The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[jerseyangel]

This is from my 15 yr old daughter I don't know where she got it from....

O-S-C-A-R M-A-Y-E-R has a way of f'n with my D-N-A

Welcome to the silliness, Barb!

So since I went to Hersheypark last night at 8 and it was only open till 10, we paid last night the actual admission amount and did what is called a "preview" meaning todays trip is free. Good thing too, we only got on 2 rides last night. The warmer than usual weather had everyone out.

Sounds like fun--it hard to believe it's late October with how warm it's been.

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Everyone,

Sorry I have not gotten to visit in a while. I have a nice story for you. Last week, our Yorkie Dart was sick. I thought it might be worms because of the symptoms. Well, it turns out, he had something stuck in his small intestine. The vet had to do emergency surgery! Friday afternoon, we were relieved to hear Dart was doing fine.

Then the vet told us what the obstruction was. Wait until you hear this one. Do you recall me talking about my deadly hair? Guess what Dart had swallowed a wad of? The vet found it so amusing, he took a picture of it! At least we should get to bring him back home Monday!

Sincerely,

Jin

[blueeyedmanda]

Dear Everyone,

Sorry I have not gotten to visit in a while. I have a nice story for you. Last week, our Yorkie Dart was sick. I thought it might be worms because of the symptoms. Well, it turns out, he had something stuck in his small intestine. The vet had to do emergency surgery! Friday afternoon, we were relieved to hear Dart was doing fine.

Then the vet told us what the obstruction was. Wait until you hear this one. Do you recall me talking about my deadly hair? Guess what Dart had swallowed a wad of? The vet found it so amusing, he took a picture of it! At least we should get to bring him back home Monday!

Sincerely,

Jin

Jin- I hope Dart is doing much better.

[Darn210]

Then the vet told us what the obstruction was. Wait until you hear this one. Do you recall me talking about my deadly hair? Guess what Dart had swallowed a wad of? The vet found it so amusing, he took a picture of it! At least we should get to bring him back home Monday!

Sincerely,

Jin

Jin - good to see you again. Glad Dart is doing fine. Did you see the post I wrote about your hair? Don't let it turn into Open Original Shared Link Maybe that will only happen if you grow a beard . . . Don't pull a Patti and grow a beard . . . Whatever you do . . . DON'T GROW A BEARD, JIN!

Welcome Barb. Since you've quoted Richard from the very first post, I can only assume that you have read the ENTIRE thread. Good for you. There will be a quiz later!

[elye]

Ah, Jin...your hair HAS become dangerous! We were all kidding about this, and look what happened! Poor Dart...hope he's okay. That was quite a furball!

Welcome to the madness, Barb! Do you have any parade experience?

[jerseyangel]

Dear Everyone,

Sorry I have not gotten to visit in a while. I have a nice story for you. Last week, our Yorkie Dart was sick. I thought it might be worms because of the symptoms. Well, it turns out, he had something stuck in his small intestine. The vet had to do emergency surgery! Friday afternoon, we were relieved to hear Dart was doing fine.

Then the vet told us what the obstruction was. Wait until you hear this one. Do you recall me talking about my deadly hair? Guess what Dart had swallowed a wad of? The vet found it so amusing, he took a picture of it! At least we should get to bring him back home Monday!

Sincerely,

Jin

Wow Jin--

I'm so relieved that Dart came through ok! Your hair really does have a mind of it's own

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Amanda,

OMG! I am glad Dart is okay, too. I feel so terrible! I cannot believe he had that in his intestine! It was stuck!

No wonder he was so ill!

It sounds like the wedding is coming along nicely. The fourth will be here before you know it! A beach wedding is so perfect! I am excited, and I do not even get to come! It is probably a good thing, because my hair might eat the cake!

Dear Janet,

ROTFLMAO! That was hilarious! You took my face and put it on there! What is so scary is, my hair does seem to be doing this stuff. It is only a matter of time! I tell you, that commercial was good!

No worries here! I am definitely not going to grow a beard! Thank God my eye brows are easy to tame. Now I have a horror story. My brother says my hair is like the Blob. One day, you may read a story called "The Hair That Ate New York" if I move up there! I did not get to see the post you wrote about my hair. Could you tell me which page it was on?

Dear Emily,

It really is horrifying. I mean, what does my hair do when I sleep? What is worse is, we always were joking about Dart getting a furball. Now it happened! At least according to the vet, it is not uncommon for dogs to do that.

Hey, I have some parade experience. I was in a pet parade when I was in Kindergarten. Does that count? Who is in charge of the floats? I could design those!

