The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[NoGluGirl]

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I believe the law you were speaking of is in New York. Women are allowed to ride the subway without a shirt. However, they cannot sit on a bench and smoke a cigarette with their shirt off! I have a site for the state-by-state list.

Some of these will blow your mind. I will post more soon!

Dear Janet,

ROTFLMAO! Maybe one day a criminal will be dumb enough to call the law enforcement beforehand! There have been some stupid criminals. Take for example, a recent robbery in Kentucky. A man robbed a bank and then left his receipt behind to his account! Now that was hilarious! Also, in Kentucky, there was a guy that robbed a convenience store and left his wallet behind. The police were at his house waiting when he returned home!

Dear Susie,

HAAALLLOOOO Susie! It is so nice to hear you are doing well! I am about the same. However, I may be making headway with some testing finally pretty soon! It would be about time! So, how are the dingos?

Getting the carpet cleaned here would be nice. The furniture desperately needs it, too! Our Yorkie has ruined three sofas and all of the carpet. Do not get a Yorkie! There is not enough carpet or upholstery cleaner in the world for someone who owns these dogs! I miss my mean little Mini Schnauzer!

I agree that black licorice is not exactly the worst cheat in the world. I never cheat, because I become too violently ill. It is just not worth it. If I could cheat, it would be a Big Mac and Fries! Big sexy food, oh yeah!

Sincerely,

Jin

[blueeyedmanda]

Jin- please post more soon, You should do like a odd law of the day or something. It will give us a daily giggle.

I am not sure I could ride the subway without my shirt...now if I was in desperate need of money well lets reconsider

[nikki-uk]

Women are allowed to ride the subway without a shirt.

They are?!?!

However, they cannot sit on a bench and smoke a cigarette with their shirt off!

Damn and blast

I have a site for the state-by-state list.

Then I think you should come back Jin and humoUr us more

[blueeyedmanda]

They are?!?!

Damn and blast

Then I think you should come back Jin and humoUr us more

Can ride the subway shirtless but cannot sit and smoke shirtless....as Joey on Friends would say....DOUBLE STANDARD!

[Mtndog]

Can ride the subway shirtless but cannot sit and smoke shirtless....as Joey on Friends would say....DOUBLE STANDARD!

OMG...LSD?????????? Jin drive by! Janet's cute son taking a picture of his bum bum and MP Fish slapping!!!!!!!! Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I would much rather sit and smoke shirtless than ride the subway shirtless....less jiggling and more sun.

Here's a present from Uncle ray (you should see the last, best email he sent me I can't even post it here but if you want it PM or email me- SusieQ and Nikki can attest that it was pretty hilarious!!!!!!!)

MY FAVORITE HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (aka

[elye]

Ah, Bev!

Your list for lexophiles (lexophiliacs?) will be a great time-filler in my advanced class tomorrow...Much thanks!!

[tom]

LouDeeChris!!! . . . . .

Janet!! You're too much! EVERY letter part of a name?? RiDickulous yet FanTABulous! :impressed:

I can't comPETE!!

espeSHELLY,

Another!!

Which reminds of some slapstick from this morning. I'm on my new sparse PATio but get up to rePHIL my coffee. I'm in the KITchen (does julie chen make even my 'chen' count? ) when my phone rings on the patio.

I'm RUSHing over to get to it in time, and . . . ..maybe it's partLEE the sun's fault (my fav THEOry) but I did *NOT* at *ALL* notice that I'd closed the sliding screen door. BAM!!! I ran right into it. Not just a little - I'm sure my crosshatched nose can testify to the force. Well past my not-so-buttonish nose, my *glasses* were jarred.

And the phone has 1 or 2 rings until voicemail takes over. But! . . .. . I hit the door so hard it went off its rails and may as well have been welded shut. <last ring> I'm straining & grunting to get to the patio and it's truly Hope-Les.

Luckily, one bdrm has a door direct to the patio so I got to get out there and see the phone. It said Shelly called. (fyi for some - she was on OMG thread for bit this summer and lives nearby)

First I fix the screen door - easy from the outside.

Then grab the phone and it says I got a msg. It turns out her 2 yr old must have dialed it - the msg is just background of them in the kitchen. And the wee one occasionally saying "teh-di-fo". And Shelly saying "did somebody call?" and "hello?" and putting the ph back down for more background CHADder msg for me. I'm just laughing at it the whole time.

Goofy little Josh wanted to talk I guess.

JIN'S HERE!!!!!!

