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Other People Touching Your Food.

Juliebove

By Juliebove
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted

We went out to dinner last night. Daughter and I have food allergies. Husband does not. He had beef strogonoff with wheat and egg noodles (both allergens of hers) and of course it had sour cream in it (another allergen). His meal came with a huge slab of buttered garlic bread. And a salad with croutons and French dressing which probably contained soy (another allergen).

First, he tried to get our daughter to eat a dressing laden cherry tomato from his salad. She pointed out to him that she really didn't want to miss a day of school. He didn't get it.

Then the rest of the meal came. He finished off his food by stuffing some noodles into the bread and making a sandwich which he ate with his hands. Then he took those same hands and grabbed a French fry from her plate without asking first. When she pointed out that he had been rude, the tossed the fry back on her plate. Luckily there were only three fries left. At this point she pushed the plate to him and told him to eat them all because he had contaminated her food. He just laughed. He doesn't get it.

Anyone else ever have stuff like this happen? It's sooo annoying. I would never touch another person's food, unless it were my child and she needed help cutting her meat or something like that. And I would make sure not to cross contaminate it.

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kenlove Rising Star
kenlove
Posted

My family was always sharing foods from each others plates in and out of restaurants. That stopped for me when I was diagnosed. When I think back, we always did it, even as a child in the 50s. Meal time was for sharing more than just the days

news. My mother always wanted me to try something she ordered or would push her left overs on my plate ( then complain I was getting fat <G>) She still does it to my grand children! After diagnoses it changed and I guard my plate, even at family style/chinese dinners, I go first so that no one sticks their gluten laden fork/chopsticks in something that was made gluten-free for me.

As one father to another, I would have a few things to tell your husband about having to change his perspective and habits.

Your daughter seems to have handled it well.

ken

We went out to dinner last night. Daughter and I have food allergies. Husband does not. He had beef strogonoff with wheat and egg noodles (both allergens of hers) and of course it had sour cream in it (another allergen). His meal came with a huge slab of buttered garlic bread. And a salad with croutons and French dressing which probably contained soy (another allergen).

First, he tried to get our daughter to eat a dressing laden cherry tomato from his salad. She pointed out to him that she really didn't want to miss a day of school. He didn't get it.

Then the rest of the meal came. He finished off his food by stuffing some noodles into the bread and making a sandwich which he ate with his hands. Then he took those same hands and grabbed a French fry from her plate without asking first. When she pointed out that he had been rude, the tossed the fry back on her plate. Luckily there were only three fries left. At this point she pushed the plate to him and told him to eat them all because he had contaminated her food. He just laughed. He doesn't get it.

Anyone else ever have stuff like this happen? It's sooo annoying. I would never touch another person's food, unless it were my child and she needed help cutting her meat or something like that. And I would make sure not to cross contaminate it.

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

You need to talk to him, and ask him why he is being disrespectful. Not why he doesn't believe her, because he can choose not to believe her and you all he likes, but he can still respect your choices. He's being infantile in his behavior, and you should not, in away way, tolerate it or not call him on it.

Mom23boys Contributor
Mom23boys
Posted
You need to talk to him, and ask him why he is being disrespectful. Not why he doesn't believe her, because he can choose not to believe her and you all he likes, but he can still respect your choices. He's being infantile in his behavior, and you should not, in away way, tolerate it or not call him on it.

I agree. What he did went outside the boundaries of normal respect.

kbtoyssni Contributor
kbtoyssni
Posted

I'd have a long talk with him, too. This is unreasonable behavior and is putting your and your daughter's health at risk.

You are lucky that your daughter is so good about the diet and not eating things that have been contaminated by him.

PatBrown Newbie
PatBrown
Posted

I used to share parts of meals all of the time but we dont anymore. I dont get a horrible immediate reaction but DH totally understands. He always uses the right side of the toaster oven. I hardly ever have toast(hate to bake and cant find a good bread to buy). He never double dips in the butter. I had to mention this a few times for him to catch on(you can teach an old dog new tricks but they learn mire slowly). There are two gluten-free people at his work and they jokingly call it "the cult". He is very understanding and will eat whatever I cook. He even will eat gluten-free stuff instead of regular.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
I'd have a long talk with him, too. This is unreasonable behavior and is putting your and your daughter's health at risk.

You are lucky that your daughter is so good about the diet and not eating things that have been contaminated by him.