Dear Patti,

Yes, I may have to cut my hair for the dog's safety! It comes out a lot due to my Thyroid being hyped up. The thing is, even if I change it, Dart might still eat it again! He puts everything in his mouth! I have had to fight him to get Q-tips, cigarette butts, plastic, paper, and all kinds of other things from him. If you pick him up to get it, he will swallow it before you can get it out of his mouth!

I do not know what we are going to do! He is four and still eats the stuffing out of his toys! The obstruction was two inches long and pretty good sized around, too. We will see it when we pick him up sometime tomorrow. Hmmm...maybe that is what is wrong with me. Maybe I have a hairball?

Dear Barb,

Welcome to the insanity! The thread here is nothing but absurdity! This is solely for our enjoyment! We have the amusing, the silly, and the outright stupid. Do not feel bad if you just got here, because I have not been able to follow along until more recently again.

Sincerely,

Jin

[DingoGirl]

Boring Saturday night here ....does anyone understand Rugby???(World cup - England/S.Africa)...BIG burley men with (odd) shaped ball

Doesn't matter if we understand it or not. Rugby players, odd-shaped balls and all, are HOT. That is what matters, please don't forget the reason you are watching it.

Sorry I haven't been "in" much in the last couple of days. I was cramming and killing myself to get stuff for speech done. OHHH!!! Look at what I did.

3rd place in Lincoln Douglas Debate

5th place in Lincoln Douglas speaking skill

7th place in impromptu

WHOO-HOO!!!!!

WOO-HOO indeed!! Good for you, young one!

In your speech, did you tell them about this thread? Our parade? Our yeti? Chuck Norris??? anything? I thought not. How could you???????

This is from my 15 yr old daughter I don't know where she got it from....

O-S-C-A-R M-A-Y-E-R has a way of f'n with my D-N-A

Excellent, welcome to madness, we've moved on from jingles to.....pure lunacy.....

During the week when we are supposed to be "working" we are on fire on here....weekend comes and we calm down hehe

ain't it the truth - if the employers only knew -

Then the vet told us what the obstruction was. Wait until you hear this one. Do you recall me talking about my deadly hair? Guess what Dart had swallowed a wad of? The vet found it so amusing, he took a picture of it! At least we should get to bring him back home Monday!

JIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my Lord, poor Dart. Deadly, omnivorous hair, indeed! I think this is the first I've ever heard of an animal afflicted wtih a HUMAN HAIRBALL!!!!!!!!!!! Good Lord, glad he's okay!!

Slow Sunday here.....went to church to see the cute, single pastor speaking (is that a bad reason to go to church? )

The weasel is still limping badly - x-rays tomorrow (cha CHING!)......

At this moment I am making stuffed portabella mushrooms, a new one. Waiting for the laboUr-intensive bread crumbs to toast....them will smash them to bits. Heinous. Normal folks don't know how easy they gots it....

SEE YOU LATER SILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DingoGirl]

p.s.

Only 30 more pages until a new QUEEN is crowned. [<---maybe we should ask SCOTT the true meaning of that ambiguous emoticon}

Will it be me?? Can it be? oh Please???? my fondest dream.

Can I put it on a resume? Bev?

[Mtndog]

Doesn't matter if we understand it or not. Rugby players, odd-shaped balls and all, are HOT. That is what matters, please don't forget the reason you are watching it.

'Zactly! Here's Uncle Ray again at his finest:

A Scotsman moves to America and attends his first baseball game. The first

batter approaches the batters' box, takes a few swings and then hits a

double. Everyone is on their feet screaming "Run!!!" The next batter hits a

single. The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers "RUN!! RUN!!"

The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming with the fans. The

fifth batter comes up and four balls go by. The Umpire calls: "Walk." The

batter starts his slow trot to first base. The Scot stands up and screams,

"Run ye lazy bastard run!" The people around him begin laughing.

Embarrassed, the Scot sits back down. A friendly fan notes the man's

embarrassment, leans over and explains, "He can't run -- he has four balls."

The Scot stands up and screams: "Walk with pride, Laddie!

I hope Dart and Weasel are OK soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good job Daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Queen? New? In 30 pages? OMGosh.....but my reign has only just begun

[Green12]

Will it be me?? Can it be? oh Please???? my fondest dream.

You'd have my vote Susie Q

Slow Sunday here.....went to church to see the cute, single pastor speaking (is that a bad reason to go to church? )

It is slow on the weekends, seems Sillies don't put their game faces on or bring their A Game out until the work week

Cute Single Pastor? Sweet

So sorry about your Annie's foot, I hope all is ok.

