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Just A Little Vent But Advice Would Be Apprciated


moose07

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moose07 Apprentice

I know I don't post on here often but I'm thinking that you guys are the only ones who will understand this. Today I found out that the real reason my last boyfriend broke up with me is because I have celiacs and he knew it would affect him too. I'm no sad about the loss of this guy and obviously he isn't worth it but I'm heartbroken over his reasoning. I try so hard to make it so that my celiac's dosn't affect the people around me but I'm getting sick of doing that only to have them turn around and use the slight inconvience as a reason not to be around me. This was also a problem with my last roommate which is one of the reasons I live alone now. I just don't understand it and I'm so frustrated that I can't sleep. How does everyone else deal with this? Am I just being to sensitive? Should I just accept that people are jerks? I already isolate myself quite a bit because I'm shy but I'm not sure how many times I can be told I'm an inconvinence before I just give up and not form any new relationships at all. That sounds drastic I know. I'm just really frustrated, not sure where to go from here.


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ChristineWas Rookie

Even before I had celiac disease, feeling like a burden was something I wrestled with a lot. Now my diet makes me unavoidably high maintenance and the burden thing often haunts the back of my mind. So I can definitely relate.

A lot of people are jerks, it's true. They are so self-absorbed and self-focused that little inconveniences about the way other people have to live can cause them to push even slightly challenging situations away. But... this really isn't everyone.

I know it is hard at times, but I would really encourage you to keep putting yourself out there and taking the risk of relationship. I've had a few marvelous friends really support me in the fact that my diet is now fairly high maintenance. And I have been really surprised by who those amazing people have been. Believe me, supportive people are out there. And finding those people is worth all the risk of being snubbed again.

You might want to get involved with a local gluten intollerance group or something like that if there is one near you. Being able to relate with people who have been there and really understand is refreshing.

Anyway... that's my two cents. Sorry you've encountered so many quitters and jerks.

1desperateladysaved Proficient

I have noticed that I judge my family (as negative) when they express the same ideas as I am feeling. We just want to be free to eat what we want. We don't want to have to consider our food so carefully when we leave the house. We want it to be how it used to be.

For me it is easy to see that eating gluten is not worth it, but for them they don't feel the pain. In a way they do, since I am irritable toward them at times.

I don't understand how eating gluten could be considered more important than a person one knows. I don't think many would admit to a conscience decision like that. It does seem like what you have experienced that very thing. I have felt isolation. I have felt unloveable. But I have a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I can keep going. But sometimes I need to be carried.

All people will fail. You need to find The Someone who won't.

DT

Adalaide Mentor

Wow, what a jerk. I'm sort of a loner kind of person and always have been, so when I began to be isolate by my symptoms keeping me home it wasn't a big deal. Now that I don't want to do things like go watch a bunch of people eat at Kneaders or eat pizza, that isn't a big deal to me either. I mean, if they don't value me enough to want to go to the place that sells safe gluten free pizza, or somewhere I can order a salad without getting a mouthful of flour just from opening my mouth then obviously they don't value my friendship. (I know lots of people go out and watch others eat or bring their own food which is great for things like family outings, but for friends it's important to me that they choose one of the 75% of places around here I can eat not of of the 25% I can't. It's rude, disrespectful and frankly unfriendly.)

At first I thought I was too sensitive. Then I thought, maybe I focus on it too much. But to be honest, I only focus on it as much as everyone else focuses on food. I've taken the first tentative step with my local support group, which is getting their monthly email. I keep almost going to the meeting, but then end up not going. Now that all my other friendships but one have imploded I worry about it. What if they don't like me? What if they're already a tight-knit little group without room for a weirdo like me? What if I have nothing in common with a single one of them there? I also know I'm being paranoid for no reason and really should just head out to a meeting of of these months.

Another thing I may suggest, because it is something my dad did and he really seemed to love it, is a singles group. Not as in, for the sake of meeting other people as potential mates although that can happen. But instead it's a group of people who happen to be single and simply are enjoying life and do so together as a large group of adults doing fun activities together. Sometimes it involves food as things inevitably do, my dad's group seemed to have lots of pot lucks. Anyway, this would be a great way to meet people and maybe you'll click with a few and become fast friends.

