The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[Mtndog]

All hail Queen Sarah of Sillyville!!!!!!![ Since your first edict outlawing explosive body fluids was most excellent, could you send the Royal Army to protect former HRH Queen Amanda. Arm them with rotten tomatoes and Chuck Norris. She needs protection immediately!

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

It will drink ALL your beer.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *** And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! And look at you - you're on the computer!!

:lol: But in OUR kingdom NONE SHALL PASS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mygawd....Susie, the Thread Trollope....I feel so betrayed....

I love the word Trollope!!!!!!!!! Is Susie becoming the town pump?

Yep, Julie's got her entrance pass. The first document you'll need is a certified copy of the Phart Chart.

Bah!!!!!!! The phart chart!!!!!

Yes, 'tis an auto-immune spreadsheet intolerance aversion.......called SpreadSh*t

<OMG - not feelign funny AT ALL- - a full-blown, bonafide cold - PLUSSSSSSSSSS getting my.........menses today.........sorry boys....

And Gail.......... she is a total kook - she now calls you all my Fecal Friends......

Spreads*t!!!!!!! I love it! Hope you feel better soon as we may need to send you to Hershey (squirts ) to protect our Amanda.

When the neighbors are big creeps

and they try to make you weep,

Skull Crusher, Skull Crusher.

When they're out there smoking pot

And not looking very hot,

Skull crusher, skull crusher.

I do love that show more than any friends would expect. (Not quite Spanish Inquisition-unexpected, but heading that way

NO ONE expects the Spanish Inquisition!!

Susie's Star-Spangled Sphincter

Oh, say can you see?

Good morning, all. I'm off to work and won't be back until after five.

What is this work our Oracle speaks of (sarah- can you outlaw work during your reign?)

My meeting at Jack's school was put off until this afternoon (looks like I'll be teaching some art there--yippeeee!), but DS has told me that there has been great interest generated within the math department in regards to our intricate....charting and graphing. This is a Montessori school, so they take each and every opportunity to learn, to form life lessons from the most ordinary of things....

Stay tuned...you have all been warned...

There is nothing better than a PRACTICAL education!

[Ridgewalker]

All hail Queen Sarah of Sillyville!!!!!!![ Since your first edict outlawing explosive body fluids was most excellent, could you send the Royal Army to protect former HRH Queen Amanda. Arm them with rotten tomatoes and Chuck Norris. She needs protection immediately!

Make it so! And if they do not behave themselves, they shall be required to:

*Chart Emily's husband's pharts for a week

*Go produce-shopping with Imsohungry Julie

*Watch Teletubbies for 48 hours straight

and

*Scrub Celiac toilets for the rest of the year

[nikki-uk]

ALL HAIL OUR NEW QUEEN SARAH!!!!!!!!!

I say we all belch in unison...then high 5 to celebrate

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send this warning to everyone!!!

BLIMEY!!!!!!!!It does an' all......poor Tel's hair (what's left of it) is still smouldering

I looked at my map and there it is! Phartsville,

Alas, it ain't here (sans benefibRE......2 at 2.42pm )

May I present Exhibit A

Susie's Star-Spangled Sphincter

Congratulations Sarah!!! Here is your Open Original Shared Link.

WOW!!!! That is one expensive toilet!!!.....I want one like that!!!

Next time I WILL stay up all night to make the right numbered post

When the neighbors are big creeps

and they try to make you weep,

Skull Crusher, Skull Crusher.

When they're out there smoking pot

And not looking very hot,

Skull crusher, skull crusher.

Most excellent prose!!

NO ONE expects the Spanish Inquisition!!

EXACTLY!!!!.......SOOoooo

Lets not forget people...in our quest to rid Amanda of eeeeevil neighboUrs..... Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.........

[Ridgewalker]

Lets not forget people...in our quest to rid Amanda of eeeeevil neighboUrs..... Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.........

:lol: :lol:

[jerseyangel]

Amanda--such a scary situation...I agree with letting the police know everything that is heard. Unbelieveable that this was allowed to on so long.

Mayberry--when we lived in Atlanta and our kids were much younger, my older son loved Andy Griffith. We took them to a "Mayberry Picnic" in Nashville and met Barny, Otis, Betty Lou, The Darlings, Goober....can't remember who else. It was a lot of fun.

Tom--I absolutely love your avatar! That was my favorite cartoon growing up--we would get it on Sunday mornings instead of Saturdays.

