I Just Snapped!

[Juliebove]

So another thread here led me to an online store that I had been to before and I think I may have ordered some things from in the past.

I found some foods that I thought my daughter would like. I ordered them. The box came. It was packaged beautifully with decorative ribbon and two sample size bags of Gummi Bears on the top. Daughter snatched those right up.

Now on to the food.

At first she was excited. Tried one thing. Said it was disgusting. I didn't say much. Just put it aside and opened another package. She said it was disgusting too.

There was a third, similar food which I just put aside and did not give her. Then some pasta, which needs to be cooked. I only gave her the foods that could be eaten out of the package.

I was a little disappointed that she did not like these foods. I like them just fine. Technically I can eat them, but... I have diabetes and they are high in carbs so I really have to limit what I eat of them. So I put them aside and hoped I could eat them before they spoiled. Because they were expensive to buy, considering all the postage I paid.

I was a little disappointed that she didn't like the foods because I thought I was doing a good thing to order them. But then she went off on me. Yelling and screaming and describing in intricate detail just how disgusting these foods were and why.

I cut her off. Told her I didn't want to hear this stuff. She said she didn't like them and that was that. She needed to just stop discussing it and that I wouldn't buy them again. But she wouldn't stop! Wound up going to tears and getting hysterical because I wasn't listening to her. I said I didn't want to listen to her if she was just going to complain. And if she was going to continue to complain, I would no longer buy any special food for her. It was really making me angry!

I feel like I try so hard to find food she will like. Then I feel like... Why do I try? She likes chicken. She likes rice. Why don't I give her just that every day and add some vegetables and fruit. Certainly would be cheaper. But I feel she needs variety, so I try.

Perhaps part of it is her age. She'll be 12 in a few days. I know the hormones are raging. But still, it's frustrating. And expensive!

[ravenwoodglass]

First for you ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

How long has she been diagnosed? If it hasn't been long she may be going through both withdrawl and the grief process. She loves you, your close to her and you are the person it is 'safe' to lash out at.

It is hard and I wish I had some answers for you. You have my sympathy as I do remember those days with my own soon to be teens.

[kareng]

I have boys but I remember my niece from about 13-16 and you have my sympathy. If her dad lives with you, maybe you 2 could talk with her when everyone is calm. girls seem to have less issues with dads. Even if it's just you, I would talk quietly with her. Ask her to listen first then you will listen. Make it as brief as possible (teens have short attention spans and better things to think about like the opposite sex and clothes. . Tell her what you said here about why you spent a lot of money on this stuff. She is allowed to not like it and you won't buy it again. What she isn't allowed is to be disrespectful and yell. She may leave the room to collect herself if she feels really mad. Tell her that these rules are for you, too. A solution you could offer is for her to pick what she wants to try if anything. She may prefer you give her the $40 to spend on clothes.

The basic rule at my house is kindness and respect. Also, teens really need some control of their lives. Any opportunity you can give her to make a choice, and then to suffer or revel in the consequences, is a good thing and makes a more pleasant person to live with. This applies to boys and I think will work with girls.

[scarlett77]

OUCH! I do not envy you right now. It is the age, but I'm sure that having Celiac compounds the issue. She is most likely not going to like anything you set in front of her or want anything "special". Do you make separate meals for her vs. the rest of the family? You may want to consider having making gluten free meals that the whole family eats. Also i would suggest that you get her in on the menu planning. It is essential for her to learn to cook anyway so this is good practice. Make it fun for her. Tell her 1 night a week she is responsible for dinner. She gets to plan, shop, and cook for an entire meal and dessert (dessert is optional).

If she continues to be unreceptive, then you may consider backing off a little and letting her do her own thing and make the requests. Try to buy "normal" foods that are gluten free. Corn tortillas for tacos (even better if you fry them to make them crispy), Cheetos, french fries (certain Oreida varieties), carrots & ranch, etc. I'm sure if you served gluten-free fried chicken with mashed potatoes & gravy she wouldn't turn it down. If you all are eating the gluten-free pasta maybe she would be more likely to eat it too. And honestly at almost 12 if she doesn't want to eat dinner then so be it.