I agree. Also, when I figured out my Celiac, my entire family was instantly on-point. I mean, it was never even suggested by anyone that I don't have to be as careful as I do or that I'm overreacting or any of the crap that a lot of the people on the board have to put up with. I think I would feel pretty darn hurt if my Daddy treated me like that. You might discuss with him the idea that hurtful, disrespectful, verging on abusive behavior towards his daughter could easily lead towards completely alienating her as she gets older and his really not ever seeing her again. That's what I did to my Dad. He was rather abusive when we were growing up and I moved out and wouldn't spend any time with him until he 'fixed' things up. Even with all of that, he still wanted me to be healthy and did everything he could to help when I was sick when I got older. I can't imagine how much worse it would have felt to me to know he was purposely doing things that could make me sick. Is your daughter old enough to be on the boards here? It might be nice for her to get more support from other people.

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JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted

Another thought: I would also probably not allow him to eat with me until he behaves. Anyone that disrespects my (or my child's) health would be banished to another room. But I can be a bit more hard-headed than a lot of people, so that might not be the best route for you to take.

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted

I don't really have anything to add about your husband. I think the other posters conveyed my thoughts as well. . .

But I did want to add . . .

Kudos to your daughter!!! You didn't say how old she is but she handled herself well. Speaking up for herself and noticing and refusing food that would cause her harm!! Good for her!

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted
  • Author
I agree. What he did went outside the boundaries of normal respect.

That's what we think too. I would NEVER take food from someone's plate. It would never even cross my mind to do so.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted
  • Author
I don't really have anything to add about your husband. I think the other posters conveyed my thoughts as well. . .

But I did want to add . . .

Kudos to your daughter!!! You didn't say how old she is but she handled herself well. Speaking up for herself and noticing and refusing food that would cause her harm!! Good for her!

She is 9 and has been called "the food police" at school. She is very concerned with food safety.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted
  • Author
Another thought: I would also probably not allow him to eat with me until he behaves. Anyone that disrespects my (or my child's) health would be banished to another room. But I can be a bit more hard-headed than a lot of people, so that might not be the best route for you to take.

Actually we did do that for quite some time. Because of his behavior we chose not to eat with him. But he is currently recovering from a major surgery and can't do so much on his own just yet. So we have been taking pity on him and taking him places so he can get out of the house.

Somehow I don't think he'll ever learn. This has been pointed out to me by several people. But for some reason I just maintain hope.

HAK1031 Enthusiast
HAK1031
Posted

sigh. sometimes people just aren't going to get it... my family tries, but just doesn't. your daughter seems to be her own best friend in this, which is sooo important. but i agree that your husband needs to have a talk if he is ever going to be responsible for her safety. my dad has a "at least it's not a peanut allergy" mentality where he thinks it's not a big deal if i have gluten by accident because i won't die on the spot. he also constantly compares it to his lactose intolerance, which, though severe as far as lactose intolerance goes, is fixed by taking a pill before a meal. i pointed out to him that at a chinese restaurant the wok could just have been used to fry wheat noodles. his response was that a knife could just have been used to slice butter...but if he took a lactaid pill, he would have been fine. even if he didn't, he'd be sick with stomach problems for two to three days tops. and we all know how much more there is to a glutening than stomach problems...

but i digress to a rant...at any rate talk to your husband, and major kudos to your daughter

mamaw Community Regular
mamaw
Posted

You should be very proud of your daughter, she handled the situation like a pro. The man of the house in my opinion was not very respectful.. I personally would not tolerate such behavior from a supposedly adult. I think that was terrible & not very parent like.Children are supposed to learn from parents not the other way around....

If he lived at our house I'm afraid he wouldn't be a happy camper!!!!

I bet he is the type you can't make understand that celiac is a real deal.....

good luck

mamaw

Crishelle Newbie
Crishelle
Posted

I think this is more than touching or not touching food! It is really about respect! Not only is your husband not showing respect to your daughter, but he is not showing this to you either. He is acting like a rebellious teen trying to get attention and see how far he can push his boundaries! I would show him some major boundaries, demand respect, and accept nothing less. You teach people how to treat you. Don't allow him to treat you or your daughter this poorly...

Just an additional note, I don't have a problem touching food, our family shares all the time, but that is mutual. And my husband, who could eat month old garbage and it wouldn't bother his body any!, has even decided he would not eat gluten in front of our kids...providing a safe environment for them all time....I guess I'm just lucky!

Good luck, demand respect, and God Bless.

