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Crises, Or Invitation To Anniversary Celebration?

1desperateladysaved

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1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted

THIS IS FOR SUPER SENSITIVES ONLY:

 

I have been avoiding restaurants.  My immediate family goes in, I eat in the car.  The immediate family thinks it is "My decision."  I feel I am constrained to do it.

 

This morning I got an invitation to Dad and Mom"s (possibly last) anniversary.  I want to go, but even the smell of restaurants bothers me.  Is it serious, well, it has not killed me yet?  I have been completly avoiding restraunts for atleast a year, except running in to connect with someone in there.  I don't know if my problems are celiac related or not.  My MD says that I am not an allergic person.  My chiro says that I am.  My IgE is extremely low.  My intestine seems to have extreme damage.

 

If I go in, I will be expected to join in from now on, or people will feel I am being manipulative.  If I don't I miss a rare oppertunity of helping to celebrate Dad and Mom's 52nd (and likely last) anniversary.  It is also a rare occassion to get together with my family.

 

I could bring my own food.  That is not the issue.  Just being in a restaurant is.  There are many more complications including my mother not believing in my food issues.  Mom is simply having mind troubles and I cannot reason with her.  I don't think my Dad appreciates my food, or I would be able to host it here.  Maybe I should offer that anyway?

 

Well, any ideas anyone?

 

Diana

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mommida Enthusiast
mommida
Posted

Eat before you go to the restaurant.  Go for some drinks to the event.  (I have amuch better time with family if I drink!)

GFreeMO Proficient
GFreeMO
Posted

I would offer to hold the event at your home.  

 

I avoid restaurants at all costs.  I did however sit in a Wendy's with my friend on Sat.  I brought my food and ate while she drove and she stopped at Wendy's and got a chili and some fries.  I just sat there and we talked while she ate.  It was ok.  

 

If you do have to go to the restaurant, I would just go and not eat or drink anything that I did not bring from home.  I don't get drinks out b/c I wonder about the ice sometimes.  

 

You could tell your Dad that you really want to make this a nice and memorable event for everyone and that you will cook whatever he likes. gluten-free of course but you could make it really special at your home.  

GottaSki Mentor
GottaSki
Posted

If it is the smells in the restaurant -- you can try putting oil of something that makes you feel very good under your nose before you go in -- essentially aroma therapy.  Most health food stores sell many different oils...some have calming properties as well.  The bottles are very small so you can bring it in your bag for easy touch up in the ladies room.

 

I do encourage you to start going to functions with family and friends -- always bring your own -- it is possible to do this safely.  It will be nice for you and for your family to have you part of this and future celebrations.

julissa Explorer
julissa
Posted

I would also go and just eat first. don't do anything to call attention to the fact you are not eating as much as possible. I went to an out of town wedding last weekend. I ate before the rehearsal dinner, and before the wedding.  no one noticed I wasn't eating. I believe people are more caught up in what they are eating and doing.

 

of course your family will question it since you haven't gone in to these things before, but just say you're not eating and leave it at that.

 

why miss out on family time?? I do everything with my family, I either eat first or bring my food.

1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted
  • Author

My kids don't think I should offer to cook.  First off they don't think anyone would like to eat it.  Then my parents and brother's family would have a long drive.

 

Maybe if I dun a surgical mask?

GFreeMO Proficient
GFreeMO
Posted

You might just have to go and take your chances. Spending time with your family will be worth it!  Just take your food like you always do.  Hang in there..this really is a pain and all hard to take.  

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julissa Explorer
julissa
Posted

Diana, sorry I didn't realize being in a restaurant was an issue, even if you're not eating. is it the smell?

1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted
  • Author

Diana, sorry I didn't realize being in a restaurant was an issue, even if you're not eating. is it the smell?

 

  My situation is a little unusual to say the least.  If I knew exactly what, I guess my decision could be easier.  I don't know if my situation is dangerous (I doubt it) or just uncomfortable and am really not sure how I could find out.

mommida Enthusiast
mommida
Posted

I didn't suggest hosting the event for fear of the expense.  People eat gluten free at my house all the time, and tust me they don't leave hungry!

 

Stick to a meal that is naturally gluten free like...

 

shish kabobs and rice  (some deli/ butcher counters have these made up and ready to go.  marinate with Italian dressing if you make these up yourself.  Chicken or steak)

Mexican taco bar / walking tacos

chicken with white wine sauce thickened with small amount of gluten free flour/corn starch

turkey with fixins (check for rice stuffing recipes if u must stuff)

chili baked with baked potato

Or maybe just a loaded baked potato bar

 

side dishes

salad

fruit

GottaSki Mentor
GottaSki
Posted

Hi Diana-

 

I would not promote wearing a mask unless your immune system is so weak that you can not leave the house without catching a cold or flu bug.

 

Moderate precaution is wise for any of us -- I am extra cautious when out in the world....with food and I have a bandana around my neck for when I ride my bike that I use to cover my mouth & nose when needed due to severe reactions from car exhaust.....but attending a gathering of family and friends is safe for me.  I bring my own food, wash my hands frequently at the event and again when I return home. 

