Losing Friends Because Of My Food Restrictions

[GlutenFreeManna]

I don't need any advice. I just need to vent and get some hugs I guess...I recently noticed a friend of mine was no longer my friend on fb but I can still see her account and her comments to our mutual friends. I thought maybe she had been hit with a one of those fb viruses and had made a new account so I sent a new friend request and an e-mail asking what's up. And she replied she was sick of reading about my food allergies/issues. I recently developed a severe milk allergy and I have been blogging and posting on fb about it a lot. But about 75% of my posts are about new recipes and new food products I am trying. I also have been turning down a lot of social invitations recently (from this friend and other people as well) because I'm terrified of eating the wrong thing and dying. I had several incidents where my throat started to close up and I couldn't breath when I ate somehting with milk or butter in it--and those were in my own home! When I was just gluten free and avoided most soy and dairy it was easier but now I can't even get a little cheese on my salad accidently. So I haven't been out to eat with my friends since this started. I just got an epipen a few weeks ago. I feel better having it but I still don't feel comfortable risking eating out. I have had some friends over for a few meals, but this friend has five children and my small apt can't accomodate a large family like that. So I guess this is the end of that friendship. I'm just so sad. I don't know why, I HAVE other friends and family (and an awesome husband) that support me. It's not like I CHOSE this illness or these allergies.

Thanks for reading my vent....

[domesticactivist]

<3

That really sucks.

[hnybny91]

I am sorry about your losing a friend. That said, why do you turn down social invites? Either just don't eat (eat beforehand so you aren't hungry) or bring your own safe food. Don't isolate yourself because you will lose a lot more friends than this one if you do BTW......{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

[kwylee]

Small consolation I know, and I acknowledge this is something your mom would say to you, but, was this really a true friend????? I think not. And here's a big hug, sweetie!

[GlutenFreeManna]

I am sorry about your losing a friend. That said, why do you turn down social invites? Either just don't eat (eat beforehand so you aren't hungry) or bring your own safe food. Don't isolate yourself because you will lose a lot more friends than this one if you do BTW......{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Well that was mostly before I knew for sure what I was allergic to and before I got my epipen. A lot the things I am invited to are thigns like baby showers or a group of ladies getting together at a restaurant. In the past they tried to accomodate me with a gluten-free restaurant or else I would bring my own food to someone's house, but when my throat started to close up from milk cc that made me not want to risk even being around food for a while. Lots of my friends have babies and toddlers that run around with their bottles full of milk and touch everything. Now I would be scared to hold a friends child if they had been drinking milk recently. I used to go places with my friends with kids and help them out (I don't have any kids of my own). I no longer feel comfortable doing that...Gluten cc is one thing but something that could kill me? Until I had an epipen I wasn't going to risk that and even with the epipen...well it has to be soemthing really important. I didn't even go visit family for Easter this year because my in-laws did not understand the new milk allergy. I'm sure by next year I will have a better grasp on how to handle it and how severe it is, but if someone if goignt o drop me as a friend because I don't want to go out to eat with them at whatever restarant where there is nothign for me to eat then they are not a very good friend anyway.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Small consolation I know, and I acknowledge this is something your mom would say to you, but, was this really a true friend????? I think not. And here's a big hug, sweetie!

Thanks for the hug and I know...but it still hurts to be discriminated against for something I had no say in...

[kareng]

Thanks for the hug and I know...but it still hurts to be discriminated against for something I had no say in...

She doesn't sound special. Maybe for friends with kids, you could meet at the park. Watch the kids play & talk. You could brings drinks for all (like lemonade or juice). Go shopping with them to help wrangle the older, walking kids.

I hate how everything revolves around food. Last night we had a meeting for the parents of graduating seniors. The first 45 minutes was eating. Wasn't even anything interesting to drink, just bottled water.

[AgainstTheGrainIdaho]

So sorry My in laws look at us like we're weird because I tell them not to feed my kids or us certain foods and they live next door! When we say no thank you they ask while rolling their eyes "what, are you allergic to this too?" They just don't get it or understand. The thing is, if people actually got tested, they'd realize that they most likely have some sort of allergy too. They just don't see or feel the results of it like some of us do....yet. Ahhh.....the stress! I understand. I hope things get better for you.

