Eloping/small Wedding

[~alex~]

So . . . weird question. Has anyone ever eloped or had a really small wedding? My fiance and I were planning on getting married back in June but it was postponed due to me becoming sick with Celiac. I've been engaged for almost 2 years and I REALLY want to be married.

My fiance and I have been contemplating having a really small wedding with just parents, siblings and grandparents and sometimes I just want to go down to the courthouse and get married. Do you think I would regret having a tiny, simple wedding. I have never really dreamed of a big wedding and sometimes I think it would just be easier to have a small, simple affair.

I don`t think I would regret this but I don`t know. My fiance has two older sisters who had big, fancy weddings so I don`t think there would be any disappointment on that side of the family. And my dad and brother are game for anything.

Does anyone have any thoughts. I think I need an impartial point of view. Everyone in my life is very agreeable and will usually happily go along with what I want so it is sometimes hard to get an impartial opinion from them.

[Green12]

I want a very small simple wedding myself, so maybe my input isn't impartial

I have always thought I was a strange girl because everyone else I know had/wants a huge wedding with all the bells and whistles.

I personally think you should do what feels right for you and your fiance, follow your heart, whatever that may be.

[CarlaB]

I think a small, intimate wedding with close family and maybe close friends would be very appropriate and wonderful for you after the tough year you've had. I'd make it more special than a courthouse .... but nothing wrong with small and intimate.

After the things you've been through this year, it seems like a good way to bring in the new year.

Didn't you mention being Catholic? Many Catholic Churches have small chapels you can use rather than their large Church.

[LisaJ]

My husband and I got married in St Lucia (see my avatar pic). Our parents and siblings came with. It was fabulous! So instead of spending thousands of dollars on a wedding and then going on a honeymoon, we just picked where we would've liked to go for our honeymoon and just got married there. And everyone got a nice vacation out of it. I watched so many of my friends have large weddings, and getting so stressed out - I just couldn't do it! I've never regretted not having a big wedding. We had the ceremony videotaped and we had a informal reception a few weeks after we got back, so we could still have a get-together with our family and friends.

Good luck with your decision

[blueeyedmanda]

I wanted a small wedding nothing big....it was his family that wanted the wedding since they have a large relative-side family, if you know what I mean. In the end we ended up having a wedding of about 100, mainly family. Nothing elaborate at all. I enjoyed it. I can't wait to get the video. My head was swirling that day and I don't really remember everything. Good Luck on whatever you choose. Either way it will be special, you will be starting your new life with the one person you love.

[AFH]

My husband and I had a very small wedding. Just the two of us in a little chapel. If I did it now I would have our parents there, but it was not right for the circumstances at that time. The only thing I regret is having no pictures of my wedding day.

The marriage is more important than the wedding in my opinion. Not to mention a lot of couples start of their married life in huge debt. But if you have any inkling that you might regret a small wedding I would wait. You only get one wedding day you have to make sure it's the day you want.

Oh and make sure you get pictures!

[Darn210]

My husband and I got married on Anguilla. We invited everyone - of course knowing that not many would come. We had a total of 14 family members and friends come to the wedding. It was even in the Catholic church there. (We went through all the precana requirements in my home parish). We had lots of friends having big weddings with all the nightmares that go with it and had no desire to have the same. We contacted a place on the island that made all of our arrangements and went with the attitude that the only thing that mattered was that we came back married and did not sweat any of the details. I couldn't have been happier. My mom was pretty happy with it, too, as she would never have gotten my dad to take her to the Caribbean.

About a month after we got back, we threw a big barbque to celebrate with all our friends - very casual and also a blast!

[confusedks]

My parents (dad and stepmom) had a small wedding of about 30 people at a little cottage place in New Zealand because that is where my stepmom is from. It was really nice and since the currency exchange was great for us, it was really at a beautiful location. It was really humble and sweet. Everyone loved it. I was 7 and am now 17 and I want a big wedding, but always have. Then when they got back to the US, all of my dad's family had a HUGE reception for everyone who couldn't afford to be at the wedding.

