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My Husband Is The Problem Help

Guest worrywart

By Guest worrywart
in Parents, Friends and Loved Ones of Celiacs

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Guest worrywart
Guest worrywart
Posted

Hello Everyone my name is cheryl My 12 year old daughter Amanda has finally been diagnosed

with Celiac. It has been a 3 year battle thankfully we now know for positive she has Celiac.

The problem is my husband telling her not to listen to me she can eat it once in a while. :angry:

I am so mad at him right now . :angry::angry: I have been researching this since the original

blood work 3 years ago I do understand the damage a Celiac can face by not strictly

following the required diet. I purposely brought him to the appointment today so he can listen to the doctor

explain this . He listened (or so I thought) :blink: Now she thinks she can have pizza and brownies

once week for being good on the diet during the week. :( Help I need to make him understand

It is poison to her what should I do ????? I feel like locking him in the closet every Friday night

(this is the promised pizza and brownie night) :angry:

Thanks everyone

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tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

If you sit down and talk to him, calmly, about why he thinks that once a week is alright, despite the hard evidence you've shown him and the doctor has told him to the contrary, what does he say? This is aggrivating, frustrating, dangerous, and stupid, I agree, but you guys are going to have to work together on this one, because you can't watch her yourself 24-7. Talk to him about his understanding of the condition, and try to find out where he's coming from, and tackle the problem from there. And do keep your daughter's doctor informed about what is going on; he'll have to continually monitor her vitamin levels and may have to give her medication if she doesn't follow the diet.

Guest worrywart
Guest worrywart
Posted
If you sit down and talk to him, calmly, about why he thinks that once a week is alright, despite the hard evidence you've shown him and the doctor has told him to the contrary, what does he say? This is aggrivating, frustrating, dangerous, and stupid, I agree, but you guys are going to have to work together on this one, because you can't watch her yourself 24-7. Talk to him about his understanding of the condition, and try to find out where he's coming from, and tackle the problem from there. And do keep your daughter's doctor informed about what is going on; he'll have to continually monitor her vitamin levels and may have to give her medication if she doesn't follow the diet.
Jnkmnky Collaborator
Jnkmnky
Posted

I wonder if that would constitute child endangerment. I know for a fact, my husband would be in danger if he tried to do that to our son. Auto immune diseases "piggy-back" one another. He's exposing her to a myriad of other, more painful and debiliating and permanent auto immune diseases with his cavalier attitude. Lovely father. You could divorce him and use this against him so that he cannot poison her. I don't mean that lightly. I'd do it.

MySuicidalTurtle Enthusiast
MySuicidalTurtle
Posted

As long as your daughter knows not to cheat and doesn't it should not matter if her Father tells her otherwise. 12 years old is an age where she can do things for herself and make her own decisions. Just focus on her. It is strange that he'd be okay with her harming herself. Would he be okay with her smoking, once every few days?

Rachel--24 Collaborator
Rachel--24
Posted
As long as your daughter knows not to cheat and doesn't it should not matter if her Father tells her otherwise. 12 years old is an age where she can do things for herself and make her own decisions. Just focus on her. It is strange that he'd be okay with her harming herself. Would he be okay with her smoking, once every few days?

I agree...it is strange that he wants her to still eat gluten once a week despite her diagnosis. Maybe he's in denial? :blink:

Anyways, like MySuicidalTurtle said focus on HER....make her understand what kind of damage "cheating" can cause. Have the doctor explain it to her as well. Its not like your husband can shove it down her throat....just make sure she knows its NOT ok to eat it once a week....or ever if she wants to stay healthy. Maybe she can benefit from joining this message board. :)

psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted

Maybe you can have pizza on Friday, and still be gluten free. I have seen a number of recipes for gluten-free pizza crust (search this board) and there are some available ready made that you can buy. Watch the toppings, especially prepared meats, as they can be hidden sources of gluten. We don't have it every week, but my wife and I do have gluten-free pizza from time to time. Brownies are possible too, although I am less familiar with them as they are not something I eat often.

These ideas may make it possible for your daughter to see that the promise has been kept (she gets her pizza) while staying gluten-free. Meanwhile, your husband needs help to understand the nature of this disease, and that regular pizza dough, even occasionally, is poison to his daughter.

I hope you can find a way for everybody to live with this together. It would be a tragedy if you had to make a choice between your marriage and the health of your daughter.

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RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted

I sympathize with you, and you probably have a tough situation on your hands. My entire family has turned against me when I made my dietary commitments. They do go into denial, and they don't understand or appreciate the nature of the disease.

