Boyfriend/ Fiance With Celiac

[fuzzelfluff-04]

I am considerably new to the whole concept of Celiac disease even exesting. My boyfriend thinks that he has it because he keeps getting sick, and his father has been diagnosed with it. I am very worried about him because of all of the things I've read so far about the complications that can occur from it. I want to be able to help him in any way that I can, but I don't know what I can do. Just recently we seriouly sat down and talked about getting married, and I think he's going to propose by the end of the year... which means that I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with him. I want to be able to help him with this and make it as easy as possible for him. We are both college Sophomores, and I know it's going to be heard for him to deal with this on his own, so any suggestions would be very helpful. Thanks.

[KaitiUSA]

Good chance he has it. If he follows the diet then the complications should not be a risk factor. What you can do is support him and learn the things he can have. Maybe research it a bit and find him some good brands of food that taste good that he can eat. Find out what to read on labels and so forth. I think helping like that and just being supportive would make it tons easier for him.

Even though it is hard at first I am sure he will realize that he needs to be on the diet. There are alot of foods that are mainstream that he can still have.

[cdford]

Encourage him to get tested. Learn all you can. Your attitude will play a big role in how he deals with the disease. Never get frustrated or embarassed when he has to request special treatment at restaurants or friends' homes. Be sure your family learns about it as well so that they understand the needs. If it does turn out that you get married, plan your wedding so that he does not have to worry about getting sick that week. Do your best to be sure nobody is so ignorant that they tell him he will just grow out of it. This is a lifelong lifestyle change that will ensure as best you can that he will be with you until your golden wedding anniversary.

[fuzzelfluff-04]

Thanks for the advice. I work at a public library and have taken some time to look up plenty of information about it. I even got a couple of gluten-free cookbooks because I know that he would really appreciate me cooking for him. The only problem is that I told him that I got the cookbook, and he was saying how much the food is disgusting. His father has been diagnosed with celiac disease for a number of years and so he knows what all the food his father eats tastes like. I'm afraid that he's not going to want to be on this diet because of the way the food tastes, and I'm trying to help him understand that just because his dad ate nasty food, doesn't mean he has to. Also, its hard to be supportive because he lives in a different city that I do, and he won't be back from summer break till Aug. 18th. Till then, I'm going to try and learn a couple of recipes and surprise him by cooking him dinner one night.

[Merika]

Tell him that a lot has changed since the days his father was diagnosed. Made right, almost all Mexican food is/can be gluten-free, most Asian food (esp. cooked at home), and the gluten-free-substitutes like pastas are pretty darned good. Back in the old days, they told people to just eat bananas and potatoes, it seems. Blech! Boring!

If you/he shops at Whole Foods there are even gluten-free frozen dinners available. If you stick to foods that are normally gluten-free or close to it, the "gluten-free-ness" should be indistinguishable.

Hth,

Merika

[Emme999]

He is lucky to have you Nothing will help him to adjust to the gluten-free life more than having the support of the woman he loves

I think it is so wonderful that you have taken an interest in this diet and the disease. The best book I've found on the disease itself (which I'm sure you have in your library) is called "Dangerous Grains." It explains just about everything about celiac with wonderful clarity.

For recipes, the best source I've found is www.glutenfreeda.com - it's really cheap to sign up ($5 for one month or $30 for a year) and they have wonderful recipes with lots of helpful pictures - thousands of them! I have a lot of the gluten-free cookbooks - but they've never really stimulated me to cook anything because there are no tasty looking pictures! With the website, it's completely different. Everything *looks* delicious! I've made a few of their recipes and have been pleasantly surprised that they taste so good! Yay! A lot of them also have reviews on the final product, so you will have an idea of what other people thought of the food. This is very helpful for me also

My boyfriend is really fantastic about this and he provides more support for me than anyone else. In the beginning he didn't understand a whole lot though and was kind of a schmuck But, after he went to a GIG (Gluten Intolerance Group) meeting with me, everything changed. See if you can find a local GIG chapter meeting to go to together, or keep your eyes open for celiac meetings/lectures. It will really make him feel stronger if he can have you there with him at a meeting.

I think the hardest part of this disease is the sense of isolation that it gives you. Like I said... he is lucky to have you

Best wishes!

