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Need Help With The Wife !

Dennis429

By Dennis429
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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Dennis429 Rookie
Dennis429
Posted

Need help with the wife !!!! I have been gluten for about a month and 2 week of it I was in Portland, OR on a business I felt better than I have in a long time, I get home last Thursday from the two week trip and the second day I was there I got gluten I have been doing just fine before that but my wife thanks I OCD because every time my 4 year old eats anything with gluten in I make here wash here hands and it drives my wife crazy. My wife is even worse than her about not washing their hands. She thinks that she cannot CC me from touching my food after she uses gluten. I also ask her not to stack her food on my gluten free food she does not see anything wrong we it. I

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Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

No I don't think you are going to far. Yes che CAN make you sick by touching gluten stuff then touching yours. Also surfaces may not be safe either. I make everyone in my house that eats gluten wash their hands after. Some areas that I know are cc'd are the computer and the interior of our cars. I don't touch any of my food after being in either of those areas unless I wash my hands first. My husband is really good about understanding cc issues, especially now that I have a child gluten free also. Mistakes will happen still, but it is a learning curve. You both need to sit down and have a good heart to heart. You have the right to live in your house and not be sick. She still can have her gluten stuff, she just needs to change her way of thinking about it. Little ones also can be a big source of cc. They love to touch everything! Also you might want to check on your wife's lip balm/lipstick to see if they are gluten free before kissing. I know others are sensitive to that and also if they kiss after their partner eats gluten. I'm sure others will chime in to help you on how to approach your wife in a way that does not seem accusing. I'm not very good with that aspect. Luckily my husband and I are matter of fact kind of people. Sometimes things don't come out pretty, but sometimes truth isn't always pretty and we seem to find a compromise somehow. Good luck and to good health.

sandsurfgirl Collaborator
sandsurfgirl
Posted

Crumbs can gluten you! Trace amounts in shampoo can gluten you. I made my whole house gluten free because my kids glutened me constantly. I was sick for 6 months after diagnosis and I believe that much of it could have been avoided had my kids not been glutening me. Now my 6 year old has been diagnosed anyway so we all need to be gluten free for the two of us.

Give her some stuff to read from this board. This is a serious autoimmune disorder. Not to be taken lightly.

sahm-i-am Apprentice
sahm-i-am
Posted

I cannot imagine my health in the hands of another person, especially someone so cavalier towards your diagnosis and treatment. I am truly sorry!

You aren't being OCD. Tell her that gluten is a toxic poison to your body. Would she want any amount of arsenic near her or her children? I think not. Our bodies react to gluten like a poison. I have been so hyper vigilant lately to try and get my celiac bloodwork numbers down - I even had to buy a small bag of non gluten free flour yesterday at the store (for someone else - long story) and I asked my daughter put it separate from the other groceries in the cart AND I asked the cashier keep it separate from the other groceries on the belt AND I asked the bag boy to put it in a plastic bag and tie it tight AND it is in the garage, away from my kitchen! I was really ready to don a HazMat suit on the drive home! :lol: I treat gluten like it is toxic, a poison. People understand that for some reason.

I hope you can make your wife understand. My husband is clueless at times and doesn't get the extremes. He does it, but needs constant reminders and I have seen him roll his eyes at times. But, it is my health and I have to be in control with or without his 'blessing'. Your situation is a bit different in that you are relying on her to feed you in a gluten free safe environment. Wow! I hope others can help you more than I have. I would recommend she get on this board in the family and friends support section - maybe she can learn some more from others. I can imagine it is overwhelming for her and she isn't dealing with it very well. Sounds like she is getting defensive. Maybe get her a book at the library? Healthier Without Wheat by Stephen Wangen was a good one for me and my mom. It answered alot of questions about medical stuff with Celiacs in an easy to read way.

FooGirlsMom Rookie
FooGirlsMom
Posted

No you aren't paranoid. The only solution to your problem, that I can see, is to become totally and completely responsible for your own food & cooking. Feeling ill is just not worth the "convenience" of having your wife cook for you. You can batch prepare food 2x a week to last you. Most men enjoy BBQ'ing and if you do, cleaning your grill & buying hamburger, steak, chicken etc., to fix along with pre-cooked batched rice etc. put into clean ziplock bags (don't have to worry how she's cleaning your tupperware that way). Then you can micro potatoes & make salad. Those types of foods will take you a long way during the week. If you buy or make gluten free goodies, just keep them where no one else can get to them and eat them.