I'd add to the suggestions from others to sit him down and look at some information online together. This board would be one place IMO, though I don't know how he'd react to seeing your posts about him. I'd show him the information on the history of wheat, a link to which you will find Open Original Shared Link. Reading the excerpt given in that post alone should be a real eye opener. If that doesn't get through his thick head, maybe you can find something he's highly allergic/sensitive to, and slip it into his food :) Then when his symptoms are in full bloom, suggest to him that he should have it once a week.

jenvan Collaborator
jenvan
Posted

ah, what an frustrating burden to bear! working against your spouse is very tiring... i agree with a lot of what's been said here. i say approach both of them--appropriately explain to your daughter the situation and see if she can make 'good' decisions on her own. also do do do talk to your husband. even if your daughter makes the right choices, he is undermining your efforts, and that will probably lead to problems eventually. will he be reasonable and listen to you if you, non-confrontationally, broach the issue and try to convert his way of thinking? your daughter will be living in your house for quite a few years to come, and she will always be a celiac, so this is definitely something that has to be dealt with, not avoided...

carriecraig Enthusiast
carriecraig
Posted

I think that once your daughter is gluten-free for a while, and then eats something with gluten in it, she will feel aweful. This will show her that even the slightest thing will make her sick. Good luck!

KaitiUSA Enthusiast
KaitiUSA
Posted

I am sorry to hear that. I am not sure what his mind set is but he may be feeling guilty that she has it and wants to be a hero of some sort. The reason I said that is because when I was first diagnosed my dad would let me have stuff I was not supposed to have either. If I was good following the diet I figured that eating something once in a while would not hurt me...boy was I wrong! Then I read more about the risks and all and that scared me into following the diet without any cheating.

You need to have a chat with him but not confrontational. Maybe you should print out some of the risks that are involved if the diet is not followed. Like 40-100 times more likely for cancer, and other disabling and potentially life threatening things. It also knocks an average of about 10 years off of your life if not followed. So as you can see this is not something to mess with. He may not fully comprehend what gluten can do to her.

There are alot of great gluten free foods...it's just a matter of finding the right brands. The diet is not as constricting as it seems...there are gluten free breads, pastas, chicken nuggets, donuts, etc.

Alot of regular candy and ice cream is gluten free too so maybe treating her to something that is gluten free that she likes will be good. Make sure you tell her that it is gluten free though.

Guest worrywart
Guest worrywart
Posted

Hello Everyone

Hello everyone. Thank you for your response I know he loves his daughter and he wants the best for his daughter he doesn't understand how serious this is. He really thinks that she can eat glutten once in a while

and it not hurt her. He needs to understand this is a life or death situation. I need to make him understand

somehow. He is thick and stubborn. He won't read anything on here but I will print somethings out

and give to him to read We are all upset about this not just him. He isn't tring to hurt her on purpose

though he seems to be in denial.

happygirl Collaborator
happygirl
Posted

That is probably true-it is hard to understand how something so "normal" as wheat, etc., can be so damaging. Logic says that just a "little" cheating here and there isn't too bad....but for Celiacs, as you know, that is just simply not the case. That was a question that was asked of me a lot at the beginning, "Well, can't you just have a little bit of this bread/pasta/cookie." It is very hard for some people to grasp the severity and importance of following a strict gluten-free diet. There is also a lot to learn, including cross-contamination, and hidden sources of gluten.

Your daughter is very lucky to have a supportive mother who is fiercely looking out for her best interests. Having the support of family has been really important for me. I would continue to do everything you can to help ensure your daughter's health....and hopefully soon, your husband will have a "light-bulb" moment and join the gluten-free team :)

mommida Enthusiast
mommida
Posted

At first I was just really angry thinking that some parent out there would hurt their child so ignorantly.

Then I realized, this man can't believe there is anything "wrong" with his perfect daughter that he loves very much. He is just in an early faze of shock.

You can get all the gluten free pizza and brownies she wants to eat. Have dad help her with some of the mixes. If dairy isn't an issue Amy's rice crust pizza is gluten free and found in some larger chain grocery stores. (Meijer, Kroger) Kroger has Pamela's mixes for brownies, and baking and pancakes. Gluten Free pantry's brownies are excellent.

Get your husband all the Celiac literature you can find, put it in front of him, and give him some time to come to terms with this. He may not read it for months. You are a family and everyone is involved and is going to deal with it their own way.

Laura

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