Also there are GOOD replacements and there are gross ones. I wouldn't recommend any other sandwhich bread except Udi's. No one at school would even be able to tell the difference. It looks and tastes the same...no toasting required. The only store bought cookies I really even like are the Pamela's. But I prefer to make my own (with Pamela's mix)...even better if you sub out M&M's for chocolate chips.

[tarnalberry]

You might consider that she was upset because you weren't listening to her because she wanted you to hear "all these replacement things aren't as good as the real thing and it sucks and is awful I have to eat this kind of crap" rather than "this particular item you got me is disgusting". She (probably) wants you to hear, validate, and sympathize with the generalization. And I'd give her that. Acknowledge that the substitutes, even if they're ok, may not be as good as what she remembers (or thinks she remembers). But that she has to deal with it anyway.

[Juliebove]

First for you ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

How long has she been diagnosed? If it hasn't been long she may be going through both withdrawl and the grief process. She loves you, your close to her and you are the person it is 'safe' to lash out at.

It is hard and I wish I had some answers for you. You have my sympathy as I do remember those days with my own soon to be teens.

She has food allergies and not celiac. She was diagnosed at age 6, almost 7.

I think the issue she had went beyond food though.

We went shopping today and while we were in Target, she did something I have asked her countless times not to do. I carry a big purse and I have to carry it on my left side. Not sure why. I do have scoliosis (that's a bent spine, although mine is not so obvious) and some other medical issues that leave me disabled. I have to push the cart for support (I have a lack of balance) and for some reason I have to carry the purse on the left side. It is just not comfortable for me to put it on the other side.

She likes to help push the cart. And that's fine. I've told her she has one of two choices. Either get her own cart and not ram it into the back of my legs...although she invariably does this at least once or twice... Or grab the cart handle on my right side.

But for some reason she insists on being on my left side. Then she whaps my purse time and time again so it hits into me. And I don't like that. I politely asked her to move to the other side a couple of times. She refused.

I stopped the cart. Told her I was not going to relive that fight today that we have had countless times before and to just go to the other side. She would not. I slapped her hand like you would with a toddler. She gripped the cart even more tightly. I could not get her hand off of it. Could not pry it off.

So... I did the only other thing I could think of to do. Charged forth as rapidly as I could and turned the corner so sharply that she had no choice but to let go or run into an endcap of hair products. She then glared at me with slitty little eyes and regripped the cart even firmer and on the left side.

I told her she was acting like a toddler. And she was. Told her that either she move to the other side, or my shopping was done. I would leave the store right then and there and she could find her own way home. She didn't believe me. Continued to push her luck. So I said, "Fine!" Grabbed up my three reusable Target bags from the cart, turned and proceeded to do the closest I could do to running.

She then released the cart, leaped helplessly into the air and burst into tears. Then she begged me not to go and went to the other side of the cart. Later she demanded an apology but she did not get one.

I don't know what it was. She was fine after that. Just snapped right out of it. Didn't complain when I told her she had to help me put away the stuff we bought and help me fix dinner. She actually fixed most of the dinner herself. We made a lot. Double batch of soy and wheat free teriyaki and double batch of meat and vegetable loaf. I made the rice.

Now she is acting like none of this is happening. Is watching the movie that I bought for her. I had also threatened to put the movie back if she didn't start doing what I said. I had said that prior to threatening to leave her in the store. Gah!

I really think it's the age. I can remember threatening to leave my neice in a Walmart at about the same age. My daughter was 4 then. She wasn't the one acting up. It was my neice! I can't remember the exact incident but I think she refused to leave the Barbie aisle in the toy department and we needed to leave the store because we had some sort of appointment or something. That's how I learned that little trick. Very effective one. But perhaps a bit cruel.