For me the answer has been online gaming, not for everyone but it is for me. I wear out easily so I still can't go out a whole lot. (And I'm married and everyone my age in my area married has a half dozen kids, no thanks, nothing in common with them.) I've formed some long term and meaningful friendships over my favorite game. These friendships will probably last my lifetime, and while I may not ever actually meet these people I care for them as I care for my dear best friend who lives a few miles away. They aren't just some paladin, priest, etc, there are real people behind every online avatar and if you're into that sort of thing online gaming can be a rewarding and meaningful experience.

kittty Contributor

Adalaide - I could have probably written your post, and can so relate! I've dealt with that social self-doubt for most of my life, and wonder if the Celiacs has something to do with it. That feeling of not fitting in to an already established group has been the bane of my life, and I end up believing they won't accept me before meeting them, and then never really trying very hard to fit in, and self-sabotaging the chance.

We're also in that "married with no intention of having kids" situation, and EVERYONE around us is either single or married with kids. Or, we find a married couple like us and within a year or two they have a baby, and then that friendship goes out the window. It's amazing how much having kids can change a couple, and how much it alienates them from their former friends without kids.

T.H. Community Regular

How does everyone else deal with this? Am I just being to sensitive? Should I just accept that people are jerks? I already isolate myself quite a bit because I'm shy but I'm not sure how many times I can be told I'm an inconvinence before I just give up and not form any new relationships at all.

I don't think you're being sensitive. It hurts.

I react to coffee, even inhaled coffee, so that severely limits places I can go. It made it very clear who my close friend's were vs. those who don't really care enough for it to be worth the effort for them.

My close friends have done things like turn off their coffee makers and drink Starbucks for the day before I come to visit, so there is no residual coffee smell left in their house by the time I drop by. They've met me at parks so I can avoid restaurants, they've had their coffee breaks after I leave and drank tea when we're together, and they've done all this without my even asking. It made me feel loved, and thought of, and was truly wonderful. And they do this EVERY time we get together. They care, and it shows. I am constantly in awe of how much they have been willing to do so that we can have some time together. I try really hard to make sure they know how much I appreciate what they do for me, and try to give back in other ways, you know?

My not-so-close friends, some of whom I thought were much closer, don't do this. They'll want to get together but are unwilling to meet places that I can go, so we hardly see each other anymore. There's an event every year that we travel to and attend with these folks and everyone has coffee in the mornings in the house. I have to go out in the yard or stay away until the smell dissipates, usually about half the day. I have one friend who comes out to visit and say hi when I'm stuck in the yard, and the rest of them stay in the house and enjoy themselves and I don't see them until I'm the one who can come inside.

I'm not asking them to give up something for me, truly. I'm not bitter about it, either. They are not obligated to entertain me or do something different on my behalf, not at all. But having some good friends who approach the entire thing so differently has made me realize what a difference true caring makes in how people treat you. The fact that your boyfriend quit on you over this just indicates he didn't care enough to try. Which HURTS. That can't not hurt. But not everyone will be that way.

When trying to meet new people, that's harder, because it IS a bit of an effort, and people may be less willing to go to that effort for people they don't even know. I've been trying to join groups of people who would be more understanding, or be in a similar situation, these days. Groups for activities that don't involve food, like rock climbing, biking, or jogging clubs (not that I do these yet, but I'm getting there, LOL). Or groups for people with allergies or celiac disease. Or you could check if there are any gluten free groups, or groups for people who have other diets like vegetarianism.

Any group for people who with special dietary needs is going to have people who understand when you need special foods. In my experience, people in groups involving health - like the jogging - may have a higher percentage of people who understand doing something that is necessary to be healthy, diet or otherwise.

And people who don't understand? Well, that just says something about their compassion, understanding, and level of self-interest. It HURTS to realize that someone we care about is unable to be giving or thoughtful when you need them, but truly, there are people out there who CAN be giving and thoughtful. You can find them. :-)

kittty Contributor

Can anyone who does attend a gluten free support group give us an idea of what goes on during the meetings?

