Does Being A Parent Not Mean Anything To Some?

[blueeyedmanda]

As many of you may remember, my sister became a mom, just over a month ago. We are blessed with the cutest little bundle of joy.

A bit of a background on this, my sister is 19, was in college studying premed and had a 4.0 gpa. Things were promising. She meets this guy and falls head over heels in love, or so we all think. They are together a few months and they fight a bit. Then he becomes a bit violent. So last summer (2006) we spent dealing with the drama of what was going to happen next. He is from Italy, only been in the US for a few years. They kept talking about this trip to italy for a month, we honestly thought if she went to Italy should would not make it back alive. She put a PFA on him. Labor day weekend, Tammy announces she is pregnant. We were shocked to say the least of it. She almost didn't keep the baby. My mom and her had sat down and talked about the options. She ends up deciding to keep the baby. Eventually he went into consueling and things improved dramatically. In Dec/Jan they travel to Italy to meet his family (he has no family in the US) The family loved her. April 30th, my niece was born.

Fast forward to today, the baby is about 6 weeks old. Tammy has been picking up on Sam's strange behavior. He is getting phones calls from girls and he is not coming home on time. (he is a manager at a strip club) He is always running "errands". Tammy keeps talking to my mom about things and in the end she keeps deeming herself paranoid. She spends a lot of time alone with her baby at home and could be reading into things way too much, too much time on her hands.

He has been also pushing her to spend more time at my mom's overnight visits on the weekends and such. 2 nights ago, it was confirmed that he is cheating on her, with a bartender at this club. He has told the bartender that Tammy is a homeless girl with a baby who is a friend of a friend and is just staying in his home for a few weeks.(what a creep to even lie about that) The girl gets mad at him and storms off. She does tell my other sister that they have not had sex, because she has heard he has a reputation of sleeping around. She was worried he might be carrying something. That did not stop them from performing other acts though. Sam denied that was his child in front of everyone that night. SCUM!!!

So she is still at his house, she is moving her things out so he cannot see them, everyday she packs things while he is at work and then drives 30 mins to the mall to meet my mom and exchange things. She will eventually move home to my mom and dad.

On June 17th, fathers day, he is leaving to go to Vegas to a strippers conference. Nice father huh! My father has already said he doesn't care if he doesn't pay support as long as she doesn't have to deal with him ever again. He has another child who is 3, adorable little girl. He always tells us her mom is pyscho, I think he ran around on her. It seems as if she was always at her parents house and thats why they seperated. I bet he drove her there. Now he is doing the same thing to tammy.

So Tammy's life has been turned upside down again. Hopefully in a few weeks things will calm down again and she will move on to better things. She has a great guy friend who she has known for years, he just recently came home from Iraq. He never wanted to start anything serious due to him leaving for Iraq for 3 years. He didn't want something to happen to him and it would be drastic to her. He had been home on leave last summer for a few weeks when things were nuts and he told her, he would always help her and her baby if they needed it. There has always been a connection between the two of them, maybe something will pan out there. He is a great guy and he is more her age.

One thing is for sure, I hope Tammy is out before that baby knows what a real jerk her daddy is. She deserves a real man who will be there for his daughter and will set a good example on how you treat women.

So thanks for listening to my rant. I am just so upset over this and it has been clouding my mind for days. I was ashamed to share it at first. I don't want people to think my sister is dumb or what not. She is bright, she is just blinded or brainwashed....something. Thanks for listening.

[JennyC]

Sounds like a real jerk. I'm glad that your sister is strong enough to get out now. It seems like you guys are a great supportive family, and she will likely need much of your support in the near future.

I hope that everything works out well for your family.

[jerseyangel]

Oh Amanda, I had no idea...Please don't think people would think less of your sister--these things happen.

I have a good friend who's daughter had a similar experience. Everyone thought this guy that her daughter was seeing was a prince. He owns a successful business here in town, and even when she got pregnant, they thought the two of them would get married (this is what he originally said).

Things began to fall apart pretty quickly, the wedding never happened, but she had the most adorable little girl. They live with her parents (my friend and her husband) now and only have to put up with the father of the child on visitation days.

Thank goodness your parents have stepped in and are willing to protect her and the baby. To say that man is a jerk is an understatement. He sounds dangerous, also and I'm glad that they won't have to put up with him much longer.

[SunnyDyRain]

Heh. I'm Italian... Dumore Italian. I got connections...

Tell me the strip club and he will be no more - Soprano Style.

But seriously, she needs out. She is lucky to have your support as well as your family. She's still young, she can overcome anything!

[CarlaB]

(he is a manager at a strip club)

Sounds like a gem.