[Juliebove]

I have boys but I remember my niece from about 13-16 and you have my sympathy. If her dad lives with you, maybe you 2 could talk with her when everyone is calm. girls seem to have less issues with dads. Even if it's just you, I would talk quietly with her. Ask her to listen first then you will listen. Make it as brief as possible (teens have short attention spans and better things to think about like the opposite sex and clothes. . Tell her what you said here about why you spent a lot of money on this stuff. She is allowed to not like it and you won't buy it again. What she isn't allowed is to be disrespectful and yell. She may leave the room to collect herself if she feels really mad. Tell her that these rules are for you, too. A solution you could offer is for her to pick what she wants to try if anything. She may prefer you give her the $40 to spend on clothes.

The basic rule at my house is kindness and respect. Also, teens really need some control of their lives. Any opportunity you can give her to make a choice, and then to suffer or revel in the consequences, is a good thing and makes a more pleasant person to live with. This applies to boys and I think will work with girls.

I don't even know where her dad is at the moment. He's in the Coast Guard and was sent to help clean up the oil spill. He was in Louisiana, but called a couple of times to say that they were being evacuated. He told me perhaps they were going to Texas, but he told daughter they were going to Floria. This call came probably 15 minutes before the big blowup in Target. So that might have had something to do with it. Hmmm...

[Juliebove]

OUCH! I do not envy you right now. It is the age, but I'm sure that having Celiac compounds the issue. She is most likely not going to like anything you set in front of her or want anything "special". Do you make separate meals for her vs. the rest of the family? You may want to consider having making gluten free meals that the whole family eats. Also i would suggest that you get her in on the menu planning. It is essential for her to learn to cook anyway so this is good practice. Make it fun for her. Tell her 1 night a week she is responsible for dinner. She gets to plan, shop, and cook for an entire meal and dessert (dessert is optional).

If she continues to be unreceptive, then you may consider backing off a little and letting her do her own thing and make the requests. Try to buy "normal" foods that are gluten free. Corn tortillas for tacos (even better if you fry them to make them crispy), Cheetos, french fries (certain Oreida varieties), carrots & ranch, etc. I'm sure if you served gluten-free fried chicken with mashed potatoes & gravy she wouldn't turn it down. If you all are eating the gluten-free pasta maybe she would be more likely to eat it too. And honestly at almost 12 if she doesn't want to eat dinner then so be it.

Also there are GOOD replacements and there are gross ones. I wouldn't recommend any other sandwhich bread except Udi's. No one at school would even be able to tell the difference. It looks and tastes the same...no toasting required. The only store bought cookies I really even like are the Pamela's. But I prefer to make my own (with Pamela's mix)...even better if you sub out M&M's for chocolate chips.

Right now there are just the two of us. Husband is in the military and due to a variety of reasons, he had moved to another state until he retires...in about 2 years now. He normally comes home for a week or so about every three weeks. But he is currently...I don't know where. Was in Lousiana to clean up the oil spill but due to the hurricane had called and said they would be evacuated. So that's part of the problem, I guess.

She doesn't have celiac but food allergies. As do I. And I have further medical issues that limit my diet. So while I do try to cook meals we both can eat, this often doesn't work. For instance, she loves chicken and I hate it. I will eat it on occasion. But I prefer ground beef. She hates that. And I expect her to eat it on occasion. Tonight she made meat and vegetable loaves for me. I told her she would have to eat some later next week. I plan to put some in the freezer. She made chicken teriyaki for herself. She went to get more teriyaki and asked if she could try the meatloaf. She actually liked it!

Whatever it was... She seems to be over it now. *whew*

[Juliebove]

You might consider that she was upset because you weren't listening to her because she wanted you to hear "all these replacement things aren't as good as the real thing and it sucks and is awful I have to eat this kind of crap" rather than "this particular item you got me is disgusting". She (probably) wants you to hear, validate, and sympathize with the generalization. And I'd give her that. Acknowledge that the substitutes, even if they're ok, may not be as good as what she remembers (or thinks she remembers). But that she has to deal with it anyway.

