The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[JNBunnie1]

Em preparing fer the worst

You'll need more than a weeks worth....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! "Fergit the bread n milk, head to the liquor store baby!!!"

[Mtndog]

Uncle Ray shall cheer us all!!!!!!!!

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's rich and self-employed,

And when I spend, won't be annoyed.

Pull out my chair and hold my hand.

Massage my feet and help me stand.

Oh send a king to make me queen.

A man who loves to cook and clean.

I pray this man will love no other.

And relish visits with my mother.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with

big breasts who owns a bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This

doesn't rhyme and I don't care

[mimommy]

Thought I heard scared chicken noises about 3:30 this morning so I leap out the window and go running across the lawn in my bare feet and jammies. Chickies are fine, but somehow difficult to go back to sleep after that.

Wow rache - having to deal with actual people on a daily basis. I couldn't do it. I'd a been fired, or slapped, on my very first day.

Must have more coffee. Still a bit bleary.

You jumped out the window at 3:30am????? You're like a superhero er sumfin

Glad the peepers are OK.

Oh, wait--maybe it WAS a peeper, peekin' in your window making fake chick sounds

And yeah--I do tend to piss people off pretty regularly. I kind of have a reputation for dripping sarcasm, cutting humor, and severe drama (they don't call me "The Queen" for nuthin ).

I feel so changed by all of this.....I want me back!!!

Hoof and Mouth disease

I told one man last weekend that I could continue to play mommy as long as he insisted on acting like a little boy.

Theresa, you are so very eloquant "discarded in the dust of yesterday"--beautiful words and good advice

Yes, send hoof and mouth disease to terrorists

I LOVED your cretin man story. He surely deserved it and more--the bastitch. I would love to have seen the look on the poor guy's face after your retort

WHOT is with that picture of the queen's 'ead?

love to my sills, I am COMPLETELY and TOTALLY and UTTERLY without mojo, humoUr, or anything good presently.

Sisyphean. Everything is sisyphean, I"m thinking.

Susan B!!!!! Mojoless. Down & out in Beverly Hills. So sad. Get you some HAPPY, girl.

Quit pushin' that load up the mountains of Hades.

Yes, what IS with that fake queenly wig in that pic?

The pholks at the booze mart are still working at their jobs. Their strike deadline in June 24. They aren't CUPE, but rather OPSEU (who represent most provincial employees).

But CUPE are rattling their swords in the City of Toronto, where they are threatening to walk out. That could cause a big stink, because the garbage collectors are included. I live outside the city proper, but our place of business is in Toronto.

over "the big stink" But, man that does stink--no garbage collection?! Yikes!

K, two things.

One, I think all that's necessary to send to the Taliban is Celiac and poison sumac. If we send them girly problems, we send them girly parts, which means they'd be HAPPY. Course, then maybe they'd spend all their time doing that and leave us alone....

Two, I really sympathize for you Mimms. I know how tough it is to deal with difficult customers, I've worked in the hotel biz for years. Just imagine how much worse it can be when your customers are also trying to sleep with you? You wouldn't believe how many people actually think hotel staff is into that stuff, like we come with the room rate.... Remember, it can always be worse. Annoying mean druggie lady could also want to sleep with you.

Gahhh!!!!!

Fell over laughing at the THOUGHT!

I heard this morning about the deadline being the 24th.....I went to the LCBO and picked up seven 2L bottles of wine. Gotta be ready.

Hey! Have you heard about Queen Rayechull's breasts? It's highly likely that her customers are also regularly lecherous, on top of everything else.

Way to prioritise, Em (let's see...we need food milk wine. Yes, LOTS of wine.)

My mom always, always told me I was "well rounded and firmly packed". Kind of adds a new dimension to the whole overnight delivery "Pack & Ship Promise", eh?

And Nikki voted today. Good girl! Did you get a fancy sticker or a coffee coupon, like we do when we vote?

Beverly!!!! OMG, just spotted your compare and contrast poetry. Hee-lare-yus

[nikki-uk]

.. Remember, it can always be worse. Annoying mean druggie lady could also want to sleep with you.

GAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perish the thought!!!!!!!!!!

I heard this morning about the deadline being the 24th.....I went to the LCBO and picked up seven 2L bottles of wine. Gotta be ready.

