My Insensitive Coworkers

[ElizabethN]

At work there is a tradition of donut friday. We have a plastic donut that gets passed around and on the back is everyones names and they all take turns bringing in donuts (which they place right by my desk but that is another story). When I discovered my gluten intolerance in '05 I let everyone know I would be opting out and no one had a problem with that, or so it seemed.

Well, because there has been a lot of turnover at the office on of my coworkers redid the wheel- and added my name back!! I thought it must have been a mistake so I made a comment to another coworker and this is what he said.. "You don't have to bring donuts you know, I bring bagels on my turn, you could always make us a casserole or eggs and sausage." WHAT???? I thought he must be joking, but no. Then another coworker told me there was a discussion that "too many people were skipping their turn."

As far as I am aware, I am the only one who doesn't participate. I don't even see where they are coming from- why should I COOK them breakfast when 95% of them don't bother to bring something I can eat?? That hadn't really bothered me until now, discovering that they feel this way. I don't even know how to respond- a lot of these people have been really great but there are just those few that are a real pain. I am usually quite passive at work and endure a lot of insenstive crud but this is just too much.

Of course, I am NOT bringing in breakfast and if I do, I would buy a cheap bag of apples and say- well, this is what I eat for breakfast so enjoy. I should mention I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and VERY hormonal, and experiencing insane donut cravings so they should count their lucky stars I didn't eat their heads off. The nerve!

Thanks, I just needed to vent.

[wowzer]

Hi Elizabeth, I don't blame you for being mad. You could say if you want me to take my turn than everyone needs to bring something that you can also eat. That would be the only fair way for you. I know how you feel, where I work when it's your birthday you get to pick what you want. I pay my $2.00 every pay to this fund and then can't eat most anything they choose. Maybe when it's my turn I'll make them get me something at the gluten free bakery. Do you think they would have some too?Some people truly don't understand. It's like we need to hand out brochures with info. I do like your apple idea. You probably would only have to do that once. Good luck. Wendy

[Phyllis28]

One way is to tell them nicely " I am not going to participate either in bringing in donuts or in eating the donuts". I suspect that your co-workers, particuarly the newer ones, have let it slip their minds that you actually don't eat what is brought in.

[CarlaB]

I wouldn't make it an issue or argue about it. Just tell whoever is in charge of the list that you don't expect everyone to worry about what you can/cannot eat, so you will just bring in your own gluten-free donut. Then bring in a donut and eat with them! Maybe they want your participation/company.

If anyone ever hassles you, just say, "I don't want everyone to have to worry about my food sensitivities, so I just bring in my own food. Since I don't ever eat the food that is brought in, I also don't ever provide the food for everyone else."

That should be enough. If they still bug you about it, they're being juvenile. Don't lower yourself to that level. Just say you've already explained it, if they don't agree, you're very sorry.

[UR Groovy]

Maybe you should bring in a big bowl of brown rice & some pears. That would shut them up!

I'm joking, of course, but it really aggrevates me when people at the office think they have some justification in deciding what extracurricular activities that everyone has to participate in.

I hope you find a good resolution to this rather frustrating problem.

[chatycady]

Next time they bring doughnuts be sure to ask "Where is my gluten free doughnut?" Did you remember me?

[Jestgar]

I like the apple idea. Do it once and tell them you expect to have something you can eat when they bring in donuts. Maybe you'll just get fruit every time but you'd still be part of the group.

[johnsoniu]

Good advice from everyone so far.

I, on the other hand, would throw a couple boxes of the nastiest, driest, tasteless gluten-free cereal on the break room table and tell them to eat up.

You probably don't want to know how I react whenever someone overheats their frozen dinner in the microwave and it explodes all over and they don't even bother to wipe it up.

[MistressIsis]

I hear ya! I had a similar thing happen recently and I couldn;t believe how insensitive people were. Heck, my boss made me cry making fun of me in front of everyone at this event which was company wide & mandatory so I suggest this.

Write a pleasant note excusing yourself from the donut day from here on out. All you have to say is you have a food allergy & cannot participate. Run it by HR & your boss 1st.