There is a group near me, but they require all participants to bring a gluten free dish and recipe card to each meeting. From reading their newsletter, it sounds like more of a cooking club than a real support group.

I do think it's rude to not make allowances for people with food allergies/sensitivities if you know someone with that condition is going to be present at an event. If a friend in a wheelchair arrived at a party it would be rude not to provide some way for them to enter the house. It may not be exactly the same, but if something is preventing you from being present, whether a physical disability or a food sensitivity, then you are being told that you aren't welcome. It's a slap in the face.

Green peppers have always upset my stomach - even just the smell of them in the grocery store. My mom thought she would fix that by deliberately preparing green peppers and serving them to me to try and "break" me of my "mental" dislike of them. Thank god I live nowhere near my parents, or she'd be trying to hide wheat in everything to prove a point.


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Jestgar Rising Star

Everyone is inconvenient to someone else, one of your inconveniences happens to be food. My bf takes forever to decide things - very inconvenient, and drives me up the wall. Would I dump him because of it? No. Only a lame-@$$ jerk would tell you that what you eat is causing him problems.

bartfull Rising Star

There are selfish, blind people everywhere. I have not run into any problems with my diet and friends, but I have run into people who refuse to stop pouring a gallon of perfume on their bodies, even after witnessing the violent asthma attacks perfume gives me. Two of these people were co-workers at two different jobs I had to quit because after being asked NICELY, they refused to give up their perfume, and my bosses at both jobs said there was nothing they could do about it.

And then there is the woman who comes into my shop. Her husband is a dear friend to all of us and quite a good guitarist. I had told her before that I am allergic to perfume but she continued to wear it when she came in.One day when she came in, I was all choked up. As they were leaving she went to give me a hug. I pulled back and told her again that I am allergic to her perfume. She got so mad she clucked her tongue, rolled her eyes, and left without a word! Her husband told me later that she took it as a personal insult. I told him that *I* take it as a personal insult that her perfume is more important to her than my health, that as a NURSE, she should know that asthma kills, and that if she hates me enough to try to KILL me, I was better off not having her come to my shop anymore.

He still comes in on occasion, but not as often as before. It's too bad her selfish, blind behavior has ruined HIS good times too.

I know none of this helps YOU, Moose, but there it is. The world is FULL of self-centered, thoughtless, rude, downright MEAN people. But there are also a lot of caring and wonderful people. When you meet a guy who treats you right, you will appreciate him all the more because you have seen the other side.

kareng Grand Master

Everyone is inconvenient to someone else, one of your inconveniences happens to be food. My bf takes forever to decide things - very inconvenient, and drives me up the wall. Would I dump him because of it? No. Only a lame-@$$ jerk would tell you that what you eat is causing him problems.

I agree with this!

Tell you what my 16 yr old son just said to me. He and some of his friends switch schools half day. Wed is a day that they have a 2 hour break in the middle, between schools. I suggested he take his friend "Annie" out to lunch. He said he wouldn't know where to take her as she has a lot of allergies. But its Ok, because some days she is going to bring a lunch and he will stay at the first school to eat with her. He didn't mind the inconvience, he just enjoys her platonic ? company.

kittty Contributor

I pulled back and told her again that I am allergic to her perfume. She got so mad she clucked her tongue, rolled her eyes, and left without a word! Her husband told me later that she took it as a personal insult.

Wow. That's a whole different level of rudeness! I'm so glad that we have a "smells" policy where I work. Strong perfume = instant migraine + nausea for me, so I feel your pain. Wearing too much perfume is just as rude as loud music bleeding through earbuds - if the whole room is aware of it, you overdid it.