Well, I do know that. And I have food allergies too. And diabetes. And other medical issues that relate to diet. So she knows that I can't eat what I want any more than she can.

I do seem to get the "not listening" thing quite a bit. However, I refuse to listen when she starts out by screaming at me and/or calling me names. Which she did a lot of today. Apparently I am not only a dummy but a big dummy. I am also fat, have a head like a potato, and don't eat popcorn properly. And I was told repeatedly to shut up. Was told she would not listen to me. She is very hypercrital of me. I know she is entitled to her opinions. But if she is going to start out talking to me like that, I just won't listen. I try to talk to her in a respectful manner and I expect her to do the same.

[Roda]

Well, I do know that. And I have food allergies too. And diabetes. And other medical issues that relate to diet. So she knows that I can't eat what I want any more than she can.

I do seem to get the "not listening" thing quite a bit. However, I refuse to listen when she starts out by screaming at me and/or calling me names. Which she did a lot of today. Apparently I am not only a dummy but a big dummy. I am also fat, have a head like a potato, and don't eat popcorn properly. And I was told repeatedly to shut up. Was told she would not listen to me. She is very hypercrital of me. I know she is entitled to her opinions. But if she is going to start out talking to me like that, I just won't listen. I try to talk to her in a respectful manner and I expect her to do the same.

I don't blame you for not listening when the tone starts out like that. I'm wondering if it is contagious? My 9 1/2 year old has been almost unbearable he keeps tormenting his 5 1/2 year old brother to the point of really being innapropriate. They were going at it so bad Thursday that I just wanted to go into my room, lock the door and forget (just for awhile) that I had kids. I had done all the yelling/discipline I was going to do and they still were acting bad. I just got to the point that I tuned them out and as long as they were not bleeding profusely or a body part wasn't mishapen, then I didn't care what they did to each other. I even told them if they wanted to beat on each other to take it into their rooms and I didn't want to hear about it later. Funny thing is my youngest obviously had a lot of pent up emotions from the whole day and he started crying for me after he went to bed. He was so pitiful just sobbing. His brother actually came into his room to sleep with him because he didn't like him crying. Go figure. In hindsight I'm sure I could have handled the situation differently, but when you are in the moment sometimes you don't think clearly. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure you are doing a good job.

[ravenwoodglass]

I don't even know where her dad is at the moment. He's in the Coast Guard and was sent to help clean up the oil spill. He was in Louisiana, but called a couple of times to say that they were being evacuated. He told me perhaps they were going to Texas, but he told daughter they were going to Floria. This call came probably 15 minutes before the big blowup in Target. So that might have had something to do with it. Hmmm...

It very well may have something to do with it. She may be having a hard time dealing with her Dad being gone and the uncertainty of not knowing when she will see him again. Perhaps a bit of counseling might help.

I also had a really hard time with my kids when they were this age the rejection and hypercriticalness was so hard to deal with. It is hard not to take things they throw at you personally when you are under what seems like constant attack. One nice thing about this thread has been seeing that others do deal with the same issues with their kids. It is like you go from being someone who is the center of their world to someone they don't even want to be seen with in the blink of a eye. It hurts, a lot. Sometimes I wonder if part of it is a natural part of growing up and their preperation for being on their own. Kind of makes us relieved when they head of to college or move out on their own. Well not really. LOL I know for me things have gotten better as they got into their 20's and matured a bit. Empty nesting is the pits though.

[kareng]

I don't blame you for not listening when the tone starts out like that. I'm wondering if it is contagious? My 9 1/2 year old has been almost unbearable he keeps tormenting his 5 1/2 year old brother to the point of really being innapropriate. They were going at it so bad Thursday that I just wanted to go into my room, lock the door and forget (just for awhile) that I had kids. I had done all the yelling/discipline I was going to do and they still were acting bad. I just got to the point that I tuned them out and as long as they were not bleeding profusely or a body part wasn't mishapen, then I didn't care what they did to each other. I even told them if they wanted to beat on each other to take it into their rooms and I didn't want to hear about it later. Funny thing is my youngest obviously had a lot of pent up emotions from the whole day and he started crying for me after he went to bed. He was so pitiful just sobbing. His brother actually came into his room to sleep with him because he didn't like him crying. Go figure. In hindsight I'm sure I could have handled the situation differently, but when you are in the moment sometimes you don't think clearly. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure you are doing a good job.

