Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Bored Husband (Funny)

IrishHeart

Recommended Posts

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted

RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a

fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


sora Community Regular
sora
Posted

OMG, sooo funny!!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I love this! Especially putting things in other people's carts!

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted

I needed a laugh today. Thanks for providing one.

bartfull Rising Star
bartfull
Posted

Holy cow! I laughed so hard my makeup is streaked! Thanks!

IrishHeart Veteran
IrishHeart
Posted
  • Author

:lol:

glad you are enjoying it--just had to share!

laughter--always the best medicine, yes? yes!

Bubba's Mom Enthusiast
Bubba's Mom
Posted

LOL..I copied and forwarded this to my sister. Her hubby is the kind of guy that just might actually do this stuff! :D

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


researchmomma Contributor
researchmomma
Posted

RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a

fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

That was GREAT.

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

Husbands!! You just can't take them anywhere (or you can't take them just anywhere :P )

maximoo Enthusiast
maximoo
Posted

rotflmao! this must be forwarded! lol...

navigator Apprentice
navigator
Posted
:lol::lol::lol:
Booghead Contributor
Booghead
Posted

That is my Dad to a T. So funny.

ptkds Community Regular
ptkds
Posted

Too funny!!!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):



    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):



  • Recent Activity

    1. trents
      - trents replied to Sarah Grace's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      26

      Headaches / Migraines and Hypoglycaemia

      This article does not address migraines at all. Yes, red wine and sulfites are often mentioned in connection with migraine triggers. With me, any kind of alcoholic beverage in very modest amounts will reliably produce a migraine. Nitrous oxide generators, which are vaso dialators, also will give me migraines reliably. So, I think most of my migraines...
    2. knitty kitty
      - knitty kitty replied to Sarah Grace's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      26

      Headaches / Migraines and Hypoglycaemia

      Excessive dietary tyrosine can cause problems. Everything in moderation. Sulfites can also trigger migraines. Sulfites are found in fermented, pickled and aged foods, like cheese. Sulfites cause a high histamine release. High histamine levels are found in migraine. Following a low histamine diet like the low histamine Autoimmune Protocol diet,...
    3. trents
      - trents replied to Sarah Grace's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      26

      Headaches / Migraines and Hypoglycaemia

      Then we would need to cut out all meat and fish as they are richer sources of tyrosine than nuts and cheese. Something else about certain tyrosine rich foods must be the actual culprit.
    4. Scott Adams
      - Scott Adams replied to Russ H's topic in Post Diagnosis, Recovery & Treatment of Celiac Disease
      1

      KAN-101 Treatment for Coeliac Disease

      I agree that KAN-101 looks promising, and hope the fast track is approved. From our article below: "KAN-101 shows promise as an immune tolerance therapy aiming to retrain the immune system, potentially allowing safe gluten exposure in the future, but more clinical data is needed to confirm long-term effects."
    5. Scott Adams
      - Scott Adams replied to miguel54b's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      1

      Body dysmorphia experience

      Thank you so much for having the courage to share this incredibly vivid and personal experience; it's a powerful reminder of how physical ailments can disrupt our fundamental sense of self. What you're describing sounds less like a purely psychological body dysmorphia and more like a distinct neurological event, likely triggered by the immense physical stress...
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      132,158
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    MollyK
    Newest Member
    MollyK
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.5k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • trents
      Headaches / Migraines and Hypoglycaemia

      By trents · Posted

      This article does not address migraines at all.  Yes, red wine and sulfites are often mentioned in connection with migraine triggers. With me, any kind of alcoholic beverage in very modest amounts will reliably produce a migraine. Nitrous oxide generators, which are vaso dialators, also will give me migraines reliably. So, I think most of my migraines are tied to fluctuations vascular tension and blood flow to the brain. That's why the sumatriptan works so well. It is a vaso constrictor. 
    • knitty kitty
      Headaches / Migraines and Hypoglycaemia

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      Excessive dietary tyrosine can cause problems.  Everything in moderation.   Sulfites can also trigger migraines. Sulfites are found in fermented, pickled and aged foods, like cheese.  Sulfites cause a high histamine release.  High histamine levels are found in migraine.  Following a low histamine diet like the low histamine Autoimmune Protocol diet, a Paleo diet, helps immensely.    Sulfites and other migraine trigger foods can cause changes in the gut microbiome.  These bad bacteria can increase the incidence of migraines, increasing histamine and inflammation leading to increased gut permeability (leaky gut), SIBO, and higher systemic inflammation.   A Ketogenic diet can reduce the incidence of migraine.  A Paleo diet like the AIP diet, that restricts carbohydrates (like from starchy vegetables) becomes a ketogenic diet.  This diet also changes the microbiome, eliminating the bad bacteria and SIBO that cause an increase in histamine, inflammation and migraine.  Fewer bad bacteria reduces inflammation, lowers migraine frequency, and improves leaky gut. Since I started following the low histamine ketogenic AIP paleo diet, I rarely get migraine.  Yes, I do eat carbs occasionally now, rice or potato, but still no migraines.  Feed your body right, feed your intestinal bacteria right, you'll feel better.  Good intestinal bacteria actually make your mental health better, too.  I had to decide to change my diet drastically in order to feel better all the time, not just to satisfy my taste buds.  I chose to eat so I would feel better all the time.  I do like dark chocolate (a migraine trigger), but now I can indulge occasionally without a migraine after.   Microbiota alterations are related to migraine food triggers and inflammatory markers in chronic migraine patients with medication overuse headache https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11546420/  
    • trents
      Headaches / Migraines and Hypoglycaemia

      By trents · Posted

      Then we would need to cut out all meat and fish as they are richer sources of tyrosine than nuts and cheese. Something else about certain tyrosine rich foods must be the actual culprit. 
    • Scott Adams
      KAN-101 Treatment for Coeliac Disease

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      I agree that KAN-101 looks promising, and hope the fast track is approved. From our article below: "KAN-101 shows promise as an immune tolerance therapy aiming to retrain the immune system, potentially allowing safe gluten exposure in the future, but more clinical data is needed to confirm long-term effects."  
    • Scott Adams
      Body dysmorphia experience

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      Thank you so much for having the courage to share this incredibly vivid and personal experience; it's a powerful reminder of how physical ailments can disrupt our fundamental sense of self. What you're describing sounds less like a purely psychological body dysmorphia and more like a distinct neurological event, likely triggered by the immense physical stress and inflammation that uncontrolled celiac disease can inflict on the entire body, including the nervous system. It makes complete sense that the specific sensory input—the pressure points of your elbows on your knees—created a temporary, distorted body map in your brain, and the fact that it ceased once you adopted a gluten-free diet is a crucial detail. Your intuition to document this is absolutely right; it's not "crazy" but rather a significant anecdotal data point that underscores the mysterious and far-reaching ways gluten can affect individuals. Your theory about sensory triggers from the feet for others is also a thoughtful insight, and sharing this story could indeed be validating for others who have had similar, unexplainable sensory disturbances, helping them feel less alone in their journey.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.