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Jealousy?

healinginprogress

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healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted

Maybe it's silly, but I get this jealous/angry feeling when my SO wants to eat my gluten-free food. He really likes most of it, especially the stuff from the gluten-free bakery, but I don't really think it's fair because it's ALL I can eat, whereas he can eat WHATEVER he wants, and his food is inexpensive and easily accessible. To take out the money issue, he agreed to pay for it if he's going to eat it. He says he doesn't want to feel "left out", like 'us celiacs' have a secret handshake, and he's not part of the group. I try to explain to him that I feel left out of THE WORLD (I'm 2wks gluten-free, and not asymptomatic yet), and left out from everyone, but he says he's not "everyone". I guess I feel like if he wants my food so badly then he should go completely gluten-free. I mean, I'm the one who has to clean out the toaster everytime I use it in case he's used it for something non-gluten-free, and use a separate cutting board, read every label, do all sorts of research, etc. I'm also the one that has been sick for so long, and still am as I'm still discovering what is making me sick or how careful I need to be.

Sigh. I guess I just wanted to vent. Thanks, everyone.

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SaraKat Contributor
SaraKat
Posted

My husband loves the Glutino pretzels. I buy him his own bag now!

Mleblanc1015 Newbie
Mleblanc1015
Posted

I think it's normal to feel that way since you are so new to it, however as time goes on you may realize it's nice that he's so open to eating gluten-free food with you. I've been gluten-free for 5 years so I've dealt with people that can't understand why you can't have a small amount of gluten as well as really supportive people so try to keep an open mind to all sorts of different encounters. If I may add one suggestion it would be to get your own toaster and write GLUTEN FREE ONLY on it with permanent marker so you don't chance cross contamination. Good luck and keep doing the research, I promise it will get easier and become second nature quicker than you think.

StephHappens Rookie
StephHappens
Posted

I experienced that a few weeks ago. I'm only 7 weeks gluten-free, but my hubby went to the cupboard and grabbed a bag of the Michael's gluten free cheddar puffs (so good) and I got angry! He can eat anything and he grabs MY gluten free snack! What happens when I am hungry and need a snack? I can't choose from everything in the house like he can! Plus, I am so new that I get nervous eating things that aren't clearly marked or a whole food. I gave him a dirty look and he put the bag back. I didn't mean to do it, my eyes just squinted and my teeth clenched a little - all on their own! I mean, they are only cheese puffs for cryin' out loud. I am buying extra bags of snacks now and keep a couple of hidden bags way in the back of the cupboard. Maybe I'll label those ones "last bag - do not eat." That way my hubby knows that I might actually be left with nothing to eat if he eats it.

Anyway, I experienced what you felt and it is probably somewhat normal. I just remind myself that there are other battles I would rather fight in life and I am going to try to share more. The key word is "try." :)

Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

I offer stuff to my husband and he is hesitant because of me not being able to just grab anything I want. He has his own stash of stuff on the top shelf in the pantry, but we buy and share alot of things. I think as long as he isn't eating it all and leaving you high and dry it's not worth fighting over. Obviously though he needs educated on how not to cross contaminate things. If you are still using the same toaster (you mentioned cleaning it out) I would stop. You can't safely share a toaster that has/or is being used for regular bread. Get a separate one because using the other one you are just CC'ing yourself.

healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted
  • Author

I experienced that a few weeks ago. I'm only 7 weeks gluten-free, but my hubby went to the cupboard and grabbed a bag of the Michael's gluten free cheddar puffs (so good) and I got angry! He can eat anything and he grabs MY gluten free snack! What happens when I am hungry and need a snack? I can't choose from everything in the house like he can! Plus, I am so new that I get nervous eating things that aren't clearly marked or a whole food. I gave him a dirty look and he put the bag back. I didn't mean to do it, my eyes just squinted and my teeth clenched a little - all on their own! I mean, they are only cheese puffs for cryin' out loud. I am buying extra bags of snacks now and keep a couple of hidden bags way in the back of the cupboard. Maybe I'll label those ones "last bag - do not eat." That way my hubby knows that I might actually be left with nothing to eat if he eats it.