I was awakened in the middle of the night with horrible indigestion I haven't had it in a long time--I actually dreamed I was nauseous, and then woke up No emissions, the gas all shot upward--very uncomfortable.

Emily--I forgot to say how funny it was that your son told about our thread at school. Now you're going to work there?

Hope you're feeling better today, Susie

Congrats and all hail Queen Sarah! Wow--that went fast...I didn't even realize it was 500 posts since the last coronation

Peter--Montgomery

[blueeyedmanda]

I did text Jen, she lives below, her and the disabled neighbor (neither Jen or me can remember her name...horrible!) are going to the rental office today to voice concerns...too bad I am at work... I texted Jen and told her to tell the woman to call the police. It is so disturbing.

[blueeyedmanda]

Sillies,

the morning has not started out well. Work is great but before work was not. Every morning I lay on my couch until we are ready to leave the house. I am ready for work more quickly than John was. Lucky was laying on my pillow with me, like he does every morning. We got ready to leave the house and I picked Lucky up. For some reason, he bit me, right under my eye. I have no idea why. I had blood streaming down my face and from the surprise of it all, I started to cry.

[DingoGirl]

Lets not forget people...in our quest to rid Amanda of eeeeevil neighboUrs..... Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.........

(weak cackle) This sounds suspiciously Monty Python-ish.......I am really going to have to buy that movie- been too long.

AMANDA - - your situation at home - - those miscreants are THRILLED w/ the fear they are striking in people......and I can tell you now, they're goign to show up in the parole reports I type one day. I wish to God that you all could.......scare them somehow, en masse, let them know YOU"RE not scared.....but that's tricky. (I have broken up parties at 2 am in a VERY bad 'hood......have pulled people over....have stopped gaggles of evil teenagers from harassing girls...have picked up people's litter, knocked on their car windows, and handed it back to them .....have chased stolen cars...... dear gawd - remember, I AM a descendant of Wild West vigilantes and have NEVER had fear....... The list goes on and on, believe me. surprised I haven't gotten myself kilt )

Anywho. Menacing scare tactics aside......you need GROUP PRAYER. get your people together, stand in prayer and ask for protection, believing that God is greater than anything going on w/ those Devil Teens....it does work.

Everything is funny - no energy to comment......

SILLIES!!!!!!!!!!! how could I have gotten sick? All this time - not even a sniffle - and now, a full-blown cold? I was the opposite of Tom and others whose immune systems weren't functioning - - I STOPPED having my frequent sicknesses, to my great joy.....

blah. I am wiped out and supposed to go out tonight! (oh I AM going! )

HAIL TO QUEEN SARAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

Oh, say can you see?

Hmmmm.....Susie's Star-Spangled Sphincter.....

And the blasts are so rare, no bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof thro' the night, that control's always there.

O say, does her star-spangled sphincter yet stave

Off the gas so cabably? And of this, we all rave......

Make it so! And if they do not behave themselves, they shall be required to:

*Chart Emily's husband's pharts for a week

*Go produce-shopping with Imsohungry Julie

*Watch Teletubbies for 48 hours straight

and

*Scrub Celiac toilets for the rest of the year

Superb punishments. Our Queen has spoken.

Mayberry--when we lived in Atlanta and our kids were much younger, my older son loved Andy Griffith. We took them to a "Mayberry Picnic" in Nashville and met Barny, Otis, Betty Lou, The Darlings, Goober....can't remember who else. It was a lot of fun.

Andy Griffith! He must be the Commissioner of our upcoming parade!

Emily--I forgot to say how funny it was that your son told about our thread at school. Now you're going to work there?

Gawd....meeting's this aft, and they have all heard of the Phart-charting. Interesting to see my reception. Knowing Montessori, they have already taken the idea and run with it as an exercise in graphing, probability, scatter-plotting, lines of best fit....

I have no idea why. I had blood streaming down my face and from the surprise of it all, I started to cry.

Amanda! Lucky is upset as he knows the yeti is coming, and the attention from you will be divided between himself and the big beast. He is jealous. Actually, you should take Lucky over to your derelict neighboUrs and have him take care of their faces......

I AM a descendant of Wild West vigilantes and have NEVER had fear.......

Hence the double-barreled, industrial sphincter....so that's the reason!

Hope you're feeling better by now, Susie....

[jerseyangel]

And the blasts are so rare, no bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof thro' the night, that control's always there.

