Break Down

[Jodi Mills]

So I am just going to vent here maybe just a little bit. I had a rough night last night, it all started with a stupid PB&J sandwhich...I dont even like jelly, but as I was watching my boyfriend truely enjoy it I got extremely jealous...I was craving, and wanting just a bite soooo bad...I did refrain, which caused me to be in a pretty foul mood, and so as I was explaining to him what was going on, i could tell he was a little upset. He says I act like I have the most extreme case...Right now I know it is not the most extreme case, and i really consider myself lucky that as of right now all i have is celiac and nothing more that i know of. and if i am obsessing about what i am eating, it is only because i want to make sure i get it right, and until i feel completely comfortable being able to walk into the kitchen and grab a snack, (just knowing its gluten-free) then I am going to obsess on it, because I dont want to go back to feeling the way I was before going gluten free. Anyhow I started crying, over a stupid sandwhich, and how I wanted to be able to eat a good pizza again. about how i just want to be able to eat anything and not worry about the pain i will be in later...I did not cheat!! which I am proud of, but the break down is not something i want to deal with either..

I called my mom and talked to her about it. she is always so understanding, she watched me as a kid struggle with the whole eating thing. she said that from before Dx and after Dx was like night and day. she said i was miserable. I also found out that I did test positive on the blood test when I was 6 so thats good. I also talked to my aunt who is up visiting my mom right now. She has Fibromyalgia(sp?) She said she does a detox once a year, and goes gluten free, and feels so much better on the diet, so i told her she should just stick to it, she said she would try her hardest...I thought it was cool, she also gets the lundberg rice cakes, which if i want i have to order off the internet, so she said she will start sending me care packages. It was just a good call, and at the end of the phone call we were all laughing...

It is so hard and frustrating, I dont understand how to get over the cravings, I have been doing very well not giving in, but this is so hard, i dont want to start crying everytime I see someone eating something I cannot have. I dont want to isolate myself from people i like and care about. I need to get over this, and get better..

thanks for listening.

[Ridgewalker]

Vent away, Jodi! We know how you feel.

I am lucky, and had virtually no withdrawal, and have no problem with cravings. BUT-- what gets me the worst is the convenience factor. I miss being able to just pick up dinner and not have to worry about what to cook...

Both of my kids and myself are gluten-free. On busy days, when we're out shopping and running errands till late... There have been a couple times that I've been nearly in tears at the thought of going home and having to cook dinner... when it used to be an option to just grab pizza and everyone would be taken care of.

Most of the time it's ok, but sometimes it just sucks-- no doubt about it.

But I really do feel a little better about it every day. Now every once in awhile, I'll pick up food from Wendy's- a bunch of burgers with the toppings, fries, no buns- and we put the burgers on homemade buns when I get home. As long as I have buns made, this is still pretty convenient.

And you just really do get used to it. It just takes time.

In any case, I feel your pain. A couple nights ago, my husband made himself chicken sandwiches (breaded, on soft white buns) and Velveeta shells and cheese.... I asked him to hand me his plate, and I just stood there and SMELLED it for a few seconds. LOL.... pitiful...

[tarnalberry]

it's a grieving process - and it's fair to accept that it's going to be hard to just give up something (as though it were dead and never again to be a part of your life - 'cause it won't be). it's all the harder when we feel that life should be 'fair' for some reason, and then we see other people getting to eat it. the 'well, then why can't I? that's not fair!' thoughts start floating around, even though - logically, "fair" has nothing to do with anything in life like that. it takes time to get past it, and it's cyclic, so you'll go through it every now and again. accept it'll happen, and it's ok.

[Jodi Mills]

it's a grieving process - and it's fair to accept that it's going to be hard to just give up something (as though it were dead and never again to be a part of your life - 'cause it won't be). it's all the harder when we feel that life should be 'fair' for some reason, and then we see other people getting to eat it. the 'well, then why can't I? that's not fair!' thoughts start floating around, even though - logically, "fair" has nothing to do with anything in life like that. it takes time to get past it, and it's cyclic, so you'll go through it every now and again. accept it'll happen, and it's ok.

Thank You both for the replys....I was doing really well with the whole withdraw thing for the past few months...it just got to me bad last night....and this whole fair thing...I know life isnt fair...lol but that doesnt mean in my mind i think that it shouldnt be... It would be easier if everything was fair, but its just not possible.

I know I have come a long ways though, because the last time I was like this I broke down and went to taco bell, So even though it took alot out of me, i know I have grown stronger as a person already...to be able to say no, is for me , like a kid sayin no to candy..hahaha....but I am learning....

[sickchick]

First of all I have CRIED over stupid things like sandwiches I understand that frustration

Second I am a chronic sniffer. It started at Christmas, I sniff all the food everyone else is going to eat and then I am totally fine!