Yay!

(I've been trying to get Jin here for . . .. months is it? . .. . .and haven't brought it up in a while. Is that it Jin? Waitin for me to shut up about it?)

Bevvvvvvvvv!

I PM'd you my email! I want MORE RAY!!! (not the eel)

[NoGluGirl]

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I have a whole list! I am also working on my "Not So Deep Thoughts--Mysteries of Life". I was thinking the same thing about the riding the subway topless. Of course, I would probably not get any money, because there is not much to see! I am pear-shaped!

I love Joey on Friends! He is so funny! Once, Chandler was talking to him along with the rest of the group. He said there was no reason to discuss something, because it was a "moo point". They go "A moo point?" He said, "Yeah, it's like a cow, it's moo!"

Dear Nikki,

It is quite odd you can ride the subway topless in New York. The reason is due to the fact men are able to walk around with their shirts off, so the legislation figured women deserved the same right. I say why not? That makes plenty of sense to me. I do not understand why you cannot smoke and sit on a bench that way, either.

Crap, I just realized, I could not do that anyway! I don't smoke! It sucks being asthmatic! So many missed opportunities! Why me? Why?

I am going to humour you all some more. I am going to try and post once a day. Trying to keep up with this thread and the others is not easy! The OMG Thread grows a lot sometimes. Other days it is quiter.

Dear Emily,

Time fillers are sometimes necessary in class! There were times I got so bored, I would draw and doodle on all my paper! By the time the day was out, I would have much of my notebook filled. I still write and draw all the time. I probably go through a ream of paper per week.

Dear Bev,

I love those jokes! They are all great! The play on words in the first set is awesome! I definitely would love to copy and paste those into a Word document to send to some more of my friends. My father would like those. He is a Lexophile as well. Or, is it Logophile?

Dear tom,

Great play on words! I need to work on some of those! Meanwhile, the great mysteries are my list to create. They will be completely pointless for our own amusement! Between the mysteries of life will be the absurd laws.

I have been anxious to check this thread out for a while. I never thought I would get over here! I am way behind on my e-mails and stuff due to these stupid headaches. Thinking seems impossible half of the time. Mr. Molar is going to have to come out. It is so hard, because he is one of my favorites. I know it seems silly, but we have chewed so much together.

Sincerely,

Jin

[tom]

It is so hard, because he is one of my favorites. I know it seems silly, but we have chewed so much together.

[NoGluGirl]

Dear tom,

Yes, Mr. Molar has been there through it all! Saying goodbye is so difficult! He has been there through popcorn, Milk Duds, Tootsie Rolls, caramel apples with nuts, tortilla chips, potato chips, and all kinds of other things! Does he have these happy memories, too? So many questions remain.

How can I give him a proper burial? What is the proper way to send him to the great beyond? Do the other teeth need grief counseling to deal with his death? This may especially be important for the molar next to him, because he probably has survivor guilt. He probably wonders why he only needs a filling, while Mr. Molar could not survive. Since they are both molars, this makes the inquiry all the more complex.

Sincerely,

Jin

[elye]

Hey, Jin!

So great that you've joined us...please keep us laughing!

People are sporting interesting things on their bodies these days...why not have a hole drilled through the top of your much-loved molar, and hang it from your neck, like a dazzling diamond pendant? If you lose any more, you just keep the necklace growing, like a charm bracelet. A visual testament to the passage of time, and of your life moving onward (of couse, the ones that are full of amalgam should be front and centre...more colour, and character!)

[blueeyedmanda]

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I have a whole list! I am also working on my "Not So Deep Thoughts--Mysteries of Life". I was thinking the same thing about the riding the subway topless. Of course, I would probably not get any money, because there is not much to see! I am pear-shaped!

I love Joey on Friends! He is so funny! Once, Chandler was talking to him along with the rest of the group. He said there was no reason to discuss something, because it was a "moo point". They go "A moo point?" He said, "Yeah, it's like a cow, it's moo!"

John and I own all the Friends DVD's and no matter what we can always watch them without being bored. We just get the most laughs out of them. The moo-point. I like the one where they are talking about Watching Die Hard, and Joey says I have no idea what you are talking about B**ch! Funny!

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Emily,

I sure am going to be on here at least once a day! My poor molar maybe should be bronzed or something. His neighbor might be okay. I hope not to lose enough teeth to make a bracelet or a necklace! Maybe I should make a ring out of it! It is a good reminder of how important dental care is!

