yes, there's a difference of opinion.

But there's also a difference betw "liking them" and being indifferent / not minding. In contrast, many women see it as completely negative, whereas I'd contend men very rarely see it as that negative.

Exhibit A is Sue-Z-Q scrunching 'em up into some gluteal maximasochistic faux-thong in her younger yrs.

Guys are not saying "dude, I really like Abigail and she's pretty hot, but I think I could see where her panties end."

<unison> "Ewwwwwwww!"

[elye]

That's fighting talk ... we don't take kindly to .....

Actually given the present state of English you're welcome to it...

Please; take my language...no really, take my language.

Hey, wait! I used the word our here to refer to ALL anglophones. I would never dream of claiming ownership of the language as what, a North American? Hey, it's yours, man...you started it! I won't take the language, I won't, I won't! Actually, looking back, you're right, gfp. That sentence is ambiquous...I should have stated something like, "I love what the Brits do with the language". Yes, the article instead of a pronoun. My apologies, but I haven't been in the class all summer and I ain't as sharp as usual linguistically...gimme a month, and I'll be back! Incidentally, I teach ESL to diplomats in the embassies, and I've been wondering about the idea of presenting all of my new-found...male part...vocabulary as an exercise to my classes, perhaps as part of the working vocabulary section. Would it be language that they could use professionally and in day-to-day living? Hmmmm...That would be quite a lesson plan...

I cannot figure out how to respond to more than one quote in a single post, so bear with me...Tom, "stealth-staring" is oxymoronic, and I do think that I will introduce it as vocabulary to my advanced group.

And hey! "Gluteal maximasochistic?" Well done! Lots more lustre to that newly-coined phrase than mine!

[tom]

Incidentally, I teach ESL to diplomats in the embassies, and I've been wondering about the idea of presenting all of my new-found...male part...vocabulary as an exercise to my classes, perhaps as part of the working vocabulary section.

Oh oh oh - should there be shame in plucking the lowest of low-hanging fruit? It seems to be low enough to touch blades of grass.

Shameless Spice has to ask whether the new vocab makes for a fully expanded dick-shun-air-ee . . . . <he warned ya>

I cannot figure out how to respond to more than one quote in a single post, so bear with me...

We should change that.

Not sure whether this comes from soon-to-be-roommate John, or Contrarian Spice has popped thru, but I keep hearing about a particular brand of Hard Cider that's becoming more and more popular w/ women worldwide. Seems it's bolder than wine and has none of beer's bitterness.

The slogan seem quite catchy. Often, ppl will say it 3x then laugh - not sure why.

The slogan is:

"Every girl loves a Dickens' Cider"

I don't get it, but John keeps laughing when he says it out loud.

[CarlaB]

"Every girl loves a Dickens' Cider"

I don't get it, but John keeps laughing when he says it out loud.

Sure you don't.

[elye]

"Every girl loves a Dickens' cider"...

Wow...at the same time?

[CarlaB]

We went to Chipotle for dinner tonight with our youngest four kids ... behind us in line was a guy wearing a breast cancer awareness shirt, you know, with a pink ribbon on it. Well, the words on the shirt said, "Save the boobies." Our 14 year old daughter was totally cracking up! Funny shirt.

[tom]

"Every girl loves a Dickens' cider"...

Wow...at the same time?

see . .. i don't get *that* either!

[Jestgar]

Went to get litter for the new kitties. They have a brand called Swheat! made of...wheat! I saw it, gasped, and backed away. then laughed hysterically because I was behaving Like a vampire being presented with garlic.

[CarlaB]

Went to get litter for the new kitties. They have a brand called Swheat! made of...wheat! I saw it, gasped, and backed away. then laughed hysterically because I was behaving Like a vampire being presented with garlic.

That actually sounds like a very good use for wheat!

[jerseyangel]

Went to get litter for the new kitties. They have a brand called Swheat! made of...wheat! I saw it, gasped, and backed away. then laughed hysterically because I was behaving Like a vampire being presented with garlic.

Yea--I've seen that. Can you imagine the kitties scratching around in there, like they love to do, and then proceeding to walk on every surface in the house--as they also love to do!

Yep--I'd gasp and run the other way, too