Anyway, I experienced what you felt and it is probably somewhat normal. I just remind myself that there are other battles I would rather fight in life and I am going to try to share more. The key word is "try." :)

LOL It's so TRUE!! I don't even MEAN to, but when I was making gluten-free toast this morning and he said "oooo, can I have some, too?" I immediately clenched up as well. I made it for him, but my body's automatic emotional reaction was definitely not positive LOL Guess I'll just keep trying, too!!!

healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted
  • Author

It's a toaster oven, so the tray is removable to be washed...I was hoping that was good enough, but I guess not? Yikes, where will I find room for another toaster oven :P Ohhh, I know this will get better, but pretty frustrating right now....as I sit here with a belly so bloated I look 6 months pregnant :( But everyone is right about the "sharing" thing...definitely not worth fighting over, just one more thing to get used to, I suppose.

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mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

We have two kinds of gluten-free food in our house - regular, plain ole gluten free (for hubs). and then gluten-, soy-, corn- potato-free for me. Of course, you know which hubs eats :lol: (And his own,of course!)

dilettantesteph Collaborator
dilettantesteph
Posted

My DH does the same thing. He eats it up and then I can't get more until the next market, or I have to order it online and wait and meanwhile I go without while he gets to eat whatever he wants. He can eat up a weeks worth in one sitting. He is about twice my size. If I try to get him to not eat it he thinks I don't love him. I have to hide things from him. The things we put up with from our SO's.

shopgirl Contributor
shopgirl
Posted

My DH does the same thing. He eats it up and then I can't get more until the next market, or I have to order it online and wait and meanwhile I go without while he gets to eat whatever he wants. He can eat up a weeks worth in one sitting. He is about twice my size. If I try to get him to not eat it he thinks I don't love him. I have to hide things from him. The things we put up with from our SO's.

:lol: I hide things too. I have a few cans of cashews, peanuts, and almonds stashed in the back of my sock drawer where hungry eyes and gluteny fingers can't find them.

Takala Enthusiast
Takala
Posted

Get your own toaster.

Better yet, make your entire household gluten free.

If he eats gluten and then you kiss, you're cross contaminated, so it makes sense for him to be a good SO and not be wanting to eat regular food. We pack food snacks to travel with on weekends all the time, and it's all gluten free. We've sat in the car in a parking lot at a gas station on Donner Summit in the Sierras, munching on gluten free food during a blizzard when the highway was closed, debating where to go next. (and we know where we can find the restaurants that can make me something, too !) Learn to bake a few standard items, so you can continue to share the more expensive stuff cheaply. That's actually great that he wants to share.

Problem solved.

healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted
  • Author

My DH does the same thing. He eats it up and then I can't get more until the next market, or I have to order it online and wait and meanwhile I go without while he gets to eat whatever he wants. He can eat up a weeks worth in one sitting. He is about twice my size. If I try to get him to not eat it he thinks I don't love him. I have to hide things from him. The things we put up with from our SO's.

LOL I know, my SO pretty much could use his own separate fridge, he's so big (6'10"), if only there was room! I don't think he'd actually eat ALL of something of mine, at least. And I guess I'll be looking for a new toaster oven...

He says now and then that he's going to go gluten-free, but he hasn't done it, yet.

sa1937 Community Regular
sa1937
Posted

Better yet, make your entire household gluten free.

Problem solved.

I think this is the BEST answer and would solve a lot of problems.

healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted
  • Author

I think this is the BEST answer and would solve a lot of problems.

You're right, I just don't think he's ready, yet. Maybe in time, but I feel like it's kind of a lot to ask, anyways. We'll figure it out, I'm sure. He did something really sweet today that made me feel very supported, so I'm very thankful for that!

sa1937 Community Regular
sa1937
Posted

You're right, I just don't think he's ready, yet. Maybe in time, but I feel like it's kind of a lot to ask, anyways. We'll figure it out, I'm sure. He did something really sweet today that made me feel very supported, so I'm very thankful for that!

