Gluten Intolerant Dh Thinking Of Going Back To Gluten

[tarnalberry]

My marriage is absolutely a partnership in every way......except the very few bad habits my hubby learned from HIS father. That is what I am fighting here. I can't even tell you how controlling his father was to his mother. She was very subservient to him and that's how their very old fashioned marriage worked. Not for me, as I have reminded him enough times and he jokingly tells his friends that much of the dysfunction that goes on in some marriages today would never be allowed in ours.

I just don't allow it.

There is little to complain about with my husband except the food issue. I have already told him that if he becomes ill from eating gluten down the road, I may not be there to offer my sympathy or love.

It's not something I could get over, especially after some of the conversations we have had about it.

He is helpful and compassionate in every way except agreeing to give up gluten. I think he may be one of those serio-negative guys anyway and we all know how accurate a biopsy is. If it came back negative, then I am afraid he would close his mind to having a problem. This is so common today and I'm sure many of you have wracked your brains trying to make people understand how this disease works.

He has been warned that I am not going to give up on the subject and he will either go get properly tested or he will divorce ME because he will tire of my bringing it up. I could live with that before I watch him die of a gastro cancer or God knows what. I know he partly see's what I am saying because he is afraid to even go get tested by my doctor, who is very open and accepting of both Celiac and GS. I watched this attitude in his father and I am trying to un-do years of bad behavior on his father's part. I asked him what was the one thing which keeps him from taking the plunge and it all boils down to the bread thing. He isn't sick enough to totally believe it and his family are bread-aholics. These people are the biggest wheat and dairy eaters I have ever seen and buy into all the brainwashing by doctors that wheat and milk=health. My husband can be stubborn but I am stubborner!

Yup - that's the rest of saying "here are the consequences to you not being responsible" - he may say "fine, I'll take those consequences". Though, I'd have to ask, who on earth thinks that bread is worth 10 years of lifespan and who knows how many decades of poor quality of life? (I would NOT bet that he thinks that, but rather that it's REALLY HARD for him to put the full perspective on this.)

I hope - for both of your sakes - that he eventually does come around.

Ask him if he disbelieves in shellfish or peanut allergies? Those are "healthy" foods that are distinctly unhealthy for some people.

Ask him if he disbelieves in h.pylori causing ulcers? 10 years ago, it would have been ridiculous to think that ulcers were caused by anything other than stress, where we know that the vast majority of the cases are bacterial. Just like it would have been ridiculous to suggest wheat could be a problem, prior to WWII when it was identified that wheat was the problem. Seriously, the disease process was identified thousands of years ago, and we've known for at least 60 years that the main problem is wheat. Your husband is way behind the times.

[halfrunner]

Thanks to all, I really appreciate all the support and advice. Rest assured, I have not yet begun to fight. I am back on a bread kick, I am GOING to find a bread that works for DH.

As soon as I find one he will live with (and he'd better find something), we're going to have a long talk about everything. I refuse to aid and abet this kind of stubbornness, and he is well aware of my independent and stubborn streaks. I don't want to watch him drive his health the other direction down the road.

Your husband is way behind the times.

You have no idea exactly how behind the times he really is in all aspects of life. Which is not bad in some respects, but not good in health related matters.

[still tiredofdoctors]

10 years ago, it would have been ridiculous to think that ulcers were caused by anything other than stress, where we know that the vast majority of the cases are bacterial.

Tiffany, you are SOOOOOO right! Did you know that ten years PRIOR to "people" physicians finally acknowledging that h. pylori causes ulcers, veterinarians were already treating cattle with antibiotics for ulcers? Veterinarians ALSO knew for years prior to "people" physicians that gluten caused gut difficulty AND neurological symptoms. My Erlichia (which I know is a tick disease) was actually diagnosed by my veterinarian YEARS before I finally found an MD that would do the correct testing. My vet even went so far as to call Johns Hopkins when I was there and tell them that neurologically I was presenting EXACTLY as the animals were here that had Erlichia and insisted that I needed to be tested. Guess what they did with THAT???!!!

If you research valid journals in both Physician-based and Veterinarian-based, you can find a LOT of good information with regard to Celiac. When the valid, significant statistics are staring you in the face, it's hard to ignore.

I also like that you mentioned to the effect of "taking ten years off his life (not to mention QUALITY of life)" -- how true is that? Who WANTS to live their life feeling rotten if you have a choice and can change that?

