The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

Wait....that wasn't page 200 yet....

Is this?......

[elye]

arrrrgh...C'mon....flip over....new page...new page...

[elye]

This is killin' me. Someone else can be The Great Two Hundred Crosser....

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

Ah, w.e ok, I'm sitting here, coughing my head off, and reading. I came across this poem...

In his wisdom God made the fly,

And then forgot to tell us why.

-Ogden Nash

I Just thought that was hilarious! XD

[Mtndog]

Susie, excellent nun joke.

I was looking for Jin's magic hair post but couldn't find it. Just a warning Jin, keep an eye on that hair . . . don't let it evolve into

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Carla- OUCH!!!!!!! Medieval mouth torture is right.

Susie- nun joke VERY FUNNY!!!!!!!! OMG- yes, a genteel yet strong Southern man.

Dublin personals- only in Dublin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

KC and the Sunshine band

OMG- I am the 200 crosser!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that calls for some humor.

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters

near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to

pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below

were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months

at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF

======================

Dearest creature in creation,

Study English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!!!

-- Author Unknown

[DingoGirl]

This is killin' me. Someone else can be The Great Two Hundred Crosser....

<----- eyes rolling and hands clapping in glee

PAGE 200???? will it be me??

What we need to commemorate this is for Sir RICHARD to do a POOP-in!!!!!!!!!!

RICHARD!!!!

come and see us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am watching Jerry Seinfeld's wife on Oprah, she purees all kinds of veggies and add them to everything, to trick her kids....

very clever, but I don't want to puree, I WANT MY OWN CELEBRITY CHEF

[DingoGirl]

oh dear....Emily, for all her efforts, missed being the first to post on page 200.

But look,

IT"S our silly dog BEV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jerseyangel]

It's our very own Beverly who turned the page to 200!

Susie, I saw Jessica Seinfeld on Oprah--I thought her ideas were very clever. I'd like a chef, too

[Darn210]

Not only did Bev turn the page . . . I think she was trying to fill the whole dang thang herself!

[CarlaB]

Who on earth has time or energy to puree veggies??? I hide greens, but outright veggies, they have to eat ... or they can always have it for breakfast ...

[elye]

Dangit, I missed the 200 flipover by two...

CONGRATULATIONS, BEV!!

You are the current Sillyak Queen, so seat yourself beside our Good King Richard. That is, until we approach 300...then, I'll take another run at it!

So Bev...did wailing sirens go off within your computer when the page turned? Flashing lights and clanging bells? Were you given a house? A Canadian one?

[~alex~]

I didn't want to be the first on the 200th page since I'm a newbie here but now that it's safe to post here is something funny that my brother sent me in honour of (Canadian) Thanksgiving.

THANKSGIVING CONVERSATION THAT SOUNDS DIRTY BUT ISN'T

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!

6. Are you ready for seconds yet?

7. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

8. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

9. Don't play with your meat.

10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

11. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

12. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

13. You still have a little bit on your chin.

14. How long will it take after you stick it in?

15. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

16. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

17. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

18. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

(I hope this isn't too raunchy but it just made me giggle, especially #15)

[tom]

(Ridgewalker - Tostito in the eye lady )

OH! OH!! <arm vigorously raised and waving a la Horshack(sp?)>

Sarah! Full recovery from that Corneal Implant?

. . . She is the instigator (and timeshare owner) of the Hilton Head trip.

Does Scratch Kitchen do gluten-free?

Tom, I won't agree entirely with the mass, . . .. .

. . . Have you ever watched a CFL game? If you get the chance, do!

1) yay!!

2) yeah seen a few. Grey Cup. 2 teams in an 8-team league BOTH being the RoughRiders . . .. . . Explain THAT!!!

(Crazy to see real pros in 'fwd motion'. Uh-oh . .. .. .ok that's when . .. . oh never mind)

Here is one that makes me think he was auditioning for the Blair Witch Project

.... and an invitation to bring my daughter over to visit her farm (15 horses).

Woohoo!!

OK - emoticons . . .

stalker emoticon

Umm, OK, sure, I meant to do that

I knew that wouldn't work

I bleach my teeth

shhhh, don't talk now, I'm listening to the voices in my head

I play the sax, you can call me Woodly

to all w/ a lil extra for the last

I enjoy all that goes along with going to a football game ... the game itself is incidental ... I prefer college football.

See? THAT's all we're asking for . . .. ..

I cannot begin to tell you how much mouth pain I'm in. The ortho adjusted them and I got a new wire across my mouth. The wire was too long and it has made big sores in the back of both sides of my mouth. I filed it down on both sides, not easy to do, LOL. Now I have wax over it so the sores can heal. I can hardly eat ... in fact, I don't eat much. I also have six ruber bands pulling my teeth together, so I keep clenching my jaw because it's too difficult to open. Ouch.

