The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

I have to pee every half hour whether I feel the need or not so that I don't accidently pee myselph when I get into a coughing fit . . . is that TMI?

I hear ya sister

For those suphphering phrom the phloo, Eye recommend phor medicinal purposes

Pass that over here! I need sumphin to help me sleep......

[Darn210]

Pass that over here! I need sumphin to help me sleep......

. . . and pass one over to me 11-yr old whose poor sleep (NOT caused by illness) is what has been causing MY poor sleep . . . mostly.

[Jestgar]

WIH is going on here?????

I leave you people alone for a day and the entire thread is covered in barf! Who's gonna clean this up i ask you???

We're all gonna have to rally behind our kween in case there's an attempted takeover by another thread. We are vulnerable with our weekend weakened monarch and all.

[GFinDC]

Weez failin cuz we ain't organized. Sick and sickly crew we are, no bamboozle about it. So here's my pirat platform, I think it is the best in modurn histories.

As a pirate I no bettern to trust anothur pirate. So there will be no cooking of the gluten free, soy free, dairy-free, nightshade free meals by the other pirates, we all cooks our own.

Female pirates get a full share of the loot although the captn gets 2 shares, standard pirate rates. Assumming I am elected captn I expect the following rules to be obliged by the female pirate crew: (you could say I am running for office here..) the mens folk are exempt.

The ladies pirats will clean the barfin's off the poop deck with strong lye or sailors blood every durn day prior to the midnight romp.

The ladie pirats will provide a handsome cask of Jamcian rum for every dinner to sate the capn's mealtime thurst.

The ladie pirats will provide a beyootiful boquet of flours, preferably blood periwinkles, golden buttercups, and silver lambsear for to brighten the capn's qtrs every full moon minimally.

The ladie pirats will sometimes sing a luverly ballad to the capn recoutin his heroic exploits and such other world shakin events as appropriate. Which is often.

The ladie pirats will keep the capn warm in his hammock when needed and will vigersly polish his pegleg on occasion until it is warm and glowing.

Meanwhile the men will fart and scratch and sail the ship in circles lookin for more rum and cheese. Heave ho! It's off the charts we go!

The Qween will be fed Energi bread and water in hur quarters if the capn is feelin specially nice that day. Not likerly!

I think that covers the high points, don't you? I could't quite remember the words to the Capn's ballad tho.

Any other capn wannbes please hoist yur flag! Vote getting is easy to do around heayar!

Ize waving my sword in the air! Join up now and spare yur neck! Kareiggne the first mate spot is open for you!

[elye]

I have sprained my coughing muscles . . . and I have to pee every half hour whether I feel the need or not so that I don't accidently pee myselph when I get into a coughing fit . . .

Want some REAL TMI? Um, this happens during moments of severe retching, as well. . . .. . ......

I leave you people alone for a day and the entire thread is covered in barf! Who's gonna clean this up i ask you???

Absolutely NOT the jester. He remains hammered, and would only contribute to the vomit infusion. Kept trying to lighten my mood by dancing around my bed, jingling those fr@ckin' bells and spouting off bits of court humoUr. . . ..... . could we not send him off to a federal incarceration institution, let him attempt to entertain those blokes??

Must tell you all that I used the Royal Sceptre as a fine device for pounding the floor when I needed juice or a sympathetic ear from my domestic minions residing downstairs. The Royal Robe.. . . .well. . . . ...more dry-cleaning needed, 'nuff said.. . . . ....

Weez failin cuz we ain't organized. Sick and sickly crew we are, no bamboozle about it. So here's my pirat platform, I think it is the best in modurn histories.

:lol:

'Twas absolutely the best and most comprehensive Piratial Platform I have yet seen, Jeee-Eff. . . . . ..but hey . . . . .. ...I am yer Kween: Read Colonel. You may clean up MY barph (if we's on a ship, 'twill be plentiful -- I have significant motion sickness) sing lonely ballads to me (team up with the Minstrel - - he can pull out his lyre or mandolin), feed me grapes... . . . ..

Oh, and report to me on any troublesome, approaching armies with aggressive intent... . . . ...yes, could be from another thread. . . .. ... ..watch those few that are getting long in the page count. Must send out a scout. .... ..who isn't ill? Kherrighnne! Out ya go - - back at 14 hundred hours with full Royal Report, puleeze!

[Darn210]

to GeehEff's PieRat Manifesto . . . me thinks he's had too much Jamaican Rum.

[jerseyangel]

Aye--ya'll are phunny! Not up to polishin' any wooden legs, though

Me 'ead pheels like somebody poured cement into it

But tis true--we are vulnerable now and another thread could swoop in and take over....wif the Qween down like this there's no tellin' what could happen.