- Michelle

[Emme999]

One more thing..

You could do something really great for him after he receives his diagnosis and take him to a restaurant with gluten-free menus to celebrate his future health Make it a happy event for him There are a lot of great restaurants that have gluten-free menus now: Outback, PF Chang, Thaifoon, Biaggi's, Z-Tejas, etc. Check your area and find someplace wonderful to surprise him with a safe meal

- Michelle

[pixiegirl]

I don't have much new to add to the great replies above but I can say that my boyfriend is so very supportive of me and I can tell you how much that helps. If your boyfriend follows a gluten free diet very carefully you won't have to worry about future health issues caused by Celiac.

My boyfriend learned about Celiac and read all the info I sent him and asked me a lot of questions, after that it was totall 100% support all the way. We were in Boston for a week this summer and during our afternoons of sightseeing he would pull me into a restaurant we wanted to eat in that evening so he could talk to the chef. He was just so cute stepping up to the plate like that and it was nice to have someone else on top of the gluten free thing for me, once in a while.

We travel a lot and he always checks before hand if there is a Whole Foods market in the place we are going to, if so after we get our car at the airport we stop there and get stuff I need, if not, then we travel with a carry on bag of snacks for me (and things like gluten-free soy sauce so we can have sushi).

Inspite of all this wonderful caring, he has somehow managed to make it "not a big deal" for me. I was afraid when I got it that gluten-free would become an issue for us, we both love to eat in new places and we travel together a lot. After I told him about it his answer was, ok no problem not a big deal at all. And although he takes my gluten-free status very seriously, he never makes me feel funny or odd because of it. And that makes me feel sooo good. My attitude, in great measure because of him, is: its not a big deal, I do it and I'm healthy.

So like everyone said, support is the most wonderful thing.

Susan

[fuzzelfluff-04]

wow, ya'll are being a world of help for me, you have no idea. thanks. I will definately look up some more info on groups and stuff, during the school year it may be hard to fit in, but we'll manage. It's amazing to hear how much people can care and really step up to the plate when they're needed. I just hope that I can be that supportive of my boyfriend, and really be able to help him. He's amazing to and for me, and I can only try my hardest to be the same for him.

[fuzzelfluff-04]

One more thing... if we do get married, do you think that I should go on the gluten-free diet with him?... well, at least when i'm around him... Like if we go out to eat together, or I cook at home. I don't really see it as a big deal, so it's not like i'd be giving up alot. And, plus, i think it'd make him feel more comfortable with it. Let me know what ya'll think.

[KaitiUSA]

The whole house here is gluten free and it does make it alot easier but I realize this is not reasonable for everyone.

If you are comfortable with being gluten free too, at least at the house, then by all means go ahead and try it with him but as long as your supportive and helpful then I think even if you do not follow it things will be fine.

[happygirl]

I think it varies for everyone if the house is 'gluten free' or not. We do not have a gluten free house. But, he eats things that I make that are gluten free, of course! I am EXTREMELY sensitive to gluten so it is definitely possible to make it work even with having gluten in the house.

[ianm]

My ex-wife didn't get it at all and my girlfriend is almost a little too supportive. She is quite the baking expert and would love to bake all kinds gluten-free cookies and cakes. The problem is that I don't like to eat sugary, starchy foods because they make me gain weight real fast. Those abs I've worked so hard on would be gone in a week. This has become quite the connundrum for her.

It is good to hear when someone is willing to do what it takes to support someone with this disease. This disease isn't as difficult to deal with as it may seem right now. You will probably feel better on a gluten-free diet too.

[pixiegirl]

I don't live with my boyfriend (yet) but we spend a lot of time together and travel a lot too. He isn't gluten-free and it certainly doesn't bother me. If we are out to lunch and his meal comes with bread/flour of some sort thats fine, I don't have a problem with that. Most of my cooking is gluten-free but I do make him and my daughter wheat pasta. He enjoys bread and pizza occasionally so I don't have any desire for him to give that stuff up (and yes he brushes well before we make out!)