Be well!

sickchick

[ravenwoodglass]

I know I have come a long ways though, because the last time I was like this I broke down and went to taco bell, So even though it took alot out of me, i know I have grown stronger as a person already...to be able to say no, is for me , like a kid sayin no to candy..hahaha....but I am learning....

It is hard at first and as stated there is a greiving process to it all. I just want to say good for you for getting through it this time without caving into the desire. You'll get through this, don't feel bad about feeling bad sometimes. If you can reward yourself for being strong, it doesn't have to be much, it doesn't even need to be something material, just something that will allow you to say 'atta girl', you deserve it.

[tarnalberry]

but I am learning....

don't forget - for the next time - that the thing with learning is that it doesn't mean there will come a day when you can be confident there won't ever be a next time. it'll hit you again - there's always going to be something (and probably something that seems dumb at the time, 'cause that's how life is) that puts you over the edge and you grieve it all over again. but that learning makes the grieving a little easier. kinda like a comfy sock.

[Ursa Major]

You might want to have something on hand....... like some gluten-free pizza in the freezer that you can just heat up, or some special cookies, or something else you really, really like, that you can grab and eat when those moments come. That way you won't feel deprived, and you feel that you don't need gluten to enjoy food!

[NoGluGirl]

Dear bobohead,

I am so here with you! Although I have been gluten-free for a while, my parents refuse to go gluten-free. I have a violent reaction, so despite how badly I want something, I never willingly cheat. Still, it makes me terribly resentful when my father brings home Chinese food that I cannot eat. He knows that is my favorite, with the Hot-Sour Soup and Rangoon, and flaunts it and taunts me. It takes all of the power I have not to strangle him. He is definitely not worth going to jail for considering all I would inherit from either of these people is debt.

I do get some pleasure from knowing he could be destroying his intestines, however. It serves him right. You see, both of my parents may have it. They just refuse to try the diet, or admit that is the trouble. They also complain that I should go out and get a job, because despite the fact it is their fault I keep getting glutened, and since people who have cancer work I should, too. Yeast is another issue I have, so I have to avoid vinegar, cheeses, fermented foods, and peanut butter. I love PB&J!

Luckily, Kinnikinnick makes a great gluten-free, yeast-free bread that tastes like biscuits our healthfood store on the east side of town has. I can get Smucker's Simply Fruit Grape Jelly, and some cashew or almond butter. It is very good! By the way, Jif is gluten-free, as is Welch's Grape Jelly. In fact, here is a little gift for you.

I have a list that should really help. This is overwhelming. I went through this with myself in August of 2006. You spend most of your day cooking and cleaning obsessively. The rest you are on the phone with reps from companies trying to find out what is safe. I decided to save you the trouble!

1. There are a number of things in the regular grocery that are safe. Some things are labeled already. Wal-Mart's Great Value brand has numerous things you can eat.

2. For the love of God use Coupons on items you are allowed to eat. People can get them and print them out online even. Call some of the local stores and ask if they accept online coupons.

3. Check the ads online and in the newspaper. You would be surprised how many people do not do this.

4. Some items like rice flour and rice noodles are safe to buy at the Chinese or oriental market. The merchants are more than happy to help you if you cannot read the label.

Now, here is my list of great things to get you started:

Condiments:

Smart Balance Margarine*

Crisco Shortening

Crisco Oil

Pompeiian Olive Oil

Great Value soy sauce

Heinz Ketchup

Lea & Perrins Worchestershire Sauce (all Lea & Perrins Products are safe)

Sweet Baby Ray's Barbecue Sauce

Kraft French Fat-Free Salad Dressing

Kraft Thousand Island Fat-Free Salad Dressing

Pace Picante Sauce

Ortega Salsa

All Classico Red and *White sauces

All Jif Peanut Butters including Smooth Sensations

Welch's Grape Jelly

Cool Whip*

Philadelphia Cream Cheese*

Miracle Whip

Daisy Sour Cream (fat-free, low-fat, regular)*

Snack Foods:

Utz Potato Chips (Found at Sam

[Jodi Mills]

Dear bobohead,

I am so here with you! Although I have been gluten-free for a while, my parents refuse to go gluten-free. I have a violent reaction, so despite how badly I want something, I never willingly cheat. Still, it makes me terribly resentful when my father brings home Chinese food that I cannot eat. He knows that is my favorite, with the Hot-Sour Soup and Rangoon, and flaunts it and taunts me. It takes all of the power I have not to strangle him. He is definitely not worth going to jail for considering all I would inherit from either of these people is debt.

I hope this helps!

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

NoGluGirl

Thank you so much that is such a big help! I really want to thank you for taking the time out to write it all out for me, that will save me a few days on the phone! I am sorry that your parents are not on board with the gluten free diet, I know that has to make it extremely hard. But at least there is this site, which helps alot, if it werent for this site i would probably be glutening myself alot. You seem like a very strong person to be able to resist extremely hurting your father.