O say, does her star-spangled sphincter yet stave

Off the gas so cabably? And of this, we all rave......

Well done! A veritable scatological masterpiece

[jerseyangel]

Sillies,

the morning has not started out well. Work is great but before work was not. Every morning I lay on my couch until we are ready to leave the house. I am ready for work more quickly than John was. Lucky was laying on my pillow with me, like he does every morning. We got ready to leave the house and I picked Lucky up. For some reason, he bit me, right under my eye. I have no idea why. I had blood streaming down my face and from the surprise of it all, I started to cry.

Aw sorry your day started that way Lucky may have been spooked if you got up quickly. Maybe he didn't want you guys to leave him...cats are pretty mysterious little creatures Allo sometimes will bite for no reason, too.

Emily--YES! Andy Griffith for Grand Marshall of the parade

[blueeyedmanda]

Patti- I don't think he wanted me to leave. I always pick him up and say goodbye, he kisses me and then follows us to the door. He is a silly kitty. This morning he just was not ready to say goodbye. In the past 3 months he has become very attached to us, he was always attached before, but he has gotten closer. Always in my lap, or next to me when I am on the couch. He always keeps a watch over me at night, whether from the nighstand or by sleeping on my pillow or between the pillow and headboard. So I am not sure if he senses something may happen to me, but even John doesnt understand it. John has had cats all his life, and Lucky has not started acting silly with him, he is still close like ususal but not the overly close that he is with me.

He stays with me all the time anymore, the minute I wake up, he sits in the bathroom as I get ready and then follows me to the sofa till I leave. The minute I come home he is in my arms and then he spends the majority of the night sitting on my lap as I attempt to use the computer or very close by. I trip over him. I go to take a shower and he is back in the bathroom again. When i take my night time bath to settle me down for bed he perches on the toliet or in the sink. I go to bed and he climbs into the window and stays all night, in the room quite near....anyone explain???

When I go away to my moms overnight....John says he sits in the downstairs window looking for me...

I love my cat to death but I wish I knew what made him stay so near...

[tom]

Lets not forget people...in our quest to rid Amanda of eeeeevil neighboUrs..... Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.........

OMG Nikki has me LMAO!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Mayberry--when we lived in Atlanta and our kids were much younger, my older son loved Andy Griffith. We took them to a "Mayberry Picnic" in Nashville and met Barny, Otis, Betty Lou, The Darlings, Goober....can't remember who else. It was a lot of fun.

Woohoooooooo!! I hope the Darlings brought their instruments! They can really jam.

<psssssssst! It's Thelma Lou>

Tom--I absolutely love your avatar! That was my favorite cartoon growing up--we would get it on Sunday mornings instead of Saturdays.

I think we got it Sundays too. Saturday was for Ricochet Rabbit, Droopalong, Deputy Dawg & the rest of that Hanna-Barbera cadre & of course everyone Mel Blanc ever voiced, on the LooneyTunes side.

[DingoGirl]

Emily--YES! Andy Griffith for Grand Marshall of the parade

<raising hand meekly>

Can this be up for discussion? I mean, I think Andy can be IN the parade, but leading it? I dunno.......

See, I"m thinking a major HOTTIE should lead our parade, like George Clooney.

EMILY - Star Spangled Sphincter...........excellent

The minute I come home he is in my arms and then he spends the majority of the night sitting on my lap as I attempt to use the computer or very close by. I trip over him. I go to take a shower and he is back in the bathroom again. When i take my night time bath to settle me down for bed he perches on the toliet or in the sink. I go to bed and he climbs into the window and stays all night, in the room quite near....anyone explain???

It's quite normal, I think. He has chosen YOU as his leader/made...you're his favorite. There aren't many others around there with which to bond - so he is, quite simply, madly in love with you.

My mom and stepfather have three cats - - each distinctly belongs to one or the other of the humans. Max will have almost nothing to do w/ my mom, who feeds/brushes etc., but waits for stepfather to get home and doesn't leave his side.......

BLAH.....................

back to bed. Must rest up for mild, snot-nosed carousing tonight.

[~alex~]

<raising hand meekly>

Can this be up for discussion? I mean, I think Andy can be IN the parade, but leading it? I dunno.......

See, I"m thinking a major HOTTIE should lead our parade, like George Clooney.

Ooooh, can he wear his batman costume? Ryan has a somewhat secret Batman obsession and I think Batman in the wedding parade would make his day. The first time I met Ryan's family they regaled me with tales of how he dressed up as batman EVERY single year for Halloween.