They are really happy they did it the was they did, and it was a lot of fun! The reception was black tie so my dad wore his tux, my stepmom wore her dress, etc. It was a lot of fun!

Do whatever you feel is right. I really think it sounds like you want a small wedding.

Kassandra

[~alex~]

Thanks for the input. I really think I do want a small wedding and not just because I want to get it over with and be married finally. I never really thought about what my wedding would be like until recently but when I picture it, it is a peaceful, intimate affair. Not sure what we'll do for a reception but something small and simple with lots of really good food. A good thing about a small wedding is that we we'll have a lot of money to spend on the food.

Another question . . . Do you think it would be weird to have both my dad and grandpa walk me down the aisle? I know a lot of people have both their mom and dad walk them down the aisle these days and my grandpa is my only relative from my mom's side. I would really like to have both of them with me but I think it might look weird.

[loco-ladi]

Well, I am going to try to make this short.....

Hubby #1 had a small affair (only cost a few thousand $$$) on his parents front lawn all the dressy stuff and everything..... fast forward 15 years.. its the big "D"

Hubby #2 was very ill at the time and I was looking at either getting fired when I had to take him to National Jewish for 2 weeks or getting married so I could get FMLA leave at work.......

got home from work at 11am, dragged him to the courthouse filled out paperwork, paid fee, dragged him down to the court room, hijacked 2 complete strangers for my witness's got married by some chick who swore it would be legal and binding while wearing a t-shirt blue jeans and my steeltoed work boots.... hubby was in his pajama's... obviously we have no photos left there at 11:45 and spent $20

Fast forward 2 years....... never been happier and just had our delayed reception and can honestly say...

It doesn't matter what the ceremony is like it... matters what the COUPLE is like

[Darn210]

It doesn't matter what the ceremony is like it... matters what the COUPLE is like

Well Said!

[loco-ladi]

Its your day you get whatever you want

nuff said

grampa and dad walk you down the aisle of your choice, lol

p.s. heres a congrats for you to use later as I wont be there to tell you in person and a rose too @~

p.p.s. forgot to mention that while we were filling out the paperwork a woman in the office there to get her car registered gave me a flower from her blouse to have for my boquet(sp)

[~alex~]

Its your day you get whatever you want

nuff said

grampa and dad walk you down the aisle of your choice, lol

Thank you -- I think this needs to be my motto for the whole wedding experience. As long as my fiance and I are happy that should be good enough, right? And I think our immediate family will be okay with it as well. We are lucky to have such supportive families!

[CarlaB]

Another question . . . Do you think it would be weird to have both my dad and grandpa walk me down the aisle? I know a lot of people have both their mom and dad walk them down the aisle these days and my grandpa is my only relative from my mom's side. I would really like to have both of them with me but I think it might look weird.

You can do whatever you want on your special day.

Another option would be to have your dad walk you down the aisle, stop and give your grandfather a smooch before you walk up to the altar. That also picks him out as being someone extra special.

[blueeyedmanda]

Alex--I think that is very thoughtful to have both of them walk you down the aisle. In the end it is entirely up to you but I think it is a wonderful idea.

[EBsMom]

I never really thought about what my wedding would be like until recently but when I picture it, it is a peaceful, intimate affair.

I think that a peaceful, intimate affair would be way more meaningful in the end than a big showy affair that took months to plan and stressed you out! I love the idea of having more money for good food, too! We just celebrated our 18th weddding anniversary and ours was a very simple wedding. We rented a house on our favorite Florida beach (I'm originally from Florida) and got married on the deck, overlooking the ocean. Only our close friends and family were there. We were married by a Justice of the Peace (family friend) and our dog was there (wearing a big white bow around her neck!) After we were "legal", we had a seafood buffet catered right there on the deck, and everyone stayed to party well into the evening. It was very informal, very relaxed - and very much "us." The one thing I did do was have a photographer there. I have an album full of great candid shots of the day, and I love to pull it out from time to time to relive the moments. Your wedding should be all about the two of you - forget that stereotypical, outdated model of what a wedding "should" be like, and just do what makes you happy - including having both your dad and your grandfather give you away. And, as someone else advised, take lots of pictures. You'll cherish them later! Happy planning!

