Tactless Boss

[gleegan]

I don't usually have to experience people being insensitive about Celiac in eating situations because I only eat out at places I know are safe and with people I know and trust AND my job is not one that requires that I eat at restaurants. However, there is a kind of work "field trip" coming up that is completely voluntary and not essential to our work in any real sense. I stupidly said I wanted to go before I realized that we were going to go to an Italian restaurant for lunch while there. I have been sick a lot of the time lately because, aside from needing to avoid gluten, I have a lot of other food intolerances because my gut is so sensitive - to mushrooms, onions, peppers, etc. Plus, I'm super sensitive and going to an Italian restaurant I don't know with tons of possibilities of wheat contamination is so not worth the risk, it's ridiculous. I can't even have a salad because I'm not able to digest greens or lettuce or raw vegetables! It can seriously take me weeks to recover from a glutening. I tried to politely back out with my boss (she's not the boss boss, but is my manager) and she actually got visibly angry and said, "Well, I think it's really silly for you not to go for such a reason." I was shocked and offended by this. She's known for not having much tact, but I still thought it was beyond insensitive, trying to make me feel like a criminal or a bad employee for trying to protect my health. The manager organizing the event sent me an email with the menu so that I could try to work something out and said that, if not, I could bring my own lunch and eat it at the restaurant. I know this second manager was trying to be helpful and I really, really do appreciate it, but I do not want to eat my own lunch there in front of a bunch of people from work who will look at me like I'm from outer space. I would feel way too uncomfortable and suddenly this "fun" field trip has turned into something I dread. I will get out of it and, despite my manager's unfair prejudice against me, will not suffer real consequences in my job, but I'm thoroughly annoyed. It's bad enough not to be able to go to any restaurant I want and eat all the good food they do, but to be persecuted for it! Just needed to vent - sorry this is so long; I got carried away! Thanks for reading.

[Dixiebell]

You know, you could always eat your food before you even go to the resturant. You could take some healthy snack foods in a cooler or soup or something in a thermos.

[gleegan]

You know, you could always eat your food before you even go to the resturant. You could take some healthy snack foods in a cooler or soup or something in a thermos.

Thanks for your reply. I could and I would, but then I would still sit in the restaurant with no food in front of me while everyone eats. I have endured a lot of uncomfortable and unenjoyable situations like this, but it's not worth it to me anymore. Thanks, though, for the suggestion.

[mushroom]

Could you take a meal with you and deliver it to the chef in the kitchen and ask him to place it on a plate like everyone else's? That way you would stay safe, would get to eat with everyone, and not look at all out of place (not that we should worry about that anyway, but if it is important to you). You would of course talk to him about safe gluten free handling of the food

[gleegan]

Could you take a meal with you and deliver it to the chef in the kitchen and ask him to place it on a plate like everyone else's? That way you would stay safe, would get to eat with everyone, and not look at all out of place (not that we should worry about that anyway, but if it is important to you). You would of course talk to him about safe gluten free handling of the food

hmm...that's an interesting idea - thanks! Have you or anyone else ever done that before? I don't know how receptive the restaurant would be, but it's definitely something I hadn't considered.

[Roda]

hmm...that's an interesting idea - thanks! Have you or anyone else ever done that before? I don't know how receptive the restaurant would be, but it's definitely something I hadn't considered.

I don't know if they would let you do that or not. But, I once tried get an ice cream place to fill my gluten free ice cream cone and they would not do it because of rules set forth by the health department. They gladly served me the ice cream in a dish and I put it in my cone myself instead. I was allowed to bring it in the facility they just would not take it back to where they were preparing ice cream or food. I doubt they would allow it but the rules differ state to state.

[mushroom]

Roda has a good point. It might be an idea to call the restaurant and set this up ahead of time

[Kim27]

Most restaurants would not allow outside food in their kitchen. Violation of health rules, blah, blah.

