Need To Vent

[A&Z'S MOM]

its been a long day...managed a good lunch and dinner..then was able to freeze and process other side dishes for the up coming weekend...we r taking the kids to a fair tomorrow...i thought it would be smart to pack some snacks and possibly a light meal...hubby thinks its a bad idea...he thinks by planning every meal like this...i am cornering my kids and robbing them of the true experience..like what is he thinking...the kids have special diets and i don't want them to feel deprived or to contend with if any or limited choices...but he thinks i am all nutty...he gave me an hours worth of "stop controlling everything"... i am so mad...am i being compeletly insane.......i am so hurt...

[ang1e0251]

It's so hard when you have an idea of how things are going to be on your outing and he has a totally different idea. Maybe he needs to be in charge of their food for the day so he can see how limited the choices would be. Now me, I grew up on the fairgrounds and I know I could find gluten-free food at the fairs here in Indiana. There is always someplace where there are hamburgers, my eat-out staple with no bun. Lots of fairs here serve roasted corn on the cob. And there is always popcorn, cotton candy and butterscotch corn. We also usually serve grilled or pit chicken and pit pork chops here. The meal often comes with side dishes like apple sauce and chips.

Now if I went to the fair in AZ where I used to live, it would be a little more limited but not impossible. If I remember there was a Chinese stand that served grilled meat sticks, don't know if they were marinated. There were still burgers and the dessert options.

I guess I would put him in charge of their food but take some backup in your purse. He can either fail or succeed at the fair. You will still be there to see how things go but if he takes care of the kids' food, he will either be able to show you you can be a little more flexible or you can show him that it's best to be prepared.

[Ahorsesoul]

Perhaps at the fair you could trade you dh in for a stuffed animal? His support should be with you on their diet in my mind.

At the information booth at our fair I discovered they now have handouts for various speciality diets and who has food for each diet. I only laughingly asked for a gluten free sheet and the guy whipped one out. I almost fell over!!! So ask when you get there.

My friends thought I was crazy not to eat the fair food. There was no way I wanted to be sick for days. Take food.

Unless it is a food fair, the kids can experience the fair in many other ways. Food should be the least important. Family and fun should come first.

[cruelshoes]

hubby thinks its a bad idea...he thinks by planning every meal like this...i am cornering my kids and robbing them of the true experience

IMO, bringing your own food to the fair is not robbing anyone of anything. Even before my family went gluten-free we did that all the time, just because fair food is so notoriously unhealthy. As another poster mentioned, you might be surprised that there are many gluten-free options to be found - sno cones, cotton candy, roasted ears of corn, Icees, lemondade, etc. Plenty of options to get your snack on! Many times when we go to an event like that, we bring our own food, but buy a drink or something.

Now, if you wanted to keep them home and not go to the fair at all because of the food, your husband might be able to make a case for the kids missing out on things. But as it is, I think you are doing the right thing. Food is only one part of the equation. More important things are going on all the spinny rides until you want to throw up and petting all the cute animals.

[Roda]

I always pack something for me to eat if I am going to be away from home for awhile. I even pack snacks etc. for my kids also and they are not on any restricted diet. When we travel to my parents (560 miles away) or my inlaws we always pack a cooler so we can eat on the road.

[shayesmom]

its been a long day...managed a good lunch and dinner..then was able to freeze and process other side dishes for the up coming weekend...we r taking the kids to a fair tomorrow...i thought it would be smart to pack some snacks and possibly a light meal...hubby thinks its a bad idea...he thinks by planning every meal like this...i am cornering my kids and robbing them of the true experience..like what is he thinking...the kids have special diets and i don't want them to feel deprived or to contend with if any or limited choices...but he thinks i am all nutty...he gave me an hours worth of "stop controlling everything"... i am so mad...am i being compeletly insane.......i am so hurt...

It's interesting that your husband doesn't see the other side of the same argument. By hanging on to his concept of what a "true experience" is....he's depriving his children of the same thing he supposedly values. In reality, the "true experience" is whatever you make of it. I find that a "fly by the seat of your pants" approach actually takes away from the experience by adding stress to the outing.....there's nothing like being hungry and having no guaranteed safe food options available to really put you in a position to make bad decisions and to be really, really sick. Why is it so hard to enjoy a family picnic together while at the fair? If it were me, I'd be looking for some fun new recipes to pack for the event that enhances the festivity of going to the fair. And I think I'd rather focus on the events and atmosphere...and the concept of going out....moreso than hanging onto the mirage that going to this place will unprepared will somehow make the "problem" go away for a few hours.

My husband and I have made it a point to pack a special picnic lunch and snacks (plenty of them) whenever we go out to fairs, the zoo, amusement parks, etc.. If we find gluten-free options, then we partake of them. If not, then we enjoy our lunch together and focus on why we're there....to enjoy whatever the site has to offer. I guess we've found that in reality, this lifestyle can intensify the experience. Probably because instead of focusing on all the crap being peddled and sold....we really focus on what there is to do and see.

This issue isn't about control. It's about perspective. He needs to be made aware of this quickly. Because of his refusal to acknowledge this reality, he will take a piece of his children's happiness away each and every time you go out. What kid wants to go out all day with two parents who are bickering? And how does that add to their "experience"?

I can understand his desire for "normalcy". However, he's projecting his own vision of normalcy onto his family. The kids will develop their own sense of normalcy given the circumstances they grow up in. All anyone can do is do the best they can to make it the best experience possible. And let go of pre-conceived notions of how things "need" to happen.

[luvs2eat]

Like another poster said, I'd hand him the food responsibilities a few times... w/ you watching closely... so he can understand what's really happening. How many friends have said to me, "Can't you just eat a LITTLE??" He wouldn't let the kids poison themselves at a fair in the name of "enjoying the experience," would he??? That would be a disaster.

[seezee]

Like another poster said, I'd hand him the food responsibilities a few times... w/ you watching closely... so he can understand what's really happening. How many friends have said to me, "Can't you just eat a LITTLE??" He wouldn't let the kids poison themselves at a fair in the name of "enjoying the experience," would he??? That would be a disaster.

When we are traveling or going to something like that we usually bring an entree and then get drinks, chips, candy, or fruit where we are. I am getting better at seeing the gluten-free options, but it isn't always easy to get the filling meal part. This way my daughter gets the fun part of getting a treat yet still has something that I know is safe and she likes. It can be tricky if your kids are at all picky and need to be gluten-free.

s

[A&Z'S MOM]

i was close to tears when i posted on this forum...reality is that even beofre the diagnosis i have always,and i mean always set out with a plan..whether its a meal or an outing...i would be prepared..whether it was extra t shirts..inhalers..snacks(beofre celiac)....that drives my hubby nuts......my hubby is the spontaneous sort...so i guess he just wanted me to stop planning everything ..

long story short.....i went on strike and made him responsible for all the meals that day(lunch and snacks)he thought i was kidding around...and i wuld like alwys have some back up...well....i took nothing!....not very wise.. i know..actually completely mad of me..

well anyway he panicked and spend the rest of the day..completely stressed and looking out for options...we were lucky.....found indian curries and plain rice.....so we had lunch......thank god..then .....found corn on the cob......and other gluten-free options.....found gluten-free candy(toblerone/aero)..we were lucky and he realised that..it was a gamble...but it paid off.....this time......i don't know what i was thinking but i was tired you know.........sometimes it can be very lonely and hubby realised that ....so very risky but paid off for me....i just wanted the meals to be special and healthy but anyways

you guys were right ..the kids remebered the games and the fun time we managed fooling around..and the funny pics we took and not the food...it ended well for us...i appreciate each and every one who posted here ....thank you guys...

you are part of the family now...there is no other way to explain it...it is easier to relate to you guys....you understand...

[Ahorsesoul]

well anyway he panicked and spend the rest of the day..completely stressed and looking out for options

You did very well. I know it was hard for you to do. So glad to hear you had a great family time together.

[Darn210]

i was close to tears when i posted on this forum...reality is that even beofre the diagnosis i have always,and i mean always set out with a plan..whether its a meal or an outing...i would be prepared..whether it was extra t shirts..inhalers..snacks(beofre celiac)....that drives my hubby nuts......my hubby is the spontaneous sort...so i guess he just wanted me to stop planning everything ..

long story short.....i went on strike and made him responsible for all the meals that day(lunch and snacks)he thought i was kidding around...and i wuld like alwys have some back up...well....i took nothing!....not very wise.. i know..actually completely mad of me..

well anyway he panicked and spend the rest of the day..completely stressed and looking out for options...we were lucky.....found indian curries and plain rice.....so we had lunch......thank god..then .....found corn on the cob......and other gluten-free options.....found gluten-free candy(toblerone/aero)..we were lucky and he realised that..it was a gamble...but it paid off.....this time......i don't know what i was thinking but i was tired you know.........sometimes it can be very lonely and hubby realised that ....so very risky but paid off for me....i just wanted the meals to be special and healthy but anyways

you guys were right ..the kids remebered the games and the fun time we managed fooling around..and the funny pics we took and not the food...it ended well for us...i appreciate each and every one who posted here ....thank you guys...

you are part of the family now...there is no other way to explain it...it is easier to relate to you guys....you understand...

Good for you . . . and sounds like hubby learned something, so good for him, too.

[Swimmr]

Good that it helped him realize something

next time bring back-ups though I know you know, and I probably would have not done it either, just to prove my point.

[precious831]

Good that it helped him realize something

next time bring back-ups though I know you know, and I probably would have not done it either, just to prove my point.

Hi, I'm new and I thought I'd chime in. I'm so glad your hubby is coming along. It's hard enough to deal w/ this and even more difficult if the other parent is not supportive. I'm grateful my Dh is understanding although he doesn't really do any food preparing. Once in a blue moon he does. However he's so strict w/ me. I have cheated and had foods I'm not supposed to eat and when he would find out, he would get very upset with me, saying I'm could get sick, get cancer, etc. lol.

Anyway, goodluck w/ everything. I bring food everywhere too. It's hard during holidays when I feel like I have to dissect foods at parties and I sometimes feel I'm offending the hostess but I gotta do what I need to do and I bring food for me and my daughter. For thanksgiving I cheated and took a big bite out of a regular donut(I hid it from DH)! At that moment, it just tasted so good but 30 minutes later all I could think of was the pain! So not worth it.

[ang1e0251]

I'm so glad it worked for you. It was good for both of you to appreciate the other's point of view.