Rhonda

[dandelionmom]

I work in the wedding business and have seen several small, intimate family weddings that have been amazing! I bet you'll always be glad you had the wedding of your choice. The thing is to think of what details are most important to you and make sure not to compromise those things. So if having your dad and grandpa walk you down the aisle is important to you then you really should do it. If having amazing photos or flowers (or whatever!) is your thing, splash out and spend the money on those things instead of on a huge wedding. Best wishes!

[kbtoyssni]

Planning a huge wedding can also be super stressful so a small affair I think is a great idea. Some people do a small wedding and then a reception/party for everyone a month later. The masses can still offer their well-wishes, but it moves some of the planning stress until after the wedding. I have a friend who was engaged when her now-husband got called up to go to Iraq. They ended up having a small wedding two weeks later. They are planning on having a vow-renewal and reception for everyone next year (he's back now), and she's so relaxed about the whole thing because they're already married. It's so unusual to see someone that relaxed. This wedding and marriage is all about you, so do what you think is right for the two of you.

[Adelle]

You will enjoy your wedding big or small.

DH and I were BROKE when we got married (as in living on $1,000/month and having $10,000 in useless medical debt and $8,000 in DH's ex's credit card debt). We couldn't afford a big wedding!!

I got my dress at a thrift store ($15), DH wore a kilt he already had, we had some friends show up at a local park, and had potluck food!! The whole thing cost about $300 ($250 for the minister, the courthouse was BOOKED all summer that year, she was the LAST person available we could find). Oh and our camera DIED that day, I have 3 whole pictures of my wedding!!

All in all, it was a fun day. But not the most important day of my life. I wouldn't change a thing.

If you have the $$, I vote for the vacation wedding!!! That seems like TOO much fun!!

If you really want a big wedding, go for it. Either way, congratulations!!

[confused]

I had the huge wedding with over 500 people in attendence. We planned it for over an yr, at times it was stressful, but it was beautiful. I loved it cause it was the last time i seen many people that passed away shortly after or a few yrs later. We had the wedding videotaped and we watch it every yr. I dont think i would changed a thing of having the big wedding.

I think if u want a simple wedding then you should go for it, but then have an reception were you can invite everyone you care about it, be it a bbq, renting an hall and an dj, with lots of food, then i would go for that. Or even elope and have an reception when you get back.

There are so many choices for weddings these days, that you just have to find what makes you happy. i always wanted the big catholic wedding with an horse and an carriage and that is what i got. I wanted to be an princess for the day. But this is what i always wanted. Mnay people dont and there is nothing wrong with that. Just follow your heart and you will know what wedding is the best for you.

paula

[Sweetfudge]

As long as my fiance and I are happy that should be good enough, right?

That is SOOO the key! We had a small wedding, but not by my choice. It would have been nice, it was beautifully done, but there were a lot of things about the day (and the days leading up to it) that made it not so much a happy experience. You are so blessed to have support from your families, so I say do what you and your fiance want to do! Whatever anyone else thinks shouldn't matter! Our families were in an uproar about so many things, I honestly think my husband and I would look back more fondly at that day had we eloped

Congratulations and best wishes to you!

[brendygirl]

Do the intimate wedding! I had 30 people and loved it! I had a rule that I didn't want to meet anyone that I didn't already know...also I kept it small by telling people it was just family.

I sent fancy invitations: message-in-the-bottle, really!-in those boxes from the post office that have a rose on them.

I had a harp playing and we overlooked the ocean in a garden. We had fancy seafood dinner (chicken choice, too). It was divine. Seashells on the cake, fish in vases on tables, etc.

My husband ended up in the emergency room the night b4 the wedding-got stitches in eye- so I'm glad we didn't pay much for photos!'