[Jestgar]

P I go to bed and he climbs into the window and stays all night, in the room quite near....anyone explain???

When I go away to my moms overnight....John says he sits in the downstairs window looking for me...

I love my cat to death but I wish I knew what made him stay so near...

Maybe your obnoxious neighbors are noisy during the day and he's scared.

[tom]

...have picked up people's litter, knocked on their car windows, and handed it back to them .....

Not to downplay the danger of the other examples but I luuuurrrrve this one!!!

You could do this all day long these days.

..... dear gawd - remember, I AM a descendant of Wild West vigilantes and have NEVER had fear.......

"remember"?

<failing to remember>

I think I'd've remembered this.

Great-great-great(how many?)great grandparents weren't in Phrezno?

Do tell!! .. ... (again)

SILLIES!!!!!!!!!!! how could I have gotten sick? All this time - not even a sniffle - and now, a full-blown cold? I was the opposite of Tom and others whose immune systems weren't functioning - - I STOPPED having my frequent sicknesses, to my great joy.....

I think I know what this is supposed to mean . .. . .. but it still appears to imply I've had frequent sickness. Last month was FIRST cold this millenium!! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had it if not for the plane ride. (I'm not counting the stuffy day the prior month)

Susie really hasn't had a single cold in 2 yrs gluten-free?

[jerseyangel]

Woohoooooooo!! I hope the Darlings brought their instruments! They can really jam.

<psssssssst! It's Thelma Lou>

OMG--of course you're right I can be the fool sometimes

[jerseyangel]

As evidenced by this (see above)! Yikes

I think I'm losing it here folks

[blueeyedmanda]

I think I have done lost it!

[jerseyangel]

I think I have done lost it!

You too?

Seriously--what happened?

[DingoGirl]

Not to downplay the danger of the other examples but I luuuurrrrve this one!!!

You could do this all day long these days.

the BEST one was in Carmel, parked by the beach and getting into the car.....Robert says, "those girls behind us just threw a box out the window (and he is NO vigilante, my friends). Oh really??????????? Susie says, lasciviously. So I got out, skipped over, and picked up a nearly full box of Chicken in a Biscuit, and knocked on the window of the VEEEEEEEERY expensive and long BMW w/ four sorority girls in it.

"excuse me," I knocked, w/ a broad but eeeeeee-ville smile........and the window rolled down. "I guess you dropped this, and oh BTW, there's a $500 fine for littering in the state of California. Thank you!" and trotted merrily away. :lol: They sat stunned and speechless. Robert got a helluva laugh over it......but they did chase us for a bit, and screamed obscenities at me......I just waved, honked, and smiled cheerily........

If someone litters in the car ahead of me........look out. this is where I could get myself killed...... because a chase ensues......loud honking.......and then an admonishment at the next stoplight.

"remember"?

<failing to remember>

I think I'd've remembered this.

Great-great-great(how many?)great grandparents weren't in Phrezno?

Do tell!! .. ... (again)

No, silly, 'twas the Garrett Brothers - Sheriff Pat Garrett having kilt Billy the Kidd. They are my great-great-great and maybe great uncles. ha ha.

NARY a sniffle in over two years. and I used to get sick ALL THE TIME - - this cold would be turning into bronchitis or something quite heinous, requiring antibiotics.

why did I get sick????????????????????????????????????? I bragged that I would never get sick again..........

Yes, Alex, Clooney can be dressed as Batman. PART of the time, anyway.

[jerseyangel]

why did I get sick????????????????????????????????????? I bragged that I would never get sick again..........

I think you may have answered your own question

Am I the only female who isn't all ga ga over George Clooney???

[elye]

Okay, off to school meeting....Gad....

So, how would you guys handle this? Enter the meeting and mention NOTHING of our Plotting of Phlatus with Updates, simply wait, take in the long stares of wonder/concern/curiosity, see if it is at all mentioned or alluded to...OR, go in with guns blazing, giving them no chance to stare, tell them that it is a superb opportunity to teach several scientific/mathematical principles from real-life experience (albeit insane experience)? Hmmmmmm.....

One more option. I simply tell them that my son is a crazy little liar, and who would honestly believe that there are actually a crew of people who would do such a thing?

...Yes, I like this one.

[jerseyangel]

I think I would just play it by ear, Emily.

Who but a silly Celiac would have this kind of conundrum?