kitchen-chemist Newbie

Some people are just plain selfish and insensitive. I have one friend who is allergic to cinnamon. I have another who can't eat corn and is deathly allergic to MSG and mushrooms. My boyfriend has in recent months had stomach ulcers (in part we think due to mild gluten sensitivity and the other part stress-- heaps of it at work) and had an even more restrictive diet than mine. I have cooked for all of them and they were all quite appreciative of my efforts to make sure they didn't feel like a "problem". All of these people have done the same for me. It is the measure of true friendship that they care and it isn't a trial. My bf's family doesn't quite get it and where they used to invite us over for dinner from time to time, those invites have all but disappeared. It's too much "trouble" to cook gluten-free and dairy free. I beg to differ, seeing as I do it every day, but it's all about the person's mindset. My mom, despite her oddities, really did understand that I was REALLY sensitive. I didn't want to go try some random restaurant, even if they claimed to serve gluten-free food. My dad didn't get it. He wanted something easy for him, and I ended up losing the battle during that visit. Sure enough, I got sick. They had raw onions minced into a sauce and I didn't realize it until too late. I can eat thoroughly cooked onions but raw make me ill. He was totally oblivious to my discomfort too. Some people just go through life thinking only of themselves. If they approach everything from a selfish point of view, then yeah, accommodating you or anyone is "a pain".

A sad fact is that there are more selfish people in the world than selfless. Cherish the true friends you have. One true friend is worth more than a hundred selfish false friends.

justlisa Apprentice

First, let me say that it makes me feel bad that some of you feel this way and/or have had such bad experiences.

But (there just HAD to be a "but" ;) )

I have a bit different perspective... And, well, I hope you're not offended and will listen with an open mind...

Yes, there are jacka$$es out there...and, sadly, we all too often will find them amongst our friends and loved ones... Sad but true.

However... Sometimes people (some of "us") really are pains in the a$$. I know some of them, personally...

Now, you have to understand...I am quite sick...so I know that I am not as easy to accommodate as I used to be. Well, that's just the way it is. Now, if I have a friend or family member who is an outright a$$ then I have no trouble letting them know that, but if they are just innocently clueless I take that into account, too.

The truth is..."I" got sick... I absolutely expect love/kindness/consideration but it's not all about me...and it would be unfair of me to think that it is... Yes, I need assistance walking...yes, I have special dietary needs. But, my friends and family didn't stop being human beings with needs and feelings just because "I" got sick.

So...

While I do have my moments where I need to vent or whine or just have a good cry, I try not to overwhelm them with it. If they, really, want to go somewhere that doesn't fit with "my" needs, I don't get worked up...I deal with it...sometimes I go...sometimes I don't.

I'm responsible for myself...and that, also, means that I, too, have to be a good friend. That means, to me, that I will make concessions that are necessary. Sometimes that's a gathering where "I" am not going to find it "easy"...sometimes I might have to sit and watch my hubby scarf down a big plate of poison (gluten) with a smile on my face, engaged in the moment (it's time "out" with the hubby...it's supposed to be enjoyable...for BOTH OF US.

For those of you with children (sons, daughters, nieces, nephews) whom you love...dearly... Do you ever like a little "easy time", "date night", trip to the store without temper tantrums and the never ending list of "needs"??? If you're honest, of course you do... It doesn't mean you don't love them...you're human.

If I've had a friend who didn't invite or include me...I ask "why". You see, those are the types of friendships I nurture. The answer will provide the next step...keeping the bond or pulling away. I, also, make sure to continue my friendships as they were "before Lisa got sick"...in other words, I'm still "me".

Anyway...

Please don't take this as an indictment of anyone here! I don't even know you... I just wanted to give something to think about.

All I'm trying to say is... Don't take any crap, but don't be the one giving it either. Know your worth...

mbrookes Community Regular

Justlisa, I really appreciate your point of view. It is a hard lesson, but we all have to learn "It's not all about me". Of course there are jerks out there. Some people don't care for me because of my politics, some because of my personality, some for rreasons unknown to me. Cross them off and go on with the non-jerks. Oak trees may look strong, but a hard wind can take them down. Willows bend and snap back. Be a willow.

justlisa Apprentice

Justlisa, I really appreciate your point of view. It is a hard lesson, but we all have to learn "It's not all about me". Of course there are jerks out there. Some people don't care for me because of my politics, some because of my personality, some for rreasons unknown to me. Cross them off and go on with the non-jerks. Oak trees may look strong, but a hard wind can take them down. Willows bend and snap back. Be a willow.

