First Date

[schuyler]

Okay, so I'm not exactly a teen (I'm 21), but I need the help of teens. Basically, I have not gone on a date since my diagnosis. A family friend has set me up with her son (I have seen him multiple times over the years since our brother's have been best friends for 13 yrs. I even went to his first wedding ), and I don't know what to tell him. We will be going to the movies and then out to Mexican food. I'm really shy, and I don't know how to bring this up. Even if I don't tell him on the first date, I still have to order food and tell my server about my issues. How do I do this? I don't want to scare him away on our first date! I know I'm overreacting here, but I'm really nervous (just in case you couldn't tell ). Please help ease my fears!!!

Danielle

[Smunkeemom]

I am not a teenager either (24) but maybe you could find out what restruant he is taking you to (it's not rude to ask him I don't think) and go by there and talk to the manager before hand, then claim to have to use the restroom (powder your nose, whatever) and find the manager and tell him that you are there now, and he will be able to keep an eye on your food. Make sure you know what you are going to order ahead of time and then order that, it has worked for me in the past for business things.

Edit: my solution works when you don't want to go into any details at all, like I don't necessarily want my clients to know my health issues.

If however you want to tell him (and you probably do since you are dating him) you might still do this so it doesn't overwhelm him and then explain that you are on a medical diet due to an auto immune disorder or something...........

I was already married when I got diagnosed so, I don't know.

[CarlaB]

Okay, I'm way farther away from being a teenager than either of you, but here's my 2 cents anyway! I would be honest about it without making it a big deal. Right after I was diagnosed I went on a business trip with my husband and was very nervous because I would be eating out with others that do what he does, including the CEO of the company he reps for. I didn't want to stand out and make a big issue of it. In my case, I could not work it out with the restaurant in advance. When the waiter came to me, I briefly explained my problem, ordered what I thought was a safe food anyway, he confirmed it, and it was done. The CEO made one brief comment just because my husband was thoroughly enjoying a sandwich at lunch and when questioned about his enthusiasm, he just said he never got them at home. So, the CEO just said, "Oh, now I see why you don't get sandwiches at home." It was no big deal. Different than a date, but the same idea. The night before I was out with the same people, minus the CEO, and they had some questions, but it was still no big deal, just a little curiosity.

If you show it's not a big deal to live with it, then it won't be a big deal to him that you have it. I wouldn't over-explain it, only do that if he asks. Chances are that he'll be interested, then ready to move on to the next topic. I would mention that you have food sensitivities and you want to check out the restaurant in advance. Remember, he knows you and wants to go out with you. He wants this to work and is nervous. too.

[elonwy]

I would tell him about it before you order, but don't make it a big deal or make it sound too serious. I went on a date last wednesday, and I had mentioned having strict diet issues so asked that we go to a sushi place to make it easier. When we sat down before the waiter came, I told him I was gluten intolerant and gave my date one of my dining cards to read. He was super responsive to it, and it saved me having to go into lenghtly explanations that quite frankly, I'm rather bored of giving. He even switched his drink order from a beer to sake, just in case he got to kiss me later! (which I thought was adorable)

Heres the thing. You can't not tell him, because you've got to order at the restaurant, and if he doesn't respond well to it, then its a pretty good indicator that maybe you shouldn't go out with him. I think its a great litmus test for jerks, personally. I don't think its anything that should freak people out, plenty of people have things they can't eat, we're just a little more complicated that everyone else. Relax, know that you're absolutely perfect just the way you are, and if he doesn't like it, there is a great guy out there who will.

Have Fun!!!!!!

Elonwy

[eleep]

I do think the dining cards might be a great dating icebreaker -- but, then, I tend to be attracted to nerdy guys who love that sort of thing.

[tarnalberry]

Just treat it like any other sort of matter of fact thing about you. Don't treat it like a big deal and it won't be one. "I've got a food intolerance. I have to be really careful, but it's not a huge deal. It'll take a minute to work out the details with the waiter, but that'll be about it." Don't act embarassed or ashamed - act with confidence! It's not a big deal, it's just one little thing to deal with and if you handle it with grace, and treat it like the small, but important, thing it is, he will take your lead.

[ehrin]

I'd have to agree and say don't hide it - I haven't dated in a while, but I met my bf when I first started on my insulin pump. I never hid it from him and now he knows almost all the intracacies of it - he even knows how to take it off when we're intimate. One reason not to hide it is if this relationship were to progress further than he'll be surprised when further on down the road you mention it. I don't hide having celiac or diabetes from anyone - it is part of ME and if they want to know ME than they will know all of ME.