And Jin, your little Dart, I am sorry to hear what heppened to him. I hope he is doing better.

Hi to Barb, just jump right in to the madness

Nikki, I'm not sure how to follow rugby, seems they run like mad and chuck the ball a lot .

We woke to 4 or so inches of snow this morning, crazy! I think that put an end to the changing of the colors for the leaves, the snow will probably make them all fall off

[Daughter-of-TheLight]

WOO-HOO indeed!! Good for you, young one!

In your speech, did you tell them about this thread? Our parade? Our yeti? Chuck Norris??? anything? I thought not. How could you???????

O.o I want to win, not establish myself as a lunatic in front of the judges. It is a CHRISTIAN speech and debate league, so Chuck Norris is out. And I can't add anymore because it's already too long. :embarrased: Though I would if i didn't want to go to Nationals and try to keep myself slightly sane for debate. (Yes, its really hard to debate thinking about thinking about shell-covered Yeti's...)

[DingoGirl]

O.o I want to win, not establish myself as a lunatic in front of the judges. It is a CHRISTIAN speech and debate league, so Chuck Norris is out. And I can't add anymore because it's already too long. :embarrased: Though I would if i didn't want to go to Nationals and try to keep myself slightly sane for debate. (Yes, its really hard to debate thinking about thinking about shell-covered Yeti's...)

Katie Katie Katie.....

Chuck Norris IS a Christian - - had a dramatic conversion actually......so you COULD talk about Chuck in your debates:

Open Original Shared Link

Alas, p'raps you should NOT talk about shell-covered yetis and parades w/ Charles Heston, Bob Goulet, Michael Jackson, oompa loompas and a handful of maniacal Celiacs...

:lol:

You ARE going to nationals, I just know it, and our WILD parade will wreak havoc there!!!!!

Yay!! brilliant idea!!!

Hi Julie!! What is with the sudden SNOW and the obfuscating of the fall leaves!!!???? HEINOUS!!

[Green12]

Hi Julie!! What is with the sudden SNOW and the obfuscating of the fall leaves!!!???? HEINOUS!!

I know! I think it's a sign we are going to have a loooooong winter, and possibly lots of snow.

I'm just a little sad because I put off the last 2 weeks traveling to see the changing of the leaves, and photographing the beuaty of it all

Queen? New? In 30 pages? OMGosh.....but my reign has only just begun

The shortest reign in history....30 more pages will come in a matter of days.

Bev, hurry, make your mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

My goodness...an unsettling theme of ill dogs is beginning. I must keep an eye on my Gus. How is Angus, Bev? Everything okay with him?

Great work, Light! I thought your speech was on celiac disease, but it's a Christian group? Hmmmm...celiac disease and the Bible. Breaking bread....

[DingoGirl]

My goodness...an unsettling theme of ill dogs is beginning. I must keep an eye on my Gus. How is Angus, Bev? Everything okay with him?

Great work, Light! I thought your speech was on celiac disease, but it's a Christian group? Hmmmm...celiac disease and the Bible. Breaking bread....

Yes, Emily, check your Gus, and banish any errant hairballs at once!!

All right - - short rant here - -

celiac disease and the bible - -

known fact.....wheat flour selected and "bred" to have twice as much gluten - for dough-y, sticking purposes - than in Jesus' time. Hence, too large a protein for us to digest.

HARRUMPH!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe that is what Katie needs to talk about? In her radical Celiac debate?

end of rant.

BACK TO SILLINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ridgewalker]

We woke to 4 or so inches of snow this morning, crazy! I think that put an end to the changing of the colors for the leaves, the snow will probably make them all fall off

:o Where do you live??? It's still warm/hot all day here, and then chilly at night We're in a state-wide drought, too... The governor made a speech the other day, saying that having a dirty car right now is a sign of civic responsibility! We are warm and dry... my yard is a dusty hardpan. Sigh...

[blueeyedmanda]

Yea where is this snow???

In PA we are having bizarre fall weather. It was 80 today. I did Hersheypark in the Dark in capris and sandals....a first let me tell you. Usually we are bundled in heavy coats/

[elye]

Yea where is this snow???

In PA we are having bizarre fall weather. It was 80 today. I did Hersheypark in the Dark in capris and sandals....a first let me tell you. Usually we are bundled in heavy coats/

Amanda, let's all hope this incredible weather holds for your wedding! We, too, are still in sandals...22 degrees C yesterday. The ice caps may be melting, but I gotta love what's happening here.