 

Donning a surgical mask - in my opinion would do more harm than good - again, just my opinion.

1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted
  • Author

Hi Diana-

 

I would not promote wearing a mask unless your immune system is so weak that you can not leave the house without catching a cold or flu bug.

 

Moderate precaution is wise for any of us -- I am extra cautious when out in the world....with food and I have a bandana around my neck for when I ride my bike that I use to cover my mouth & nose when needed due to severe reactions from car exhaust.....but attending a gathering of family and friends is safe for me.  I bring my own food, wash my hands frequently at the event and again when I return home. 

Yeah, I agree!

 

I also agree with this is painful.  I feel torn between heatth concerns and family ties.

Donning a surgical mask - in my opinion would do more harm than good - again, just my opinion.

GFinDC Veteran
GFinDC
Posted

Hi Diana,

 

I'd go in the restraunt myself.  But I'd choose a restraunt that doesn't do baking, or make it's own pasta from scratch.  That way you are less likely to have flour in the air.

dilettantesteph Collaborator
dilettantesteph
Posted

I hope that it goes well.  I do know super sensitives who wear masks when they go into unsafe environments.  I would feel so strange, but they report that it isn't that bad.  My personal way of dealing with it is to avoid unsafe situations as much as possible.  When it isn't possible, I take my chances.  It's been a good while now since I have had a mystery glutening.  Things with family can be so complicated.  At some point you have to not care about what others think of you, and protect your health.  Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.  Edna Buchanan

Takala Enthusiast
Takala
Posted

Get a bottle of San Pellegrino water and bring your own straw, avoid the ice.  Suggest you do a few practice runs of just drinking at bar/restaurant with an actual sympathetic family member (if you have any  :rolleyes:  :ph34r: ) first.   Slip a baggie of safe gluten-free munchables in your purse to knosh on, if you want.  If you tip the bar wait staff very well, smile confidently, and just say "food allergies" they usually will not care.   Agree with the essential oil therapy, (this is proven to work on horses, we may as well use it ourselves) but the trick is to put it on BEFORE you are feeling stressed, and then do something calming, so it kicks in.  You can put a dab of diluted essential oil of lavender on your inner elbow, for example, wet a cotton ball with water and then add a drop of the oil before dabbing it.   I live in a high mosquito area, so I mix up essential oils in a dabber bottle that I keep in the car, along with some cotton, so I can re apply this before we go out, what cracks me up is how many people have said, "gee, your perfume smells great, what is that ? :lol:   This past week I've literally had mosquitoes bouncing off of me like crazy at dusk on a trail, but I smelled good and got a hit of lavender, all at once.  :D

 


My kids don't think I should offer to cook.  First off they don't think anyone would like to eat it.  Then my parents and brother's family would have a long drive.

 

So, let me get this straight.  They think your function in life is to just show up, after you've traveled the long distance, and pick up part of the restaurant bill ?  :blink:

 

 

Offer to do an hors d'ouvres (finger snacks) and drinks thing party for the relatives on a different day/time.  99% of appetizers can be made gluten free, on gluten free crackers, chips, etc,  and nobody would know the difference.  Most dips, such as guacamole or bean dip, are very, very easy to make gluten free.  Mock ranch dressing can be made out of almost anything, dairy free if need be,  if you have additional intolerances.  You don't have to eat anything you do not want to, just have food around for the others that is still gluten free, so you don't mess up your kitchen.  Most people will eat almond meal skillet bread with fresh rosemary and grated fresh lemon peel, or brazilian cheese rolls (chebe style) quite avidly, as long as they are told it's "gourmet" instead of gluten free.  You can put water chestnuts or almonds in pitted dates, wrap them in bacon, bake it, stick a toothpick in it, and people will devour it.   You can make mini meatballs with cooked rice instead of bread, and put them in a safe BBQ sauce, and then stick a toothpick in them for the serving platter.  If you don't trust commercial, gluten-free bbq sauce, you just make your own out of cider vinegar, molasses or agave, juice, oil, wheat free soy or coconut amino sauce, tomato paste, smoked paprika or smoked tabasco, or a hot, chopped up pepper for heat.       See also the idea above for a Taco bar or a baked potato bar.     Obviously the only reason these [redacted, unflattering phrase re: relatives ] care whether or not Mom and Dad have one last get- together is not that everybody gets to "be together" but that they think this is the Last Supper where somebody else picks up the tab for their favorite restaurant meal.  Sorry, I have no sympathy for them.  Other than that, don't waste time arguing with people who are no longer right in the head, life's too short. 

1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted
  • Author

I did go to the anniversary party. It was at Applebys.  When Dad asked, (I was so glad he did) I requested we not go to a pizza restaurant.  Later I wished I would have said one that doesn't have a bakery.  It turned out that Applebys did not smell highly of food or baked goods. 