So long as it ain't Sauvignon Blanc you'll be just fine

And Nikki voted today. Good girl! Did you get a fancy sticker or a coffee coupon, like we do when we vote?

Dammit NO!!!!

_{<you guys get stickers?? >}

DEMANDING a sticker NOW!!!!!!!!!

UNCLE RAY!!! .... .... as always :-)

[elye]

Uncle Ray!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! "Fergit the bread n milk, head to the liquor store baby!!!"

Man, you got dat right. .. . .. . ...

And yeah--I do tend to piss people off pretty regularly. I kind of have a reputation for dripping sarcasm, cutting humor, and severe drama.

Thaaaaaaaaaaat's our Rayechull!!

Patteigh! You asked about my dad a page or two back: Jack and I went to see him this eve. He is having his second surgery on June 23rd. A long wait... . . . such is our free healthcare system. He has been in the hospital for seven weeks, and it could be another seven to come - - THANK GAWD it's free!!

Something amazing: The nurse that is caring for him this shift is a lovely older lady, and she told me that she cared for my dad when he was in the hospital here in Ottawa for ten months back IN 1963 .... . . . . . my family was in a horrific car accident (before my time), and she nursed him, my mom and sister. I thought this was so incredible - - they meet again, forty-six years later, in the same roles.

She remembers him doing his morning radio show from his hospital bed, from nine to noon, Monday to Friday. . . .quite the story, and something never done before nor since - - the station installed all this wiring and speakers down the hospital corridoors, and Dad wrote his scripts and notes with a pen taped to his crushed hand . .. ....he would wear his mic tied around his neck, and guests would plant themselves beside his hospital bed and Eastern Ontario would continue to roar with laughter.

Ten months he lay there and did this.. .....! Boy, those were the days, when bureaucracy stepped aside and let this happen.

The show must go on!

Think I'll have a glass o' that plethora of wine sitting in my liquor cabinet. .. .... . .anyone care to join me?

[jerseyangel]

Something amazing: The nurse that is caring for him this shift is a lovely older lady, and she told me that she cared for my dad when he was in the hospital here in Ottawa for ten months back IN 1963 .... . . . . . my family was in a horrific car accident (before my time), and she nursed him, my mom and sister. I thought this was so incredible - - they meet again, forty-six years later, in the same roles.

She remembers him doing his morning radio show from his hospital bed, from nine to noon, Monday to Friday. . . .quite the story, and something never done before nor since - - the station installed all this wiring and speakers down the hospital corridoors, and Dad wrote his scripts and notes with a pen taped to his crushed hand . .. ....he would wear his mic tied around his neck, and guests would plant themselves beside his hospital bed and Eastern Ontario would continue to roar with laughter.

Ten months he lay there and did this.. .....! Boy, those were the days, when bureaucracy stepped aside and let this happen.

The show must go on!

My gawd Em, that is the coolest thing I've ever heard! What a great story. Yer dad sounds like just the most fascinating man--one in a million. And you, me phriend, are a chip off the ole' block.

I'm so sorry that he has to wait so long for his surgery this time, though. Doesn't seem right. Definitely keep us posted....do they ever move someone ahead due to cancellations?

[mimommy]

Uncle Ray!

Man, you got dat right. .. . .. . ...

Thaaaaaaaaaaat's our Rayechull!!

Patteigh! You asked about my dad a page or two back: Jack and I went to see him this eve. He is having his second surgery on June 23rd. A long wait... . . . such is our free healthcare system. He has been in the hospital for seven weeks, and it could be another seven to come - - THANK GAWD it's free!!

Something amazing: The nurse that is caring for him this shift is a lovely older lady, and she told me that she cared for my dad when he was in the hospital here in Ottawa for ten months back IN 1963 .... . . . . . my family was in a horrific car accident (before my time), and she nursed him, my mom and sister. I thought this was so incredible - - they meet again, forty-six years later, in the same roles.

She remembers him doing his morning radio show from his hospital bed, from nine to noon, Monday to Friday. . . .quite the story, and something never done before nor since - - the station installed all this wiring and speakers down the hospital corridoors, and Dad wrote his scripts and notes with a pen taped to his crushed hand . .. ....he would wear his mic tied around his neck, and guests would plant themselves beside his hospital bed and Eastern Ontario would continue to roar with laughter.

Ten months he lay there and did this.. .....! Boy, those were the days, when bureaucracy stepped aside and let this happen.

