Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Struggling To Cope With Boyfriend's Mother

nikky

By nikky
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted

I'm slowly getting to the end of my teather with my boyfriend's mother. She shows no respect for my inability to consume anyting with gluten in it and whenever im at the house she tries to feed me bread, pastry, pizzas and gluten containing frozen foods including sausages and burgers that contain wheat flour. She also refuses to let me store food safely and whenever me and my boyfriend are trying to cook she will come into the kitchen and start telling me what I am and arent allowed, constantly giving me gluten containg options and getting agitated when I tell her that I'm unable to eat it because of the coeliac.

Both myself and my boyfriend have spoken to her on several ocasions, explaining to her foods that are/arent safe, why its easier for me to be allowed to look for things to eat and all about cross-contamination, but none of it seems to sink in. I've given her an official list of foods and ingredients that need to be avoided, and have even told her I'm prepared to supply some food myself provided i can store it safely when I'm staying.

Two weeks ago, she and her husband went on holiday,leaving me at the house with my boyfriend. Before she went, she promised to go shopping for food that we could both have. When we later looked, we found the fridge, freezer and cupboards full of sausage rolls, pies, pasties, wheat-flour containing soups, pizza, biscuits etc, and vertually nothing that was gluten - free.

I've also explained that I am not expecting specialist foods to be bought, but that just by changing brand a food can become safe or that life could be easier if i was allowed to sort it myself without interuption.

She has also said before that shes been tempted to 'experiement' with food for me and my boyfriend and last week my boyfriend told me to never leave her with anything I'm going to eat as he over heard her telling her best friend that she wanted to spread bread crumbs in my food. When the friend then raised the point that it would be harmful for me, she said 'I know, I dont care' :(.

I've tried several times to explain the seriousness of the condition, but she has convinced herself that I'll just get a 'bit of a bad stomach'. The last time i had gluten my lips were swelling up and it felt like there were knives in my throat and stomach.

Any advice???

(Just want to add, my boyfriend is completely supportive, and is constantly trying to learn about the condition and get his mum to listen.)

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


Diane-in-FL Explorer
Diane-in-FL
Posted

This woman obviously hates you if she wants to deliberately make you sick and tells her friend "I know and I don't care." She is dangerous. You and your boyfriend need to get your own place and never ever go back to her house. Would she feed sugar to someone with diabetes? Or peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? She is mentally ill or something. What is wrong with people like that? It's really quite horrifying. :(

Takala Enthusiast
Takala
Posted
any suggestions ?

Bring another girlfriend along next time, and introduce her as your new Official Food Taster, since the Mum -in- Law from Hell

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Why are you in this evil person's house? If she told her friend she was going to stab you while you are sleeping, would you stay there? Would you even go for an hour visit?

Please do not have children with this guy. He may be OK but his mother isn't. And if she has a husband, he isn't good either. Your children would never be safe around her. Your life would be a constant battle with the kids father as he tries to take them to visit his mother. Or let's them be around her.

The fact is, she doesn't like you and she is a mean person. If it weren't gluten it would be something else. Be glad you found this out before you have her grandchildren or marry her son.

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

I wouldn't even be cooking in her kitchen because it is likely a gluten minefield even if the food you are cooking is gluten free. The answer to the problem is to cook for yourself and your boyfreind at your home and to avoid hers like the plague. Eat your meals at home and just bring a wrapped snack with you. Why isn't your boyfreind laying down the law to her? If he isn't standing up firmly for you now for heavens sake don't even think of marrying or having children with him as it will only get worse.

lynnelise Apprentice
lynnelise
Posted

No offense but it sounds like this lady really does not like you and this is her passive-aggressive attempt to get rid of you.

I would no go to the woman's house. It's dangerous and you are clearly not welcome. I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't welcome.

Hopefully your boyfriend can come up with a solution to see you outside of his mom's home.

pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

I don't think it's so passive.

Geez. Get away from that woman, don't eat at her house, don't stay at her house.

And yes, if you have children with your boyfriend you will be stuck with that wacky woman for life.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

This woman obviously hates you if she wants to deliberately make you sick and tells her friend "I know and I don't care." She is dangerous. You and your boyfriend need to get your own place and never ever go back to her house. Would she feed sugar to someone with diabetes? Or peanuts to someone with a peanut allergy? She is mentally ill or something. What is wrong with people like that? It's really quite horrifying. :(

Thanks for your advice, happily we intend to get a place when we are able to afford it, although that may be around another year. Its funny you mention diabetes, she's actually diabetic herself and so should have an understanding of the difficulty these things create.

