I Admit It, I Can't Control Myself

[jenngolightly]

I am very proud of myself. It's hard to give myself pats on the back, so I'll start with that. I did the Specific Carb Diet for almost a year and it did wonders for me.

But... then I started eating normal foods and I slipped into old habits.

About a month ago I started adding some foods into my diet that weren't on the SCD approved list. I was still eating very healthy meals, but then the candy aisle whispered to me, "Jenn. Jenn. Over here."

I tried to ignore it, but it kept calling, "JENN! OVER HERE! JENNNNNNN!!!!"

Well of course I had to see what all the commotion was about. It was chocolate. And I caved. I found some chocolate bars that don't have corn or nuts (very hard to do). I thought, "Hey, you haven't eaten chocolate in a year, surely you can control yourself. The past is the past. You're a new woman. You're confident. You're composed. You're healthy. You feel great. You can eat just a little and then put away the rest of the bar." But no. The first day it was 1/2 a bar in one sitting. Ohhh it was sooo good! Soon it was a whole bar in one sitting. Now I'm up to one to two bars a day. It makes me feel good and I can't NOT eat it. OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

This has gone on for over 4 weeks. Yes, I went from my very healthy SCD diet to eating 1-2 bars of chocolate at a whopping $3.79 each per day.

I feel terrible. I'm depressed. I'm lethargic. My body is achy. I'm having a hard time concentrating. I'm hiding the chocolate from my friends and family (typical addiction behavior). I'm eating chocolate as a meal replacement. Heck, who could eat regular food after wolfing down two big chocolate bars? I'm lucky I'm not overweight.

I tried to limit myself. I thought I could cut down and restrict to 1 bar. 1/2 a bar. 1 piece of a bar. But I have no self-control. Candy has always been my biggest weakness. I read posts on this forum about people suggesting their favorite chocolate and how they just eat one square and put the rest away for the next day. I read those posts and admire the willpower that those people have. I think, "That's what I'm going to do next time." Yeah. Right.

I had to quit cold turkey. So I did - this Monday. Now it's Wednesday and I'm getting the urge to eat chocolate, but I threw everything away and since I can't eat corn or nuts, it's not easy to get my hands on candy that I can eat.

Candy is the only addiction I've ever suffered from and I don't beat myself up too much because there are worse addictions I could have, but still, it controls my life in negative ways and I have to stop. Last May, when I went on the SCD diet, chocolate was the hardest craving to fight. It took a good 10 days to get over the withdrawal. I can feel the shakiness right now. I must fight the urge to go shopping for chocolate!

I just had to write it all out and send it to you so I will be more likely to stick to my promise to quit eating chocolate.

Thanks for reading.

[butterfl8]

(((HUGS)))))

You can do it!!

[srall]

It sucks! The one thing this "diet" has made me realize is that it's just better (for me) to completely cut something out of my diet rather than just have a little bit. I had cut out coffee and dairy, and then slowly 2 to 3 cups of coffee with cream has crept back into my diet. I have allergy symptoms and swollen lymph nodes. I know this is a big ol' sign that these are dangerous foods for me, and yet I can't give them up. But I really really need to.

I tried a little chocolate too and was also achy. It's just easier to practice complete denial of these offending foods.

Good luck. I hope you get back to where you need to be. I'm gearing up to cut out coffee AGAIN so I'll be suffering along with you.

[Poppi]

I'm there with Coke/Pepsi. I went without for a couple of months then I saw the Pepsi throwback with real sugar instead of HFCS and bought a case. I plowed through 6 cans in 2 days and then gave my head a shake (gently because I had a raging headache from all the sugar) and gave the rest of the case to my 15 year old son and his friend.

I just can't be trusted with Coke ... or coffee. So neither have a home here anymore. I miss my morning cup of joe like you wouldn't believe but I feel better without it and that's what matters.

[Roda]

I'm like that with cookies and cakes, well most baked goods. I've been naughty too lately and I can tell a difference when I eat all of that sugar. I too find it easier to just do without. It is hard for me though since the rest of the family wants some treats once in a while so I still bake some. It's hard cause I know carbs are my enemy especially when it comes to weight.

[txplowgirl]

Oh man. I know the feeling. I did good getting rid of my diet mountain dew. It has caffeine and aspartame in it. Both which give me problems. I did good for almost a year then I caved into a craving. Bad idea, now I'm back up to at least 3 20 ozs a day and I am feeling it. I have switched to diet 7 up. It's caffeine free but still has aspertame in it.1 step at a time.1 day at a time is all I can say. Hang in there. You will get through this. Good luck.

[jenngolightly]

Sigh.

Okay, I fell off the wagon this weekend. But it only happened once and I'm back on board today. It happened because I went to the movie and everyone around me was eating candy.

Not punishing myself too much. Just have to start over again today.

Thanks everyone for admitting to your weaknesses. Makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.

[Korwyn]

Sigh.

Okay, I fell off the wagon this weekend. But it only happened once and I'm back on board today. It happened because I went to the movie and everyone around me was eating candy.

Not punishing myself too much. Just have to start over again today.

Thanks everyone for admitting to your weaknesses. Makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.