My boys are 3 years apart. If these were my boys back at those ages : Its summer & the boys are getting bored. They didn't get enough physical activities today. They need some activities separate from each other. Mine would be killing each other & I would send them each to a computer and within minutes they would be playing this on line game together, them against the world. The other thing is when they are fighting and don't stop is chores. When presented with the option of getting along or sweeping the garage, or pulling weeds, etc its amazing how they work it out.

[tarnalberry]

Well, I do know that. And I have food allergies too. And diabetes. And other medical issues that relate to diet. So she knows that I can't eat what I want any more than she can.

I do seem to get the "not listening" thing quite a bit. However, I refuse to listen when she starts out by screaming at me and/or calling me names. Which she did a lot of today. Apparently I am not only a dummy but a big dummy. I am also fat, have a head like a potato, and don't eat popcorn properly. And I was told repeatedly to shut up. Was told she would not listen to me. She is very hypercrital of me. I know she is entitled to her opinions. But if she is going to start out talking to me like that, I just won't listen. I try to talk to her in a respectful manner and I expect her to do the same.

Oh sure! I didn't mean to imply that I think you should let her talk to you like that. Rather that YOU might try bringing up the stuff she's leaving unspoken. Really, to her, she doesn't "care" that you have the same issues. It isn't going to make her feel any better to know that you're suffering too. So, though it's tempting, I don't think it's going to help. (It's one of those "but you're talking about yourself again, and this is woe-is-me time.)

Really, I think you did a great job under the circumstances. You are firm about what you expect and won't let her get away with anything else. I can only imagine that, in a few months (hopefully not years), your efforts - frustrating as they are right now - will pay off.

[T.H.]

This might not apply at all, but...have you ever had her checked for other food issues?

My daughter - just turned 12 about a week ago - sounds very similar. Big melt downs with crying and furious anger. And they just go on, and on, and on. Like she just doesn't know when it's time to finally say: you have to stop now or your mother is going to lose her mind!

Very hard to deal with - you have my sympathy!

But we made some changes in her diet and it has pretty much entirely disappeared.

We had decided to keep a food log to see if she was having food issues - after a Celiac diagnosis - and dropped the 8 major allergens, plus a few allergens from our family tree.

I don't think we were expecting it to affect her behavior, but it did! Her crying jags really dropped. Her inability to control herself dropped. We went to organic foods, as well, and have noticed another drop in angst level. (have since seen a recent study on pesticides being linked pretty strongly to mood problems/ADHD issues in kids)

At this point, we have figured out that if my daughter has dairy or a corn, her angst levels will slowly rise for each day she eats these. We take them away and the angst ebbs. It's the opposite of what I would have expected, considering how much she loves dairy and corn.

Lots of fructose seems to cause the same issue, we believe, although we are trying to track that and see if it is true, or if it is something else. I've since learned that if the body has trouble digesting fructose, it can interfere with the absorption of tryptophan, which means the next day, the body doesn't make enough seratonin, which regulates mood and our ability to control our moods.

It kind of made sense, looking at it that way.

I honestly have no idea why these foods mess with my kids this way - my son seems to have the same reaction to eggs. Allergy, or sensitive, or who knows what. But I can tell you that it has made a HUGE difference in our lives since we've taken them out!

