Melt Down

[jaten]

Ok, I'm just having a huge melt down pity party. Those of you who have read my posts before know I don't get down. I've always been glad for a diagnosis that was easy to manage (relative to some of the big diseases).

Tonight, I'm diving head-first into my 2nd major pity party since my Celiac diagnosis in Dec., 95.

I didn't suddenly get stupid. Of course I'm still grateful that the diagnosis was Celiac not the other big C that all my drs thought when I lost 40 lbs in 8 wks.

But tonight...it's a rainy, Friday night, and I would love to be able to order out and just enjoy the evening with my husband, watching a good movie. I'd like to stick the plates and glasses in the dishwasher and forget it. I don't want to cook. I don't want my very dh to cook. Tonight I MISS terribly the option of carry out/delivery dinners.

Don't tell me all the ways I can safely eat in restaurants. It's not so. I am apparently hypersensitive to miniscule traces because when I do eat out with great care on rare occasions, I still get sick about 25% of the time. I wouldn't eat even a bite of pizza hut pizza if they delivered it right now on a silver platter, but I surely do long for the time when I could have whatever.

I'll get better. No doubt. I wasn't even upset when I was diagnosed....just happy danced that I was going to be ok.

Right now, however, I am really, really blue over the total lack of convenience. I'm more than blue...I'm very sad right now.

I knew you all would understand.

Later Correction:

Diagnosis was in December, 2005 NOT 12/95 as stated above. Something EE said in her post on pg 2 of this thread made me recognize my error.

[tarnalberry]

Can you store pre-cooked stuff in your freezer for these occasions? Then it's kinda take-out, if only from your own freezer?

I'm sorry. Sometimes, it does suck. There's no getting around the fact that we've grown used to the fact that other people get these conveniences, so why the heck shouldn't we!? Sometimes I wonder if it'd be easier if it were 150 years ago when there wasn't a telephone and takeout you could order and have at your door right away and you knew you'd always have to do all your own cooking anyway. At least we wouldn't have ever been taught anything differently, you know...

[SunnyDyRain]

I understand where coming from so well. I often knowingly take risks with take out just out of lazyness and disorganization. On top of it all, i really can't cook. on top of that I have a tiny kitchen and almost no counterspace to prepare food. 50% of the time i don't remember to make lunches the night before, then 50% of the time, i forget it out the door in the morning.

I spend most of my lunch time returning to my aprtment to get the lunch, or going to the super market eating off their salad bar hoping that no one has CC anything.

Tonight my dinner was a Vanilla Frosty... I'm sick now.. casiens.

Last friday it was a wendy's baked potaotes, plain no butter no sour cream.

I still got sick.... so this week I figured if i'm going to get sick... i'm gonna be sick with a frosty not a bland baked potatoe.

Bah.. yeah Take out would be good.

[hez]

I so agree! The diet is fine. It is the inconvience that kills me. The constant planning and reading labels. Sometimes I just get sad. I am jealous of those that don't have to think before they eat. Feel the sadness, recognize it and then let it go. Tomorrow is another day.

Hez

[iluvbread]

I can commiserate, but this is all new to me.

I did I for my son who is BFing, not myself.... but I'm GI too. I feel cheated in how it went down, but that is certainly my fault, not someone else's.

My family has been about nutrition, but convenience certainly ranks pretty high right behind it.

[Guhlia]

Just throwing out an idea... Can you premake some gluten free pizzas and freeze them? Then, when you want takeout, just throw it in the oven and forget about it until it beeps. That's about as close as we've gotten to take out. I used to keep the Amy's pizzas on hand, but now I just have my own ready to go. Much tastier and quick quick quick.

[ravenwoodglass]

Boy do I know how you feel. I have only been out to eat 3 times in 5 years and have gotten so sick from CC that it just wasn't worth it.