<cliche mode=on>You're back on track! Today is the first day of the rest of your life!<cliche mode=off /> I understand. I have the same problem with cake or brownies. I literally can't eat even one. If there is a pan of them or a cake around I eat one, I can't. I just eat and eat it till it's gone. It is horrible! I'll sneak them when my wife isn't around 'cause I don't want her to know....which is stupid since we don't have any of the kids living here to blame it on but I get completely irrational! :/ I'm sick for days afterwards. And I know I will be, and I don't want to be, but I just find it impossible to stop if they are there. After we have a get-together at our house I have to send ALL of the dessert stuff home with people or I have to throw it out. Literally. I have to go throw it out in the back yard for the crows and seagulls.

[Judy3]

Oh people thanks for making me not feel so bad... I am the COOKIE MONSTER LOL If I make cookies, I eat them until they are gone and then I don't make them again for months because I am the COOKIE MONSTER I'm surprised I'm not blue!!!

I made some awesome gluten-free Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies this weekend and binged for two days... ahhhhh Why can't I have just one and walk away.. logically speaking they would last longer but no I'm in there ALL the time.

Glad to know I'm not the only one with this problem.. sigh

[love2travel]

So, I'm not the only one who craves baking? When I reward myself for something it's food. I LOVE FOOD. And sometimes not the healthiest. I made a coconut lime layer cake with coconut buttercream two days ago and there is only one piece left. My husband has had quite a bit, too, but I have had more. Ever since going gluten-free I've had wicked baking cravings. I love to bake but try to restrict it.

[Judy3]

So, I'm not the only one who craves baking? When I reward myself for something it's food. I LOVE FOOD. And sometimes not the healthiest. I made a coconut lime layer cake with coconut buttercream two days ago and there is only one piece left. My husband has had quite a bit, too, but I have had more. Ever since going gluten-free I've had wicked baking cravings. I love to bake but try to restrict it.

I hear ya!!

[GlutenFreeManna]

I can so relate to this thread. For me it's chips. Potato chips or tortilla chips. I can't buy them or I will eat the entire bag in 2 days. When I do buy them I ask my husband to give me a bowlful and then tell him to hide the bag from me. Every once in a while I find a bag that has been hidden and I eat the rest when I find it.

[GFinDC]

Chocolate is not my problem any more, I have graduated to bigger things. Duh, trying to remember whut they R. Most chocolate has dairy or soy and badness ensues. So I still have some of the Bakers Secret chocolate in the refrig but it will eventually get tossed.

Hmmm, have U tried making your own candy? There are microwave peanut brittle recipes all over the web. I know U can't eat nuts, but you can use seeds instead, perhaps? Like roasted sunflower seeds, roasted pumpkin seeds, dried fruit. Maybe some coconut if you can do that stuff.

Spread that gooey, sugary, mess out on a sheet of wax paper and let it cool. Then cut it up in bite size chunks. You can also add a layer of carob powder to the top or bottom if U are really decadent. Or in some dire national emergency need. LOL just kidding! Do make sure U get a gluten-free version of carob powder. And if U do the nuker peanut brittle recipes, a clear glass (nuker safe) bowl is a good choice so U can see how things are boiling.

Once U start making your own candy instead of buying it at a store you will at least know what you are putting in your body. And you will know how it is made since you did it yourself! So U may end up healthier that way as U are more in control of your diet. Just don't eat anything U don't make yourself, candy-wise. U can be your own candy machine! Put in a few minutes thought and energy and have yourself a healthy treat. U can du eat!

Oh, and peanut butter gluten-free cookies don't have any control of me, as long as I don't see them.

Oh, and there are some recipes for pumpkin bars etc on this site. Supposed to be like granola type bars or such, but I haven't tried them myself.

[domesticactivist]

Jenn, I know exactly how you feel. We're on GAPS and now that we're on the full diet cheese and dates and other fruit is in the house. My partner has always been a salty/fat craver and she's having NO problems. My kids want to go crazy like me but we can just tell them that's enough. But *I* suffer! I am so much better off if the stuff that's not good for me is NOT available. I've realized that the cheese is not good for me. A tiny bit is fine, but more than that and my terrible breath and BO comes right back, and I start feeling crazy. My dandruff has come back, too. Sugar is also no good. When I get a little I want more. When I've had some and feel like crap, the logical fix for that problem is to eat more. I started day dreaming about candy bars. I want candy bars whenever I pass them. It almost seems like just a matter of time until I cave. Thing was... I was *fine* until I had free access to fruit and started eating it regularly. If I can't get sugar I start craving chocolate. I never used to crave chocolate.

The obvious solution is to go back to soup. I finally told my sweetie that I have to have more soup again. I've stopped thinking of cheese as an option unless someone has prepared something with cheese in it in small quantities, so that it's impossible to gorge on it. I think I'd best lay off the dates, too, but I haven't worked myself back up to it. I feel fine when I eat one after a meal... but the addictive behaviour they inspire is ridiculous and obviously not a good thing.

[Skylark]

OMG I'm not alone! I practically go into orbit around a box of cookies. I play games with myself. Just one more. OK two. OK I'm just going to eat the ones on this side of the little plastic divider. OK just one from the next little plastic divider section...

I can't keep chocolate, cookies, or chewy candy like Snickers around the house or I will binge myself sick. Leftover Halloween candy is a serious problem. When I eat a lot of sugar I get tired, lethargic, and feel awful. I KNOW I can't handle refined sugar but if it's there I will eat it.

Oddly I can keep ice cream around and have a normal serving. I suspect it's because it's rich and doesn't send blood sugar soaring quite as badly.

We'll all be strong together! I really, really need to control my blood sugar well with all this autoimmunity so I've sworn off cookies, chocolate, and Snickers too.