You certainly don't have to stand on top of the table and announce to the whole restaurant that you have celiac, but to talk discreetly to your waiter, and have your date listen on...well I see nothing wrong/embarrassing with that. Again you are who you are and it's not going to change!

Good luck and have a good time on your date!

[wonkabar]

I'm with everyone else on this one...be upfront about it, but don't freak out about it. He's definately gonna take your lead on this one. If you make a huge deal about it, he's, understandably, gonna be a little freaked out. I'm 36 and married with two little kids, but if I were in the dating arena I'd definately be upfront . But, that's just how I handle things anyway. What if you had an anaphylactic peanut allergy? Wouldn't you want to be up front about something like that?? You'd have to be. We all have "things" about us that make us unique; that's what makes the world go 'round! Try to relax and have a great time on your date! Who knows..he could be the one!

--Kristy

[schuyler]

Thanks everyone. Y'all confirmed what I knew in my heart was the right thing. So, before we go to the restaurant, I'll give him a brief explination of my intolerances (but I'll leave out some of the more persoonal details about what it causes). I'm still kind of nervous, but I know that if he reacts poorly, then he's not worth my time.

[CarlaB]

Thanks everyone. Y'all confirmed what I knew in my heart was the right thing. So, before we go to the restaurant, I'll give him a brief explination of my intolerances (but I'll leave out some of the more persoonal details about what it causes). I'm still kind of nervous, but I know that if he reacts poorly, then he's not worth my time.

You're on the right track. I wouldn't tell him though, it will highlight it too much. Let him find out when you order. That way it's no big deal, it's just how you order. You'll do fine! He's nervous, too!!!

[mart]

I would tell him about it before you order, but don't make it a big deal or make it sound too serious. I went on a date last wednesday, and I had mentioned having strict diet issues so asked that we go to a sushi place to make it easier. When we sat down before the waiter came, I told him I was gluten intolerant and gave my date one of my dining cards to read. He was super responsive to it, and it saved me having to go into lenghtly explanations that quite frankly, I'm rather bored of giving. He even switched his drink order from a beer to sake, just in case he got to kiss me later! (which I thought was adorable)

Heres the thing. You can't not tell him, because you've got to order at the restaurant, and if he doesn't respond well to it, then its a pretty good indicator that maybe you shouldn't go out with him. I think its a great litmus test for jerks, personally. I don't think its anything that should freak people out, plenty of people have things they can't eat, we're just a little more complicated that everyone else. Relax, know that you're absolutely perfect just the way you are, and if he doesn't like it, there is a great guy out there who will.

Have Fun!!!!!!

Elonwy

This post is perfect in every way. P.S. Don't forget a little make up, perfume and to sit up straight. Also, remember to relax and have fun. And please do let us know how everything went.

[VegasCeliacBuckeye]

Okay, so I'm not exactly a teen (I'm 21), but I need the help of teens. Basically, I have not gone on a date since my diagnosis. A family friend has set me up with her son (I have seen him multiple times over the years since our brother's have been best friends for 13 yrs. I even went to his first wedding ), and I don't know what to tell him. We will be going to the movies and then out to Mexican food. I'm really shy, and I don't know how to bring this up. Even if I don't tell him on the first date, I still have to order food and tell my server about my issues. How do I do this? I don't want to scare him away on our first date! I know I'm overreacting here, but I'm really nervous (just in case you couldn't tell ). Please help ease my fears!!!

Danielle

You'll be fine. Just be up front, honest and confident (Boys like confident women!).

On a side note, I am not sure I would go to a Mexican place on a first day.

It just might be a "gas"...

Man, that was a bad joke...

[schuyler]

Thanks everyone. I'm not as nervous as before. Now, my problem is that he hasn't called me back since our first call . He said he would call me by the end of last week, but I have not heard from him yet. I'm not going to stress aout this because if he doesn't call, it's his loss.

If we do end up going out, I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Danielle

[ajay]

Hi Danielle,

[okay, I'm also guilty of peeking in the teenager section. My excuse is that I have moments of being really young, though in an awkward nerdy way instead of a cool trendy way]

When I went on my first date with my sweetie, it was going to be just for coffee.

But then he asked "Are you hungry? We could grab some dinner."

"Hm. We could," I said," Except I can't eat wheat, so--"

Before I could even start to figure out how to handle it, he said "there's a place up the street that has shish-kebabs. Do you want to check out the menu?"

Dinner was fine, I talked way too much about non-food things, and several years later, he's still my sweetie.

I'm with Elonwy on this; it can help you get a feel for the guy in question. When people ask me what happens when I eat wheat, I just say "I'll get really sick." People who aren't close friends rarely ask me for more details.