The show must go on!

Think I'll have a glass o' that plethora of wine sitting in my liquor cabinet. .. .... . .anyone care to join me?

Emily! That is an amazing story!! It's so cool and human and anecdotal. Kind of made me misty. You must be very proud of your father. That story MUST be published for his many fans.

[flourgirl]

You jumped out the window at 3:30am????? You're like a superhero er sumfin

Glad the peepers are OK.

Oh, wait--maybe it WAS a peeper, peekin' in your window making fake chick sounds

And yeah--I do tend to piss people off pretty regularly. I kind of have a reputation for dripping sarcasm, cutting humor, and severe drama (they don't call me "The Queen" for nuthin ).

My kind a gal!!!! I love sarcastic humor.....but it seems that not too many people really appreciate understand it

Theresa, you are so very eloquant "discarded in the dust of yesterday"--beautiful words and good advice

Uh huh. That's me.....slove and de-bon-haier

Yes, send hoof and mouth disease to terrorists

I LOVED your cretin man story. He surely deserved it and more--the bastitch. I would love to have seen the look on the poor guy's face after your retort

He pretty much backed down at this point. Keep in mind I was in uniform at the time. His wife/or female friend was pretty horrified and was begging him to stop and behave

My mom always, always told me I was "well rounded and firmly packed". Kind of adds a new dimension to the whole overnight delivery "Pack & Ship Promise", eh?

Isn't that a song? So round, so firm so fully packed! I'm more like the song "bony maroney". At least...I used to be.

And Nikki voted today. Good girl! Did you get a fancy sticker or a coffee coupon, like we do when we vote?

Heyyyy!!!! I never get any fun stickers or coffee, or lollipops or nuthin for voting. Not fayer

Beverly!!!! OMG, just spotted your compare and contrast poetry. Hee-lare-yus

Too much to comment on here.....so I railroaded it and inserted at will. Hope you don't feel violated......you were askin for it.....I could tell you wanted it.....

[flourgirl]

Em n Em...that IS quite a story. Your Dad is truly amazing. I just can't believe all that the poor guy has to go through. I shudder at the thought that this country would even consider social medicine. On paper it's ideal....but the reality would be just like all of the horror stories we hear about those who have put it into practice.

Kin hardly keep me peepers open....so off to bed. Got a song stuck in my head that just has to be put outside for the night......"Mama told me not to come.....Mama told me not to come.....that aint the way to have fun...son." Have no freekn idea where that came from!!!!

Nite all!

[jerseyangel]

Thanks a lot, T.....now I can't stop humming it

....that ain't the way to have fun--son.....that ain't they way to have fun--no uh uh.....

I saw Three Dog Night in concert back in '72.

[elye]

Definitely keep us posted....do they ever move someone ahead due to cancellations?

Yep, it does happen. And this surgery will only be about twenty minutes, not the three-hour matinee from last month .. ....so a better chance of getting it suddenly squished into the schedule early. .. . . .

....that ain't the way to have fun--son.....that ain't they way to have fun--no uh uh.....

I saw Three Dog Night in concert back in '72.

Mygawd, this is, like, SO before my time. . . . . . ......

[jerseyangel]

Mygawd, this is, like, SO before my time. . . . . . ......

Very cute .....

[psawyer]

Mygawd, this is, like, SO before my time. . . . . . ......

Jeremiah was a bull frog

Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

But I helped him a-drink his wine

And he always had some mighty fine wine

Open Original Shared Link...

Perhaps before your time, Emily, but not mine.

[jerseyangel]

Jeremiah was a bull frog

Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

But I helped him a-drink his wine

And he always had some mighty fine wine

More good stuff

Ya gotta love it, Em--it mentions wine twice

[flourgirl]

Jeremiah was a bull frog

Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

But I helped him a-drink his wine

And he always had some mighty fine wine

Open Original Shared Link...

Perhaps before your time, Emily, but not mine.

Gotta love it all!! Didn't we have some GREAT music? I had an 8-track of 3Dog.....wore it out, I did!

"Well I never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music. Well the Ladies are insane there, but they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it, never gonna lose it, I can't refuse it." Maybe I'll play that 8 track in my head at work today....surely will improve they day!!!

