Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Bored Husband (Funny)

IrishHeart

Recommended Posts

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a

fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


sora Community Regular
sora
Posted

OMG, sooo funny!!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I love this! Especially putting things in other people's carts!

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

I needed a laugh today. Thanks for providing one.

bartfull Rising Star
bartfull
Posted

Holy cow! I laughed so hard my makeup is streaked! Thanks!

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

:lol:

glad you are enjoying it--just had to share!

laughter--always the best medicine, yes? yes!

Bubba's Mom Enthusiast
Bubba's Mom
Posted

LOL..I copied and forwarded this to my sister. Her hubby is the kind of guy that just might actually do this stuff! :D

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


researchmomma Contributor
researchmomma
Posted

RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a

fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

That was GREAT.

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Husbands!! You just can't take them anywhere (or you can't take them just anywhere :P )

maximoo Enthusiast
maximoo
Posted

rotflmao! this must be forwarded! lol...

navigator Apprentice
navigator
Posted
:lol::lol::lol:
Booghead Contributor
Booghead
Posted

That is my Dad to a T. So funny.

ptkds Community Regular
ptkds
Posted

Too funny!!!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):



    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):



  • Recent Activity

    1. dixonpete
      0

      Hookworm load planner

    2. AlwaysLearning
      - AlwaysLearning replied to Colleen H's topic in Coping with Celiac Disease
      3

      Gluten related ??

      Get tested for vitamin deficiencies. Though neuropathy can be a symptom of celiac, it can also be caused by deficiencies due to poor digestion caused by celiac and could be easier to treat.
    3. Colleen H
      - Colleen H replied to Colleen H's topic in Coping with Celiac Disease
      3

      Gluten related ??

      Thank you so much for your response Yes it seems as though things get very painful as time goes on. I'm not eating gluten as far as I know. However, I'm not sure of cross contamination. My system seems to weaken to hidden spices and other possibilities. ??? if cross contamination is possible...I am in a super sensitive mode of celiac disease...
    4. Jmartes71
      - Jmartes71 replied to Jmartes71's topic in Coping with Celiac Disease
      4

      My only proof

      EXACTLY! I was asked yesterday on my LAST video call with Standford and I stated exactly yes absolutely this is why I need the name! One, get proper care, two, not get worse.Im falling apart, stressed out, in pain and just opened email from Stanford stating I was rude ect.I want that video reviewed by higher ups and see if that women still has a job or not...
    5. AlwaysLearning
      - AlwaysLearning replied to Jmartes71's topic in Coping with Celiac Disease
      4

      My only proof

      We feel your pain. It took me 20+ years of regularly going to doctors desperate for answers only to be told there was nothing wrong with me … when I was 20 pounds underweight, suffering from severe nutritional deficiencies, and in a great deal of pain. I had to figure it out for myself. If you're in the U.S., not having an official diagnosis does m...
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      132,089
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Clare Durham
    Newest Member
    Clare Durham
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • AlwaysLearning
      Gluten related ??

      By AlwaysLearning · Posted

      Get tested for vitamin deficiencies.  Though neuropathy can be a symptom of celiac, it can also be caused by deficiencies due to poor digestion caused by celiac and could be easier to treat.
    • Colleen H
      Gluten related ??

      By Colleen H · Posted

      Thank you so much for your response  Yes it seems as though things get very painful as time goes on.  I'm not eating gluten as far as I know.  However, I'm not sure of cross contamination.  My system seems to weaken to hidden spices and other possibilities. ???  if cross contamination is possible...I am in a super sensitive mode of celiac disease.. Neuropathy from head to toes
    • Jmartes71
      My only proof

      By Jmartes71 · Posted

      EXACTLY! I was asked yesterday on my LAST video call with Standford and I stated exactly yes absolutely this is why I need the name! One, get proper care, two, not get worse.Im falling apart, stressed out, in pain and just opened email from Stanford stating I was rude ect.I want that video reviewed by higher ups and see if that women still has a job or not.Im saying this because I've been medically screwed and asking for help because bills don't pay itself. This could be malpratice siit but im not good at finding lawyers
    • AlwaysLearning
      My only proof

      By AlwaysLearning · Posted

      We feel your pain. It took me 20+ years of regularly going to doctors desperate for answers only to be told there was nothing wrong with me … when I was 20 pounds underweight, suffering from severe nutritional deficiencies, and in a great deal of pain. I had to figure it out for myself. If you're in the U.S., not having an official diagnosis does mean you can't claim a tax deduction for the extra expense of gluten-free foods. But it can also be a good thing. Pre-existing conditions might be a reason why a health insurance company might reject your application or charge you more money. No official diagnosis means you don't have a pre-existing condition. I really hope you don't live in the U.S. and don't have these challenges. Do you need an official diagnosis for a specific reason? Else, I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you're diligent in remaining gluten free, your body should be healing as much as possible so there isn't much else you could do anyway. And there are plenty of us out here who never got that official diagnosis because we couldn't eat enough gluten to get tested. Now that the IL-2 test is available, I suppose I could take it, but I don't feel the need. Someone else not believing me really isn't my problem as long as I can stay in control of my own food.
    • AlwaysLearning
      Gluten related ??

      By AlwaysLearning · Posted

      If you're just starting out in being gluten free, I would expect it to take months before you learned enough about hidden sources of gluten before you stopped making major mistakes. Ice cream? Not safe unless they say it is gluten free. Spaghetti sauce? Not safe unless is says gluten-free. Natural ingredients? Who knows what's in there. You pretty much need to cook with whole ingredients yourself to avoid it completely. Most gluten-free products should be safe, but while you're in the hypersensitive phase right after going gluten free, you may notice that when something like a microwave meal seems to not be gluten-free … then you find out that it is produced in a shared facility where it can become contaminated. My reactions were much-more severe after going gluten free. The analogy that I use is that you had a whole army of soldiers waiting for some gluten to attack, and now that you took away their target, when the stragglers from the gluten army accidentally wander onto the battlefield, you still have your entire army going out and attacking them. Expect it to take two years before all of the training facilities that were producing your soldiers have fallen into disrepair and are no longer producing soldiers. But that is two years after you stop accidentally glutening yourself. Every time you do eat gluten, another training facility can be built and more soldiers will be waiting to attack. Good luck figuring things out.   
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.