I wouldn't seek child support either ... in fact, I'd do everything I could to hide from him so he never has any crazy ideas of wanting shared custody. I think your sister would do much better to have the guy with integrity, the one who didn't want to hurt her, in her life.

Your sister made some poor choices, let's hope she learned a lesson and moves on from this!

[AndreaB]

Amanda,

I'm sorry your sister has had to go through all of this. Thankfully she has a loving family who can help her get out of it.

We all make some bad or not to good choices in life.....the thing is to learn from them.

[Ursa Major]

Amanda, I am glad your sister has a great family to support her. The sooner she gets out of this creep's house, the better!

I hope it works out with the nice guy, I bet he would make a great husband and father.

[Guhlia]

Oh, Amanda, that's horrible! I'm glad she's getting out of there. Perhaps she'll be able to "disappear" while he's away for father's day. Thankfully she knows what she has to do and is working on it in the safest way she knows how to.

[blueeyedmanda]

Thanks everyone for your support.

SunndyRain--that is so funny, you made me laugh for the first time tonight.

I agree she made some bad choices but she is looking ahead and that is a good sign. She is also not dwelling on what could have been.

Our parents are great, my mom will watch the baby so she can either return to school or get a job. She is a certified EMT and has passed her paramedic test so she could do something in that field for a bit.

She doesn't need to worry about gathering any of her baby furniture of toys, my parents do foster kids kids age infant through 4. So we have a nursery in our house. I have to admit between the things in the house and the stuff in storage in our garage it looks like a Baby's R Us and Little Tikes have merged.

[Guhlia]

Glad you got a smile, Amanda... This board is great for that, isn't it?

[blueeyedmanda]

Glad you got a smile, Amanda... This board is great for that, isn't it?

Yes it is, I have to tell you, my friend from the lab is in labor as we speak. It is her first and she is having a girl, naming it Aubrey! We are so happy for her. How is your little one doing? How is Tory doing, the weather is finally summer :)

[Guhlia]

Yes it is, I have to tell you, my friend from the lab is in labor as we speak. It is her first and she is having a girl, naming it Aubrey! We are so happy for her. How is your little one doing? How is Tory doing, the weather is finally summer :)

Tori is doing well. She finally got to feel the baby moving, so she's pretty excited about it now. She puts her head up to my belly "just to make sure Annika isn't needing something." She's such a sweetheart. I'm so glad that it's finally warm out. Tori has been eating it up. I've taken her to the park and Dutch Wonderland so far as well as just playing outside. I'm hoping to get to Dutch Wonderland once a week just for the exercise of walking around pushing a stroller. Because I have an elevated platelet count, the doctor told me I need to try to exercise more to reduce the chance of clots.

So, another new baby? You're swarming in them, huh? New babies are such a blessing. I can't wait until Annika's born.

What did your sister end up naming the baby? I think I must have missed that (or forgotten, my mind is like a sieve right now).

[debmidge]

Sounds like your sister will rise from all of this and do well. She has good family support and their love.

No woman should go thru what she went thru .... and glad you posted it as it's a good lesson for young women to remember that there are men out there (and some women too to keep this even) that can't be trusted.

I remember having a divorced friend (in her 30's) with kids who was thinking about a man who wanted to bring their relationship into an "adult relationship" level and she was having second thoughts about it......so I asked her "Would you lend him $5000?" "No way!" she retorted. Then I asked her why then was she about to "give" him something so precious and priceless as herself? She held back and told him that she wanted the relationship to be exclusive-monogomous and serious first and of course he stopped seeing her.....I think we women can be easily convinced that a guy has honorable intentions and then we find out he's a creep after it's too late. We have to be the "gatekeeper" of our hearts/souls to avoid heartache. And yes, there are women out there who are "she dun him wrong" women so I am not focusing on either group unfairly.

My sister in law's sister was about 24 yrs old and constantly dating obvious "bad-boy" types and having trouble with the relationship....to be funny I drew up a list of questions she should ask all her potential boyfriends: 1) Have you ever been married before? 2) Have you ever been arrested? If yes, how many times and for what? 3) Do you have children? If yes, how many and where are they? 4) Have you ever had a car repossessed? 5) do you have credit cards? ETC

Anyway, she used this on her next boyfriend and he had things to hide but unless she asked him these questions outright he never would have volunteered the answers.

And to make it fair, I have a "bad-girl" story. Teenagers are dating (over 18 but under 20) and they break up. She's mad because he went back with a prior girlfriend he was in love with for years. The spurned girl throws a tantrum and then accuses him of date rape (40 days after the alledged incident when she finds out he's with the prior girlfriend - oh and by the way, prior to this she filed false rape charges against two other young men in different counties and the men were found innocent of the charges - the lawyer for the boy could not use this information as evidence). Anyway, she presses charges without evidence I might add. It cost his family $10,000 to get a private lawyer. The case was thrown out of Grand Jury - they didn't indict him because the jury felt she was lying (which she was) & the young man had witnesses to her demeanor that day. So that worked out...but how many other ones are like her.