One thing that helps is I try to keep a couple bags of premixed Gluten Free Pantry French bread and pizza mix in the freezer. It spreads easier when cold anyway and I just take it out and let it thaw then spread it with whatever toppings are handy. I will also use it to make flat bread for days when I just feel like hummus or a dip and veggies. Even the few gluten eaters I have around like it.

I know that is not much help.

Hopefully as more of us are diagnosed our ability to eat out safely will increase. I was able to cook safely for a celiac in my restaurant long before I even knew what it was, although it was making me very ill at the time. I know it can be done but most restaurants do not have anyone with enough brain power to get the simple things like a clean work space right. Not surprising in a way, when I was head chef I made less money than any of the waitresses while standing in a 110 degree kitchen listening to them scream at me. And my 'helpers' made even less.

[jaten]

Thank you all for the tips and the support. I can't believe I'm still in a funk this a.m. Seriously, I have read about how so many experience anger/resentment issues after diagnosis. I honestly didn't.

I am struggling more now for the past 12-18 hrs than in the entire past 1 1/2 years.

Tarnalberry, I think you're right. It would have been easier in an earlier century. You don't miss what you've never had. Having the convenience taken away. Knowing that others still enjoy a convenience that is no longer an option.

Hez, you're right, I've got to just live this feeling and then move on.

I will. It is what it is. My feelings will catch up with my head again. Just not there right now.

A HUGE thank you to all who posted, (and even those who didn't post but feel the pain).

[sparkles]

There is something to freezing food for "fast food". I work full time but I try to cook all or part of a day maybe 2 times a month. I make spaghetti sauce, meatloaf, roasts, soups, taco meat, meatballs, etc. Then I freeze them. I also double most recipes so I have leftovers for lunch and I put the rest in the freezer. I have found it is just as easy to cook a really large meal and freeze the leftovers as it is to just cook for one meal. Lots of foods taste better when they are cooked in large batches like chili! I freeze everything from the broth from meats, chicken to those bits of leftovers that don't make a meal but might if added with something. Those nights when I don't want to cook I just pull some fast food out of the freezer. It is really easy. I am not a real organized person so if this works for me, it will probably work for those of you who are not challenged in the organizational skills. I also just discovered that WalMart brand (Great Value) has a scalloped potato and an au-gratin potato mix that are gluten-free (they label their food). they are fast and inexpensive and tasty and let's face it who feels like cooking from scratch every night!!!! AND every once in a while, we need to say POOR ME.... so don't be hard on yourself!

[confused]

I so agree. I dont mind eating healthier now. But right now my life is so busy at night with tball for 2 kids, coach pitch for one kid, and i coach, and my other son will start baseball this week. We are busy from 3-8 most nights and it is so hard. I just want to drive threw a drive threw and get stuff to eat or order mexican or chinese in, but i cant do that anymore. I cant afford to be sick for one day. There are nights we are eating dinner at 8-9 pm, cause i come home to cook or hubby bbq's the family safe foods. I know i really need to start cooking before we are gone for the night, but i never remember. It is also so hard to cook stuff that is gfcfsf, without making it all from scratch. Maybe i just need to start using the crockpot again lol.

I just wanted to say that i so know what you are going threw, i think it makes me more depressed then giving up cheese, and that was very hard on me.

I love everyones tips about freezing food, but it is hard when every meal is for 7 people.

paula

[Shiba]

Being gluten-free sure makes it hard to have take away - it's something I curse regularly, and my celiac 18 yr old daughter even more so.

If freezing big meals for 7 is a problem, try doing some base sauces that you can thaw and throw stuff into. I do that with things like Butter Chicken. I also make huge dishes of gluten-free lasgana, then cut them into portions before freezing them. That makes heaps of meals. Do you have microwave rice? that's a wonderful standby, likewise gluten-free pasta with a jar of sauce.

For yummy snacks I bulk cook gluten-free muffins, and freeze them in little ziplock bags.

We're going bush next week, and the catering is giving me nightmares! Waht to do for a quick lunch in the rain, when it's also cold, and there's no time to heat it up? Eveyone else will use fresh bread rolls - I just don't know what my hubby and I will eat, as salad will not do the trick, and who likes cold rice?