[blueeyedmanda]

I hear ya! I had a similar thing happen recently and I couldn;t believe how insensitive people were. Heck, my boss made me cry making fun of me in front of everyone at this event which was company wide & mandatory so I suggest this.

Write a pleasant note excusing yourself from the donut day from here on out. All you have to say is you have a food allergy & cannot participate. Run it by HR & your boss 1st.

Iris that horrible, what an ass!

I do have to point out, if this is just a goofy office tradition you should not have to even get HR involved. It cant be something mandatory, you have the right the choose as well.

[ElizabethN]

I, on the other hand, would throw a couple boxes of the nastiest, driest, tasteless gluten-free cereal on the break room table and tell them to eat up.

I LOVE it. But since I should probably take the high road (quite reluctantly I might add), I will probably follow some of the other suggestions and let the group know at the next meeting that I haven

[CarlaB]

Haven't they ever heard not to look a gift horse in the mouth? I mean, they sound like a bunch of ingrates. I can see why the low road looks enticing!! LOL

[angelbender]

Ah, venting.......how's this? Make some speshul donuts......put an extreme laxative in them and let them see what would happen to you if you ate their donuts. Okay, clearly I'm just joking....but it sure

is fun to think about, isn't it? Ja, I'm bad, but the idea wasn't mine. Where I used to work, people would steal your food from the fridge. And mind you we all made enough money to afford food. One guy told me that another fellow got tired of having his sandwich stolen frequently and put laxative in it and then waited to see who went flying to the john.....and wouldn't let him in to use the restroom. Again, this is a joke.....I'm really not a nasty person.....uh, usually......

[Debbie65]

Ah, venting.......how's this? Make some speshul donuts......put an extreme laxative in them and let them see what would happen to you if you ate their donuts. Okay, clearly I'm just joking....but it sure

is fun to think about, isn't it? Ja, I'm bad, but the idea wasn't mine. Where I used to work, people would steal your food from the fridge. And mind you we all made enough money to afford food. One guy told me that another fellow got tired of having his sandwich stolen frequently and put laxative in it and then waited to see who went flying to the john.....and wouldn't let him in to use the restroom. Again, this is a joke.....I'm really not a nasty person.....uh, usually......

As someone who went to work this morning to be greeted with "Help yourself it

[johnsoniu]

A Where I used to work, people would steal your food from the fridge. And mind you we all made enough money to afford food.

I think that goes on everywhere. We have one of those "honor system" candy/snack boxes that constantly comes up $8-$10 short( out of a $65 dollar box).

Although never outright accussed, I know I was a chief suspect because I was always in there. The first week after I started the diet and swore off the box, it came up $21 short. LOL

BTW, I like the laxative laced donut idea. Insidious,yes, but they're insensitive clods so treat 'em as such

[Debbie65]

I think that goes on everywhere. We have one of those "honor system" candy/snack boxes that constantly comes up $8-$10 short( out of a $65 dollar box).

Although never outright accussed, I know I was a chief suspect because I was always in there. The first week after I started the diet and swore off the box, it came up $21 short. LOL

BTW, I like the laxative laced donut idea. Insidious,yes, but they're insensitive clods so treat 'em as such

Seems there

[debmidge]

At work there is a tradition of donut friday. We have a plastic donut that gets passed around and on the back is everyones names and they all take turns bringing in donuts (which they place right by my desk but that is another story). When I discovered my gluten intolerance in '05 I let everyone know I would be opting out and no one had a problem with that, or so it seemed.

Well, because there has been a lot of turnover at the office on of my coworkers redid the wheel- and added my name back!! I thought it must have been a mistake so I made a comment to another coworker and this is what he said.. "You don't have to bring donuts you know, I bring bagels on my turn, you could always make us a casserole or eggs and sausage." WHAT???? I thought he must be joking, but no. Then another coworker told me there was a discussion that "too many people were skipping their turn."

As far as I am aware, I am the only one who doesn't participate. I don't even see where they are coming from- why should I COOK them breakfast when 95% of them don't bother to bring something I can eat?? That hadn't really bothered me until now, discovering that they feel this way. I don't even know how to respond- a lot of these people have been really great but there are just those few that are a real pain. I am usually quite passive at work and endure a lot of insenstive crud but this is just too much.