The chipping has stopped for now. I think since going gluten-free, that has improved things. Humorous things about teeth are an idea. I am not so sure the other teeth do not want Mr. Molar out. There is no room! Those wisdom teeth are poking through, causing all kinds of issues. They are like "Good, he was taking up my space!"

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I wish I had the Friends DVDs! I catch it on in syndication on TBS. There were so many good lines on there! The writing really was hilarious! I did not get to see the one where Joey said that!

I really enjoyed the episode where Chandler was trying to impress this woman he was checking out during a blackout.

It was so funny! He is chewing gum, and thinks he could blow a bubble to look kind of cute. Well, he accidentally spits it onto the wall! Luckily, the woman does not notice.

He thinks "Good." Chandler waits until she is not looking again, and hurries up and pops it back in his mouth. Then, you hear what he is thinking again. "This is not my gum! I am not chewing my gum! Oh my God!" He then starts choking, and she has to give him the Heimlich! The expression on Matthew Perry's face is priceless!

Sincerely,

Jin

[Mtndog]

Hey, Jin!

So great that you've joined us...please keep us laughing!

People are sporting interesting things on their bodies these days...why not have a hole drilled through the top of your much-loved molar, and hang it from your neck, like a dazzling diamond pendant? If you lose any more, you just keep the necklace growing, like a charm bracelet. A visual testament to the passage of time, and of your life moving onward (of couse, the ones that are full of amalgam should be front and centre...more colour, and character!)

:lol: :lol:

I wanted to do that with my gallstones but they wouldn't give 'em back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Health Tip

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. Coli) bacteria found in feces. Body waste. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.

Hence: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of s*#t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Bev,

ROTFLMAO! I refuse to drink anything but bottled water. Our tap water is so bad here, you can hardly stand to brush your teeth with it! My brother, mom and me cannot drink it. We all get D from it! You can taste the mold. When it does not taste like mold, it tastes like pool water from all of the chlorine.

Who would have thought we were taking in E. Coli like that? OMG! That is horrifying. A kilo of poo! Boy am I glad I only drink bottled water! Alcohol makes me feel like I swallowed fire. However, Jack Daniels Steak Sauce is a different story!

We all appreciate your Public Service Announcement. It is essential to the well-being of our society. Maybe the next time someone says they feel like crap, we should suggest a shot of Jack? Perhaps that is the whole trouble. Things that make you go hmmm.

Sincerely,

Jin

[Darn210]

Good Morning Sillies!

I was going to come up with a really witty post to leave you with but I honostly don't have time. I am headed out on a lovely holiday (or vacation to all you American blokes) with the girls. This time tommorrow, I'll be on a plane to Hilton Head, SC. No kids, No husbands, lots of sand, sun, and overpriced slushy drinks.

Today is laundry, packing, shopping, list-making . . . it will be my husband's first time of being totally responsible for a gluten-free diet for two kids. Plus he's taking them camping with some friends and I'm trying to have as much prepared as I can. You don't realize how much your husband doesn't know until he asks questions like - What do you put in their lunch? What time do you get them up for school? What kennel do we take the dog to? Where does *daughter* go for piano lessons? And the scary one . . . can they eat this?

OK - time to get busy . . . I'll be back on Sunday.

See Ya Sillies!

By the way, I just have to add . . . Why would any female smoke shirtless? Men wouldn't be able to keep their eyes off of her Ash.

[blueeyedmanda]

I used to watch friends before I met John on TV and then when I finally bought a DVD player when I got my first apartment we would split the money to buy the Season DVDs. I remember having to wait for some of them to be released. Those waits were rough.

The last 3-4 seasons are really funny since you could say more racy things on TV so they would talk about different funny things. I do swear that Ross acted more girly the later the seasons.

[Mtndog]

Good Morning Sillies!

I was going to come up with a really witty post to leave you with but I honostly don't have time. I am headed out on a lovely holiday (or vacation to all you American blokes) with the girls. This time tommorrow, I'll be on a plane to Hilton Head, SC. No kids, No husbands, lots of sand, sun, and overpriced slushy drinks.

TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yes, Ross was a girly-man.........so annoying. I never liked him or Jennifer Aniston. Blech! Give me Chandler and Joey (how YOU doin'?) any day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Janet,

That was a good one! My ash is the trouble spot for me! I am trying to smoke mine off! So far, going up and down the stairs has not helped that. It just bulks that area up. Maybe for Christmas I can get that 6 Week Body Makeover!