On the honeymoon (in June) in Hawaii, there were all newlyweds commiserating, "Aren't you glad it's OVER!!" and my husband and I couldn't relate at all, we were like, what? We were so glad we did it small and stress-free. Every time I had to do wedding stuff, I had to go to the beach! It was fun!

[Juliebove]

I had no choice but to elope and there were no guests. At the time, I was living in WA and my now husband was living in CA. We'd already planned the wedding. We were going to have a simple ceremony with just my family and a few friends. My family lives here. Then some sort of dinner or reception of some kind in PA where his family is. As it turned out, that didn't happen.

He called and said he'd gotten a promotion and was being transferred to MA. So if I wanted the military to pay for my move, we'd have to get married that weekend to get the paperwork done in time.

I asked my boss for that weekend off. I flew to Reno and he drove there. I already had a dress. Not an real wedding dress. Just a cream colored suit. I didn't want to spend a lot of money on a dress. I got it on a clearance rack for $20. I didn't have any shoes though. Had to hurry and buy those. Would have preferred better shoes. Got a pair of metallic bronze flats.

I didn't regret that it wasn't a formal wedding. I really hate weddings. I hate wedding cake. So that saved me from that part. And in the end we saved a lot of money.

[brendygirl]

I didn't regret that it wasn't a formal wedding. I really hate weddings. I hate wedding cake. So that saved me from that part. And in the end we saved a lot of money.

I kindof agree! Weddings often disappoint me! I don't like them anymore! I've been to different weddings where these things have happened:

1. a bridesmaid didn't show up
   
2. the DJ played the explicit version of the song
   
3. the groom served the food
   
4. the guests did the dishes and cleanup
   
5. the groom's father wouldn't stop singing Elvis Karaoke
   
6. they played Ava Maria on a disc at the ceremony instead of live musician/singer
   
7. they moved the wedding up (yes, preggers) and the weather was yuk and the grass was dead for an outdoor wedding
   
8. the bride took her hair down
   
9. the parents of the bride and groom publicly argued about where they sat at the reception
   
10. we had to go thru a metal detector upon entering the reception
    
11. no options for food
    
12. the reception was all old-fashioned songs in an antiquated language Basque-(nice for a few songs, not the entire night!)
    
13. in lieu of the dollar dance (which is fine) but they ASK for $$ at the reception in various ways
    
14. the children of the couple say "Mom says we're going shopping tomorrow!)
    
15. Bride smoking at head table
    
16. they made everyone dress country and sit on hay bales
    
17. the powerpoint show of their lives quit in the middle
    
18. the bride wore a gown that showed TONS of acne on her back. yuk
    
19. We got seated at an entire table of people we did not know, when my husband knew all the football players and why didn't we sit with them?
    
20. the server at the reception told us she was a recovering alcoholic and asked us why did her workcenter keep assigning her jobs to work around alcohol
    
21. you couldn't hear the singer
    
22. the bridesmaids had big inserts in the back of their gowns because they didn't fit
    
23. they wrote their own vows and the groom's were beautiful and rhymed, the bride's seemed terrible in comparison
    
24. the officiant forgot the groom's name
    
25. my female friend was invited even tho she was the groom's ex, and the bride and all the women glared at she & I the entire time-I'd no idea the bride didn't want us there or I wouldn't have gone
    
26. the bride and groom ate lobster while guests got tacos
    
27. they pushed the wedding date back so many times that I was in the bridal party and I had to wear a summer pale pink dress in the winter
    
28. the bride's attendants seemed jealous when she was getting ready and weren't cheerful
    
29. the best man made a toast that left the bride out entirely, signaling his dislike of her
    
30. the groom's sister organized a whole family photo session during the reception w/o the bride
    

Good thing all of this didn't happen at one wedding! haha

Good luck with yours! The smaller the wedding, the fewer possible snafoos!

[loco-ladi]

we had to go thru a metal detector upon entering the reception

Ok, that was by far the funniest one I read, cracked me up!!!

Would put a whole new outlook on the "shotgun" wedding... bring 'em for the wedding but leave em at the door at the reception, lol