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The Fluffy Assassin

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The Fluffy Assassin Enthusiast
The Fluffy Assassin
Posted

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

It's ok. Just relax. Breathe.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! I WAS JUST DIAGNOSED! WHAT AM I GONNA EAT?!

It's natural to be concerned when confronting such a major dietary change, but you don't need to be. Gluten-free cooking can be just as tasty and filling as regular meals are. Why just today I had a lovely soil omelet for breakfast, a loam frittata for lunch, and am expecting to have a lovely sludge pizza for supper.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Ok, I was kidding about the sludge pizza.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! I'VE BEEN GLUTEN FREE FOR MONTHS AND I'M STILL HAVING SYMPTOMS! IS IT THE FRUIT/ DAIRY/ SOY/ GREASY FOOD/ CORN/ MAKEUP/ BODY WASH/ SHAVING CREAM?

It could be any one of these, it could be cross-contamination, it could be gluten ingredients hidden in "natural flavors." Or you might not be getting enough fiber. Consider eating more vegetables (fruit is iffy, as we sometimes have more trouble than other people handling fructose). Lots more vegetables. Preferably steamed. (Sorry for the non-snarky nature of this answer, but I'm cultivating a reputation around here as Johnny Fiberbutt, and couldn't miss the opportunity.)

But definitely double-check everything in the house for possible gluten ingredients, and ask around on the boards. We're a helpful bunch, really (even me, usually).

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! DO I REALLY HAVE TO THROW OUT ALL MY POTS, PANS, COOKING UTENSILS, DISHES, FLATWARE AND MY TOASTER?!

Yes, but not because of gluten concerns. Your kitchen equipment has been plotting against you for years. You wouldn't believe the stuff they've been getting up to. The only safe thing to have in your kitchen is an Easy Bake Oven.

Really, what am I going to eat?

Really, everything you ever ate before with rice or potatoes, you can still eat. Only problem is that you'll probably have to make it from scratch yourself, as premade mixes and restaurant dishes tend to include wheat or present serious cross-contamination problems. Meat is great, though again anything pre-marinated has the same problems. Fruit, vegetables, and a whole range of grains you've probably either never heard of or thought about before, such as quinoa. Or millet. Yes it's birdseed; get over it.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Yes, birdseed. Tasty, delicious birdseed. Relax, breathe, get over it.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! WHERE AM I GOING TO SHOP?

I will not lie. You will do better if you live in a larger city. However, I live in a small one and seem to get by. You may be pleasantly surprised to find a good range of gluten-free products in your neighborhood grocery store. Sometimes they're in the Natural Foods section; sometimes they're shelved next to the Sugar-Free section. Wal-Mart has taken to labeling their gluten-free products. Aldi has a good selection, though you may need a magnifying glass to find the "Gluten Free" on the label. Your local health food store is good for specialty items. Obviously any grocery is ok for whole foods like meat, fruit, vegetables, rice, beans and taters.

Breakfast is still kind of a bear if you like breakfast cereal. Chex is now gluten-free and so labeled (exception: Wheat Chex-- can ya believe it?) but is very low in fiber. If you dig fiber, you can either get gluten free oats (which cost ONE MILLION DOLLARS) or, I dunno, develop a taste for bean omelets. Or eat your shirt. Up to you.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! WHERE CAN I GO OUT TO EAT?

Most of us have pretty good success with Outback, but there are exceptions. As a rule, large chains all have gluten-free menus that you can ask the server for. Their success at adhering to the menu is spotty, however. If there are local restaurants where you know the owner or manager well, you might want to try these first, explaining the dangers of gluten and of cross-contamination. Or ask around on this board. Or at your local celiac support group. As a rule, it is recommended (by the restaurants) that you ask for a manager when you first sit down to increase your chances of getting a gluten-free meal.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Didn't I answer this one already?