Where'd PeOte go wif the drinks?

[kareng]

Aye--ya'll are phunny! Not up to polishin' any wooden legs, though

Me 'ead pheels like somebody poured cement into it

But tis true--we are vulnerable now and another thread could swoop in and take over....wif the Qween down like this there's no tellin' what could happen.

Where'd PeOte go wif the drinks?

Which thread would really want to take over this disease & alcohol ridden thread? Could become - Hello Kitty Thread

Trekkie Forum

Flower arranging thread

Bodily Fluid Thread

Gee Eff, I'm not sure your Pirate Manifesto will go over well with the ladies on this forum. Swabbing the deck does not appeal to me!

[jerseyangel]

Which thread would really want to take over this disease & alcohol ridden thread?

I think you may have a point

[celiac-mommy]

I...have...emerged...no...longer...covered...in...puke!! It's not hit me yet..... Hit my side of the bed multiple times though... That tiny l'il boy o mine couldn't afford to lose any weight and he kept NOTHING down for 13 hours Doing much better and eating again though. I'm so glad!!

Not happy to hear that y'all are sick too! Pheeeeeel better soon!!!

And what's all this talk about an overthrow?! I'm holding on for dear life! You...can't...take...this...away...from...me!!!

Ooooooh, man... . . . . . ... the phloo is, in fact, still here.. . . . . ... got it bad....barfing, fever. . .. . . .....thanks a lot, Jack!

Aim fer the bowl!! (and pheel better!)

Ahhhhhh<stroking chin>....so this was the plan after all....

Very shrewd.

Crap! It's working!

Jeesh--Rash-shell's son is sick too. Ugh--hate this time of year....

He's never had the stomach phloo. Handled it like a champ, actually!

[elye]

Aim fer the bowl!! (and pheel better!)

All right. I need to brief you all on a point of contention over here, and get your takes.

DH was suddenly sick last evening (surprise, surprise) and barphed twice. He's got it activated more through the other end. He's gone to work this morning, so we shall see.

But I digress: When he ran into the bathroom to throw up the first time, he was in there a minute or so, came out and lay down on the couch. He said, "I hate how the puke sometimes goes up into my nose". WIH? So upon questioning, I discovered a fact about my husband that I, in ALL the years we've been together, have never known.

He barphs standing up.

Cannot imagine anyone even attempting this, let alone having it cross one's mind. He stands in front of the toilet and bends slightly forward at the waist, over the bowl.

Incredible.

AND hilarious, actually. Hell, just PICTURE it, with any acquaintance. I don't even think he bends his knees.

After I told him that this is a) a strange abomination of human conduct (even Neanderthals crept away and crouched with their mouths near the ground, or lay down with their heads hanging over an incline, I am certain) and b ) the definite reason that he is getting a back-up into his nose, he insisted that this is a common Vomit Stance.

Who in hell does this? Do we not all rush to the toilet and kneel or crouch? Canna imagine standing for this. . . .....

Well, you can learn new things about old, long-standing peeps, to be sure. . . .. . ...

[kareng]

He barphs standing up.

Cannot imagine anyone even attempting this, let alone having it cross one's mind. He stands in front of the toilet and bends slightly forward at the waist, over the bowl.

After I told him that this is a) a strange abomination of human conduct (even Neanderthals crept away and crouched with their mouths near the ground, or lay down with their heads hanging over an incline, I am certain) and b ) the definite reason that he is getting a back-up into his nose, he insisted that this is a common Vomit Stance.

Who in hell does this? Do we not all rush to the toilet and kneel or crouch? Canna imagine standing for this. . . ..... . ...

How's his aim? Seems like you need to sit on the ground or a kids stool to get it all in the bowl. Also, when barfing, don't most people feel like they might fall over?

( OMG! The Bodily Fluids Thread is taking over!)

[Darn210]

He barphs standing up.

OMG . . . even if he has good aim, the splash zone would still make a big mess. Is sumptin wrong wif his knees? Do they not bend?

[jerseyangel]

OMG . . . even if he has good aim, the splash zone would still make a big mess. Is sumptin wrong wif his knees? Do they not bend?

Oh yeah--the phirst thing I thought of was the splash zone! Even on yer knees, head inches above the water, you can get a good deal of splashover. Force plus distance.....

Sorry he's sick though.

I pheel worse than yesterday so I succumbed to a couple Ex Strength Bufferin. <----- me

[mushroom]

Oh, the tales of suffering, leakages, explosions of barphdom, splash zones???!! T'is all too pityphul and hard to read whilst indulging in the first phood of the day (a sneaky cookie with me cup of tea).