Even in mine! When I figured out corn in our kids, for the first time I noticed the same issue in me! The day after I eat corn, I wake up in a foul mood that lasts for the rest of the day. I have trouble coping with every little problem, I feel frustrated and upset for hours after any difficulty. When I stay away from corn, everything is easier to deal with and less stressful. I don't know if this is how the kids feel, but even MY life has improved. And I've since found others who have mood related issues with foods, so...who knows. Might be worth a try to track what she eats and how she's feeling, ya know? couldn't hurt, anyway!

Good luck!

[macocha]

when eating fructose when your body should not creates really bad reactions in my daughter, weepy, combative (not hitting, just really over the top stubborness), etc. it is awful.

I am sorry you are going through this.

[Juliebove]

when eating fructose when your body should not creates really bad reactions in my daughter, weepy, combative (not hitting, just really over the top stubborness), etc. it is awful.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Hmmm... My daughter gets like that sometimes. At first it was only when she ate an allergen. I suppose she could have new allergies that we don't know about. My daughter does hit sometimes. This is getting bad because she's almost as big as I am now and she is very strong. I'm afraid she'll hurt me.

Last night she wasn't paying attention to me. Tried to grab something off my computer desk without looking and almost got stuck my my insulin needle. I was about to do my insulin when someone IMed me and I put the needle down on the desk to answer.

Then she got angry with me for grabbing her arm away like I did and threw down the mirror that she had grabbed. It landed right onto the needle, bending it. So I had to dispose of it and get another.

One thing that is for sure with her, she reacts very quickly. Not always appropriately and often not so. So that's the bad part.

[RollingAlong]

I agree, it sounds like a new food intolerance is in the game.

[Janelee63]

She has food allergies and not celiac. She was diagnosed at age 6, almost 7.

I think the issue she had went beyond food though.

We went shopping today and while we were in Target, she did something I have asked her countless times not to do. I carry a big purse and I have to carry it on my left side. Not sure why. I do have scoliosis (that's a bent spine, although mine is not so obvious) and some other medical issues that leave me disabled. I have to push the cart for support (I have a lack of balance) and for some reason I have to carry the purse on the left side. It is just not comfortable for me to put it on the other side.

She likes to help push the cart. And that's fine. I've told her she has one of two choices. Either get her own cart and not ram it into the back of my legs...although she invariably does this at least once or twice... Or grab the cart handle on my right side.

But for some reason she insists on being on my left side. Then she whaps my purse time and time again so it hits into me. And I don't like that. I politely asked her to move to the other side a couple of times. She refused.

I stopped the cart. Told her I was not going to relive that fight today that we have had countless times before and to just go to the other side. She would not. I slapped her hand like you would with a toddler. She gripped the cart even more tightly. I could not get her hand off of it. Could not pry it off.

So... I did the only other thing I could think of to do. Charged forth as rapidly as I could and turned the corner so sharply that she had no choice but to let go or run into an endcap of hair products. She then glared at me with slitty little eyes and regripped the cart even firmer and on the left side.

I told her she was acting like a toddler. And she was. Told her that either she move to the other side, or my shopping was done. I would leave the store right then and there and she could find her own way home. She didn't believe me. Continued to push her luck. So I said, "Fine!" Grabbed up my three reusable Target bags from the cart, turned and proceeded to do the closest I could do to running.

She then released the cart, leaped helplessly into the air and burst into tears. Then she begged me not to go and went to the other side of the cart. Later she demanded an apology but she did not get one.

I don't know what it was. She was fine after that. Just snapped right out of it. Didn't complain when I told her she had to help me put away the stuff we bought and help me fix dinner. She actually fixed most of the dinner herself. We made a lot. Double batch of soy and wheat free teriyaki and double batch of meat and vegetable loaf. I made the rice.

Now she is acting like none of this is happening. Is watching the movie that I bought for her. I had also threatened to put the movie back if she didn't start doing what I said. I had said that prior to threatening to leave her in the store. Gah!

I really think it's the age. I can remember threatening to leave my neice in a Walmart at about the same age. My daughter was 4 then. She wasn't the one acting up. It was my neice! I can't remember the exact incident but I think she refused to leave the Barbie aisle in the toy department and we needed to leave the store because we had some sort of appointment or something. That's how I learned that little trick. Very effective one. But perhaps a bit cruel.