Gemini -- you sound like you're a fairly headstrong, equal partner in your marriage. Tell your husband to drop his father's "old-fashioned" thinking, suck it up, and go to the doctor to be tested! My guess? He isn't going to divorce you!!

[ang1e0251]

That's it. From now on I'm only going to see my vet!

[still tiredofdoctors]

Hey -- I actually asked my vet that if I had something the doctors couldn't figure out -- and they were rolling their eyes at me again -- could I come see him for a consultation!! He said, "I can't do that! I'm not licensed to practice on humans!" I said, "Pretend I'm a dog . . . the other doctors treat me like one!"

[Gemini]

Tiffany, you are SOOOOOO right! Did you know that ten years PRIOR to "people" physicians finally acknowledging that h. pylori causes ulcers, veterinarians were already treating cattle with antibiotics for ulcers? Veterinarians ALSO knew for years prior to "people" physicians that gluten caused gut difficulty AND neurological symptoms. My Erlichia (which I know is a tick disease) was actually diagnosed by my veterinarian YEARS before I finally found an MD that would do the correct testing. My vet even went so far as to call Johns Hopkins when I was there and tell them that neurologically I was presenting EXACTLY as the animals were here that had Erlichia and insisted that I needed to be tested. Guess what they did with THAT???!!!

If you research valid journals in both Physician-based and Veterinarian-based, you can find a LOT of good information with regard to Celiac. When the valid, significant statistics are staring you in the face, it's hard to ignore.

I also like that you mentioned to the effect of "taking ten years off his life (not to mention QUALITY of life)" -- how true is that? Who WANTS to live their life feeling rotten if you have a choice and can change that?

Gemini -- you sound like you're a fairly headstrong, equal partner in your marriage. Tell your husband to drop his father's "old-fashioned" thinking, suck it up, and go to the doctor to be tested! My guess? He isn't going to divorce you!!

As others have already stated, I guess we would be better off going to the vets for our health care! That last post from So Tired of Doctors was priceless!

Well....the news is good! I had a long talk with hubby and told him he has pushed me as far as I can go so if he does not consent to some blood work for his thyroid and Celiac, I would think seriously of ending our marriage. I asked him if he wanted to be married or single so he could do whatever he wanted with no repercussions from me? He grew wide eyed and said he most definitely wants to stay married. Divorce is not an option for him. I have to admit that was a relief!

He has been so supportive about my diet and thoughtful about buying me good gluten-free treats and making sure they are gluten-free that I do not want to split up. That's why I was having trouble accepting his attitude about his problems. Denial is just such a weird thing and I am learning so much more about it.

He didn't even get mad because I told him I was doing this out of love and wanted him to be around in the future. We'll see what happens as this progresses, though. If all Celiac testing is negative, I doubt he'll go gluten-free unless symptoms get worse. It could very well be a thyroid problem only but we all know how thyroid disease is linked to Celiac. What's kind of bizarre is that he is exhibiting almost the same symptoms as I had....inability to gain weight no matter how much he eats, fatigue and anemia. I had horrible gastro symptoms and his are very, very mild. Oh yeah....he also has had a few bouts with kidney stones....calcium stones so he is mal-absorbing calcium, to some extent. I am no doctor but he almost screams of a gluten problem!

As for what he learned from his father, his Dad was a heavy, heavy smoker (no intentions on insulting smokers here, either) who blew off everyone's attempts to get him to quit...or at least cut down. He ended up dying of emphysema, very quickly. They live down south and my husband did not get a chance to see him as he lay dying. He was told not to come because it was very upsetting and his mother told him not to. This is what I mean by children learning from what they see in the behavior of their parents. As for his Mom, her asthma has improved dramatically since her husband died...no small wonder there! I hate to say it but if he hadn't died, he would have taken her with him, in the end.

This forum is SUCH a nice place and a Godsend to everyone with this problem. I swear some days I could go on a rampage trying to deal with people who just don't get it. It can be very tiring, especially when the ignorance comes from family members who probably have it themselves. I know we all don't always agree on the specifics of the disease but talking to those who understand and don't think you have an eating disorder because you are thin is priceless. If every person could understand food and how it relates to disease, think how healthier and better off this world would be!