If he's already eating your food, I think that's a very good sign! Hopefully you'll work it out. :D

Pheebers Newbie
Pheebers
Posted

FWIW, we have a toaster oven, and rather than buying an entire new one I was able to call the company and get another rack. We wove foil around the edges so there can't be any confusion, and it's stored in the cabinet with the gluten-free baking supplies.

Our nutritionist, GI, etc doctors are completely okay with this.

We have a Black and Decker toaster oven (it was about $150 and it's rather large, so I really didn't want to duplicate it unnecessarily) and the rack was about $10, with free shipping.

Just a thought.

healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted
  • Author

FWIW, we have a toaster oven, and rather than buying an entire new one I was able to call the company and get another rack. We wove foil around the edges so there can't be any confusion, and it's stored in the cabinet with the gluten-free baking supplies.

Our nutritionist, GI, etc doctors are completely okay with this.

We have a Black and Decker toaster oven (it was about $150 and it's rather large, so I really didn't want to duplicate it unnecessarily) and the rack was about $10, with free shipping.

Just a thought.

Thanks, that's a great idea :)

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted

My husband doesn't understand. He thinks the gluten-free food is special and he knows it's more expensive so he thinks it is better. He always complains that my daughter gets the "good" food and he gets the "cheap" stuff.

Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

My husband doesn't understand. He thinks the gluten-free food is special and he knows it's more expensive so he thinks it is better. He always complains that my daughter gets the "good" food and he gets the "cheap" stuff.

I don't know I've tasted some pretty expensive gluten free stuff that has been terrible. :P

aeraen Apprentice
aeraen
Posted

My husband doesn't understand. He thinks the gluten-free food is special and he knows it's more expensive so he thinks it is better. He always complains that my daughter gets the "good" food and he gets the "cheap" stuff.

I sure hope he doesn't lay this guilt trip on your daughter. Its hard enough to deal with being so "different" with out feeling like your parents resent having to spend the extra money.

Our house is, largely, gluten-free, simply because we are cheap and make most of our food at home. However, I do buy some snacks for my DH and son that are not gluten-free, and some snacks that are gluten-free for myself. While I'm more than willing to share the gluten-free snacks, they are occasionally pricier and I do hate it when they gobble down my gluten-free snacks before attacking their own.

healinginprogress Enthusiast
healinginprogress
Posted
  • Author

Right now I'm just eating whole foods, BUT...

I separated the gluten-free food and put it all in a cupboard under the kitchen counter. I told him he could have whatever he wants...but this particular cupboard is a little harder for my very tall man to get into :P

We're both getting better with dealing with everything, though. One of the more difficult things I've come across is not being able to taste-test my cooking if I'm preparing him a gluten-y meal!

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted

I don't know I've tasted some pretty expensive gluten free stuff that has been terrible. :P

Yep. He has too. He will even complain about it.

ciavyn Contributor
ciavyn
Posted

You're right, I just don't think he's ready, yet. Maybe in time, but I feel like it's kind of a lot to ask, anyways. We'll figure it out, I'm sure. He did something really sweet today that made me feel very supported, so I'm very thankful for that!

See? :) You are normal. But make sure to communicate your frustrations and thoughts openly with him, and allow him to do the same. And if money isn't an issue, let him enjoy your food too. Some of it is wonderful. (others are iffy....) If money is an issue, let him contribute. This all sounds so familiar, believe you me. But it's awesome that he wants to be part of it with you. Hang in there. It gets better...

Chiana Apprentice
Chiana
Posted

I get the gluten-free Chex and the gluten-free rice cakes, and more often than not they are gone before I even get to them. If it's a 'regular' food that just happens to be gluten-free, he's really bad about eating it. If it's an expensive food, he gets guilty enough to generally stay away unless I give him permission. I've actually taken to buying expensive gluten-free cereals so that there is at least one box of cereal in the house for me!

  • 2 weeks later...
DianeMu Rookie
DianeMu
Posted

LOL!!! Clenched teeth and squinted eyes!!! Been there, It is uncontrollabale at times. Gets better once you do it a while. Now we have certain shelves for sharables and ask first items. Nobody touches my Udi's muffins though!! I get nasty:)

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