[schuyler]

Tomorrow's the big day! We decided to go to a 1:00 movie, so maybe we won't go out to eat afterall. I'll update tomorrow after everything.

[jerseyangel]

Tomorrow's the big day! We decided to go to a 1:00 movie, so maybe we won't go out to eat afterall. I'll update tomorrow after everything.

Have a good time! I'll be looking forward to the update

[StrongerToday]

I'm also not a teen - in fact, I'm in my late 30's but I am back in the dating world now. I was hesitant how to bring this up, I wasn't hiding it but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. It came up naturally in a conversation and surprise - he has a nut allergy What a fun couple we'd make if this is a "match"?!?

[schuyler]

I had a great time! We went to the movies, and them out for a late lunch/ early dinner. While we were looking at the menu, he asked me if I liked flour tortillas or corn, and so I used that to tell him about my intollerances. He was very interested in celiac, and wanted to know what it did to me and everything. He was awesome! Of course I didn't tell him the gross details, like the "d", but I was able to tell him quite a bit about celiac. The only problems had to do with the fact that I am just getting over a glutening, so I felt pretty horrible. But even with that, I still had fun.

Thanks for all the advice. After experiencing everything first hand, I realized how right everyone was. My advice to anyother celiacs going on their first date with a person is to just let celiac come up naturally. Also, keep it casual, and don't focus on the gross details. I found that if you act casual and relaxed about it, your date will act the same way (at least anyone worth keeping should act this way).

I can finally relax

[KaitiUSA]

Glad that everything went well with your date. Will there be another one?

[jerseyangel]

Danielle--So happy to hear that your date went well!

[CarlaB]

Glad your date went so well ... did he eat gluten free? Just being nosy on whether he had to brush before a smooch and how he took that news

[DingoGirl]

Yes, do let us know if there will be another date!

I'm SO far from being a teenager.....actually approaching menopause is more like it.... But had to read this as when I recover from the post-traumatic stress of my last boyfriend, I"ll be dating again someday. I am frequently in social situations wtih new people who don't know about my Celiac, and I just totally downplay it....even laugh about it a little as I explain it to the relevant person ...." oh I have the most TEDIOUS dietary issue, and can't eat gluten..." And people laugh and then usually want to know what it is. You can usually gage how MUCH they want to know - sometimes it's a sentence I give them and sometimes it's a 15-minute discussion, depending on THEIR interest.

When I was first diagnosed I think I talked about it all day long, and my friends told me to knock if off, which I did (hey, they're very close friends!)....

And I agree wtih Elonwy, it IS a good litmus test as to the character of the guy.

Good luck!

[num1habsfan]

I'm not a teenager anymore either (just barely 22), but I feel like responding to this post.

I've never had luck with guys. Seriously, never even been on a date yet in my life. I felt that getting Celiac was going to be even more reasons for a guy not to like me (and finally a good one that is valid reason to).

SO any guy I have known in the last 3 1/2 years, as soon as a meet them, I tell them straight out about Celiac and just how sensative I am. This way, if there ever would be a date, there would be so much less pressure.

And the last time I even went out for supper with a guy(not a date, there was 2 other people with us), he took great interest in how many things i CANT have (just because he found it hard to believe), and payed attention to what the waitress was showing/telling us...maybe trying to remember for next time? hahaha

OK thats about all, gave my opinion/thoughts

~lisa~

[schuyler]

Glad your date went so well ... did he eat gluten free? Just being nosy on whether he had to brush before a smooch and how he took that news

Yea, he ate gluten-free. He laughed when I told him that if he ate gluten, he would have to brush his teeth before kissing me. When I talked to him today, he said that he'll carry his tooth brush and tooth paste with him from now on .

There is an official 2nd date on Thrus!!! We're going to a minature golf/ arcade place called Fun Works. The only problem is that my little sister works there, so I'm hoping that she has Thurs night off, because that would be awkward .

[schuyler]

You can usually gage how MUCH they want to know - sometimes it's a sentence I give them and sometimes it's a 15-minute discussion, depending on THEIR interest.

Good luck!

My date wanted ALL the info. I wasn't really comfortable telling him all the issues that I have if I eat gluten (not an appropiate table discussion ), so I just told him that it makes me really sick. He made sure that the waitress took me seriously, and he kept telling her to make sure that my veggies were cooked in oil only, and that a clean grill was used. He was very interested in every aspect of celiac, including the diagnosis stuff (which I didn't tell him about at the time, but he asked me about it today). He even asked me what I plan to do when I get married, and he responded well when I told him that I would only prepare gluten-free foods (actually, his words were, "I can deal with that").

Obviously I have not scared him off yet!