[still tiredofdoctors]

Gemini,

I started on this forum back in 2004. I was in denial of "Neurogenic Celiac" until August of 2005. The people who were on this forum were the most loving, kind, caring supportive folks I had ever met. I met my best friend on here. I live in Louisville, KY -- she lives in Ontario, Canada!!

The frustration you are feeling is so natural -- also the feelings of helplessness, confusion and anger. Those all rear their ugly heads at some time. I'm just glad that you have gotten some comfort and solace. I'm also THRILLED that you were able to have a loving, heart-to-heart talk with your husband about this. That is so important.

Best of luck to you -- and please take care of yourself,

Lynne

[Ahorsesoul]

That's it. From now on I'm only going to see my vet!

Hey --He said, "I can't do that! I'm not licensed to practice on humans!" I said, "Pretend I'm a dog . . . the other doctors treat me like one!"

Oh gosh, I'm printing these to hang over my desk.

[still tiredofdoctors]

In retrospect, it is hysterically funny that I DID say that to my veterinarian! At the time, though, I was so frustrated, so angry and so TIRED of being treated as though I was a hypochondriac Physical Therapist with too much knowledge.

Now? I do laugh that I told him that. Every time I see him with one of our dogs, I say, "Are you willing to take me up on my offer yet?" We both laugh!

Glad I could help you laugh, too I think every now and then we ALL need some comic relief

Take care of yourself,

Lynne

[halfrunner]

I'm thinking I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. DH told me last night he's seriously not liking how his gas has come back with a vengeance, and that he's thinking of going back to gluten-free. I have had a breakthrough in bread (gelatin is not a good substitute for xanthan gum in bread) and if I can get it a bit lighter (which I've got ideas of how to fix), he can live with the corn pasta too.

I really didn't think he'd even consider going back. And he said that he wants to worry less about all the artificial flavors, etc. where there could be hidden gluten for the time being, but he would cut out all the obvious wheat related glutens. Since it's more of an intolerance than full blown celiac, I figured this is better than nothing for the time being. (I also buy all the groceries, so can probably keep more of an eye on what he's getting out of the other stuff without him knowing.)

We did have a long talk about the long term possible effects of not going back to gluten-free, and he knows I'm very interested in keeping him around as long as possible. I reminded him of the research I did to back up my argument.

What blew me out of the water was this weekend, when he asked me to make him a new batch of the gluten-free chocolate cookies that I made him a while ago and popped in the freezer. He said they were soo good. (Yeehaw!) I promised if he went back to gluten-free, I'd make sure he always had homemade cookies, brownies or whatever he needed to keep his sweet tooth happy, since he hated most of the commercial stuff.

Cross your fingers, please. Our next big grocery shopping happens a week from this Friday, and as much as my grocery budget will have a near coronary, at this point, I'll deal with the financial consequences as long as I can live with DH in peace. (Right now he's mostly tolerable, but doesn't believe me that he's getting short tempered more than normal on top of being gassy and that being back on gluten is the culprit. But since I can't prove it, well, he's being typically skeptical that this is the problem. But he looked surprised when I told him about my grumpy/gassy diary. )

[Maggie Mermaid]

Cross your fingers, please. Our next big grocery shopping happens a week from this Friday, and as much as my grocery budget will have a near coronary, at this point, I'll deal with the financial consequences as long as I can live with DH in peace. (Right now he's mostly tolerable, but doesn't believe me that he's getting short tempered more than normal on top of being gassy and that being back on gluten is the culprit. But since I can't prove it, well, he's being typically skeptical that this is the problem. But he looked surprised when I told him about my grumpy/gassy diary. )

Woohoo! Crossing fingers, toes, legs, arms for you! That must be a HUGE relief.

Oh, I've been subbing guar gum for xanthan gum (DH seems to be sensitive it xantham gum) & had good results with sweet muffin and pumpkin bread recipes in Roben Ryberg book.

[ang1e0251]

That is great progress!! It's very cool to have a spouse who will listen and think about your reasons even if it means big changes.

[halfrunner]

DH is officially back to gluten free (at least on all obvious wheat & major gluten containing foods) as of yesterday. He's starting to talk about wanting more potatoes, has buckwheat & millet grains to try, and is living with his bread. (I'm still toying with the bread, but we're getting there.)

At this point, I'm not grumbling or complaining. I'm too relieved and grateful. (And I've also hidden all the remaining wheat pasta, just in case. )

[ang1e0251]

What a relief!