Your wife sounds like she's not interested in changing and it's not worth having fights over. It might be an up-learning curve for you to cook for yourself, but I don't see any other option, do you?

Good Luck,

FooGirlsMom

srall Contributor
srall
Posted

I stopped eating gluten in March of this year and in October my daughter was diagnosed gluten intolerant. When she was diagnosed I took the kitchen gluten free and it was a huge relief. It's so nice not having to worry about the crumbs and cc...and I really am not nearly as sensitive as others on this board. It can make you feel a little OCD even though that really isn't the best way to categorize your behavior in this case...you need to be that careful.

I agree that having your wife peruse this board for awhile may open her eyes. I know it did mine. I know with gluten eating kids in the house it's probably not easy to take the kitchen gluten free, but you should be given more consideration. I mean, doesn't your family need a healthy dad/husband?

T.H. Community Regular
T.H.
Posted

This might help her understand, perhaps?

Gluten molecules as invisible to our eye as bacteria are enough to make us sick (react), just like bacteria too small to see can make us react. We need to take the same precautions with gluten as we would with raw meat, except gluten is like raw meat that can never be cooked enough to be safe (it takes about 500-600 degrees F for 20-30 minutes to completely destroy a gluten molecule).

So if she'd use a different cutting board with raw meat, she needs to do that with gluten. If she'd wash her hands after touching raw meat before she touched your food, she needs to do that with gluten. If she'd thoroughly clean a plate, fork, etc... that was used on raw meat before she used it on something else...do the same with gluten.

This can sometimes help as an explanation, because we are all used to the idea that meat contains things that are smaller than the naked eye can see, but can still make us sick. If she says that gluten is different, you can mention peanuts. People who react to peanuts can react to amounts invisible to the eye, and it is the protein they react to, and it can stay attached to what it touches until it is washed off. Gluten is a protein as well - same issue.

If you're willing to have a mess, there is a VERY visual way to make it perfectly clear that gluten is quite easily spread - this also works well for little kids to be able to understand, actually. Use chocolate pudding. You, or your wife, or your little one make a palm print in chocolate pudding, so it's covering the palm and fingertips...and then do something in the kitchen. Make a sandwich, get a carton of juice out of the fridge and a cup. Grab a towel to wipe up a spill on the table. But you can't clean off the pudding - that's the gluten example. And everywhere you can see the pudding is just where gluten would be if you'd touched a piece of bread instead of pudding. Yeah, the pudding has more molecules, so the amount of time there are molecules to spread around is longer, but it's a nice visual example of how easily ANY kind of food will stick to whatever you touch until there is no more food molecules left to spread.

Hope that helps a bit!

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Loey Rising Star
Loey
Posted

Need help with the wife !!!! I have been gluten for about a month and 2 week of it I was in Portland, OR on a business I felt better than I have in a long time, I get home last Thursday from the two week trip and the second day I was there I got gluten I have been doing just fine before that but my wife thanks I OCD because every time my 4 year old eats anything with gluten in I make here wash here hands and it drives my wife crazy. My wife is even worse than her about not washing their hands. She thinks that she cannot CC me from touching my food after she uses gluten. I also ask her not to stack her food on my gluten free food she does not see anything wrong we it. I'm I going too far.

Thank you,

Dennis

You're not being OCD. Here are some links to doctors and others explaining Celiac. Perhaps if your wife watches them she'll understand how sensitive you are. Hope they help.

Loey

chasbari Apprentice
chasbari
Posted

No suggestions other than to say I had a similar experience when my wife was out of town for a week. When she came back I had problems once again. Painful because we still argue about it after three years now and yet, I try to smooth things over.. real dilemma. Good luck.

Dennis429 Rookie
Dennis429
Posted
  • Author

Thank you all for the good advice. I do have my own shelf for my food in the pantry now and I will have a shelf in are new refrigerator when it gets here tomorrow. We had another talke the oter day and she is comming around. I'm going to try and have my wife go to the doctor with me so he can explain it to here a little better then I can plus it might help coming from some one else then me. I do most of the cooking when I'm home so I do know what is in it. Thanks again and have a Merry Christmas.

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