Exactly. :)

pricklypear1971 Community Regular

My son just finally stopped Pre-empting every snack given to his friends with "it's gluten-free because my mom is allergic".

The first 9 months or so brought lots of eye rolling from him...and more than a few nasty remarks.

One of his friends, whom I adore, eats everything I give him and says its delicious. I love that child.

But, to both his credit and hubs neither one came unhinged in the Las Vegas airport in our futile attempt to find a gluten-free meal. But I did - felt horribly guilty, not to mention panicked by feeling "trapped without food".

Anyway, most people have no idea what being gluten-free entails not to mention other F's - and ignorance and rudeness abound. Mostly I've found, it's ignorance. At this point I figure it's payback because I'm sure I've had my dumb and rude moments...I like to think I'm learning more than gluten-free.

I have a hard time making new friends. My mom thinks I should go into a field needing security clearances because according to her, I am NOT forthcoming and keep about twenty walls up.

Anyhoo - you do have to appreciate the changes gluten-free forces on you and those close to you. I don't think it's fair to act like it isn't a PITA sometimes. I think it does complicate relationships - or has the potential to. It probably also exacerbates the weaknesses...especially if the people involved can't meet in the middle and work on it.

justlisa Apprentice

My son just finally stopped Pre-empting every snack given to his friends with "it's gluten-free because my mom is allergic".

The first 9 months or so brought lots of eye rolling from him...and more than a few nasty remarks.

One of his friends, whom I adore, eats everything I give him and says its delicious. I love that child.

But, to both his credit and hubs neither one came unhinged in the Las Vegas airport in our futile attempt to find a gluten-free meal. But I did - felt horribly guilty, not to mention panicked by feeling "trapped without food".

Anyway, most people have no idea what being gluten-free entails not to mention other F's - and ignorance and rudeness abound. Mostly I've found, it's ignorance. At this point I figure it's payback because I'm sure I've had my dumb and rude moments...I like to think I'm learning more than gluten-free.

I have a hard time making new friends. My mom thinks I should go into a field needing security clearances because according to her, I am NOT forthcoming and keep about twenty walls up.

Anyhoo - you do have to appreciate the changes gluten-free forces on you and those close to you. I don't think it's fair to act like it isn't a PITA sometimes. I think it does complicate relationships - or has the potential to. It probably also exacerbates the weaknesses...especially if the people involved can't meet in the middle and work on it.

Well said...

My 17 yr old son is that kid that other mothers love... They could be cutting out a kidney and he'd just smile and ask if they need the other. But...for mom? Sigh...

I tell him, almost daily, that there's a reason God makes mothers love their kids... I so love 17... ;)

~**caselynn**~ Enthusiast

All I'm trying to say is... Don't take any crap, but don't be the one giving it either. Know your worth...

Yay!! You nailed it girl!! :????

moose07 Apprentice

Thanks for the replies, it really helps hearing other peoples persectives.

Justlisa, I agree with you. I try as hard as I can to make my celiacs a non issue. Sometimes though some things are just not avoidable, for example what started his thinking was that I wouldn't kiss him goodbye one night because he has just eaten a pizza. I didn't want to risk it and he was not happy about it. I get that it sucks but what am I suppose to do? Again, I get your point and I try hard as I can to make my food issues a non issue with others but I can't accomidate everything.

justlisa Apprentice

Thanks for the replies, it really helps hearing other peoples persectives.

Justlisa, I agree with you. I try as hard as I can to make my celiacs a non issue. Sometimes though some things are just not avoidable, for example what started his thinking was that I wouldn't kiss him goodbye one night because he has just eaten a pizza. I didn't want to risk it and he was not happy about it. I get that it sucks but what am I suppose to do? Again, I get your point and I try hard as I can to make my food issues a non issue with others but I can't accomidate everything.

That's all that you can do, honey...is try. :)

For what it's worth...move forward. Does he sound like someone you'd want to be committed to? Someone you'd want/need to rely on?

I know it's hard to see when you are the one involved...and it is sooo much easier for everyone else... But...is that what you want?