THank YOU Everyone!!!

[cmom]

Jin,

I am so sorry that your parents antagonize you this way. I am lucky to have understanding parents. Mom always tries to have several things I can eat when she prepares food. She doesn't totally understand all the cross contamination issues, but she tries. Your parents remind me of my "in-law" family. Lots of gluten filled dishes, continually ask me if I want some. Say things like "I know you WON"T eat it, but..." like I'm just being difficult. Never do they say, "I know you CAN'T eat it." Hang in there and there is always hope that things will improve.

[imsohungry]

Hi there Jodi,

Gosh knows we have all been tempted. It is not easy to stick to being gluten-free, especially in the beginning. But over time, you learn your own coping techniques and the lifestyle isn't near as difficult as it is in the beginning. I can honestly say that this becomes a way of life and you seldom notice that your diet is modified.

My mother didn't understand the necessity of adhering to the diet for the longest time. And now, she makes a real effort to cook gluten-free when I'm coming over. But it was SOOO frustrating in the beginning!

Something that I do, whenever I'm craving something I can't have, is pull out my favorite candy bar (so many are naturally gluten-free). This isn't exactly the healthiest thing to eat, but on occasions where I'm really struggling to resist something, a candy bar is a great way to treat myself for my strength!

I think everyone has offered great advice. Take care of yourself and vent when necessary.

-Julie

[Respira]

This may sound crazy, but when I have and absolute craving that won't leave me alone I do this mental thing. I sit down and close my eyes and imagine I am eating whatever it is one delicious bite at a time, my brain must have a very good memory for tastes because when I do this I can actually smell it and taste it...sometimes it has seemed so real I'm actually afraid of getting a reaction...lol

Crazy I Know!

[JNBunnie1]

This may sound crazy, but when I have and absolute craving that won't leave me alone I do this mental thing. I sit down and close my eyes and imagine I am eating whatever it is one delicious bite at a time, my brain must have a very good memory for tastes because when I do this I can actually smell it and taste it...sometimes it has seemed so real I'm actually afraid of getting a reaction...lol

Crazy I Know!

Oh my god I do that too! I can perfectly remember almost every taste, it's helpful when you're trying to recreate something. And Julie (I'm Julie too, by the way) the Whole Foods gluten-free Bakehouse cookies are really the best gluten-free cookie I've had yet, including my homemade. Way more satisfying to me than a candy bar, and less sugar. And cheaper when it comes down to it, huh. I can't buy them regularly anymore because, surprise, I keep eating them!

[imsohungry]

Well Collette, Respira, and Bobohead,

I, too, am a sniffer and memory-eater. If I smell something long enough, I often feel full.

The same thing happens if I'm cooking a big dinner. Once I've been in the kitchen cooking for awhile, sometimes I no longer want what I made. Just standing over the smell of the food has changed my appetite.

Bizzare, but true stuff. Glad to know I'm not alone! My husband teases me that I'm a hound dog...sniffing a trail.

-Julie

[Jodi Mills]

So i put the sniffer to work, and it has been working, Havent craved anything in a few days. Sean still doesnt quite understand the cross contamination thing either, but he says he is willing to get 2 of everything if its needed..lol we were talking about peanut butter yesterday and he wanted me to eat some of it, but it was CCd so i couldnt..lol I think he is starting to realize how important this is to me, and how hard it is as well.

[Discovery]

Vent away, Jodi! We know how you feel.

I am lucky, and had virtually no withdrawal, and have no problem with cravings. BUT-- what gets me the worst is the convenience factor. I miss being able to just pick up dinner and not have to worry about what to cook...

Both of my kids and myself are gluten-free. On busy days, when we're out shopping and running errands till late... There have been a couple times that I've been nearly in tears at the thought of going home and having to cook dinner... when it used to be an option to just grab pizza and everyone would be taken care of.

Most of the time it's ok, but sometimes it just sucks-- no doubt about it.

But I really do feel a little better about it every day. Now every once in awhile, I'll pick up food from Wendy's- a bunch of burgers with the toppings, fries, no buns- and we put the burgers on homemade buns when I get home. As long as I have buns made, this is still pretty convenient.

And you just really do get used to it. It just takes time.

Thank you for your levity...I am smiling BIG TIME don't know how to get the smiley icon to appear....a GREAT visual of "smelling" the burger...I identify. I guess one could say I may have to eat a gluten-free diet, but I can still smell everything else, as much as I'd like to!

sincerely, struggling in CA with post-gluten-free diet symptoms

In any case, I feel your pain. A couple nights ago, my husband made himself chicken sandwiches (breaded, on soft white buns) and Velveeta shells and cheese.... I asked him to hand me his plate, and I just stood there and SMELLED it for a few seconds. LOL.... pitiful...