[angel9165]

//comfort//

[jenngolightly]

That sucks. Have a gluten-free {{{hug}}} from me.

[ravenwoodglass]

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It is an awful feeling to lose 'freinds' and family because of stuff that is out of your control. I know how much it hurts first hand. It must be terrifying for you to have developed such a serious allergy and I hope coping with it gets easier in time.

[jenngolightly]

Oh - I also wanted to say that after I was prescribed an epipen, my anxiety about food went way down. Just having it on me made me more comfortable so I could go out and interact in a world of nuts (the food kind) I hope your epipen gives you some peace so you are able to go to homes of friends without being terrified.

[GlutenFreeManna]

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It is an awful feeling to lose 'freinds' and family because of stuff that is out of your control. I know how much it hurts first hand. It must be terrifying for you to have developed such a serious allergy and I hope coping with it gets easier in time.

Thank You Raven. My anxiety about it has gone down since getting the epipen.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Oh - I also wanted to say that after I was prescribed an epipen, my anxiety about food went way down. Just having it on me made me more comfortable so I could go out and interact in a world of nuts (the food kind) I hope your epipen gives you some peace so you are able to go to homes of friends without being terrified.

Oh yes, it has gotten better since I got my allergy testing done and got the epipen. My skin allergy tests came back negative, still waiting on the blood test results. Once those come back I am getting a medical alert bracelet with all my allergies printed on it. My doctor agreed with me that even if the results are negative I can probably never safely eat dairy products again. But I still have nightmares about it at this point (I did for a few months with gluten too) My latest nightmare is that I accidently eat cheese but no one around me knows about my new dairy allergy so they just think I'm choking and try the hiemlich on me instead of getting my epipen. I know that probably won't happen in real life, but it still scared me.

[lovegrov]

I'm also not sure this person was REALLY a friend, but I'm also going to go a little against the grain here. If the vast majority of your FB posts are about your allergies/illnesses/food intolerances, some folks are simply going to get tired of reading that stuff. After I was diagnosed with celiac more than 9 years ago, for a while people were fascinated and wanted to hear about what nearly killed me (11 days in the hospital, 10 weeks off work), but it got old at some point and I had to realize that. Six years ago, I had a terrible, life-changing event (a death) and while all my friends and family were unfailingly supportive, I also had to realize that at some point they didn't want to just hear about this when they saw or talked to me, even if it consumed almost every waking hour for a long time.

That said, there's no question that I lost "friends" after being diagnosed because they were afraid to invite me over or ask me to do anything. Even today in the office I frequently get left out of lunch invitations because folks simply assume I can't eat anywhere or because they don't want a limit on where they go.

[NorthernElf]

I agree with the too much information thing. Friends (generally speaking) do wanna hear your issues...to a point. After awhile, they just don't want to know anymore. It can be frustrating because you have to live with your allergies & be vigilant about looking after yourself...but others just aren't that interested, unless they have a similar issue.

My daughter has a physical disability - our family deals with it, helps her, etc. When going out in public, sometimes people will ask about it - but they don't want to know THAT MUCH about it. They are curious but not overly interested. Going from there, friends will be a little more interested, but once they ask a few questions, they move on and don't often want to know much more.

Myself, I've gotten to the point where I don't talk much about my celiac. It comes up since one tends to eat around people but I just say I'm celiac & leave it at that, unless someone asks of course. One has to explain why they aren't eating, say, the pizza at the staff meeting. I also don't expect anyone to feed me - including at staff meetings, whatever. If it was safe, it would be ok, but really - they don't understand truly gluten-free so no way.

I gotta add here that I took my own niece off of my Facebook because she posted so much babble and lots of pictures of herself it was plugging up my page, so don't take it personally (I took her off because she was posting a lot of stuff I didn't want to read).