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

No offense but it sounds like this lady really does not like you and this is her passive-aggressive attempt to get rid of you.

I would no go to the woman's house. It's dangerous and you are clearly not welcome. I wouldn't want to be where I wasn't welcome.

Hopefully your boyfriend can come up with a solution to see you outside of his mom's home.

Yeh its a horrible feeling. He tries his best to come see me here but its not always easy with money. Thankyou for your help :)

pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

Oh geez. You LIVE there?

Find second-hand fridge and put it on your room, store your stuff there.

I'd find another way to get out of that house...get a place with roomates???? Even a gluteny slob is better than someone who intends you harm.

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

Why are you in this evil person's house? If she told her friend she was going to stab you while you are sleeping, would you stay there? Would you even go for an hour visit?

Please do not have children with this guy. He may be OK but his mother isn't. And if she has a husband, he isn't good either. Your children would never be safe around her. Your life would be a constant battle with the kids father as he tries to take them to visit his mother. Or let's them be around her.

The fact is, she doesn't like you and she is a mean person. If it weren't gluten it would be something else. Be glad you found this out before you have her grandchildren or marry her son.

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

Oh geez. You LIVE there?

Find second-hand fridge and put it on your room, store your stuff there.

I'd find another way to get out of that house...get a place with roomates???? Even a gluteny slob is better than someone who intends you harm.

no i dont live there... i live with my parents, we dont have a place on our own because we cant afford it at the moment

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

I wouldn't even be cooking in her kitchen because it is likely a gluten minefield even if the food you are cooking is gluten free. The answer to the problem is to cook for yourself and your boyfreind at your home and to avoid hers like the plague. Eat your meals at home and just bring a wrapped snack with you. Why isn't your boyfreind laying down the law to her? If he isn't standing up firmly for you now for heavens sake don't even think of marrying or having children with him as it will only get worse.

Thanks for your advice, yeah, the kitchen is a minefield, i go in and clean like crazy in there. I do want to point out though that he does stand up for me, they've had shouting matches over it, the week we were on our own, he went out and spent all the money he had to get me safe food, he is really good to me.

pricklypear1971 Community Regular
pricklypear1971
Posted

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..

Well, it appears you have it under control since you aren't visiting her house anymore.

You can't fix crazy. And while I wouldn't advise you to divorce your husband, or leave your boyfriend because he has a crazy mother...I can tell you from experience that if y'all have children together you will be bound to this woman and you WILL be forced into situations where she can attack you -with gluten or her new weapon of choice.

You can't fix VINDICTIVE crazy -which is what she is. She isn't eccentric, colorful, or quirky. Wack jobs like her are forever, and she will go after you for the rest of her life.

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

Bring another girlfriend along next time, and introduce her as your new Official Food Taster, since the Mum -in- Law from Hell

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

Thanks for your advice, yeah, the kitchen is a minefield, i go in and clean like crazy in there. I do want to point out though that he does stand up for me, they've had shouting matches over it, the week we were on our own, he went out and spent all the money he had to get me safe food, he is really good to me.

Glad to hear he is sticking up for you. This woman may find herself very lonely in her elderly years as if she keeps going like she is she will drive her son away from her forever whether he is with you or someone else.

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Firstly, I havent been to the house since she said that.

secondly, it is not my boyfriend that is the issue, if he had the money hed be away from her by now. As it is we are moving next year for me to go to uni.

And if i had married him, would you suggest i divorce him? I dont think so..

I think I said it a good thing you haven't married or had kids. Just like everyone else said. It's good you found this out now. You can make an informed decision.

And, if he expected you to visit a person who has said she will hurt you, I would suggest divorce. But sounds like he might be cool with cutting ties with her and keeping you safe. Or at least not letting her near you.

Gluten Free Traveller Newbie
Gluten Free Traveller
Posted

This is ridiculous. Your boyfriend's mother is clearly a horrible person. Personally I would just stay away from here for good. It sounds as though you've done to best to explain things to her and she doesn't care. The solution is obvious...don't visit her. Why would you ever want to be around someone so nasty who is trying to make you sick!