"Lucretia McEvil...woman what's your game?" hehheh

I'm not ashamed to admit that this was my time....for I am timeless. Uhhh, or maybe it was the music that is timeless.

However the day shapes up, hope it's cheery for all of you!

[nikki-uk]

Patteigh! You asked about my dad a page or two back: Jack and I went to see him this eve. He is having his second surgery on June 23rd. A long wait... . . . such is our free healthcare system. He has been in the hospital for seven weeks, and it could be another seven to come - - THANK GAWD it's free!!

Something amazing: The nurse that is caring for him this shift is a lovely older lady, and she told me that she cared for my dad when he was in the hospital here in Ottawa for ten months back IN 1963 .... . . . . . my family was in a horrific car accident (before my time), and she nursed him, my mom and sister. I thought this was so incredible - - they meet again, forty-six years later, in the same roles.

She remembers him doing his morning radio show from his hospital bed, from nine to noon, Monday to Friday. . . .quite the story, and something never done before nor since - - the station installed all this wiring and speakers down the hospital corridoors, and Dad wrote his scripts and notes with a pen taped to his crushed hand . .. ....he would wear his mic tied around his neck, and guests would plant themselves beside his hospital bed and Eastern Ontario would continue to roar with laughter.

Ten months he lay there and did this.. .....! Boy, those were the days, when bureaucracy stepped aside and let this happen.

The show must go on!

Think I'll have a glass o' that plethora of wine sitting in my liquor cabinet. .. .... . .anyone care to join me?

I think I'll pass on the wine ...but WHAT fantastic memories for you and the kids

How wonderful to have such a talented, funny man for a father

GADS - a long wait for his next op , but it is as you say free at least ...

Hope all the sills are ok?..... now't but a grEy Friday morn here

[elye]

It's a musical morning!

Jeremiah was a bull frog

Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

But I helped him a-drink his wine

And he always had some mighty fine wine

"Well I never been to Spain, but I kinda like the music. Well the Ladies are insane there, but they sure know how to use it. They don't abuse it, never gonna lose it, I can't refuse it." Maybe I'll play that 8 track in my head at work today....surely will improve they day!!!

"Lucretia McEvil...woman what's your game?" hehheh

I'm not ashamed to admit that this was my time....for I am timeless. Uhhh, or maybe it was the music that is timeless.

I am something of an anomaly, methinks . .. .. . . ....for the music that I truly adore, that stirs me inside, is the stuff that was composed even more before my time than these songs... . . ....Ellington, Jerome Kern, Gershwin. . . .. ...... . .....

Time and again I've longed for adventure,

Something to make my heart beat the faster.

What did I long for? I never really knew.

Finding your love I've found my adventure,

Touching your hand, my heart beats the faster,

All that I want in all of this world is you.

Now I must go play this. ... .... ..a super start to me day!

[curlyfries]

Jeremiah was a bull frog

Was a good friend of mine

I never understood a single word he said

But I helped him a-drink his wine

And he always had some mighty fine wine

Now that song really brings back some great memories...........high school.......everybody piled into a car going to/from basketball/football games........singing at the top of our lungs in harmony (had a lot of choir friends)........*sigh*........good times

Me MIL is coming tomorrow to plant me flower bed. YIPPEE!!!!! I love flower gardens, but am not talented in that way........brown thumb

I soooo want to go to garage sales today, but have nae the energy. Can't tell if the new meds are doing any good, yet.

[nikki-uk]

Now that song really brings back some great memories...........high school.......everybody piled into a car going to/from basketball/football games........singing at the top of our lungs in harmony (had a lot of choir friends)........*sigh*........good times

Me MIL is coming tomorrow to plant me flower bed. YIPPEE!!!!! I love flower gardens, but am not talented in that way........brown thumb

I soooo want to go to garage sales today, but have nae the energy. Can't tell if the new meds are doing any good, yet.

Brown thumb

Never heard that before *giggle*.......no traipsing round young lady!!!!!!!

GET BETTAH!!!!!!!!!

SOOOoooo quiet

Skird

Still feel like cr@p _{<head hits desk>}

Where's all my energy gone without me????

[elye]

Still feel like cr@p _{<head hits desk>}

Where's all my energy gone without me????

Nik! You out at yet another carousing candle party last night?

[nikki-uk]

Nik! You out at yet another carousing candle party last night?