[GlutenFreeManna]

I guess I should clarify when I say most my posts were about it...I don't even post that often on fb. Maybe three posts a week. And usually I am posting things like "Trying Zpizza's Gluten free Vegan cheese pizza for the first time tonight." Or "making some gluten-free banana bread, Yum!" Most of my posts are about food--and actually that is what I posted about before any of these health problems started. The only thing that has changed is I started blogging about new recipes/prodcuts I am trying and I tell people I am making things gluten-free/DF/SF. I made ONE post that I was getting food allergy testing done and before that (back in Feb I think?) I made a post about having to go to the ER because I had an allergic reaction. MOST of my friends posted they were sorry and were praying for me. I have friends on fb that post their meals and medical issues daily, sometimes multiple posts per day. I have friends that have posted updates every hour from the hospital when they were giving birth to their children. I would never go that far. I'm not posting things that are graphic or giving details about my bathroom trips or anything (I don't really have bad gastro symptoms anyway). I guess I'm a better friend than most because I never get tired of reading about my friend's mom's chemo treatment or my homemaking friends' dinner menu. I like knowing what is going on in their lives--even if it's just the boring fact that they caught up on laundry over the weekend. That's why they are my friends on fb. But thank you all for making me realize I am wasting my energy being upset about this "friend" that is no friend at all. I can move on now.

[Jestgar]

The only thing that has changed is I started blogging about new recipes/prodcuts I am trying and I tell people I am making things gluten-free/DF/SF.

Maybe you are making them feel bad about the dullness of their own lives and it's easier to dismiss you than it is to start living....

[GlutenFreeManna]

Maybe you are making them feel bad about the dullness of their own lives and it's easier to dismiss you than it is to start living....

Ha ha! Thanks for the laugh. I really think my life is pretty boring. Maybe THAT is the problem? they would rather I post about politics or religion or something controversial?

Oh and I also wanted to add for the poster that said they removed their niece--did you know you can block people's posts so they don't show up in your fb newsfeed? It takes one click on a little x and you will never see their posts or pictures unless you visit their profile page and seek them out. I have a cousin that is always posting provocative pictures of herself, pictures of her drinking excessively, and swearing a lot in her status updates. I have her posts blocked so I never see them. That way she can still contact me via fb if she wants to ask something family-related but I don't have to know what she is doing. I mean, really, if my posts are boring or annoying to someone (as I have read people complain about fb food posts on message boards before saying they don't CARE what people are eating for dinner) they can always block me. So after thinking this all through I think this person may just be using the food allergy thing as an excuse to cut me out of her life. I'm fine with that now that I have had time to step back and reflect. No loss on my part.

[kareng]

Perhaps if you were posting about gluten-free aliens? Maybe your abduction by the aliens took away your ability to digest gluten?

[GlutenFreeManna]

Perhaps if you were posting about gluten-free aliens? Maybe your abduction by the aliens took away your ability to digest gluten?

LOL. I think this would get me fewer friends. Looking forward to May though since it's Celiac awareness month. Maybe I should post a new fact about Celiac disease every single day? THAT could get excessive and really drive people away. Hmmmmm......

[lynnelise]

I agree this girl doesn't sound like a true friend. I have never unfriended anyone on FB. One friend I did block updates on because she writes novels about her autistic son's various behavior issues, herbal remedies, special diet, and so on. I mean she will have a post and then fill about 3-4 comments on her own post because her updates are so long. I don't mind hearing whether or not her son had a good day or whether his new treatments are successful but she posts 10 paragraphs if he has a sniffle or a rash. So I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't sound like your posts even came close to what my friend does and I didn't unfriend her so your "friend" has little excuse.

[GlutenFreeManna]

I agree this girl doesn't sound like a true friend. I have never unfriended anyone on FB. One friend I did block updates on because she writes novels about her autistic son's various behavior issues, herbal remedies, special diet, and so on. I mean she will have a post and then fill about 3-4 comments on her own post because her updates are so long. I don't mind hearing whether or not her son had a good day or whether his new treatments are successful but she posts 10 paragraphs if he has a sniffle or a rash. So I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't sound like your posts even came close to what my friend does and I didn't unfriend her so your "friend" has little excuse.

That does sound excessive. I have never done anythign like that. It sounds like she needs to get a blog or a Caring Bridge page. You might want to (gently) reccomend Caringbridge.org to her. She can make a page with pictures of her son and write her updates on there journal style. Then it lets her just post a link on facebook for the people that want to read the details. My friends that have a child in a coma have done that. They still give short updates on fb but then post the link to his caring bridge page where family and friends can read more details and write notes of encouragement, etc.