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Guest missmyrtle
Guest missmyrtle
Posted

OMG! That was very funny. I think you may be Douglas Adams in another more fibre filled body :lol:

The Fluffy Assassin Enthusiast
The Fluffy Assassin
Posted
  • Author
OMG! That was very funny. I think you may be Douglas Adams in another more fibre filled body :lol:

That is easily the finest compliment I have ever received. Thank you deeply, completely, and from the bottom of my fiber-powered heart!

Takala Enthusiast
Takala
Posted

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:D :D :D

Yes it's birdseed; get over it.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Yes, birdseed. Tasty, delicious birdseed. Relax, breathe, get over it.

StrongLikeBull Newbie
StrongLikeBull
Posted

Cute. A bit on the condescending side, but cute. At one time you were new to all this too, you know?

gabby Enthusiast
gabby
Posted

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm baking a nice gluten-free rib roast in my Easy Bake Oven. Should be ready in about 76 hours ;)

thanks for the laugh...........

The Fluffy Assassin Enthusiast
The Fluffy Assassin
Posted
  • Author
Cute. A bit on the condescending side, but cute. At one time you were new to all this too, you know?

Condescending, hell; I'm the "OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!" side of the conversation, too. I still AM new to all this.

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Ahorsesoul Enthusiast
Ahorsesoul
Posted

Love this! It's made my day.

Gemini Experienced
Gemini
Posted

OK....this has got to be one of the BEST all -time posts, ever! If more people were in touch with their sense of humor, the transition to a gluten-free diet would be so much easier. It was for me for many reasons but you have to remember to laugh. I especially loved the reference to the East Bake Oven....what memories. It was the first oven I had, at the age of 7, and spent many a happy hour baking poisonous, gluten filled cakes. Who knew? :lol:

Fluffy...I am also a fiber fanatic and LMAO at most of your references to getting more fiber. If most people did that, along with drinking more water, constipation would be a thing of the past. Fiber is possible on a gluten-free diet!

Now I get to show my aging, clueless side....who is Douglas Adams? You've sparked my interest.... :huh:

Lisa16 Collaborator
Lisa16
Posted

Thanks for the laugh!~

Gemini-- Douglas Adams wrote the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe books that were extremely popular in the 1980s. At least one was made into a movie.

Gemini Experienced
Gemini
Posted
Thanks for the laugh!~

Gemini-- Douglas Adams wrote the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe books that were extremely popular in the 1980s. At least one was made into a movie.

Gotcha! I remember this from the radio......back in the days of yore...... :lol:

It was called "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" but I didn't remember the author's name. Thanks!

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Didn't I answer this one already?

*snort* :lol:

Yep, ya gotta laugh! :D

Mskedi Newbie
Mskedi
Posted

Brilliant, Johnny Fiberbutt.

My favorite part was this:

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! DO I REALLY HAVE TO THROW OUT ALL MY POTS, PANS, COOKING UTENSILS, DISHES, FLATWARE AND MY TOASTER?!

Yes, but not because of gluten concerns. Your kitchen equipment has been plotting against you for years.

:unsure::lol::wub:

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted
and a whole range of grains you've probably either never heard of or thought about before, such as quinoa. Or millet. Yes it's birdseed; get over it.

:lol::lol:

One of the lines that I throw around outside of this forum . . . "If they can grind it, they'll make an alternative flour out of it"

A good sense of humour can get you through anything.

LBethanyC Newbie
LBethanyC
Posted

LOL! This actually reminds me of what my friends sounded like when I told them I had celiac :P.

shirleyujest Contributor
shirleyujest
Posted

So funny! Thank you for that!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

angieInCA Apprentice
angieInCA
Posted

:lol::lol::lol:

Great Post! You made my day. OMG OMG OMG We've all been there :blink:

Lynayah Enthusiast
Lynayah
Posted

<<Your kitchen equipment has been plotting against you for years. >>

Yep, it's a plot all right . . . a secret plot that includes everything from frying pans to food to sanity.

Shhhhhh . . . . no one knows it, but the whole thing has been surreptitiously commissioned by the manufacturers of bird seed . . .

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