 

 I heated my food on Dad and Mom's front porch.  I wondered as I dashed out to get it, before leaving to go to the restaurant, just why I felt like a thief.  I had my food in foil and threw them into an insulated lunch bag lined with a towel.  I quickly put my electric skillet into my car.  Then others came out. 

 

 I  brought my own plate, fork, and knife.  I ordered bottle water, but they didn't have it.  I couldn't bring myself to trust their glass, so I went without.  I sat as far as I could away from those I thought might be offended and smiled at them over the long table.  We had a bunch of people, so the table was a little crowded.  I shielded my plate with foil on the one side of me, while on the other side, I had a little more space.  It seemed unlikely any crumbs would have gotten on to my plate.

 

A little steak sauce spilled on my hand.  I wiped with a napkin.  Meanwhile, My hubby dipped a clean napkin in his water and we dabbed it off.  I sat by all the little ones, so (giggle, giggle) none of them really noticed what I was doing when I pulled out plate, silverware, and food.  Toward the end of the meal my face blushed.  We have noticed recently that if I eat the wrong thing  this happens.  Shortly after we left.  I continued to have a red face for a while.  As soon as I could I gulped in some fresh air. I felt better.  I also had extra mucus in my throat and my head ached very mildly.  My eyes had puffiness under them the next day.

 

Dad had offered to pick up the tab.  I was touched to tears that he asked me what restaurant.  Dad has never been the one to plan the functions until now.  I can't eat at any restaurant.  Now, I have it confirmed that even going in them isn't the best.  I will wait until the next time it must be done.

 

My children live with me.  I cook for them all the time.  It really was only one that said nobody would want to eat my food.  She is probably just a celiac in denial!

 

Diana

dilettantesteph Collaborator
dilettantesteph
Posted

Being around others eating gluten can be tough on super sensitives.  I know that my son got quite sick one time at school.  They had extra sandwiches and were handing them out in the lunchroom.  They handed some out over his head and probably got some on him somehow.  We had worked out a protocol that worked for him in the lunch room under most circumstances, but it was hard to predict this situation in advance.  He didn't go back.

 

Yesterday I gave a concert at a Farmer's Market.  There was a strong smell of baked bread, but I don't think that was it.  My fellow musicians ate bread sticks and cookies and people were waving gluteny things around and passing them over my instruments.  I don't think that it is very hard to accidentally ingest a minuscule amount under these circumstances.  Fortunately I don't seem to have been hit too hard.

 

I hope you feel well soon, Diana.

1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted
  • Author

Thanks, Thankfully, my reaction was mild.  The mind could go crazy thinking of all the little possibilities of contamination in such a situation.  Next time? Hmm what will I do.

 

Being around others eating gluten can be tough on super sensitives.  I know that my son got quite sick one time at school.  They had extra sandwiches and were handing them out in the lunchroom.  They handed some out over his head and probably got some on him somehow.  We had worked out a protocol that worked for him in the lunch room under most circumstances, but it was hard to predict this situation in advance.  He didn't go back.

 

Yesterday I gave a concert at a Farmer's Market.  There was a strong smell of baked bread, but I don't think that was it.  My fellow musicians ate bread sticks and cookies and people were waving gluteny things around and passing them over my instruments.  I don't think that it is very hard to accidentally ingest a minuscule amount under these circumstances.  Fortunately I don't seem to have been hit too hard.

 

I hope you feel well soon, Diana.

julissa Explorer
julissa
Posted

Diana, I am so glad you went and were able to share in the celebration. I am also glad it was mild. I was thinking about you and wondering how this played out, hope you keep feeling better.

Celiac Mindwarp Community Regular
Celiac Mindwarp
Posted

Diana

I am pleased that you went to the celebration. I had my fingers crossed that you would make it :)

I truly think that you have taken a big step here, and will start to find it easier to join in on occassions in the future, now you have done this successfully.

I hope you recover quickly

Hugs

Mw

GFinDC Veteran
GFinDC
Posted

That's great that you made it to the dinner Diana.  And it wasn't as bad as you thought it might be either?  Picking a place that doesn't do baking or make pasta from scratch should go a long way toward avoiding cc.  Many restraunts have their bread delivered, including buns.  So they don't bake them from scratch.  They sometimes just warm them up.

Takala Enthusiast
Takala
Posted

{{{{ hugs! }}}  :)

1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted
  • Author

Oh, thanks.  Tough times this week.

 

I described what happened to a doctor and he said that I should absolutely avoid restaurants.  I mentioned that I had been, but this was a family important reunion.  Then he said, okay, you could go, BUT eat at home.  You are always supposed to eat at home.  That is at least until we can figure out what these reactions are.  I am taking it that I could eat in my car as long as it gets cleaned up and the family doesn't eat gluten there.  I better wash the steering wheel if I take my husbands car.

 

I just wanted to reiterate that I brought my own food and all utensils.  I even used my fork to handle the muffin I brought rather than touching it.

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