Light, Imagine what a different book the Bible may have been had they all been consuming the frightening, modified proteins that consumers do now. Jesus could well have been gluten intolerant (imagine! Jesus intolerant of something!), depressed and therefore unable to counsel and inspire, and the Last Supper! Totally different story there. Jesus would have handed out the bread to his apostles and said something like, "This is my body given to you; do this in rememberance of...gee, I dunno about you guys, but this stuff makes me feel really bloated and achy"...

A whole different set of parables. Light, I think you should run with this. "Genetically Modified Grain in the Age of Christ: The Rewriting of the Testaments"...

[blueeyedmanda]

Welcome to Monday Morning....I am soo happy I could.......go back to bed

I know I am keeping my fingers crossed that it holds off for the wedding. It would be nice to not be shivering for outdoor pictures.

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Bev, Susie, and Julie,

Thank you for the kind words for Dart! He should be back home today! Despite all of the things he swallows or attempts to swallow, I expected the obstruction to have been something else. We used to joke about him getting a hairball from me, but did not actually expect it to happen! I will call after they open this morning to check on my little Wookie Bear. (That is my nickname from me.)

Dear Bev,

That joke was hilarious! This just goes to show how easy anatomy and sports with balls can get confused! You have to be so careful! People get ideas, you know! Of course, we are civilized people. We only get half an idea!

Dear Susie,

You have my vote for queen! I have not been here long enough. So, I will have to wait my turn. Meanwhile, maybe I could fulfill another purpose. You know, like a superhero? My hair is my strength. How about Buxom Locks?

Let us know how Annie does. The poor thing. She and Dart have not had a good week! I am anxious to see how he is doing. They do not open until 8am.

Yes, the wheat makes me mad, too. They cannot just make holy things out of safe food! How annoying! It never occurs to anyone wheat is more evil. Good stuff does not make you sick!

I wish I could eat stuffed portabellas! I hate yeast! It ruins everything. Breadcrumbs are heinous to crush! So are some other things when you are cooking. I love Italian food, and meatballs require the same thing. I may use those rice crackers instead next time.

Dear Daughter_of_theLight,

Congratulations on doing so well in speech and debate! That is a nerve-wrecking extra curricular activity.

I never would have been able to do it. I did well at impromptu speeches, but hated having to memorize things. I was much to nervous for that type of stuff!

Dear Amanda,

We will keep our fingers crossed that the weather stays nice! The wedding is soon. Our weather is always odd. Evansville is like the capital of weird weather. I swear we are the only place in the world where we can have a tornado one night, and a winter storm the next!

Dear Julie,

I wish it would snow here! Our average snowfall is 11 inches per year. Honestly, I think we never get it. I need to get out and take some photographs before it is too late! Right now, it is hot during the day, and cool at night.

Dear Sarah,

Where you live it is doing the same thing as here! We have that going on all the time. This town is so strange! Our weather is always like this. What is worse, the heating bills are high as it is, and having to switch back and forth from heat to air does not help.

Dear Emily,

ROTFLMAO! Jesus might have been a Celiac. You never know! Besides, I have another theory. God said let there be wheat, and it was good. Then, Satan invented Celiac Disease, and it became bad. God got mad, and made rice. Satan invented fast food, and really angered God. Now do you see why he is really in that pit?

Sincerely,

Jin

[Darn210]

Yes, the wheat makes me mad, too. They cannot just make holy things out of safe food! How annoying! It never occurs to anyone wheat is more evil. Good stuff does not make you sick!

Thanks for the segue, Jin . . .

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."

And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

[blueeyedmanda]

Jin-

I understand what you mean. The scary thing about tornados is PA never ever got them, in the past few years they have been popping up.

[jerseyangel]

We woke to 4 or so inches of snow this morning, crazy! I think that put an end to the changing of the colors for the leaves, the snow will probably make them all fall off

Wow Julie, snow! --it's still going to be in the 80's today here--our normal high is only in the mid 60's. Hope this isn't the start of a long winter for you.

known fact.....wheat flour selected and "bred" to have twice as much gluten - for dough-y, sticking purposes - than in Jesus' time. Hence, too large a protein for us to digest.

Gotta give that a harrumph, too

Amanda--I think next weekend is going to be cool but sunny--hope they're right

Janet

[blueeyedmanda]

Thanks for the segue, Jin . . .

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."

And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

That is so funny and my office enjoyed it. Hospital people always find these things funny!