Susan

[fuzzelfluff-04]

Thanks again for all of the advice! I think what I'm going to do is make special dinners for him occasionally, and be careful not to eat gluten-filled foods in front of him. It's going to be really hard for him to find stuff to eat on campus, but hopefully there'll be something. I may bring it to the school's attention, just to make it easier for him to have gluten free food from the cafeteria. Hopefully, it will help. Also, I am not going to go gluten-free until we're living together... unless I'm actually eating around him. That way I won't be changing alot and he won't feel tempted to eat what I am. For now though, I'm still trying to get him to go see a doctor. He doesn't have a primary physician right now, but he said he was going to go see his father's doctor, since he already has dealt with the disease. But he is in Florida right now on vacation... so I have no idea when he's going to get in to see the doc. I try to stress to him how important it is, but I also try no to annoy him with it. I told him last night that I'm just worried about him and his health, and he completely understood. Hopefully, he'll get in to get tested as soon as he gets back. But until then, all i can do is wait... and try to make gluten-free pasta!... he loves pasta.

[tarnalberry]

The only problem is that I told him that I got the cookbook, and he was saying how much the food is disgusting.  His father has been diagnosed with celiac disease for a number of years and so he knows what all the food his father eats tastes like.  I'm afraid that he's not going to want to be on this diet because of the way the food tastes, and I'm trying to help him understand that just because his dad ate nasty food, doesn't mean he has to.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hmm... I don't think that spicy chili chicken stir-fries, or lemon-ginger shrimp stir-fries, or homemade chicken-rice soup, or hearty beef stew, or roasted chicken, or barbequed baby back ribs, or chili, or vegetable salads, or tacos, or baked beans, or marinated grilled vegetables are nasty. (My friends and coworkers don't think so either. ;-) ) Hopefully, he won't let the false stereotype stand in the way of getting healthy. Yeah, some of the food can taste funny, but not only do you get used to the taste of some of the more exotic flours/grains (really, did brown rice taste as good as white the first time you ate it?), he may come to enjoy them even more. Some things may change - sandwhiches may never be what they used to, but there is a LOT more to food than one particular type of thing.

One more thing... if we do get married, do you think that I should go on the gluten-free diet with him?... well, at least when i'm around him...  Like if we go out to eat together, or I cook at home.  I don't really see it as a big deal, so it's not like i'd be giving up alot.  And, plus, i think it'd make him feel more comfortable with it.  Let me know what ya'll think.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that it would be a nice gesture to keep a primarily gluten-free home. You don't have to never bring in a bag of bagels, but there's also no need to cook two meals if you can get around it. It will make him feel more normal, and less like he's doing something odd, if you join him in whatever is reasonable.

[KaitiUSA]

The best gluten free pasta is Tinkyada. It tastes normal. Also, there is a lot of gluten free food that is good but there are some pretty nasty tasting ones. I am sure he will change his mind when he tastes some of the good stuff.

[fuzzelfluff-04]

i'm really trying to be as positive toward all of this as possible. I think that once he is on the gluten-free diet, he will realize that not all of the food tastes bad, and he'll eventually get used to it. I will definately try that pasta.. thanks for the tip.

[fuzzelfluff-04]

ok ya'll, I'm not sure how I can stress the importance of him getting tested to him... I keep asking him if he's set anything up with his doctor, and keeps telling me no. we go back to school in about a week, and I really am worried about him not getting it done before then. I've told him that it worries me, and that it's best that he does know, rather than wondering if he has it or not. He tells me that he doesn't want to know (because he's afraid of the outcome), and he still has yet to set up anything. Anyadvice on stressing the importance of the test without being to pushy about it would be great. thanks.

[KaitiUSA]

ok ya'll, I'm not sure how I can stress the importance of him getting tested to him... I keep asking him if he's set anything up with his doctor, and keeps telling me no.  we go back to school in about a week, and I really am worried about him not getting it done before then.  I've told him that it worries me, and that it's best that he does know, rather than wondering if he has it or not.  He tells me that he doesn't want to know (because he's afraid of the outcome), and he still has yet to set up anything.  Anyadvice on stressing the importance of the test without being to pushy about it would be great. thanks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well you should tell him that knowing is better then if there is any damage you can heal it but if you do not know you have it and it goes untreated tell him everything it can do. If untreated you are 40-100 times more likely for cancer,diabetes, and other life threatening and disabling things. More autoimmune problems are also likely. It knocks an average of 10 years off of your life. If that doesn't scare him enough then I don't know what will. He does need to realize the importance of this.