Ask yourself.. honestly... If this was your sister, your brother, your mother, your best friend...what would you tell her/him about this relationship? Would you feel that he/she deserved better...more? You don't have to tell us...tell yourself.

No matter "what" the "excuse" is for the end of a relationship...doesn't matter. Quite often, "something" was missing. It doesn't even matter which side carries the lion's share of the "blame". It just "is". And, moving forward is all you can do.

I hope you can surround yourself with good people...ones you deserve and who deserve you.

notme Experienced

But, to both his credit and hubs neither one came unhinged in the Las Vegas airport in our futile attempt to find a gluten-free meal. But I did - felt horribly guilty, not to mention panicked by feeling "trapped without food".

DITTO! except stuck in el paso airport (after already turning in our rental) and facing a layover in dfw that the airline put us up in a hotel at the wee hours of the morning! after learning that trying to find a gluten-free meal (me: do you have anything that is gluten free? hostess: blank stare - deer in the headlights - ima take that as a 'no') was a futile effort. i had a half sandwich - turkey and mayo on udi's - that i rationed for a day - got ice in a cup with a lid and kept it cold lolol. and some chex and cashews. but let me tell you (well, you already know): when you have no eating options, it SUCKS!! also, it makes me immediately *starving* to death!!

today, i'm packing for a trip to bristol (NASCAR, BABY) check it: my kid got us all *skybox* tickets - SKYBOX!!!!! completely catered and al cohol in cluded. and i can't get anybody to tell me if i can bring my own food/if they have anything i can eat/if they have wine or redbridge and you are not allowed (normally) to bring ANYTHING in (like a cooler) - called everybody - nobody called me back....

this will also be my first race gluten-free. it's always been: anything goes (you know, within reason)

i can find a seat downstairs, outside of the SKYBOX and bring anything i want except glass bottles. my friends and family (ok, not my husband but i wish he would) are going to leave me in the dirt. and i don't blame them :(

so, my plan is: bring the cooler w/my stuff and make friends with security :)

geronimo!!!!!!!! :D

kareng Grand Master

DITTO! except stuck in el paso airport (after already turning in our rental) and facing a layover in dfw that the airline put us up in a hotel at the wee hours of the morning! after learning that trying to find a gluten-free meal (me: do you have anything that is gluten free? hostess: blank stare - deer in the headlights - ima take that as a 'no') was a futile effort. i had a half sandwich - turkey and mayo on udi's - that i rationed for a day - got ice in a cup with a lid and kept it cold lolol. and some chex and cashews. but let me tell you (well, you already know): when you have no eating options, it SUCKS!! also, it makes me immediately *starving* to death!!

today, i'm packing for a trip to bristol (NASCAR, BABY) check it: my kid got us all *skybox* tickets - SKYBOX!!!!! completely catered and al cohol in cluded. and i can't get anybody to tell me if i can bring my own food/if they have anything i can eat/if they have wine or redbridge and you are not allowed (normally) to bring ANYTHING in (like a cooler) - called everybody - nobody called me back....

this will also be my first race gluten-free. it's always been: anything goes (you know, within reason)

i can find a seat downstairs, outside of the SKYBOX and bring anything i want except glass bottles. my friends and family (ok, not my husband but i wish he would) are going to leave me in the dirt. and i don't blame them :(

so, my plan is: bring the cooler w/my stuff and make friends with security :)

geronimo!!!!!!!! :D

Do you have a doctor's note? I flash my doctor's note. Well...actually, just saying I have one and rummaging for it, usually does the trick. I know its in my wallet somewhere.

If food is allowed in the main area, you can probably bring it to the suites. Make it as small as posible. Maybe a large purse? Don't bring a drink as it takes up space and they will have drinks in the box.

