The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[TriticusToxicum]

Wow. You people are Buz-y. I have a few questions...

1: This may be because I'm a partially-sheltered teenager, but WHO is Chuck Norris and Charlton Heston? The first name sounds farmiliar but...

So much for no child left behind.

Just what are they teaching in schools these days? I mean when when our teens are unfamiliar with such defenders of the free world (past, present, and future) as the venerable Norris and Heston? Without Chuck Norris Texas would be a vast and lawless wasteland full of cheats and bad guys. The Soviet Union would still be the Soviet Union. All those guys would still be POW's back in 'Nam. As for Heston, I mean where to start? The man single handedly saved our planet from a future of simian domination, without him we'd all be unarmed slaves to the monkey-state.

I feel it is my civic duty (and an honor i might add) to introduce you to the honorable Open Original Shared Link(ironically he likes to be called Chuck also) and THE MAN among men Open Original Shared Link.

[nikki-uk]

damn dirty double post!

Why am I laughing???? ..help me.. ..can't stop...

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

I don't go to school!!!! I'm... *legasp* Homeschooled! I am not by any means seperated from society. I have speech club on Monday, Youth Group on Wednesday, Enrichment on Friday, and Church on Sunday! And I'm on the fone/im CONSTANTLY. So Charlton Heston and Chuck Norris are movie stars? (At least, thats what I gather...)

[TriticusToxicum]

I don't go to school!!!! I'm... *legasp* Homeschooled! I am not by any means seperated from society. I have speech club on Monday, Youth Group on Wednesday, Enrichment on Friday, and Church on Sunday! And I'm on the fone/im CONSTANTLY. So Charlton Heston and Chuck Norris are movie stars? (At least, thats what I gather...)

Yes, and HEROes to some. Norris made his mark as an elite martial artist in the 60's and 70's. He then had a successful movie career in the 80's (action flicks - Rambo-type stuff), and spent the late 90's early 00's as Walker, Texas Ranger on TV.

Hestons was big in the 50's, 60's and 70's he played Moses in "The 10 Commandments", and starred in Ben Hur and the original "Planet of the Apes" and is currently the president of the National Rifle Association.

There you have the Cliff note version of their careers.

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

Oh YEAH! And there might just be another reason why I don't know about these people. I... Don't really like TV. I Read a LOT more than I watch tv. (Ex. Read: as long as I can. TV: ah, at dinner, watching the news? {for debate...} so yeah) And I'm Christian so I don't watch a LOT of movies for moral reasons. Heck, that's why I don't watch most TV! (I like Avatar... And Naruto... And Inuyasha... but that's really not the same thing.)

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

Yes, and HEROes to some. Norris made his mark as an elite martial artist in the 60's and 70's. He then had a successful movie career in the 80's (action flicks - Rambo-type stuff), and spent the late 90's early 00's as Walker, Texas Ranger on TV.

Hestons was big in the 50's, 60's and 70's he played Moses in "The 10 Commandments", and starred in Ben Hur and the original "Planet of the Apes" and is currently the president of the National Rifle Association.

There you have the Cliff note version of their careers.

Ahh.... Thank you? I've heard of Texas Ranger and the bible movies! (In fact I've seen the ten commandments...)

[blueeyedmanda]

So here is an example of what they teach in schools these days. 5 years ago, I was working part time while in college as a Latchkey teacher for the YMCA KidsKlub program. It was an after school program, similar to daycare only these were school-age children.

The way they are teaching these kids math skills. It was so different from what I was taught. The kids in 3rd grade were learning early algerbra concepts....what am I going to do when I have kids. I couldn't grasp that when I was in school.....EEK!

[TriticusToxicum]

So here is an example of what they teach in schools these days. 5 years ago, I was working part time while in college as a Latchkey teacher for the YMCA KidsKlub program. It was an after school program, similar to daycare only these were school-age children.

The way they are teaching these kids math skills. It was so different from what I was taught. The kids in 3rd grade were learning early algerbra concepts....what am I going to do when I have kids. I couldn't grasp that when I was in school.....EEK!

Algebra, but NO CHUCK NORRIS?!!

[blueeyedmanda]

I know right!

[Mtndog]

Why am I laughing???? ..help me.. ..can't stop...

OMG- I think I just wet my (sweat)pants. Chuck Norris would do ANYTHING for love, but would he let his girlfriend use real toilet paper instead of HIS TOILET PAPER!

[elye]

3: How did *shiver* Micheal Jackson get into this conversation? He is FREAKY. If he HAS to stay, can we dress him up like the chicken man and have him on a dunking platform?

I missed the reference to Mr.(?) Jackson. I LOVE the dunk-tank idea, and it goes well with things flying in curving arcs. We'll have to fashion one with wheels on the bottom, as this is a moving cavalcade. The guns can also take aim at the bullseye to dunk poor little Michael.

4: Would you like me to create a sanity box for this parade? So no-one can bring their sanity in? (Grammer, by all means. Sanity, well, go hang yourself first...)

We will all be armed with our impeccable grammar, but no need for said Sanity Box. None of us have any to bring in...

[TriticusToxicum]

OMG- I think I just wet my (sweat)pants. Chuck Norris would do ANYTHING for love, but would he let his girlfriend use real toilet paper instead of HIS TOILET PAPER!

And people wonder why he's such a bad a$$. That just about says it all!

[Mtndog]

And people wonder why he's such a bad a$$. That just about says it all!