[tarnalberry]

He tells me that he doesn't want to know (because he's afraid of the outcome), and he still has yet to set up anything.  Anyadvice on stressing the importance of the test without being to pushy about it would be great. thanks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Try telling him that not getting tested won't alter "the answer". The answer exists right now. He is or isn't celiac. It's not that once he gets tested he will or won't be - he is or isn't *right now*. Getting tested will only let him know what the truth is. (It's like not looking outside because you're afraid it's raining and you have plans. It either is raining or isn't. Doesn't matter if you look outside or not.)

[nettiebeads]

ok ya'll, I'm not sure how I can stress the importance of him getting tested to him... I keep asking him if he's set anything up with his doctor, and keeps telling me no.  we go back to school in about a week, and I really am worried about him not getting it done before then.  I've told him that it worries me, and that it's best that he does know, rather than wondering if he has it or not.  He tells me that he doesn't want to know (because he's afraid of the outcome), and he still has yet to set up anything.  Anyadvice on stressing the importance of the test without being to pushy about it would be great. thanks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh boy, is he a male!!! You have to approach it rationally. Either he has it or he doesn't. Only the test could 1) relieve his mind or 2) Let him know he has something that has to be dealt with. I remember when my dr. told me to go gluten-free. It only took me three days to feel better. In my mind, the pain, discomfort and fatigue are not worth the gluten. I've done pretty good at the negative association with gluten products (but if a pill ever comes out that negates the effect of gluten, I am at our local pizzeria pronto!!!) Has he read any of the posts here? Believe me, if he is celiac disease, the stress of school will aggravate it something fierce. That's another tactic you can use - if he wants to do well in school he needs to find out if he has celiac disease. The brain fog and fatigue can be nearly crippling!

Keep us posted! By the way, my husband (an ex-chef) makes the meanest "breaded" chicken tenders I have ever had in my life, even pre-celiac disease!! He's willing to share the receipe with anyone who would like to try and make them

[happygirl]

I would LOVE that recipe!

[debmidge]

Hi, my husband & I are married 26 years now; past 2 for him have been gluten-free. But before that he was sick for over 25 years with misdiagnosed IBS. I do not have celiac disease.

Inasmuch as there are gluten-free food in stores, and some restaurants will provide gluten-free meals, the rest of the population isn't as informed as they could be.

There will be times when you will have to be his cheerleader to keep him from going astray, his medical consultant to make sure that his doctors are not jerks, his diplomat when other people need to be informed of celiac disease so that they don't misjudge him for being a picky eater, etc. You may have to be his Information Officer - as you might be the main one to make the calls to the manufacturers to see if something is gluten-free. There will be times that he's got to cart his own foods (so I advise that you get at least a middle-sized Play Mate cooler).

As the person without celiac disease you have to keep positive about the diet (and like a lot of other celiac disease people are saying, there's a lot of great things but there's no gluten). Like that car commercial "This ain't your Father's celiac disease!"

As for when you live together, you must observe the Rules of Cross Contamination. I find myself wiping the table several times during the day (after I have had something with gluten crumbs). I rinse my hands (after I make my sandwich for work everymorning) before I touch the handle of the refrigerator. I treat the gluten as if it was a bacteria that I do not want to spread.

I do eat gluten food at home, but I try to eat the gluten foods he misses the most that have no gluten-free subsitute when I have lunch/dinner with co workers or friends. For example, I don't think there's a gluten-free ravioli or pieroghy yet (fresh or frozen).

Anyway, best wishes for happiness and a sucessful gluten-free future with your guy.

[nettiebeads]

I would LOVE that recipe! I just told my husband yesterday that my recent craving is for chicken nuggets, fingers, etc.  Wow, you must have read my mind! I love this site!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sorry, he hasn't written down the receipe , but as soon as he does I'll email it to you. I go to receipe sites on line and adapt a lot of chicken receipes, and can find things that don't need breading. Found one for yummy mustard honey tenders. If something calls for breading I substitue cornmeal or crushed corn flakes. WalMart brand of cornflakes are very safe. I've always had a question regarding barley malt used as sweetener. Safe or unsafe