One good thing tho - a couple of weeks ago I decided to read the ingredients for oven fries - wooo hooo!!!! there were three varieties that had no gluten!!! another easy (if not too healthy) meal - fried eggs and chips. That's what celiac does to you- gives you a high when you find a previously untouchable food in the supermarket:

[confused]

Being gluten-free sure makes it hard to have take away - it's something I curse regularly, and my celiac 18 yr old daughter even more so.

If freezing big meals for 7 is a problem, try doing some base sauces that you can thaw and throw stuff into. I do that with things like Butter Chicken. I also make huge dishes of gluten-free lasgana, then cut them into portions before freezing them. That makes heaps of meals. Do you have microwave rice? that's a wonderful standby, likewise gluten-free pasta with a jar of sauce.

For yummy snacks I bulk cook gluten-free muffins, and freeze them in little ziplock bags.

We're going bush next week, and the catering is giving me nightmares! Waht to do for a quick lunch in the rain, when it's also cold, and there's no time to heat it up? Eveyone else will use fresh bread rolls - I just don't know what my hubby and I will eat, as salad will not do the trick, and who likes cold rice?

One good thing tho - a couple of weeks ago I decided to read the ingredients for oven fries - wooo hooo!!!! there were three varieties that had no gluten!!! another easy (if not too healthy) meal - fried eggs and chips. That's what celiac does to you- gives you a high when you find a previously untouchable food in the supermarket:

what i would do for lasagna, but i havent figured an way to make it without cheese and have it stilll taste good lol. We do have lots of spaghetti and tacos and hot dogs, but the kids are even getting tired of it lol. We do use lots of ore ida fries, at least 2 times a week.

you can make sandwhiches wrapped in lettuce instead of bread, or even stick lunch meat on a rice cake. Can u keep rice in a thermos, or does it get all sticky that way. I am not a big rice eater, but i am learning i have to eat it from time to time lol.

Oh i know i love when i find things i can eat. I was so happy when i found we had the gluten free chicken nuggets from ians in our supermarket. But the box is so small lol, Now to find rice dreams ice cream in this town and ill be happy.

paula

[Karen B.]

---snip---

We're going bush next week, and the catering is giving me nightmares! Waht to do for a quick lunch in the rain, when it's also cold, and there's no time to heat it up? Eveyone else will use fresh bread rolls - I just don't know what my hubby and I will eat, as salad will not do the trick, and who likes cold rice?

---snip---

Chebe rolls don't have to be heated to taste good and they are durable enough to handle some bouncing around. I make my travel rolls with parmesan cheese (instead of just four ounces, I dump the whole 6 oz. package in) and use baking powder. Store them for at least 12 hours sitting out in a basket or colander wrapped in a cotton towel so they can breathe and they should be good to go.

I have to plan for convenience now because it just doesn't happen otherwise. I keep Amy's rice crust cheese pizza in the fridge and when I want pizza, I load extra cheese, pepperoni, etc on top and bake. When I've had time for baking, I've also had good success with making mini-pizza crusts using Chebe dough and my tortilla press. One batch of dough makes 4 mini crusts about the size of a corn tortilla. Since I make the Chebe crust with parmesan, it comes out crunchy/chewy and the extra cheese doesn't hurt the pizza taste. :-)

[missy'smom]

I'm there with you jaten. This is how I've felt lately. I've been gluten-free about a year. Everything you said in your first post fits me too. I was crying last weekend. It is rare for me to do this but after I cried I sucked it up pulled out a few recipies I haven't tried yet but was meaning to and went shopping and didn't think about cost or waste and just bought what I needed to make them and made them. I'm bad about overanalyzing and talking myself out of things. I also set aside one day this week and made and froze hamburger patties, pizza crusts and cookies and washed, dried and cut romaine lettuce for salads this weekend. (I've found it stays crisp a long time and is cheaper than the bags.) If I prep one item a day I feel like I never make it out of the kitchen. Doing alot in one day felt better. I felt better after doing this and knowing that we were set for the weekend. I'm going to try and do this again because it helped. Weekends are hard for me still. I ordered a pizza for DH and DS last night and I had my gluten-free pizza. Tonight is hamburgers and tomorrow is honey mustard bbq chicken and fries and salads everyday varying the style of fries and dressings and extras for the salads. Really minimal effort meals as we just closed on a house yesterday.