Glutenfreefamily Enthusiast
Glutenfreefamily
Posted

Sigh, if it were me keep on pushing it. He has to clue in sometime. I would be tempted to embarass him royally just to get him to stop. It sounds like your daughter is great though and Im glad she stands up to him. My sister's in laws and her husband are jerks about the diet and cannot believe they have such a reaction to gluten. My sister is afraid to have her inlaws watch the kids since she is nervous they would feed it to her to try and prove their point :(

Honestly celiac or not, it would bother me. Its just rude I think to touch someone's food without asking. I didnt grow up in a family that way so maybe that's why I feel that way. My husband tried that once while we were dating and he could tell it bothered me and hasnt done it since. If we are purposely sharing thats one thing but I dont think its right just to reach over and take food let alone take a chance on making her sick.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted
  • Author
Sigh, if it were me keep on pushing it. He has to clue in sometime. I would be tempted to embarass him royally just to get him to stop. It sounds like your daughter is great though and Im glad she stands up to him. My sister's in laws and her husband are jerks about the diet and cannot believe they have such a reaction to gluten. My sister is afraid to have her inlaws watch the kids since she is nervous they would feed it to her to try and prove their point :(

Honestly celiac or not, it would bother me. Its just rude I think to touch someone's food without asking. I didnt grow up in a family that way so maybe that's why I feel that way. My husband tried that once while we were dating and he could tell it bothered me and hasnt done it since. If we are purposely sharing thats one thing but I dont think its right just to reach over and take food let alone take a chance on making her sick.

The problem is he doesn't believe in food allergies to start with. And he has the assumption that even if we do have food allergies, one bite of something isn't going to hurt us. I keep trying, but I think it's a lost cause.

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted
The problem is he doesn't believe in food allergies to start with. And he has the assumption that even if we do have food allergies, one bite of something isn't going to hurt us. I keep trying, but I think it's a lost cause.

That's why you tell him "I don't care if you understand or not. You are going to respect our decisions whether you agree with them or not, because it's the respectable, human thing to do."

kbtoyssni Contributor
kbtoyssni
Posted

I think if he really cared about your and your daughter's health and mental well-being he should be respectful of your decision to go gluten-free. Whether he agrees with you is not the issue. Would he be willing to go to counseling? This sounds like a chronic respect problem that needs to be worked out. It's not about the food.

Bravie Apprentice
Bravie
Posted

That is pathetic. If that were my husband, he wouldn't have heard the end of it from me. I have a very low tolerance for those who refuse to accept illnesses and brush them off as simple conditions. This very same thing has actually happened to me. A family member took food from my plate without asking and boy was I mad. I made them eat the rest of it because I didn't know where their hands had been previously. You're daughter did the right thing, it's good to know that she looks after her own health.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted
  • Author
I think if he really cared about your and your daughter's health and mental well-being he should be respectful of your decision to go gluten-free. Whether he agrees with you is not the issue. Would he be willing to go to counseling? This sounds like a chronic respect problem that needs to be worked out. It's not about the food.

We've tried counseling. A couple of times. Doesn't work. He won't listen and won't do what the counselor tells him to do. To him it's a joke.

kenlove Rising Star
kenlove
Posted

Maybe you should print out all the replies here and get him to read them. Or, if you have a mutual friend that he will listen too, maybe that person can get some sense into him.

good luck

ken

We've tried counseling. A couple of times. Doesn't work. He won't listen and won't do what the counselor tells him to do. To him it's a joke.
babygirl1234 Rookie
babygirl1234
Posted

i understand completly my family is the same way, but if they go to touch my food with their fork/spoon/knife i have to tell them hold it cant use that and give them mine to cut my meat or whatever, and they understand or atleast try to,

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
We've tried counseling. A couple of times. Doesn't work. He won't listen and won't do what the counselor tells him to do. To him it's a joke.

Is this the kind of guy that still plays his video games instead of helping around the house? Gets mad and yells and throws stuff when he's upset instead of actually talking? Still complains about stuff to his mother?

I think at some point you may just get so frustrated that you finally tell him he can either behave properly with you or behave badly without you. You're mature enough to know you and your daughter's safety has to come first. If he's not, then he can't be allowed to be responsible for it.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted
  • Author
Is this the kind of guy that still plays his video games instead of helping around the house? Gets mad and yells and throws stuff when he's upset instead of actually talking? Still complains about stuff to his mother?

I think at some point you may just get so frustrated that you finally tell him he can either behave properly with you or behave badly without you. You're mature enough to know you and your daughter's safety has to come first. If he's not, then he can't be allowed to be responsible for it.

Heh! Sounds like you've met him!

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