How Would You Feel?

[blueeyedmanda]

So at work next week they are having a pizza party, one of our doctors is throwing it. So his assistant called down to see which pizzas our office of 10 would want. Once I found out, I asked politely if they could order a salad for me. This is a place where you can get real good salads. So the girl next to me asked this woman to order me a salad. The woman said "I am not accomadating everyone, pizza or nothing, next she will want steak!"

I felt horrible. How hard would it be to order a side salad. This is supposed to be a Christmas party where we celebrate lunch together. I find it almost discriminating that she said that. It also makes it look like I wanted some kind of special treatment.

How would you guys feel?

[Jestgar]

I would feel pretty bad. Does she know about your food restrictions? Maybe she just thinks your being an obnoxious dieter.

Just call the place yourself and add a salad to the order. Tell the doctor throwing the party that your doing it, not his assistant. Even if you had to pay for it yourself, you'd still have a great salad and could be part of the party.

[CarlaB]

Jestgar has great advice. I bet the assistant does think you're just a dieter. If the doc, who is kind enough to feed all those people, knew, he'd accomodate you.

Do you have an oven at work? I'd probably bring my own gluten-free pizza ... better than a salad anyway.

[blueeyedmanda]

No, she knows I have allergies, she is forever offering me cookies when I come upstairs. One day her and I had a conversation about it. How they came to find I had this..etc. When the conversation was over she bluntly said...I would kill myself if I was you. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere.

Thanks for the suggestions. I knew I can count on the understanding people.

[Ursa Major]

I like Carla's advice. Most work places have a kitchen, or at least a microwave oven, and I hope yours does as well. Just bring your own pizza, and you can have fun, too. I am sure it isn't the doctor's fault. That assistant is being inconsiderate, as she is assuming that you're just being difficult, without even checking why you don't want to eat the pizza.

Heck, I'd have MANY reasons why I won't eat pizza! I am intolerant to gluten, cheese, tomatoes, spices.........well, about every single part of that pizza. She should know that not all people can tolerate it!

That's what I hate about pizza parties, at school and everywhere else. People assume that everybody can eat it. Susie, my youngest daughter, is very intolerant to cheese, and will throw up from it, and be very unwell the next day after eating it. I resent schools for always having pizza as rewards.

Oh, I posted at the same time as you, so didn't see your response before posting.

That she knows about your intolerance makes her vicious comment even worse. Oh well, some people are like that. It hurts, I know, but there isn't really anything you can do to make her understand, beyond what you have done already. Still, the advice for bringing your own pizza holds.

[happygirl]

I am sorry this happened to you. It still amazes me that there are people who are that insensitive. I don't have much else to offer...we all find our different ways to cope. I think this is one of those "take the high road" moments. I'm happy we have this board where we do understand.

When things like this happen, I tell myself that I'm happy I'm not that miserable. This has made me much more compassionate ...I'm sure you feel the same.

Hugs to you. I wish we all worked together and then we'd never have to go through this!

[lilmama]

So at work next week they are having a pizza party, one of our doctors is throwing it. So his assistant called down to see which pizzas our office of 10 would want. Once I found out, I asked politely if they could order a salad for me. This is a place where you can get real good salads. So the girl next to me asked this woman to order me a salad. The woman said "I am not accomadating everyone, pizza or nothing, next she will want steak!"

I felt horrible. How hard would it be to order a side salad. This is supposed to be a Christmas party where we celebrate lunch together. I find it almost discriminating that she said that. It also makes it look like I wanted some kind of special treatment.

How would you guys feel?

I would be hurt by her comment. Talk w/the doc who is buying and explain to him what was said. I'm sure being a doc he should understand and make the exception.

[jerseyangel]

Sorry she hurt your feelings--I would have been hurt, too

I like the advice to call the place, and add your salad order--since you said they do great salads. Why should you have to bring your own if there is a restaurant that you trust, and can accomodate you? Let the doctor know that this is what you'll be doing--I'll bet he'll wish he had thought of it.

Laura's right--take the high road. This woman obviously has insecurity issues--don't let that spoil the party for you

[sunshinen]

No, she knows I have allergies, she is forever offering me cookies when I come upstairs. One day her and I had a conversation about it. How they came to find I had this..etc. When the conversation was over she bluntly said...I would kill myself if I was you. Just when I thought I was getting somewhere.

Thanks for the suggestions. I knew I can count on the understanding people.

She sounds quite rude. And I would have been pissed, but we have to remember that even after multiple conversations, people forget. They don't have to live with it, and I find even the most well-meaning don't always remember. The best thing you can do is not take it personally, but not let it slide either.