I have raised three kids and am currently raising my 3 y/o grandson. I think she is testing limits. Dad is not around...she is probably angry about the allergies and that dad is gone. HOWEVER... I think you did great. I think kids WANT and need discipline. Call her bluff every single time. She will outgrow this. The Love and Logic books are so helpful. I still pull mine out to refresh!

[Juliebove]

This might not apply at all, but...have you ever had her checked for other food issues?

My daughter - just turned 12 about a week ago - sounds very similar. Big melt downs with crying and furious anger. And they just go on, and on, and on. Like she just doesn't know when it's time to finally say: you have to stop now or your mother is going to lose her mind!

Very hard to deal with - you have my sympathy!

But we made some changes in her diet and it has pretty much entirely disappeared.

We had decided to keep a food log to see if she was having food issues - after a Celiac diagnosis - and dropped the 8 major allergens, plus a few allergens from our family tree.

I don't think we were expecting it to affect her behavior, but it did! Her crying jags really dropped. Her inability to control herself dropped. We went to organic foods, as well, and have noticed another drop in angst level. (have since seen a recent study on pesticides being linked pretty strongly to mood problems/ADHD issues in kids)

At this point, we have figured out that if my daughter has dairy or a corn, her angst levels will slowly rise for each day she eats these. We take them away and the angst ebbs. It's the opposite of what I would have expected, considering how much she loves dairy and corn.

Lots of fructose seems to cause the same issue, we believe, although we are trying to track that and see if it is true, or if it is something else. I've since learned that if the body has trouble digesting fructose, it can interfere with the absorption of tryptophan, which means the next day, the body doesn't make enough seratonin, which regulates mood and our ability to control our moods.

It kind of made sense, looking at it that way.

I honestly have no idea why these foods mess with my kids this way - my son seems to have the same reaction to eggs. Allergy, or sensitive, or who knows what. But I can tell you that it has made a HUGE difference in our lives since we've taken them out!

Even in mine! When I figured out corn in our kids, for the first time I noticed the same issue in me! The day after I eat corn, I wake up in a foul mood that lasts for the rest of the day. I have trouble coping with every little problem, I feel frustrated and upset for hours after any difficulty. When I stay away from corn, everything is easier to deal with and less stressful. I don't know if this is how the kids feel, but even MY life has improved. And I've since found others who have mood related issues with foods, so...who knows. Might be worth a try to track what she eats and how she's feeling, ya know? couldn't hurt, anyway!

Good luck!

We both have multiple food allergies. This I know.

Before learning of the food allergies, the school thought she had ADHD. I have posted the story here before. I won't go into it again.

I really think it's her age. Either she loves me and is very happy, or I am the evil beast and I can do no right. She flip flops back and forth like this.

[Juliebove]

I have raised three kids and am currently raising my 3 y/o grandson. I think she is testing limits. Dad is not around...she is probably angry about the allergies and that dad is gone. HOWEVER... I think you did great. I think kids WANT and need discipline. Call her bluff every single time. She will outgrow this. The Love and Logic books are so helpful. I still pull mine out to refresh!

She actually seems happy that he is gone. It's a hard situation but he creates a ton of stress when he is around. One big reason is that he doesn't believe in food allergies. Another is that he sees her as a baby still and doesn't want her to grow up. So it's easier for her not to have to deal with him.

She has been better for the most part. But eating a meal with her is very difficult. She will say I took too big of a bite. Then she'll say I didn't have enough food on my fork. Or I didn't hold the fork right. Or my mouth wasn't right. Or my eyes weren't looking right. Always something. Something to complain about.

[Dixiebell]

I hope you don't mind if I put in my two cents. My daughter is 19, and just moved out. It sounds like she isn't comfortable with herself. If you don't do this already, try to give her a compliment every day. When she making negitive comments, I know it is hard to do, just don't respond, change the subject. This has been the best tool I have ever used.