[srall]

First of all, that was rude of that manager to be so insensitive. I know it's awkward to sit with a bunch of people and eat your own food or nothing at all. Even when I'm with my very best girlfriends at one of their houses eating my own food that I bring, it feels weird. They are all chowing down on bread and pasta and chocolates...and I have my gluten free sugar free banana bread. And then they either feel so sorry for me or guilty that they didn't think to make something special for me. (I do NOT want them to feel guilty or make me something special)

And at this point, eating out is knowing that I'll have some sort of "food hangover" even if it's not gluten. I still go to restaurants (rarely) with my husband but almost have to set aside the two following days to feel like crap. Sometimes I just eat ahead of time and get a glass of wine. I used to do this in my 20's when I was dirt poor and going out with a group since I couldn't afford the entree, and nobody ever questioned it. I don't know if you can have a drink with your co-workers...or perhaps you don't drink, but maybe order a coffee or tea.

I just think maybe it's better to feel awkward rather than spend weeks recovering from eating something. That just sucks. For ME, I'd rather not be left out especially of a work function. But if it's more comfortable for you to just sit one out I'd talk to the nice manager and see if you can arrange a pass.

[gleegan]

First of all, that was rude of that manager to be so insensitive. I know it's awkward to sit with a bunch of people and eat your own food or nothing at all. Even when I'm with my very best girlfriends at one of their houses eating my own food that I bring, it feels weird. They are all chowing down on bread and pasta and chocolates...and I have my gluten free sugar free banana bread. And then they either feel so sorry for me or guilty that they didn't think to make something special for me. (I do NOT want them to feel guilty or make me something special)

And at this point, eating out is knowing that I'll have some sort of "food hangover" even if it's not gluten. I still go to restaurants (rarely) with my husband but almost have to set aside the two following days to feel like crap. Sometimes I just eat ahead of time and get a glass of wine. I used to do this in my 20's when I was dirt poor and going out with a group since I couldn't afford the entree, and nobody ever questioned it. I don't know if you can have a drink with your co-workers...or perhaps you don't drink, but maybe order a coffee or tea.

I just think maybe it's better to feel awkward rather than spend weeks recovering from eating something. That just sucks. For ME, I'd rather not be left out especially of a work function. But if it's more comfortable for you to just sit one out I'd talk to the nice manager and see if you can arrange a pass.

Thanks to everyone for your kind and helpful responses. It's nice to hear from people who understand where I'm coming from. The health code problem is also one I hadn't considered and, in the future, for an event which means more to me, with people I know and trust, I may at least call the restaurant and see if they can plate my food for me - it's an interesting idea. However, even with that, I do worry about CC - especially in an Italian restaurant of all places, with gluten everywhere! I went to a work potluck recently and ate only what I brought since nothing else felt safe to me - I try to be a good sport, but sometimes the awkwardness gets to be too much and after my manager's attitude, I realize I don't feel like going anymore anyway. Also, I too almost always get a "food hangover" (I love that phrase) when I eat out, no matter how careful I am IF it's not a place that caters to dietary needs and that has not been recommended by Celiacs or if it's an Indian restaurant that doesn't use hing (Indian restaurants have been a wonderful place for me to eat out). The last couple of days I have been feeling great in a way that I haven't in a long time (I think it's due to being careful, of course, as well as just starting taking COQ10 along with probiotics) and nothing is worth messing that up. Thanks again to all of you for being there and for your helpful comments. So glad this forum exists.

[Kim27]

Here's another thought... They could possibly have gluten-free options there at the restaurant. It seems to be an oxymoron but I have found (at least in my city) that the Italian restaurants actually have gluten-free menus and are very knowledgeable about it. There is Olive Garden, Belle Notte, Carinos, and Carrabas. They ALL have gluten-free menus even though you would think an Italian restaurant would be the last place to have wheat-free foods. Worth a shot!

[gleegan]

Here's another thought... They could possibly have gluten-free options there at the restaurant. It seems to be an oxymoron but I have found (at least in my city) that the Italian restaurants actually have gluten-free menus and are very knowledgeable about it. There is Olive Garden, Belle Notte, Carinos, and Carrabas. They ALL have gluten-free menus even though you would think an Italian restaurant would be the last place to have wheat-free foods. Worth a shot!

You're completely right, Kim - a lot of restaurants do have those options now, even Italian ones. I checked that out and this one doesn't, unfortunately. Thanks for the suggestion though.