Ugh, I've done the filing down bit myself - long long ago.

Playing sax after a tightening was an adventure. Mouthpiece is where the sounds vibrations BEGIN!

"Pureed lasanga all around!!"

Cow Bingo!! I was near somewhererother doing that, but had to settle a bet w/ a smart-ass tic-tac-toe Chicken!!

HAVE to comment now.

You peeps (Americans,Canadians) may have a good game with a ball (odd shaped or otherwise) but football it ain't!

Football = 2 teams, 11 a side, game of two halves (45mins each) most popular game IN THE WORLD, blah, blah, blah ......

NFL Football = 2 teams, 11 a side, game of two halves .. .ya had it up to there. We even have quarters. What fraction of an hour should a quarter be? <way ahead of me now?>

Football is 2 halves of HALF an hour.

<bah 3qtr-hr halves . .. ..mutter mutter . . ..wth is wrong w/ these ppl?>

"stay alive! no matter what happens, I WILL find you! Just stay alive!

hilarious!

[tom]

(I hope this isn't too raunchy but it just made me giggle, especially #16)

Just raunchy enough!

I don't know if I even wanna SAY which ones made me laugh the out-loudest.

[tom]

Dublin Personals!

Tom -- That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh!

LA!LA!LAAA!LA!! "Can't HEAR you!!" LA!LAAA!LA!!LA!LAAA!LA!!

Wait....that wasn't page 200 yet....

Is this?......

LMAO!

and perhaps pointing

(I take it I'm the only one who's looked at the url close enough to see "st=xxxx"?)

And BEV!!!

O .. . . .. . .

M . .. ..... .

G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That made my brain hurt and I LIKE that stuff!!!

Mr (or Mrs!) Author Unknown needs to join ik-wip-seh!!!

[elye]

2) yeah seen a few. Grey Cup. 2 teams in an 8-team league BOTH being the RoughRiders . . .. . . Explain THAT!!!

Ha! Don'cha see? That's what adds to the charm of it all up here...actually, there are nine teams when Ottawa's got a team participating. Our last effort, the Ottawa Renegades (formerly one of the said Rough Riders) folded a few years ago, and we're now suddenly looking at a new attempt, maybe for June 2008. I NEED MY FOOTBALL TEAM BACK!

Bev, I've used that excellent pronunciation poem to finish off my advanced pronunciation classes...I have them each read a verse, and we all laugh and laugh...and cry and swear...at the ridiculousness of this crazy language.

[Darn210]

What we need to commemorate this is for Sir RICHARD to do a POOP-in!!!!!!!!!!

RICHARD!!!!

come and see us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want Richard to schwing by . . . I believe the magic word is

Tassels . . . Tassels? . . . Taaaasssssselllls!

Sarah! Full recovery from that Corneal Implant?

Shucks Tom, enough with the corn - we've had an Earful already!

Does Scratch Kitchen do gluten-free?

We did not make it to the Scratch Kitchen (Sorry, Susie). I did look them up in the yellow pages, though. I don't know if the Tater Tot Queen does gluten-free but it does appear she maintains a yeti-free kitchen.

And I'm slow to add . . . and now I'm not going to remember who did what . . .

but, excellent silliness

Nikki with the personal ads

Alex with the raunchy Thanksgiving

SusieQ with the Last of the Mojitos - oops, I mean Mohicans

somebody with a dog and cat thing

and I'm forgetting some, I'm sure . . . well, YOU know who YOU are

Oh, and thanks to Bev for taking our speed reading down to low gear.

[DingoGirl]

oh my gaaaaaaaaawd -- -

the other night I happened to catch a "best of" on MadTV.

I don't think I"ve ever shared with you guys how much I LUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRVE Coach Hines, but in honoUr of our 200th page and Bev's new Canadian house, I though I'd share.

so - - in further endeavors to waste time and procrastinate from cleaning my room

I found this for you guys. warning - it's about 7 minutes - I was guffawing by myself in bed....was i just tired and delirious?

Open Original Shared Link

[little d]

I didn't want to be the first on the 200th page since I'm a newbie here but now that it's safe to post here is something funny that my brother sent me in honour of (Canadian) Thanksgiving.

THANKSGIVING CONVERSATION THAT SOUNDS DIRTY BUT ISN'T

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!

6. Are you ready for seconds yet?

7. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

8. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

9. Don't play with your meat.

10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

11. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

12. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

13. You still have a little bit on your chin.

14. How long will it take after you stick it in?

15. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

16. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

17. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

18. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

(I hope this isn't too raunchy but it just made me giggle, especially #15)

I'm ready for my next round of turkey stuffing

donna

[Mtndog]

Haven't read but HAD to post this...hysterical:

Butt measurement

A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day

And the man looks over at his wife and says:

"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big.