Mango04 Enthusiast
Mango04
Posted

You can just keep your food issues away from your boyfriend's mother. Don't cook at her house or eat with her, and if she tries to bring up the subject of food just tell her you're not comfortable talking about your personal health issue and would rather keep it to yourself. If it's a holiday or something an you have to eat a family dinner with her, bring your own food. I find this whole thing easier to deal with if I don't expect other people to understand or try to accommodate me. You really don't ever need to talk about food with this woman at all. You also don't ever have to eat food that she touches.

srall Contributor
srall
Posted

You can just keep your food issues away from your boyfriend's mother. Don't cook at her house or eat with her, and if she tries to bring up the subject of food just tell her you're not comfortable talking about your personal health issue and would rather keep it to yourself. If it's a holiday or something an you have to eat a family dinner with her, bring your own food. I find this whole thing easier to deal with if I don't expect other people to understand or try to accommodate me. You really don't ever need to talk about food with this woman at all. You also don't ever have to eat food that she touches.

TOTALLY agree. I never ever ever rely on anybody else to feed me no matter where I go (I mean at someone else's house). I bring my own food. If it's my parents (mom is gluten free so it's not a big deal there) or my in laws, all I ask is that I can go shopping for my own food as soon as I get there, and can I store it somewhere and can I cook my own food? Or...food for everyone if they'd like to eat yummy gluten free that night. I would NEVER expect someone who wasn't even related to me to accommodate me in any way.

srall Contributor
srall
Posted

Oh, and re: spreading bread crumbs in your food? O.M.G. I wouldn't be in the same room with that witch. I'm assuming you are younger (sorry if you're not), but writing as a middle aged woman who has BTDT, I would seriously think about marrying into that family. Marriage and kids is a long and stressful marathon, and bad in-laws can make your life hell. I have several girl friends who are in therapy just because of dealing with terrible in-laws.

Good luck...

AVR1962 Collaborator
AVR1962
Posted

Buy her a book abnout Celiac and ask her to read it so she can understand what you are dealing with.

nikky Contributor
nikky
Posted
  • Author

TOTALLY agree. I never ever ever rely on anybody else to feed me no matter where I go (I mean at someone else's house). I bring my own food. If it's my parents (mom is gluten free so it's not a big deal there) or my in laws, all I ask is that I can go shopping for my own food as soon as I get there, and can I store it somewhere and can I cook my own food? Or...food for everyone if they'd like to eat yummy gluten free that night. I would NEVER expect someone who wasn't even related to me to accommodate me in any way.

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.

srall Contributor
srall
Posted

I DO cook for myself there, i dont expect anything like that. As i mentioned in my original post I have asked to be allowed to get food for myself and store it there but she always turns it away... At 18 years old its not always easy not to have anything to do with someone or let them near your food in their own house.

Oh, Nikky, I am sorry. You're younger than I even realized. I know it's hard when everyone is still living with parents. Just be careful (I know you will be) and try and not eat anything she prepares. She sounds just abusive.

ElseB Contributor
ElseB
Posted

My mother in law constantly comments that she truly believes that since my illness came on so suddenly, one day it will just as suddenly go away and I'll be cured. Oh yeah, and did I mention she's a doctor? No wonder we all have such bad experiences with doctors! My husband and I have politely told her on many occasions that it will never go away. But next time I don't think I will be so polite because I'm getting a bit tired of it. Having said this, she does cook gluten free for me when I'm over there.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,959
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    jenny44
    Newest Member
    jenny44
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Scott Adams
      Does anyone here also have Afib

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      If black seed oil is working for his Afib, stick to it, but if not, I can say that ablation therapy is no big deal--my mother was out of the procedure in about 1 hour and went home that evening, and had zero negative effects from the treatment. PS - I would recommend that your husband get an Apple watch to monitor his Afib--there is an app and it will take readings 24/7 and give reports on how much of the time he's in it. Actual data like this should be what should guide his treatment.
    • Jacki Espo
      Covid caused reoccurrence of DH without eating gluten

      By Jacki Espo · Posted

      This happened to me as well. What’s weirder is that within a couple hours of taking paxlovid it subsided. I thought maybe I got glutened but after reading your post not so sure. 
    • Mari
      New Celiac Mama in My 30s