[tarnalberry]

what i would do for lasagna, but i havent figured an way to make it without cheese and have it stilll taste good lol. We do have lots of spaghetti and tacos and hot dogs, but the kids are even getting tired of it lol. We do use lots of ore ida fries, at least 2 times a week.

to replace the cheese, I use mashed avocado. it works great in a vegetable lasagna. (the recipe is on my 'as promised, a few recipes' post.) I've served it to lots of non-gluten-free people, and while it's not what you originally expect out of lasagna, they all like it.

what about chili or soup or stew or stir fry? all easy, one pot dishes.

[Crystalkd]

Being so new to this I REALLY feel your pain!!! The other day I could have KILLED for a pizza and beer and then remembered how sick I was three weeks ago and decided agianst it. I just need to figure out things that will freeze well. I just try to remember how bad I felt compared to how I feel now! (That didn't stop me from flipping out the other day though!) I miss not having to think about what I'm eating or if i'm ccing myself. (Which is still a common problem that will take a while to fix.)

[missy'smom]

"what i would do for lasagna, but i havent figured an way to make it without cheese and have it stilll taste good lol."

crumbled tofu works really well in place of cottage chesse in lasagne. You can puree it a little for a ricotta substitute. The texture is similar and it absorbs some of the flavor of the sauce. Put seasoned bread crumbs on top instead of cheese.

[Karen B.]

My creative hubby came up with a quick solution for the pizza craving the other day... he grilled portabella mushrooms, blotted them well and build pizza on top of them. It was really good, didn't take much time and considerably lower in calories than a regular pizza would be.

You mention being tired of tacos but are those the regular, traditional beef tacos? What about pork tacos with corn, squash and/or black beans? Grilled salmon tacos with black bean corn salsa? Chicken tostadas?

What about a fritatta for dinner? We used to call them egg pizza when I was a kid, but I realize now it was one of my Mom's favorite "quick-easy meal" option.

Have you tried rice paper wraps? They make a great quick to go meal and some of our local Vietnamese restaurants make them fresh. We can't have the hoisin sauce (or PBJ sauce as my sister calls it) but it's also good with their fish sauce, a sweet, spicy vinegar sauce. You can make them at home from chicken in the fridge, some fresh lettuce and shredded carrots and dip them in your favorite gluten-free salad dressing.

Do any of the stores around you carry San Gennaro Polenta? It makes a nice change.

Today for lunch, we had one of my favorite fast food meals -- Wendy's baked potato with a small chili. I dump the chili in the baked potato and smoosh it around. It sounds a bit odd but it's a great fast cheap meal (and even healthy).

Hope this gives you a few ideas.

[debmidge]

so agreed - some days are better than others...

[Teacher1958]

Thank you all for the tips and the support. I can't believe I'm still in a funk this a.m. Seriously, I have read about how so many experience anger/resentment issues after diagnosis. I honestly didn't.

I am struggling more now for the past 12-18 hrs than in the entire past 1 1/2 years.

Tarnalberry, I think you're right. It would have been easier in an earlier century. You don't miss what you've never had. Having the convenience taken away. Knowing that others still enjoy a convenience that is no longer an option.

Hez, you're right, I've got to just live this feeling and then move on.

I will. It is what it is. My feelings will catch up with my head again. Just not there right now.

A HUGE thank you to all who posted, (and even those who didn't post but feel the pain).