Of course, I am NOT bringing in breakfast and if I do, I would buy a cheap bag of apples and say- well, this is what I eat for breakfast so enjoy. I should mention I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and VERY hormonal, and experiencing insane donut cravings so they should count their lucky stars I didn't eat their heads off. The nerve!

Thanks, I just needed to vent.

Rather than write a letter or note saying why you can't participate in "Donut Day" , HR should be worried that you don't lodge a complaint against the group for "hostile work environment" or "disability harrassment."

I'd ignore them and let them clog their arteries. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. Just cross your name off of that list.

They have a lot of nerve demanding your participation. Also keep in mind that there's a lot of stupid - rude people out there and it's not your concern to educate them one at a time. You've already stated your position in the past and it's their problem when donut day comes and you aren't buying.

If THEY have a problem with your behavior, let THEM go to HR and see how quickly "donut day" gets phased out by management. Most companies will rather eliminate an activity than take on a potential work-relations lawsuit (not that you're about to do a lawsuit, nor do I recommend it, but it could cross HR's mind and they'd rather not be a part of one).

[darlindeb25]

Morning DebM--we do, the 3 of us have a great name huh!!!!

Deb is so correct too, Deb. Thing is, they would blame you for them loosing their donut day too. I too like the laxative laced donut idea, even though I would never do it. YEt, it would certainly make them understand how I feel when I get glutened.

We have many patients who bring in treats of donuts, brownies, cookies, etc and often times I do feel left out. Thursday afternoon the others had a plate of apples, cheese, and crackers. Julian told me to have some cheese, when I said no thanks, he questioned me as to why not. I told him the cheese was touching the crackers and that isnt safe for me--he says, but crackers don't have wheat in them! At that point I explained to him using the 1/1000th of a piece of bread theory I often use to explain gluten to others and he says, "OMG Debs, the 2 of them get crumbs all over my counter, I can't believe you haven't gotten sick already!" Which is true, I am amazed too, although I am very careful. I have found cookie crumbs on my invoices and if it happens again, I will toss their goodies. I am tired of reminding them, tired of asking that they please stay away from the things I must touch. It's been 2 years now and they should have an understanding by now! One of them even sat at my desk one morning and was eating french bread when I returned to my desk--I freaked and she simply says to me, "Well Deb, I am not dropping any crumbs!" I reminded her that when eating bread, you always drop crumbs, let alone the fact she was touching my phone, my calculator, my pens, my desk--she closed the bread up, I walked away to let off steam and returned to find her eating the bread again. The minute she saw the steam coming out of my ears, she walked away. The doctors wife totally freaked and wanted to sterilize my desk--she does truly understand the importance of being careful around me. Some times, it is not innocence's of the individual, it is downright ignorance and no respect for the other person.

[gfp]

As a one off I would find the worst possible gluten-free muffins or similar .. the ones taste and have a texture worse than the box they come in ... and take them in gratis.... in the box so they can see they are not tampered with etc. Its winter make sure they are as cold as possible...

If you did add laxative you could find yourself in very deep legal hot water.... tempting as it must be!

Equally your HR dept should be aware that this is injurious to your health at best not to mention constiutes a discriminatory work practice and that although you are willing to ignore the fact its discriminatory because you don't expect everyone to cater specially for you this does not extend to you being pressured!!!!!!

This would apply equally if you were obese and simply trying to follow medical advice, being pressured into donuts is not acceptable but in this case a siongle crumb can make you sick...

[ianm]

My previous job had the idiotic donut/bagel tradition. I refused to participate and some of my coworkers would fly into a rage about it. Some of them complained to the boss and I said sorry but this is not spelled out in the rule book. I stood my ground and eventually some of the others who were not too keen on the tradition slowly stopped participating. On my last day there someone bought a huge box of donuts to celebrate. It doesn't bother me because the company closed it's doors last month and they are all unemployed now.

[Tritty]

WOW! I didn't realize just how lucky I am. I was just diagnosed in January though, so I'm sure things could change. I have a very small department in my company - all women. THey are a big group of bakers! I only work two days a week - so they have moved any "food days" as we call them, to days when I'm not there. That way I don't have to look at their food all day - and they don't have to worry about me. I stocked my desk with yummy treats - so that if there is a "food day" somewhere else I can treat myself to something yummy too.