Go talk to her about it, remind her of your situation, and ask her how she thought her comment would come across. If she's not immediately apologetic, ask her (politely) how she would feel if she were expected to come to a lunch where the only food available was something that would poison her. Tell her you understand it is a lot of work to order pizza for everyone (try not to roll your eyes), but no one expects her to accomodate everyone. But how hard is it to be considerate of someone with a serious medical issue? And how is that any different than asking people what kind of pizza they want—that seems more like catering to whims than providing a salad for someone who absolutely cannot eat the pizza. Then explain how comparing your disease to a demand for steak is demeaning and uncalled for. Let her know that it isn't about ALWAYS being accomodated, but it IS about being treated with respect. If she keeps it up, talk to her boss about the attitude.

[mamaw]

I agree with all the other posters suggestions & tips. I think the girl is trying to goat you & perhaps trying to be a smart a__. Some people are just cruel & enjoy it. Since you have already spoken to her about it I think I also would speak to the doctor. This stuff is bad enough but in a medical profession for someone to do that is just bad. I think if the girl continued with the have a cookie, have this or that I would say but I told you I have a medical illness that I cannot eat this stuff. If she continues I probably would flip out & tell her I'm filing a harrassmant suit against her..... I would hope the Doctor would be understanding.......I bet this would stop her in her tracks.... I hope you enjoy your party regardless of the ingorant one......

blessings

mamaw

[Mike44]

So at work next week they are having a pizza party, one of our doctors is throwing it. So his assistant called down to see which pizzas our office of 10 would want. Once I found out, I asked politely if they could order a salad for me. This is a place where you can get real good salads. So the girl next to me asked this woman to order me a salad. The woman said "I am not accomadating everyone, pizza or nothing, next she will want steak!"

I felt horrible. How hard would it be to order a side salad. This is supposed to be a Christmas party where we celebrate lunch together. I find it almost discriminating that she said that. It also makes it look like I wanted some kind of special treatment.

How would you guys feel?

Hi,

Personally, I would have told her to go f*** herself, and either ordered my own salad, or bring my own food in that day. Sorry to be blunt about it, but, I would certainly not allow myself to appear like I'm asking for special treatment, or feel discriminated against because I have special dietary requirements!!! Its tough enough to stick to a restricted dietary regime without that kind of attitude from people you gotta deal with on a daily basis.

Mike.

[tarnalberry]

So at work next week they are having a pizza party, one of our doctors is throwing it. So his assistant called down to see which pizzas our office of 10 would want. Once I found out, I asked politely if they could order a salad for me. This is a place where you can get real good salads. So the girl next to me asked this woman to order me a salad. The woman said "I am not accomadating everyone, pizza or nothing, next she will want steak!"

I felt horrible. How hard would it be to order a side salad. This is supposed to be a Christmas party where we celebrate lunch together. I find it almost discriminating that she said that. It also makes it look like I wanted some kind of special treatment.

How would you guys feel?

Be fair - you ARE asking for some kind of special treatment; you are asking for something different from everyone else. The important point is that you have a valid medical reason to ask for special treatment, not just a whim. So, I encourage you to *instruct* her to order you a salad so that you are not left out of the party. When she refuses ('cause she obviously will), leave a message (email is best so it is documented), that she is discriminating and reasonable accomodation can be had. (All of this assumes that this is being held ON work premises. If not, all bets are off.)

[marciab]

I'd be po'd for sure, but I'd let it go. And just bring in my own food. Gluten free pizza if you can have it. Offer a bite to others if you have enough. Just not her .... tee hee

This person doesn't sound like she is capable of empathy.

It 's a stressful time of year and probably not a good idea to make waves over the food being served.

Chances are you could not have eaten anything they brought in anyway.

Take the high road as someone else said. marcia

[blueeyedmanda]

Thanks Everyone,

I would talk to the Doctor but this is supposed to be a "surprise" She just called down and blabbed it to one of the girls in my office.

We actually do not have a kitchen where I work. So I couldn't really bring anything that involves too much cooking.

I would confront this woman but....and please don't anyone get offended by what I am going to say....she stirs up trouble alot and then calls it discrimination against her because of her race. She does not have a good rep with people at all because of her attitude.

I would order something but they will not deliver we anything unless I spend 15 dollars, and they will not tack it on with the other order since "it's confusing" I called today to inquire.

It is a tricky situation. It is hard to not let it bother you. So I am working very hard to not let it get under my skin. Venting about it here has helped

[CarlaB]

Think of the positive side, salad from a pizza place has a high probability of contamination. IF the doctor is at the party and asks you anything about bringing your own food, tell him that you couldn't eat pizza and the pizza place wouldn't let you order just a salad as your order had to be $15, so you just brought something from home. Likely, he will say you could have added it to that order (duh), then you say, so and so said I couldn't.

If he says nothing, then you don't need to say anything either. Thank him for the idea of the party ... HE wanted to buy you lunch!

[jerseyangel]

It's confusing for them to add a salad onto a bunch of pizzas? I'm so sorry that you are surrounded by all of this craziness.

I'm glad that at least you feel better getting this off your chest. I hope it all works out somehow, and you end up enjoying the day.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I have a suggestion to add: print out this thread and display it where everyone can read it (after deleting my post and the one where race was mentioned....)!!!!!