I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape

And measured the grill and then went over to

Where his wife was working

And measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is 2" wider than the barbecue!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Late R that night in bed,

The husband is feeling a little frisky.

He makes some advances towards his wife

Who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers: " Do you really think

I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill

For one little weenie ?"

[Darn210]

Butt measurement

" Do you really think

I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill

For one little weenie ?"

Eggs.sell.int !

[Mtndog]

I know, I know...so sorry for hogging page 200. I am very sad today as I did NOT receive a Canadian house like Open Original Shared Link somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. Instead I gotOpen Original Shared Link. BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will accept the title of Princess Tickle Me Elbow until page 300

And yes, we need our KING!!!!!!!

TASSLES< TASSLES< TASSLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tom]

Shucks Tom, enough with the corn - we've had an Earful already!

Gah!! I actually somehow missed the "shucks" reference 1st time thru!

(Janet's too good at this game)

And happy to hear the yeti-intolerant have somewhere to go!

I don't think I"ve ever shared with you guys how much I LUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRVE Coach Hines, but in honor of our 200th page and Bev's new Canadian house, I though I'd share.

Uh-oh! Here I am, caught unawares, never having even heard of said Coach.

And, of course, fancy-phone not fancy enough for youtube. (but it's also not $600)

200th page woohoo!!!!!!

I've been asked to pass along Management's congratulations to all of you for the increased production in the prior qtr (Q3-07).

What I gotsta axe now is what's the deal w/ the slackers taking so long to get to page ONE hundred?? I joined in very close to 100 just a few months ago!!!! Thread's been alive too long for me to think I'm in HALF of it! (I just know there's something here to be blamed on Pseuzee , but it's just not coming to me. "More coffee plz!!" )

. . . . I was guffawing by myself in bed....was i just tired and delirious?

Heehee Dingy, those are humorous moments when one chuckles & guffaws oneself to sleep.

nahhhh i can't inquire about green eggs can i

I'm ready for my next round of turkey stuffing

donna

Hmmmm Texas . . .. . . .

I know, I know...so sorry for hogging page 200.

1) That long passage was too classic to miss!

2) Each page is 15 posts, w/out regard to length, so talk of hogging is oinkt .. . .. .errrr .. . .moot

I am very sad today as I did NOT receive a Canadian house like Open Original Shared Link somewhere in the Canadian Rockies.

Yeah yeah everybody sighs admiring the beautiful house, but whodayathink's gonna hafta shovel the roof!!??

And yes, we need our KING!!!!!!!

TASSLES< TASSLES< TASSLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe gfp/steve will show?

"BEAUJOLAIS!!!!!!"

<sure wish 'puilly fuisse' had worked last time>

Bah! <---- tom packing to go back to Phx, where 97deg and a backbreaking amount of packing awaits.

I think I'm still worn out from the 3 spectacular days. Head hit the pillow the minute I finally got back from the game, which was ~6 hrs after the game ended!! Post-game tailgate in the pkg lot for too long then stopped in Burlingame for Sunday Night Football (Bears WIN!) at a bar.

[elye]

I know, I know...so sorry for hogging page 200. I am very sad today as I did NOT receive a Canadian house like Open Original Shared Link somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. Instead I gotOpen Original Shared Link. BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will accept the title of Princess Tickle Me Elbow until page 300

And yes, we need our KING!!!!!!!

TASSLES< TASSLES< TASSLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bev, you found my ski chalet in Banff! Isn't it lovely (or lurvely, for Susie)! Well, at least you didn't get this one: http://www.polarrace.com/images/medres/20050416-nw-igloo.webp

Dunno how to put the URL into a word...must visit technical area.

Actually, there are many Yeti sightings up there in the Yukon...wonder if these structures are Yeti-proof? Do they have a Yeti coverage option for Northern house insurance?

Bev, breaking through the 200 barrier is colossal. I believe that you should not be simply the Princess Sillak, but the Right HonoUrable QUEEN. We should take it to a vote. But when page 300 looms up ahead, your crown goes up for grabs. I am now officially tabling this motion. My fellow subjects?

I am very curious to know if anyone else, anywhere, pays attention and actually noticed when page 100 was hit, or is Tom alone in his hyper-observance? Man, I am very lucky if I notice new emails appearing, or the laundry baskets overflowing, or the smell of rotting food in the fridge...but those little page indicators turning?

[DingoGirl]

Hear, hear, Most HonoUrable Queen Bev of the Order of the Twirling Tassels!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THERE"S RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!