notme Experienced

i actually *do* have a note :)

finally, i got hold of somebody who was helpful (can you put stuff in your pockets or your purse is what they told me lolz) i can bring a little backpack instead of my purse. NO COOLERS but insulated backpack? evidently, there's a little wiggle room there - YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

smiling alot and wearing a short skirt to obtain free gluten-free alcohol :D

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      Thank you for sharing all of this, Knitty Kitty! I did just want someone to share some commonality with. I did not know This one Deficiency was a thing and that it's common for Celiac Disease. It makes sense since this is a disorder that causes malabsorption. I will have to keep this in mind for my next appointments. You also just spurred me on to make that Dietician appointment. There's a lot of information online but I do need to see a professional. There is too much to juggle on my own with this condition.<3
    • RMJ
      I think your initial idea, eat gluten and be tested, was excellent. Now you have fear of that testing, but isn’t there also a fear each time you eat gluten that you’re injuring your body? Possibly affecting future fertility, bone health and more? Wouldn’t it be better to know for sure one way or the other? If you test negative, then you celebrate and get tested occasionally to make sure the tests don’t turn positive again. If you test positive, of course the recommendation from me and others is to stop gluten entirely.  But if you’re unable to convince yourself to do that, could a positive test at least convince you to minimize your gluten consumption?  Immune reactions are generally what is called dose response, the bigger the dose, the bigger the response (in this case, damage to your intestines and body). So while I am NOT saying you should eat any gluten with a positive test, the less the better.  
    • knitty kitty
      @Riley., Welcome to the forum, but don't do it!  Don't continue to eat gluten!  The health problems that will come if you continue to eat gluten are not worth it.  Problems may not show up for years, but the constant inflammation and nutritional losses will manifest eventually.  There's many of us oldsters on the forum who wish they'd been diagnosed as early.    Fertility problems, gallbladder removal, diabetes, osteoporosis and mental health challenges are future health issues you are toying with.   To dispel fear, learn more about what you are afraid of.  Be proactive.  Start or join a Celiac group in your area.  Learn about vitamins and nutrition.   Has your mother been checked for Celiac?  It's inherited.  She may be influencing you to eat gluten as a denial of her own symptoms.  Don't let friends and family sway you away from the gluten-free diet.  You know your path.  Stick to it.  Be brave. 
    • knitty kitty
      @tiffanygosci, Hello.  I apologize for your thread being hijacked.   I recognize your symptoms as being similar to what I experienced, the migraines, food and chemical sensitivities, hives, nausea, the numbness and tingling, joint pain, tummy problems, sleep problems, emotional lability, and the mom brain.  My cycle returned early after I had my son, and I became pregnant again with all my symptoms worsening.  Unfortunately, I lost that baby.  In hindsight, I recognized that I was suffering so much from Thiamine deficiency and other nutritional deficiencies that I was not able to carry it.   Celiac Disease affects the absorption of nutrients from our food.  There's eight B vitamins that must be replenished every day.  Thiamine Vitamin B1 becomes depleted first because it cannot be stored very long, less than two weeks.  Other B vitamins can be stored for two months or so.  But Thiamine can get low enough to produce symptoms in as little as three days.  As the thiamine level gets lower, symptoms worsen.  Early symptoms like fatigue and anxiety are often attributed to life situations, and so frequently go unrecognized by medical professionals who "have a pill for that".   I used to get severe migraines and vomiting after gluten consumption.  Thiamine and the other B vitamins are needed to turn carbohydrates, fats and proteins into fuel for our bodies.  With a large influx of carbohydrates from gluten containing foods, the demand for Thiamine increases greatly.  Available thiamine can be depleted quickly, resulting in suddenly worsening symptoms.  Emotional stress or trauma, physical activity (athletes and laborers) and physiological stresses like pregnancy or injury (even surgery or infection) increase the need for Thiamine and can precipitate a thiamine insufficiency. Pregnancy requires more thiamine, not just for the mother, but for the child as well.  The mother's Thiamine stores are often depleted trying to meet the higher demand of a growing fetus.  Thiamine insufficiency can affect babies in utero and after birth (autism, ADHD).  Having babies close together doesn't allow time for the mother to replenish thiamine stores sufficiently.   Thiamine insufficiency can cause migraines, pins and needles (paresthesia), and gastrointestinal Beriberi (gas, bloating, diarrhea or constipation, back pain).   