I think my body went to an all night rave .....ma heed stayed home

[Jestgar]

I think my body went to an all night rave .....ma heed stayed home

:huh:

Can't decide if this is a better way to do this or not....

Body has a great time, head has no guilt - sounds good, but then head has no memory....

[mimommy]

:huh:

Can't decide if this is a better way to do this or not....

Body has a great time, head has no guilt - sounds good, but then head has no memory....

Sounds like my early twenties...

[DingoGirl]

SILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been in a semi-forumless, email-less abyss

and ALSO it's happening on my CELL PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT IN HELL????????

some peeps get my texts, some do not....I get SOME texts from SOME peeps, and others, no

what in HELL is going on here???????????????

am very, very skird!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been reading along, and I also see that I have like......a MILLION things sent to me on facebook

'twould take HOURS to accept all, so.......please know how much I love youse guys, but I can only accept the odd thing sporadically

<what in hell are flying octopi? > a *snort-out* to Raychull's hubby

My gawd Em, that is the coolest thing I've ever heard! What a great story. Yer dad sounds like just the most fascinating man--one in a million. And you, me phriend, are a chip off the ole' block.

OMG - seriously!!!!!! Emmel hope he gets that surgery much sooner than later.

Too much to comment on here.....so I railroaded it and inserted at will. Hope you don't feel violated......you were askin for it.....I could tell you wanted it.....

*snort* loved this, Tea, and loved Ray-chull's whole post that ya stolt - all of it - BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!! and I could NAE comment whilst at work!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a musical morning!

I am something of an anomaly, methinks . .. .. . . ....for the music that I truly adore, that stirs me inside, is the stuff that was composed even more before my time than these songs... . . ....Ellington, Jerome Kern, Gershwin. . . .. ...... . .....

Time and again I've longed for adventure,

Something to make my heart beat the faster.

What did I long for? I never really knew.

Finding your love I've found my adventure,

Touching your hand, my heart beats the faster,

All that I want in all of this world is you.

Now I must go play this. ... .... ..a super start to me day!

I'm wif ya, Emmel

I soooo want to go to garage sales today, but have nae the energy. Can't tell if the new meds are doing any good, yet.

Oh Leesargh - you have GOT to kick this bugger's arse!!! Are you getting enough rest, young lady?

Brown thumb

Never heard that before *giggle*.......no traipsing round young lady!!!!!!!

GET BETTAH!!!!!!!!!

SOOOoooo quiet

Skird

Still feel like cr@p _{<head hits desk>}

Where's all my energy gone without me????

*snort* Gnikkeigh's whole posts always crack Soozle up

I think my body went to an all night rave .....ma heed stayed home

See what I mean

<I am going out in 15 minutes, the very same may happen to me> YEGADS!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't decide if this is a better way to do this or not....

Body has a great time, head has no guilt - sounds good, but then head has no memory....

brilliant, pscientific observation

and LOVE the squirrel!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <weezee said to tell you that>

Sounds like my early twenties...

dazed and confused

Mimms!!!!!! I miss youse!!!!

I miss all of youse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♥♥♥♥♥

back later, my lovelies..........

had things to tell.......forgot what they were...........

maybe I"ll remember later? maybe not........

um, oh, my cat's bathroom smells like the WORST sort of gas station bathroom today - I will explain this later

and that wicked dog from next door PEED on the skirt (flange?) of my sofa *gasp*

later Psills!!!!!!!

[elye]

OMG..... . I could be in trouble. An old, dear friend of mine is in town for a week at a conference. She will be staying with us for three nights, come Sunday. Right now she is staying at the downtown Westin, attending meetings and presentations on blood transfusions (she's head of laboratory medicine at UBC, and STILL a good friend! ). Well, we went downtown to meet her for dinner, and it has all come back to me - - she can drink me under the table, talk me into a corner, dance me into the ground. .. . . . ...

And she'll be staying with me for three nights!

Please, someone......come searching for me if there is no signal from elye over the next few days. . . ....

Been reading along, and I also see that I have like......a MILLION things sent to me on facebook

'twould take HOURS to accept all, so.......please know how much I love youse guys, but I can only accept the odd thing sporadically

Mygawd, I must second this. .. . . . .....love you guys ad infinitum, but cannot possibly keep up with/send back various hilarious yard sale items, food-fightstuffs, words that sound dirty .. . . . ......