[TrillumHunter]

She has been better for the most part. But eating a meal with her is very difficult. She will say I took too big of a bite. Then she'll say I didn't have enough food on my fork. Or I didn't hold the fork right. Or my mouth wasn't right. Or my eyes weren't looking right. Always something. Something to complain about.

Does she do this at every meal? I have a friend with OCD and that is the kind of stuff she would do before therapy.

I have a daughter this age as well, so I can identify with a lot of what you are saying. I have to remind her often that she is, in fact, NOT a grown-up yet and therefore doesn't get an equal say in things.

Your daughter has a lot of food restrictions already-real and self-imposed-maybe before you add on to that you should explore another avenue?

Daughters are tough to raise and you're doing a good job.

[anabananakins]

*hugs*

I think you are doing a great job, you're really patient. It's a terrible age. I remember lying on the floor kicking and screaming because my mother added spinach to the lasagne. I can't believe I behaved like that, but at the time it was so serious!

She has been better for the most part. But eating a meal with her is very difficult. She will say I took too big of a bite. Then she'll say I didn't have enough food on my fork. Or I didn't hold the fork right. Or my mouth wasn't right. Or my eyes weren't looking right. Always something. Something to complain about.

This kind of reminds me of how I feel if I my blood sugar levels drop. I feel like my skin is crawling and I get insanely irritable. I remember being furious with my boyfriend for the way he was breathing (your comment that she complains about such silly things like your eyes or mouth made me think of this). It's more than just usual complaining (which I would think of more as around issues like room cleaning or turning off the TV etc). I hope you're able to work it out soon, meanwhile sending you best wishes.

[Juliebove]

when eating fructose when your body should not creates really bad reactions in my daughter, weepy, combative (not hitting, just really over the top stubborness), etc. it is awful.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Right now she is totally out of control! My plans for today changed. I was supposed to get a hair cut but the stylist had to leave town suddenly for a family emergency.

So I told my daughter that instead, we would go to Nordstoms to get her feet measured. I don't think they have grown, but I want to make sure. I offered to get her a new pair of shoes. Normally she wants shoes but now she does not. Not even for school. She also needs new ballet shoes. She was taking 4 hours of ballet a week last year so went through 2 pairs of shoes. Technically she can still wear the ones she has but they look horrid. The Marley floors they have in the studio seem to eat the pink color right off. So I wanted to have her feet measured so I know we are getting the right size ballet shoes. Those come from another store. She has wide, thick feet so shoes are always a problem.

Now she is stomping around the house, screaming that she won't go have her feet measured. She doesn't think it needs to be done and she doesn't want any new shoes. Not even ballet shoes.

I know she wants to watch a movie. She got two new ones with her birthday money. But it is just too hot today to be in the house. We have no AC. Tomorrow will be cooler and all next week will be cooler. We just need to get out of the house today, IMO.

The only cause I can think of is the yogurt. She outgrew a dairy allergy and was told she could have dairy twice a day. But a few days ago she developed a stye in her eye and was put on antibiotics. That Dr. told her to eat yogurt daily to prevent upset stomach and possible yeast problems. Of course she loved this advice because she doesn't get yogurt too often. I am thinking daily dairy is not a good thing at all. She has several more days of pills to day. I have Acidophilus pills but since the Dr. told her to eat the yogurt, I know she will go by that. I did get her to take one pill but she doesn't think she needs them. Grrr..

[i-geek]

Would she try a non-dairy yogurt? I didn't see soy in her allergen list, and Silk makes really good soy yogurts. So Delicious also makes a line of coconut milk yogurts that are very good. Those two brands were my go-to when my gut was healing from celiac damage and I couldn't eat any dairy. You don't even have to tell her that you've bought it because you think she's reacting to the dairy (at this point it would probably make her refuse to try the new stuff). Maybe you could just buy a few containers and say that you heard these were good and were curious to try them.