And look what happened the LAST time he was going to get married:

Chuck Norris had a bachelor party once. He ate the whole cake before his friend got to tell him that a stripper was inside it.

[blueeyedmanda]

We will all be armed with our impeccable grammar, but no need for said Sanity Box. None of us have any to bring in...

Isn't that just the truth...when people ask why I am insane, I tell them I gave my sanity up for lent.

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

We will all be armed with our impeccable grammar, but no need for said Sanity Box. None of us have any to bring in...

No, the sanity box is to be for those that come to VIEW the parade! Because I'm SURE some of them have Sanity...

[TriticusToxicum]

And look what happened the LAST time he was going to get married:

Chuck Norris had a bachelor party once. He ate the whole cake before his friend got to tell him that a stripper was inside it.

...and add to that "The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist."

That's romantic

[TriticusToxicum]

No, the sanity box is to be for those that come to VIEW the parade! Because I'm SURE some of them have Sanity...

I say we burn the box during the parade and add the masses to our minions! BUUUUHAAHAAAHAAA!

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

I say we burn the box during the parade and add the masses to our minions! BUUUUHAAHAAAHAAA!

YES! So we shall! So... should I make one?

[nikki-uk]

OMG- I think I just wet my (sweat)pants. Chuck Norris would do ANYTHING for love, but would he let his girlfriend use real toilet paper instead of HIS TOILET PAPER!

..only Chuck could take this pain

And look what happened the LAST time he was going to get married:

Chuck Norris had a bachelor party once. He ate the whole cake before his friend got to tell him that a stripper was inside it.

NEEARGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

My sides hurt !!!!

[DingoGirl]

Can anything really be considered Absurd here?

Now THAt is the ultimate absurdity...

Exactly.

And......OMG.....I feared it....no.....knew it.......wasn't sure when but.....HASSELHOFF is here....oh my gawd DON"T HASSEL THE HOFF (except w/ your tassels)

Because that is what happens when Silly Yaks convene and put their heads together, you get Charlton Heston dressed as a Care Bear shooting chocolates at oompa loompas off of a Wayne Newton Float set to the backdrop of Meat Loaf songs.

Precisely!!!!!!!!!

Julie, Julie! Ya got it wrong...Mr. Heston is not shooting at, he is shooting, Oompah Loompahs off the float. C'mon, now, that would be SILLY.....

3: How did *shiver* Micheal Jackson get into this conversation? He is FREAKY. If he HAS to stay, can we dress him up like the chicken man and have him on a dunking platform?

Where did Michael Jackson come from? But yes, chicken suit and dunk machine is perfect.

"DAMN DIRTY APES!"

Ah! Yes! Peeps!! I wonder if I could shoot them through my Marshmellow shooter if i tore them up into tiny peices... Or I could just FIREBEND them to dust. yeshhh... hmmm. Ohh! do I get me LoTR float?

Susie is a little concerned about theseviolent propensities and the fondness for, er, shooting things. Light, would you share with us where from whence this urge cometh?

The way they are teaching these kids math skills. It was so different from what I was taught. The kids in 3rd grade were learning early algerbra concepts....what am I going to do when I have kids. I couldn't grasp that when I was in school.....EEK!

Well here's your solution......move to Fresno! Most third graders don't even speak English (that is not an exaggeration), and they are doing NOTHING like algebra until about 9th grade at 80 percent of the schools.......

....and Part Deux coming later

[nikki-uk]

.......and they just keep coming

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[jerseyangel]

.......and they just keep coming

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

I love me some Chuck Norris

Saturday nights haven't been the same since Walker Texas Ranger went off the air.....

[jerseyangel]

Saturday nights haven't been the same since Walker Texas Ranger went off the air.....

AND, it's official....I have no life.

[DingoGirl]

Is there a full moon?

we are far MORE MAD than usual...................... moo hooo haaa haaa haaaa haaaa!!!

Okay so I had lunch w/ Gail today (you'll remember from "stay alive, I will find you" fame), and I started, uh, trying to tell her about you nutballs. Nothing phases her......I am trying to get her to join us but alas, she does have a real and veyr important job (County Counsel) and can't play.

So I said....well, there's a parade, on a Care Bear float, w/ docile machine guns...Charlton Heston, Benicio del Toro and some other hunks, some oompa loompas, super soakers w/ mojitos and juice, projectile marshmallows.....and then Chuck Norris is driving a skull-covered ice cream truck, Yeti is a passenger, and it's playing Meatloaf's horrid "I Won't Do That...."

And she (nonplussed) just says, "What does it MEAN in that song, 'I Won't Do That,' what WON"T he do, anyway?"

So she decides that since her gay friend told her that today is National Coming Out Day (for those who haven't) that what Norris means is that he'll do anything for love but - won't do THAT - he won't come "out" - but that since today's the day, he now CAN and WILL come out.

:lol: :lol:

So.....forget about all the other Chuck Norris stuff you've seen here folks.....we know where things REALLY stand.

Patti - - YOU have no life?????????

:lol: quite worried about self.

[Green12]

...."

And she (nonplussed) just says, "What does it MEAN in that song, 'I Won't Do That,' what WON"T he do, anyway?"

One of life's great mysteries, the meaning to Meat Loaf's "I Won't Do That" lyrics.

I mean if you really stop and listen to the song....it's a clever riddle I tell you.

Patti, you have a life!!!! Historically haven't some of the best tv shows been on Friday nights?

Dallas, who shot JR, was one of my faves, followed by the equally fabulous Falcon Crest (or the other way around can't remember, brain fog)