I have also been known to barph in the erect position (well, semi-erect - somewhere between apes and Neanderthal man - because the knees and the tile floor do not marry well, and who has time to fiind appurtenances for barphing?? You just let her go, and hope!! However, my aim and projection is good

Hope all recover well and soon. We need to be at phull strength to phend ophph these mutinous varmints and all outside predators

[elye]

I have also been known to barph in the erect position (well, semi-erect - somewhere between apes and Neanderthal man - because the knees and the tile floor do not marry well, and who has time to fiind appurtenances for barphing??

Dear gawd, another one! Shrooom, in your semi-erect position do you get a system back-up into your nasal cavity, as well? You need Barph-time Bunting for yer knees (hey, there is likely a market for this. .... . . . . . .)..I must say that DH's aim is pretty damn impressive -- no sign of any splash-up or -over or -around.

Dunno why this strikes me as SOOOOOO phunny. . . ...... :lol: Just picturing someone, anyone, standing in front of the toilet to barph . . . . . .. ....I told the kids and I thought we were all gonna hyperventilate we was larfin' so hard.. .. . ..

Gah. Just practising my Monarchical Eccentricities.. . . . ... . .residing with an Upright Barpher, and finding it vastly entertaining.. .. . ... .

Man, don't I get a Royal Cook to whip up the meals around here? The kitchen is still not a place in which I'm quite ready to get elbow-deep.. .... .

[jerseyangel]

Ya know Em, I forgot to mention it but although I'm a kneeler I do get nasal backup every time. It's really disgusting. I think it has more to do with the internal route than the posture.

[Jestgar]

Yah. I was gonna ask, how do you NOT get nasal reflux?

I'm afraid I don't get terribly close to the porcelain either. I'd rather clean the floor than have toilet water splash on my face. Fortunately, I'm not a puker. Last time, I think, was the last time I ate gluten....

[celiac-mommy]

He barphs standing up.

I, also, am a stander. No matter how clean my toilets are (and they are pretty clean ), the thought of anything splashing up and hitting me in the face is too much to bear.

bend at waist, slight bend in knees is acceptable

grab hold of the top of the toilet

do yer business

use a clorox wipe to clean up splashage

start vomiting again bc you've knocked that chunk loose in yer nose when you sniffed (cuz puking makes yer nose and eyes run too)

brush yer teeth and wash yer face wif cool water

[mushroom]

No, I manage to avoid barphing backups. Like Jyess, not in the habit of it at all - usually send things in the opposite direction - gravity, or something like that.

Your Majesty definitely needs some royal staff on deck to perform menial chores for her, especially during her time of indisposition. I am NOT, however, volunteering. I believe PeOter is closest and the servant Your Majesty should summon for barph cleanup and he will have a perfect understanding of Her Majesty's dietary needs for the preparation of the royal meals

[jerseyangel]

I'm not a puker either. The last time was in 1987. I still lived in Syracuse and it followed the last time I have ever eaten chili.

Before that, only when I was a child once once a while and whilst pregnant the second time.

I've felt close lots of times though.....mostly when glutened.

[Darn210]

I believe PeOter is closest and the servant Your Majesty should summon for barph cleanup and he will have a perfect understanding of Her Majesty's dietary needs for the preparation of the royal meals

Yeah!! Make Peter do it!! . . . <snicker><>snicker>

[jerseyangel]

Yeah!! Make Peter do it!! . . . <snicker><>snicker>

<giggle>

[curlyfries]

AWWW HE!! QUEEN EM OF SNOTS!

So, what shall I proclaim?. . . . . . . ....... .must think on this.. .. .... .. I will put out an invitation to a referendum.. .. . . ... . any suggestions?

No More Phloo/Sinus/Cold Heinosities!

Better add strep to that. I think that's the direction I'm going

Weez failin cuz we ain't organized. Sick and sickly crew we are, no bamboozle about it. So here's my pirat platform, I think it is the best in modurn histories.

I think there needs to be a mutiny!!!!ARRRGGGHHHH!!! OUCH! *cough* *cough*

Vertical puking....sounds like an Olympic event.

I have a hard time believing there is no over-spray

[elye]

Well, then! Where HATH POeter scampered off to? Must put out a Royal Summons. . . .. .

OH, POEEEEEEEETERRRRRR!!!

I threw up occasionally during both pregnancies, but rarely at any other time. During my isolated events before the toilet I've ALWAYS kneeled, elbows on the bowl, and never had water/ barph splashage nor nasal backup. Mygawd, we have two Psillies who stand whilst barphing.. ... . .. ..for me this is a large percentage - - I was assuming that I would have a whole lot of trouble finding anyone else who does this. Perhaps I will post the question on Da Book, and be further shocked....... . . .... .