When my husband's work found out what I had (and I was still terribly sick) - one of them actually bought a gluten free recipe book and they each made a dinner from it for me - which my husband brought home frozen for later - and gave me the book. How sweet is that! Now, granted - he works at a hospital....

I was a little nervous about cc - but since I was still in the beginning stages and still sick - I figured gluten light was as good as it was going to get for a little bit!

I'm so sorry to hear that they're not supportive

[debmidge]

Morning DebM--we do, the 3 of us have a great name huh!!!!

Deb is so correct too, Deb. Thing is, they would blame you for them loosing their donut day too. I too like the laxative laced donut idea, even though I would never do it. YEt, it would certainly make them understand how I feel when I get glutened.

We have many patients who bring in treats of donuts, brownies, cookies, etc and often times I do feel left out. Thursday afternoon the others had a plate of apples, cheese, and crackers. Julian told me to have some cheese, when I said no thanks, he questioned me as to why not. I told him the cheese was touching the crackers and that isnt safe for me--he says, but crackers don't have wheat in them! At that point I explained to him using the 1/1000th of a piece of bread theory I often use to explain gluten to others and he says, "OMG Debs, the 2 of them get crumbs all over my counter, I can't believe you haven't gotten sick already!" Which is true, I am amazed too, although I am very careful. I have found cookie crumbs on my invoices and if it happens again, I will toss their goodies. I am tired of reminding them, tired of asking that they please stay away from the things I must touch. It's been 2 years now and they should have an understanding by now! One of them even sat at my desk one morning and was eating french bread when I returned to my desk--I freaked and she simply says to me, "Well Deb, I am not dropping any crumbs!" I reminded her that when eating bread, you always drop crumbs, let alone the fact she was touching my phone, my calculator, my pens, my desk--she closed the bread up, I walked away to let off steam and returned to find her eating the bread again. The minute she saw the steam coming out of my ears, she walked away. The doctors wife totally freaked and wanted to sterilize my desk--she does truly understand the importance of being careful around me. Some times, it is not innocence's of the individual, it is downright ignorance and no respect for the other person.

Darling Deb-Funny you brought that up. I was thinking the same thing when I was at work a few months ago (to those who don't know, my husband has celiac I don't and I indulge in my gluten treats only at work). I was folding letters and realized my hands were crumby from cookies and I said to myself "I Hope the receipent of this letter doesn't have celiac..." Us non celiacs take so much for granted.

[darlindeb25]

DebM--Amazing, I never even thought about this before:

I was folding letters and realized my hands were crumby from cookies and I said to myself "I Hope the receipent of this letter doesn't have celiac..."At work, I have thought about it, but never from my mail. Makes perfect sense that it could happen, especially when I watch those at work being so careless with crumbs....Just when I thought I had the bases covered, someone changed the rules to the game again!!!!!

[ElizabethN]

My previous job had the idiotic donut/bagel tradition. I refused to participate and some of my coworkers would fly into a rage about it. Some of them complained to the boss and I said sorry but this is not spelled out in the rule book. I stood my ground and eventually some of the others who were not too keen on the tradition slowly stopped participating. On my last day there someone bought a huge box of donuts to celebrate. It doesn't bother me because the company closed it's doors last month and they are all unemployed now.

It looks like I am certainly not alone in dealing w/ coworkers who have their heads up their bums. I think some people are just completely incapable of thinking about things from someone else's perspective. If non-celiacs had to live just ONE day without gluten, I think it would totally change their perspective on what it is like for us. Come Monday I am using a nice bright red pen to cross my name off the neatly written list and hopefully that is the end of it. And then I will daydream about lacing donuts with laxatives because that would just be incredibly satisfying, if not incredibly wrong.

[blueeyedmanda]

Come Monday I am using a nice bright red pen to cross my name off the neatly written list and hopefully that is the end of it. And then I will daydream about lacing donuts with laxatives because that would just be incredibly satisfying, if not incredibly wrong.

Good for you! You shouldn't be forced to participate in something you can't enjoy.