      By Mari · Posted

      Hi Tiffany. Thank you for writing your dituation and  circumstancesin such detail and so well writte, too. I particularly noticed what you wrote about brain for and feeling like your brain is swelling and I know from my own experiences that's how it feel and your brain really does swell and you get migraines.    Way back when I was in my 20s I read a book by 2 MD allergist and they described their patient who came in complaining that her brain, inside her cranium, was swelling  and it happened when she smelled a certain chemical she used in her home. She kept coming back and insisting her brain actually swelled in her head. The Drs couldn't explain this problem so they, with her permission, performed an operation where they made a small opening through her cranium, exposed her to the chemical then watched as she brain did swell into the opening. The DRs were amazed but then were able to advise her to avoid chemicals that made her brain swell. I remember that because I occasionally had brain fog then but it was not a serious problem. I also realized that I was becoming more sensitive to chemicals I used in my work in medical laboratories. By my mid forties the brain fog and chemicals forced me to leave my  profession and move to a rural area with little pollution. I did not have migraines. I was told a little later that I had a more porous blood brain barrier than other people. Chemicals in the air would go up into my sinused and leak through the blood brain barrier into my brain. We have 2 arteries  in our neck that carry blood with the nutrients and oxygen into the brain. To remove the fluids and used blood from the brain there are only capillaries and no large veins to carry it away so all those fluids ooze out much more slowly than they came in and since the small capillaries can't take care of extra fluid it results in swelling in the face, especially around the eyes. My blood flow into my brain is different from most other people as I have an arterial ischema, adefectiveartery on one side.   I have to go forward about 20 or more years when I learned that I had glaucoma, an eye problem that causes blindness and more years until I learned I had celiac disease.  The eye Dr described my glaucoma as a very slow loss of vision that I wouldn't  notice until had noticeable loss of sight.  I could have my eye pressure checked regularly or it would be best to have the cataracts removed from both eyes. I kept putting off the surgery then just overnight lost most of the vision in my left eye. I thought at the I had been exposed to some chemical and found out a little later the person who livedbehind me was using some chemicals to build kayaks in a shed behind my house. I did not realize the signifance  of this until I started having appointments with a Dr. in a new building. New buildings give me brain fog, loss of balance and other problems I know about this time I experienced visual disturbances very similar to those experienced by people with migraines. I looked further online and read that people with glaucoma can suffer rapid loss of sight if they have silent migraines (no headache). The remedy for migraines is to identify and avoid the triggers. I already know most of my triggers - aromatic chemicals, some cleaning materials, gasoline and exhaust and mold toxins. I am very careful about using cleaning agents using mostly borax and baking powder. Anything that has any fragrance or smell I avoid. There is one brand of dishwashing detergent that I can use and several brands of  scouring powder. I hope you find some of this helpful and useful. I have not seen any evidence that Celiac Disease is involved with migraines or glaucoma. Please come back if you have questions or if what I wrote doesn't make senseto you. We sometimes haveto learn by experience and finding out why we have some problems. Take care.       The report did not mention migraines. 
    • Mari
      My only proof

      By Mari · Posted

      Hi Jmartes71 That is so much like my story! You probably know where Laytonville is and that's where I was living just before my 60th birthday when the new Dr. suggested I could have Celiacs. I didn't go on a gluten challange diet before having the Celiac panel blood test drawn. The results came back as equivical as one antibody level was very high but another, tissue transaminasewas normal. Itdid show I was  allergic to cows milk and I think hot peppers. I immediately went gluten free but did not go in for an endoscopy. I found an online lab online that would do the test to show if I had a main celiac gene (enterolab.com). The report came back that I had inherited a main celiac gene, DQ8, from one parent and a D!6 from the other parent. That combination is knows to sym[tons of celiac worse than just inheriting one main celiac gene. With my version of celiac disease I was mostly constipated but after going gluten-free I would have diarrhea the few times I was glutened either by cross contamination or eating some food containing gluten. I have stayed gluten-free for almost 20 years now and knew within a few days that it was right for me although my recovery has been slow.   When I go to see a  medical provide and tell them I have celiacs they don't believe me. The same when I tell them that I carry a main celiac gene, the DQ8. It is only when I tell them that I get diarrhea after eating gluten that they realize that I might have celiac disease. Then they will order th Vitamin B12 and D3 that I need to monitor as my B12 levels can go down very fast if I'm not taking enough of it. Medical providers haven't been much help in my recovery. They are not well trained in this problem. I really hope this helps ypu. Take care.      
    • knitty kitty
      Does anyone here also have Afib

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      Fascinating.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.