Hi,

Just be patient with yourself. Sometimes it's really hard to endure something bravely for so long. You just need to feel your feelings without apology. I have nearly cried in restaurants several times since I went on "the diet" in April of this year. Recently, we were having a family celebration at one of our favorite restaurants (first time since I was diagnosed), and I looked at the menu over and over again. I was trying to find something I could eat and also looking at all of the things that I wanted to eat but could not. It was very sad for me. All I could have was steamed broccoli and a salad.

Like you, I would never intentionally eat wheat again. I am so much better mentally and physically than I've ever been during the past 42 years (I'm 49). At the same time, if I could have a magic wand and be healthy and eat all of the stuff I love, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I hope you feel better soon.

Brenda

[natalie]

I know exactly how you feel. Sorry you are having a tough time right now.

[jaten]

Thank you all so very much!!!

Just had to report, I'm back to my former mindset; my resentment is almost completely gone. The lifestyle change brought about by Celiac runs circles around not being around to have a lifestyle. I have Celiac. It's not an option. I'm back on top of the game.

My feelings have caught up with my head.

You're all the best. Your posts helped so much, some because of advice, others because reading them made me not feel alone; they all helped.

[Emily Elizabeth]

Thanks for posting how you were feeling. I am new to this and my pity partys are getting to be further apart, but I'm still having them. I guess I felt like I should be "stronger" and be over it by now. Seeing your post (and knowing that you have been dealing with this for over 10 years) makes me feel better about it. I am realizing that this is not something that we can ever "get over." We can just learn to deal with it better over time. I think that once and a while it is healthy to go ahead and just be upset with it. As long as we bounce back like you did! Thanks again.

[sparkles]

what i would do for lasagna, but i havent figured an way to make it without cheese and have it stilll taste good lol. We do have lots of spaghetti and tacos and hot dogs, but the kids are even getting tired of it lol. We do use lots of ore ida fries, at least 2 times a week.

you can make sandwhiches wrapped in lettuce instead of bread, or even stick lunch meat on a rice cake. Can u keep rice in a thermos, or does it get all sticky that way. I am not a big rice eater, but i am learning i have to eat it from time to time lol.

Oh i know i love when i find things i can eat. I was so happy when i found we had the gluten free chicken nuggets from ians in our supermarket. But the box is so small lol, Now to find rice dreams ice cream in this town and ill be happy.

paula

i NEVER liked rice but with the gluten-free diet was forced to give it another try. I started buying risotto rice and I love it. It doesn't get mushy... has a great flavor..... and best of all, I have found some with seasonings that are gluten-free. I use it all the time... for Mexican, Italian, and just stuff like chicken and rice. I often cook it with the juice from canned tomatoes or gluten-free broth. Go to WalMart, they mark their foods Gluten Free and I have found some great boxed potatoes there. Plus they are not pricey like lots of gluten-free packaged food.

[jaten]

Thanks for posting how you were feeling. I am new to this and my pity partys are getting to be further apart, but I'm still having them. I guess I felt like I should be "stronger" and be over it by now. Seeing your post (and knowing that you have been dealing with this for over 10 years) makes me feel better about it. I am realizing that this is not something that we can ever "get over." We can just learn to deal with it better over time. I think that once and a while it is healthy to go ahead and just be upset with it. As long as we bounce back like you did! Thanks again.

I agree with you. I think pity parties are probably just a part of human nature. It can be easy to pout about hardships in life, about not having it as good as someone else. What we do with those feelings after a reasonable period of time is key. Rather than continue to look at who may have it better in areas we can't control, it's important to realize how good we really do have it in life.

Not to take away from the encouragement you got from my post, but you made me aware of an error in my original post. I wasn't diagnosed over 10 yrs ago; I was diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago...December, 2005, not 12/95. I've added an edit to the original with this clarification. I really must have been bummed as I was writing.

Thank you. Hang in there! You really will be fine. (oh, and another thing that helps when I'm blue is to not think about having to be gluten-free for life, but telling myself that I can do it for today...isn't that AA's or somebody's philosophy?? Whoever started that thought, it works in the tough times.)