Thiamine deficiency can cause blurry vision, difficulty focusing, and affect the eyes in other ways.  Thiamine deficiency can damage the optic nerves.  I have permanent vision problems.  High histamine levels can make your brain feel like it's on fire or swelling inside your cranium.  High histamine levels can affect behavior and mood.  Histamine is released by Mast Cells as part of the immune system response to gluten.  Mast Cells need Thiamine to regulate histamine release.  Mast Cells without sufficient thiamine release histamine at the slightest provocation.  This shows up as sensitivities to foods, smelly chemicals, plants, and dust mites.  Thiamine and the other B vitamins are needed to lower histamine levels.  Vitamin D is needed to calm the immune system and to regulate our hormones.  Menstrual irregularities can be caused by low Vitamin D.   Celiac Disease is a disease if Malabsorption of Nutrients.  We must take great care to eat a nutritionally dense diet.  Our bodies cannot make vitamins.  We must get them from what we eat.  Supplementation with essential vitamins and minerals is warranted while we are healing and to ensure we don't become deficient over time.  Our bodies will not function properly without essential vitamins and minerals.  Doctors have swept their importance under the rug in favor of a pill that covers the symptoms but doesn't resolve the underlying issue of malnutrition. Do talk to your doctor and dietician about checking for nutritional deficiencies.  Most blood tests for the eight B vitamins do not reflect how much is available or stored inside cells.  Blood tests reflect how much is circulating in the blood stream, the transportation system.  Blood levels can be "normal" while a deficiency exists inside cells where the vitamins are actually used.  The best way to see if you're low in B vitamins is to take a B Complex, and additional Thiamine and look for improvement.   Most vitamin supplements contain Thiamine Mononitrate, which is not easily absorbed nor utilized by the body.  Only thirty percent of thiamine mononitrate listed on the label is absorbed, less is actually utilized.  This is because thiamine mononitrate is shelf stable, it won't breakdown sitting on a shelf in the grocery store.  It's so hard to breakdown, our bodies don't absorb it and can't turn it into a form the body can use.  Take Thiamine in the form Benfotiamine or TTFD (tetrahydrofurfuryl disulfide) which the body can utilize much better.  (Ask for an Erythrocyte Transketolace Activity test for Thiamine level.  Though not accurate, this test does better picking up on a thiamine deficiency than a blood test.) Are you keeping your babies on a gluten free diet?  This can prevent genetically susceptible children from developing Celiac Disease.   P. S. Interesting Reading  Thiamine deficiency in pregnancy and lactation: implications and present perspectives https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10158844/ Descriptive spectrum of thiamine deficiency in pregnancy: A potentially preventable condition https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37458305/ B vitamins and their combination could reduce migraine headaches: A randomized double-blind controlled trial https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9860208/
    • trents
      @Riley, on this forum we sometimes get reports from people with similar experiences as you. That is, their celiac disease seems to go into remission. Typically, that doesn't last. At age 18 you are at your physical-biological peek in life where your body is stronger than it will ever be and it is able to fight well against many threats and abuses. As Wheatwacked pointed out, absence of symptoms is not always a reliable indicator that no damage is being done to the body. I was one of those "silent" celiacs with no symptoms, or at least very minor symptoms, whose body was being slowly damaged for many years before the damage became pronounced enough to warrant investigation, leading to a diagnosis. By that time I had suffered significant bone demineralization and now I suffer with back and neck problems. Please, if you choose to continue consuming gluten, which I do not recommend, at least get tested regularly so that you won't get caught in the silent celiac trap down the road like I did. You really do not outgrow celiac disease. It is baked into the genes. Once the genes get triggered, as far as we know, they are turned on for good. Social rejection is something most celiacs struggle with. Being compliant with the gluten free diet places restrictions on what we can eat and where we can eat. Our friends usually try to work with us at first but then it gets to be a drag and we begin to get left out. We often lose some friends in the process but we also find out who really are our true friends. I think the hardest hits come at those times when friends spontaneously say, "Hey, let's go get some burgers and fries" and you know you can't safely do that. One way to cope in these situations is to have some ready made gluten-free meals packed in the fridge that you can take with you on the spot and still join them but eat safely. Most "real" friends will get used to this and so will you. Perhaps this little video will be helpful to you.  
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