[kbtoyssni]

Gosh, that guy sounds like the biggest jerk. I hope your sister gets out soon.

I did have to laugh at him going to a strippers conference, though. "But, honest, it's work-related!"

[blueeyedmanda]

Gosh, that guy sounds like the biggest jerk. I hope your sister gets out soon.

I did have to laugh at him going to a strippers conference, though. "But, honest, it's work-related!"

The strippers conference made me laugh too, just because I am leaving tomorrow for Washington Dc for an oncology conference. There are always free things like pens, note pads, and bags and stuff. Drug companies and things hand them out....I wonder what kind of free things you get at the strippers conferences, lap dances...poles...

[Judyin Philly]

The strippers conference made me laugh too, just because I am leaving tomorrow for Washington Dc for an oncology conference. There are always free things like pens, note pads, and bags and stuff. Drug companies and things hand them out....I wonder what kind of free things you get at the strippers conferences, lap dances...poles...

OH AMANDA...SO GLAD I CAN SEE A 'GLIMMER' OF YOUR SENCE OF HUMOR SHOWING THOUGH.

THIS IS HORRIFIC AND SO SAD FOR BOTH YOU AND YOUR SISTER.

SO HAPPY MOM AND DAD ARE HELPING...

SHE'LL GET BACK INTO MED SCHOOL AND DO FINE..............AS LONG AS SHE STAYS AWAY FOR THIS *&(^%$**&^* JERK.

NEVER SAW A POST FROM YOUR CAPE MAY TRIP 2 WEEKS AFTER WE WENT.

DID IT GO WELL?

I HAVEN'T BEEN ON C.COM MUCH LATELY.

HUGS HONEY...SO GLAD YOU CHOSE TO SHARE...THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR.

JUDY

[tiredofdoctors]

I wonder what kind of free things you get at the strippers conferences, lap dances...poles...

You made me spit out Coke Zero all over my screen!!!!! That is SO funny!

Amanda, I am so sorry your sister is going through this. My sister had a very similar situation, except she had been married to the jerk 4 years before their first, 7 before their second. He was doing that kind of garbage the whole time. We had some idea, but we finally caught him -- when my sister was 4 months pregnant with their PLANNED second. We caught him with one of 4 girlfriends. Not so different from my situation . . . . . you'd think she would have learned. She learned my other bad habits!!

Seriously, your sister will get through this and will be much stronger for the experience. It's just a shame that she and her little baby girl have to be the ones who suffer because of this idiot. I admire her ability to carry out a plan as she is . . . . packing things little by little with little or no "hint" that they're leaving. That is VERY smart. She sounds as though she is doing everything correctly with regard to keeping herself safe.

In the meantime, while you are helping your sister and your friend with her new baby, don't forget to take care of YOU!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo,

Lynne

[blueeyedmanda]

You made me spit out Coke Zero all over my screen!!!!! That is SO funny!

Amanda, I am so sorry your sister is going through this. My sister had a very similar situation, except she had been married to the jerk 4 years before their first, 7 before their second. He was doing that kind of garbage the whole time. We had some idea, but we finally caught him -- when my sister was 4 months pregnant with their PLANNED second. We caught him with one of 4 girlfriends. Not so different from my situation . . . . . you'd think she would have learned. She learned my other bad habits!!

Seriously, your sister will get through this and will be much stronger for the experience. It's just a shame that she and her little baby girl have to be the ones who suffer because of this idiot. I admire her ability to carry out a plan as she is . . . . packing things little by little with little or no "hint" that they're leaving. That is VERY smart. She sounds as though she is doing everything correctly with regard to keeping herself safe.

In the meantime, while you are helping your sister and your friend with her new baby, don't forget to take care of YOU!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo,

Lynne

Lynne

thanks for your thoughts, they have helped. It is funny I just got back from DC today and I just cleaned out my suitcase and was going through the neat things I got for free at the exhibits portion. It did bring me back to this talk about the stripper conference. Thanks!!!

Amanda

[Cheri A]

Aww, I'm sad to read of your sister's situation. I'm so glad that she's got a plan and a supportive family. She definitely needs to run not walk away from that jerk!!

I had a friend that was in the same situation many years ago. Unfortunately for her, she endured years of that before she finally realized that he was never going to change! Even though we (her friends and family) were all trying to get her to leave him.