Where in Indiana are you? I am in Indiana, too. The Fall Festival is this week. I hope to get the chance to go. I wish I could go on a holiday.

The beach sounds absolutely wonderful! Have one of those over-priced slushy drinks for me!

Dear blueeyedmanda,

I have none of the seasons right now. I would buy them all if possible! I admire Jennifer a lot. I may be getting my hair done like hers. My worry is I will look like a Chinese chick trying to be white. That is a horrifying image.

Ross always was kind of girly. He was more of a chick than Phoebe! Still, Ross was sweet. He and Rachel belonged together. If they had not gotten back together at the end, I would have been so mad!

Dear Bev,

Chandler was very funny. Some of his quips were great! One of my favorites was when he began dating a woman Joey had previously been out with. He was saying how he did not think he was as good in bed as Joey. Monica asked him why, and how he knew that is what they were doing. He said, "Well, let's put it this way, either they were having great sex, or she was agreeing with him a lot!"

Sincerely,

Jin

[blueeyedmanda]

Dear Bev,

Chandler was very funny. Some of his quips were great! One of my favorites was when he began dating a woman Joey had previously been out with. He was saying how he did not think he was as good in bed as Joey. Monica asked him why, and how he knew that is what they were doing. He said, "Well, let's put it this way, either they were having great sex, or she was agreeing with him a lot!"

Sincerely,

Jin

I love when they make the entertainment center and Joey is wearing those tight jeans and Chandler comes in and says Wow....those are a little snug!

[nikki-uk]

Pinch, punch, first day of the month PEEPS !!!!!!!!!

[tom]

^ ^

"Annie!!"

^ ^

"Tika!!"

<in that annoying 'talking to dogs' voice>

"Where's mommy!!?"

"Take me to mommy!"

"Mommy's down the well?"

<hmmmm at least Timmy's there to keep her company>

"Mommy get that 3rd day smackdown after all?"

</end voice>

Sough-sie? How YOU doin'?

[blueeyedmanda]

Welcome to October...only 1 more month till my wedding!

I must be losing it today... I was replying into the Welcome Fall thread.....lets have our midday laugh now.

[DingoGirl]

I would much rather sit and smoke shirtless than ride the subway shirtless....less jiggling and more sun.

I wish I had the Friends DVDs! I catch it on in syndication on TBS. There were so many good lines on there! The writing really was hilarious! I did not get to see the one where Joey said that!

Jin!! you silly! don't you know about half.com? I get ALL my books, celiac disease's, DVD's, everything there. All price ranges, all conditions. Check it out!

Hence: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of s*#t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service.

and thank you SO MUCH for this excellent public service poop tip. I'll definitely be drinking much less water and many more mojitos.

Good Morning Sillies!

I was going to come up with a really witty post to leave you with but I honostly don't have time. I am headed out on a lovely holiday (or vacation to all you American blokes) with the girls. This time tommorrow, I'll be on a plane to Hilton Head, SC. No kids, No husbands, lots of sand, sun, and overpriced slushy drinks.

Janet!!! OMG!! this is fabulous....wonder if you'll check back in before you go?? I have friends who own a restaurant on Hilton Head - you HAVE to go see them!! It's called Scratch Kitchen, tell Leah that her little Tater Tot from California says hallooooooooooo! Just walk in and say - is there a Tater Queen of the South in here??? (it'll work better if you say it directly to Leah herself)

Pinch, punch, first day of the month PEEPS !!!!!!!!!

and pinch punch to you too, silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^ ^

"Annie!!"

^ ^

"Tika!!"

Sough-sie? How YOU doin'?

WEll you guys.......still flummoxed as can be. NO reaction, ever. This is....HUGE. but - what does it mean? I got more done this weekend than in a long time. NOTHING happened.

okay - so, I'm going to cheat again. Yes, I am. This time, just a small amount, like a cross-contamination, to see what will happen.

I mean, WTH???? I haven't opened this up for discussion to the rest of the forum because I don't want to get fish-slapped.

Tom - love the dingo emoticons. maybe we should petition Scott for ALL KINDS Of wacky things on there?????????????????? dogs, cats, piles of vomit, pizza, everything!

[jerseyangel]

Welcome to October...only 1 more month till my wedding!

How exciting

okay - so, I'm going to cheat again. Yes, I am. This time, just a small amount, like a cross-contamination, to see what will happen.

No she didn't just say that .

Susie, what am I going to do with you? What's most likely happening here is that you've healed enough so that your reactions have changed. This happened to me, too.