[luvs2eat]

First of all I have CRIED over stupid things like sandwiches I understand that frustration

Second I am a chronic sniffer. It started at Christmas, I sniff all the food everyone else is going to eat and then I am totally fine!

Be well!

sickchick

I am a sniffer too!! I pick up rolls and bisquits and bring that smell DEEP into my nose/lungs!

It takes time. I've actually bawled over what I'll never have again and what I've never tasted and never will.

Then I remember that people die of terrible things and I have to be on a stupid diet. My life is easy.

Ya just gotta learn to cook differently. I don't feel deprived nearly as often as I did in the beginning.

[psipsina]

I am a sniffer too!! I pick up rolls and bisquits and bring that smell DEEP into my nose/lungs!

It takes time. I've actually bawled over what I'll never have again and what I've never tasted and never will.

Then I remember that people die of terrible things and I have to be on a stupid diet. My life is easy.

Ya just gotta learn to cook differently. I don't feel deprived nearly as often as I did in the beginning.

Its really weird but I like the candles that smell like baked goods. My husband thinks I'm torturing myself but most of your sense of taste is really smell anyways so it make sense that smelling stuff would be satisfying in some way. I'm addicted to yankee candle.

[imsohungry]

Looks like we have four chronic food sniffers and one candle sniffer.

A few days ago I was at my mother's house and she had bought a bag of whole grain "specialty" bread. I just had to sniff...and then once more...oh, what the heck, a third time...

And then, my craving was gone and I ate corn chips.

Hang in there bobohead (Your screen name is hysterical). Hope things are going better for you.

-Julie

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Jodi,

I get extremely frustrated with my situation. Having my parents refuse to go gluten-free is very problematic. I have to go through an absurd amount of effort just to eat. They do not pay attention, and treat me like a hypochondriac. Dad got into my sinus pills this morning, and I hope to God he did not cc them! I am glad your husband might finally be coming around some.

Restraining myself is not easy a lot of the time. I do not know why self-centered people are allowed to have children. This is an injustice to the people who actually could not have children that cared and would do anything for one! I am trying to find ways to make my life easier and minimize the risk of cc. That means having to do all of the food prep and cooking while my parents are not home.

You are so welcome for the list! Anything that simplifies this transition is good. Cooking in foil bags is helpful, too. I am concerned about metals, so I need to avoid using aluminum much anymore. Why does it have to be so darn convenient? I make sure to put one of those colored dots you get for yardsales and then others know which peanut butter or applesauce is yours.

Dear cmom,

That is wonderful your parents try to help! If only more people were understanding! The protocol is exhaustive enough. We certainly do not need anything else complicating our lives. Speaking of, how is your son? Is he doing any better?

Dear Everyone,

Memory eating is something I do, too! It does not get rid of the cravings, though. Visualization is a good technique, but the smell makes me want to eat them more. I am trying to invent a Swedish Meatballs recipe. It seems fairly simple. I will let you know how it turns out, since I am working on a cookbook.

Sincerely,

Jin

[ISGoddess]

Thanks for the great list -- I have a yeast issue, too. But to top it off, I'm allergic to rice! Thank God I like beans and tolerate bean flours well. My recreation cooking goal for this winter is quinoa sushi.

[NoGluGirl]

Dear ISGoddess,

You are very welcome for the list! Yeast is awful! I have made some progress taking FloraStor, which is a type of yeast. This helps push out the Candida. You can get it at the pharmacy at CVS or Walgreens. I also found it at Wal-Mart for $15 less. Quinoa sushi sounds interesting.

I am not sure I tolerate beans. It is difficult to say. Nothing seems to be setting well right now. I may have additional intolerances, or it could be Lyme. That is something I need testing for. Hopefully, that will happen soon.

Sincerely,

Jin

[RiceGuy]

I am trying to invent a Swedish Meatballs recipe. It seems fairly simple. I will let you know how it turns out, since I am working on a cookbook.

Oh boy! Thanks for reminding me - I haven't had Swedish Meatballs in...a looooooong time! Those egg noodles, all smothered in that sauce...

OK, so now I gotta pick up where I left off with my veggie meatball recipe...

[NoGluGirl]

Dear RiceGuy,

I have found a recipe for Swedish Meatballs online, but the recipes still contains dairy. Gluten is my major problem. Anything high in lactose is to be avoided, but I cannot wait to make some Swedish Meatballs!

I know you will be able to come up with a great dairy-free version. Chinese food is fairly easy to modify to the gluten-free diet. Since the Chinese do not eat much dairy, that also makes it easier. Let me know how your recipe turns out when you get around to trying it!

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl