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This is a hard post to write but I really need some advice. I have 3 kitties. A mother and son Manx, who are 15 and 14 respectively. The mom is starting to really show her age and has become hard of hearing over the last few months. The problem is kitty number 3. He is a huge tabby, as in 26 lbs who is about 11. He was born to a stray who we rescued. She was a tiny little thing who died of a stroke when he was about a year old. Big Boy was a breach birth and was a difficult birth to say the least. We thought he was born dead but I was able to revive him with kitty CPR. He had obvious brain damage but has always been sweet with people. Not so much with the other cats though. Over the last few months he has been picking on the mom kitty more and more. I don't know if he has startled her too many times or what but she is so afraid of him that she won't be in the same room with him unless I am there. I am not doing well finacially due to a recent divorce and really can't afford to properly care for all the kitties. Big Boy, especially with the issues with mom kitty, is the clear choice to go. Now for my problem. I don't know what to do with him. If I take him to a shelter I can picture him sitting in a cage for months not understanding why he is there. I feel it would be kinder to simply have him put down but that seems cruel too. What would you all do in this situation?

PS If you live in Upstate NY and would like to give a beagle sized cat a home do feel free to contact me.

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OMG, hon, I don't even know what to say. I feel just awful for you in this situation. I've been sitting here for 5 minutes trying to think of something to say, but I can't......but i'm thinking of you.

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I would opt for the shelter, assuming it is "no kill". I see shelter cats all the time here with similar background stories. Just be sure to tell them he needs to be in a house with no other cats. This is why Maui is an only cat. Otherwise I would like to have more.

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Thanks guys. My kitties are due for a checkup this month and I am going to talk to the vet and also go and talk to the folks at a couple of the shelters close to me and see what they advise. I wish I didn't need to make this decision at all but medical care alone for my furry kids costs much more than I even spend on myself. Until then I will keep doing what I have been, letting the 'old lady' sleep with me since most of the issues occur at night. Although in a way I think this makes it worse cause it makes the big guy jealous.

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Since you have a vet visit scheduled anyway, why not ask about calming drugs for the big guy? I know it's one more expense, but maybe you can talk the vet into giving you a sample to test.

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Shelter or work on word-of-mouth. I possess an "only cat" who was fighting with another cat in their home. She's lovely. Not having another cat is just fine with me.

I'm delighted to have her, but will need to be careful if we ever move in with another cat or just plain avoid it I'd avoid drugs... just side effects, etc... but maybe there is an underlying health issue?

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Shelter or work on word-of-mouth. I possess an "only cat" who was fighting with another cat in their home. She's lovely. Not having another cat is just fine with me.

I'm delighted to have her, but will need to be careful if we ever move in with another cat or just plain avoid it I'd avoid drugs... just side effects, etc... but maybe there is an underlying health issue?

I'm wondering about a health issue also. I will ask the vet. I also wonder if perhaps the 'old lady' may have a health issue I don't know about also or if maybe with her being almost totally deaf if he startles her and her reaction brings out the 'chase instinct' which then scares her further and creates kind of a cycle.

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Since you have a vet visit scheduled anyway, why not ask about calming drugs for the big guy? I know it's one more expense, but maybe you can talk the vet into giving you a sample to test.

That is a good suggestion. The only problem is the cost of the med and all the follow up visits that would require. I can barely afford the cost of my own med and my every other month visits to monitor it and get refills and their yearly checkups and vaccines are a big burden on their own. So it would depend on the cost. He also is so laid back that a med to 'calm him down' might leave him basically only awake for pooping and eating. LOL

I also am not sure he might not have a thyroid or other issues going on. He really doesn't eat that much for his size. Since he was born to a stray the vet said that can lead to lifelong problems. This was borne out when he broke a tooth and the vet thought he might have cancer because when they did the extraction and cleaned his teeth all the teeth on that side basically fell out. We had to do biopsies, which turned out okay but the expensive was incredible. Fortunately I was still married then so those were covered.

I do have a different vet now who is an hour away but allows me to bring them all in at one time and only charges for one office visit plus 5 bucks for the 'extra' tag alongs rather than $40 apiece just to walk through the door. I might be able to work something out with them cost wise, at least till I can find a job.

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Shelter or work on word-of-mouth. I possess an "only cat" who was fighting with another cat in their home. She's lovely. Not having another cat is just fine with me.

I'm delighted to have her, but will need to be careful if we ever move in with another cat or just plain avoid it I'd avoid drugs... just side effects, etc... but maybe there is an underlying health issue?

I have a day off from classes tommorrow and I am going to visit a no-kill shelter close by and talk to them. If they think he has a chance of being adopted then after I talk to the vet to make sure other health issues are not present that may be my choice. I do so wish I could sit the big guy down and talk to him about this issue and have him understand he has to stop.

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Because I just faced an issue with a kitten...if you can't find him a good home and the shelters can't help you, put him down. I know this sounds mean, but I just had a kitten climb up into my car's hood, right beside the engine. After the fascinating extraction process (thank God for nice guys at gas stations) I needed to find the baby a home. Cute, 6 weeks old, and somewhat friendly once she settled down: this should be easy, right? Yeah, right. NO ONE wanted a cat. Not a single shelter in my area would take her. I was shocked. Certainly she would be easy to home! Nope. Thankfully, a tech at the vet fell in love with her and took her home.

There are so many kittens and healthy cats out there, that finding a home for a flawed cat is near impossible. If you try all your options, you have to do what is best for all involved. It is horrible, and I was livid after my experience with the kitten. I have dogs and try to help with rescue when I can, and I thought getting them adopted was tough. Nothing compared to cats. :( Good luck.

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Because I just faced an issue with a kitten...if you can't find him a good home and the shelters can't help you, put him down. I know this sounds mean, but I just had a kitten climb up into my car's hood, right beside the engine. After the fascinating extraction process (thank God for nice guys at gas stations) I needed to find the baby a home. Cute, 6 weeks old, and somewhat friendly once she settled down: this should be easy, right? Yeah, right. NO ONE wanted a cat. Not a single shelter in my area would take her. I was shocked. Certainly she would be easy to home! Nope. Thankfully, a tech at the vet fell in love with her and took her home.

There are so many kittens and healthy cats out there, that finding a home for a flawed cat is near impossible. If you try all your options, you have to do what is best for all involved. It is horrible, and I was livid after my experience with the kitten. I have dogs and try to help with rescue when I can, and I thought getting them adopted was tough. Nothing compared to cats. :( Good luck.

I'm sorry you had such an awful experience. I have tried to find him a good home quite a few times but never had any success. Our shelters are overwhelmed and like you I had an easier time with my dog rescues. They were actually easy to find good homes for after I got them back in good shape. One was a real tragedy. His leg had a compound fracture and while the folks that had him did take him and get the leg pinned he was the guys dog and when they broke up the woman had no use for him. She kept him tied to a fence with no shelter and little food. Her dogs all had dog houses and were fat and happy. When I saw him I turned around with tears in my eyes to go get a lead out of the car. He whined and the b@#*#h snapped at me asking if I was just going to leave. I snapped back that there was no way I would leave that dog with her. She told me the vet they used and I took him back there. I then found out he had been hit by a car and those jerks waited a week to take him for care hoping he would heal himself. Yea right with a bone sticking out of the injury. The vet did surgery on him for free but we thought he would never be able to use that leg again. He healed to the point where he could put some weight on it and I gave him to a young couple who lived in the country. They sent me a couple pictures that Christmas of him running happily through the fields. I still tear up when I think of him and how lucky he was that I found him. I suppose we shouldn't be surprised how cruel people can be to animals. Some treat their children just as badly.

I do hope I can find a good solution for Big Boy. Someone suggested I put up a couple notices at the retirement homes we have in the area. I am going to look into that also. There has to be someplace for the big guy and someone looking for a kitty to love. If I have no luck then at least I know I did all I could. That really is all any of us can do.

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I know a person who, if she sees what she believes to be a mistreated animal, will stalk the house for a week or so, and if she determines that the animal truly is mistreated or neglected, she and some friends will steal it in the middle of the night. She says she's never seen signs or ads looking for the dogs....

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I know a person who, if she sees what she believes to be a mistreated animal, will stalk the house for a week or so, and if she determines that the animal truly is mistreated or neglected, she and some friends will steal it in the middle of the night. She says she's never seen signs or ads looking for the dogs....

Give your friend a big hug for me and those animals. The world needs more people like her.

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